STEALING SHEEP
CHAPTER 13: Fraternising With the Enemy
James Potter surveyed himself in the mirror, completely convinced that he looked an absolute prat. Sirius had assured him that he was an accurate likeness of a Roman Gladiator but James didn't believe him for a second.
First of all, he had no idea what one was let alone how they dressed but he was pretty damn sure no self-respecting male had ever and would ever wear a skirt. Secondly, James was certain that part of Sirius' plan to get them all 'fantastic' fancy dress costumes for the Ball was to make everyone look stupid except for himself.
He had succeeded. Remus was something big and hairy called a 'Chewbacca'; Peter was a great cuddly teddy bear; James was a nancy soldier in a skirt. And Sirius?
Batman.
Yes, the female-attracting, body-hugging, nipple-enhancing costume of a very cool superhero. Somehow James didn't think it was a completely fair deal. Granted, he suspected Sirius hadn't figured on there being so much rubber involved in the outfit but he definitely didn't look a ridiculous as the rest of them.
"Damn Dumbledore!" James grumbled to himself. The Headmaster had suddenly declared a week ago that they were to have a Ball. A Costume Ball to be exact. A Costume Ball that the Head Boy and Girl were to organise. In a week. James was very bitter about the fact that the old man had declared that it had got a bit 'stodgy' around the school and they needed something to 'spice things up a bit.'
Spicy. It was supposed to be spicy. Well, James felt like a flaming idiot and not at all spicy. He had had a crappy month an even crappier week and to top it all off he was having bloody dreams about bloody Lily Evans again.
He was sure it was the Universe's unique way a saying 'SCREW YOU!' and giving him the finger because he hadn't even had the dreams in the usual way. Oh no. It was much worse. Instead of one dream every couple of days he had had one every night. Every night. Last night he'd had two. It was Hell.
Lily kissing him…Lily fiercely throwing fruit at his head … Lily slapping him then immediately confessing her love… Lily pouring a bucket of water over his head then sweetly asking him to marry her… Lily chucking him out of a pretty white house for being 'as empty headed as Sirius'…
It didn't end. He couldn't get her out of his head no matter how hard he tried and so throughout the awkward silences where they had attempted to plan the Ball together he was desperately pleading with his brain not to press play on the silent movie montage that was all the times he'd been in love with her in his nightmares. So not only had he got to face her again he had to face her while wearing a skirt. He didn't think his life could possibly get any worse.
"It's ShowTime!" Sirius yelled. "The supreme being that is BATMAN is about to be unleashed on the unsuspecting world and I don't think they can handle it!" He swaggered from the doorway of the bathroom in full costume to pose in front of the mirror and practice his 'mysterious' and therefore irresistible smile. He smouldered at his reflection then declared triumphantly to the rest of the world, "God, I'm one sexy Devil!"
James sniggered and ducked as a lethal-looking pair of socks was lobbed at him. "Hey! Watch where you're throwing it, FATMAN!"
Sirius went puce. Of course, usually he was only slightly more vain and preening than the average teenage girl but tonight he had to look his best- it was the night to have his pick of the ladies…And, he thought to himself proudly, he had ensured that by obtaining the only thing that could possibly make him more sexy-rubber.
James dragged himself along behind his friends towards the Great Hall, Sirius bouncing excitedly and Remus and Peter grumbling about the unfairness of it all. As they approached the Master Torture Chamber- a.k.a The Great Hall- to make their grand entrance, James decided he could not being himself to face the humiliation just now- he wasn't ready. He needed a few more minutes to psyche himself up, even if they were already 'fashionably late' as Sirius had put it. "I'm just going for a breath of fresh air for a second, ok?"
"Ah, yeah right, Prongs." Sirius snickered. "Bet you've got a girl waiting to jump your bones, eh?"
James sent him a weak grin and pushed his way through the huge oak doors and into the darkness beyond.
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"Interesting."
The man paused in his pacing to stare at the Headmaster. "But will you do it?"
Dumbledore sighed and stared at him from over the top of his half moon spectacles. "I'm afraid it is against my morals to manipulate people so extremely. I understand your dilemma, dear boy, but I couldn't possibly push them together or 'order them to copulate immediately' as you suggested. It's against school rules," he added as an afterthought. "I have no doubt that the Board of Governors would frown upon my encouraging the Head Boy and Girl to reproduce and as an explanation I really don't think that 'a time traveller told me' would suffice."
"So that's a 'no' then?"
Dumbledore smiled mysteriously in a way that clearly showed that he had several tricks up his sleeve. "Officially, it is, I'm afraid, a no."
The man lifted his head hopefully. "And unofficially?"
"Well, it would be against my morals, against the Headmasters code and most certainly it would break about a dozen school rules…" He smiled mischievously. "I'll do it."
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Lily Evans hated fancy dress parties. Of course, she hated parties in general but fancy dress parties she particularly despised. It was the tacky costumes, the vomit-flavoured punch, the bad music and the ridiculous amount of flailing that people liked to refer to as 'dancing'. But what really got to her was the fact that she had to organise the horrific festivities and that those tacky decorations, pukey punch, and cheesy music had all been chosen by her. It was her atrocious party and she loathed it.
However, she had made sure that she didn't have to stay and endure the torture. As part of her preparation for the so-called 'Ball' she had double checked all the exits and so escaped from the Hellhole as soon as she possibly could. Of course, her friends had not gone to the Ball- they had holed themselves up in their dormitory in order to spend the night defying authority. Lily wasn't so lucky as even though she longed to join her friends she couldn't go far from the Ball in case something went awry and she had to intercede again- the Marauders hadn't even turned up yet and already Cuthbert Keyes had spiked the punch and she had had to break up a fight between two fourth year girls who were about to enter a round of bareknuckle boxing over a very smug sixth year.
Lily crossed her legs and closed her eyes for a minute, trying to find a slice of peace in the raucous din echoing from inside the school. The bad music thumped in her head like a battering ram but she effectively shut it out and breathed in deeply. She focused in on the simple, natural sounds of the outdoors- the rustling of the rose bushes, the gentle gushing of the fountain, the night's zephyr whispering through the trees…
"Oh, Bloody Hell! I didn't- I mean- What are you- …Erm…Sorry. I'll just be- er- going now."
As she was in a somewhat better mood than she had normally been in when he was around she flicked open her eyes and considered him thoughtfully. "Why aren't you in there?"
He looked scared, she was amused to notice. He thought she was about to bite his head off for not attending the party they had meticulously planned. He thought that she would give him yet another tongue-lashing simply for daring to breathe in her presence. He thought that she would get mad for no reason at all and slap him silly.
James gulped and took a step backwards, averting his eyes.
"Potter, are you going to-"
"I hate parties," he blurted out.
Lily blinked at him in surprise before a wry grin flittered across her face.
He scratched his head, trying to work out what he had done to make her stop frowning and quashing the flutterings in his chest that had begun the second she'd smiled in his direction. "Huh?"
"Oh, nothing," she said, still grinning to herself. "I just find it vaguely amusing that the two people who created, moulded this party into what it is, who have been obsessing over it for over a week now loathe it with a fiery vengeance."
"Same thing. Can I ask you something, Potter?" she said, staring at him intently.
He went red under scrutiny and tried not to squirm uncomfortably. "Sure."
"Why are you dressed as a girl?"
"I'm not dressed as a girl!" He completely forgot that he was trying to tread carefully around her and indignantly defended his manhood. It was one thing for him to insult his own costume but he would definitely not allow anyone else to slight his extremely masculine outfit. "I'm a very strong and manly and non-girly soldier!"
"Ok, ok, don't get your knickers in a twist."
"My undergarments are none of your b-"
"Are you trying to tell us something by wearing a skirt, James?"
"No! I-"
"I can just see you on the battlefield," she said with a teasing smile. "Scaring away the enemy by blowing kisses at them."
"Hey!" He pouted. "This is just another reason I hate parties! Stupid costumes. It was all Sirius' idea anyway. He was the one who made me wear a skirt."
Lily smiled comfortingly and nudged him with her elbow. "Don't worry about it. You know, Roman Gladiators were actually fearsome warriors."
"Really?" he said hopefully.
"Yep."
"Hmm…" He pondered that for a second and vaguely wondered whether a Gladiator could take Batman in a fight, before realising for the first time what Lily was wearing and what he'd been oblivious of, being an average teenage boy.
"What's your costume?" he asked suspiciously.
She sent him a dazzling smile and matter-of-factly said, "God."
"God?" James was already lost.
"Yep."
"But you've just got your uniform on," he protested.
"Ah, omnipotence is the key here. All-knowing. Ruler of all. And, I figure God can come to a fancy dress party as anything He damn well wants."
He just stared. "You're weird."
"HA!" She laughed. "Thanks for the compliment."
"Evans, are you going to go back to the Ball?"
She sent him a look. "A) No; and B) It is not a 'Ball.' Ball implies beauty and grace and Russian Royalty and spherical objects, NOT sweaty fifth years dressed as cactuses!"
"Erm…" James coughed. "Its actually cacti-"
Her glare silenced him.
Silence loomed over them but for once the air wasn't sizzling with unsaid insults or filled with embarrassed coughs and awkwardness. They just sat side by side, feet dangling, listening to the sounds of the night for what seemed like hours.
"Lily?" he said hesitantly, unwilling to break the easy silence and pull her out of her peaceful daze but unable to contain the question that had been burning in him. "Are you still dreaming?" he whispered so quietly she almost didn't hear him.
Lily kept her eyes closed and took a deep breath, not wanting to answer him but knowing she must. "Are you?" she whispered back.
"Yes."
"Me too."
"So- Erm-" James awkwardly scratched his head, careful to avoid her gaze. "What are we going to do?"
"What can we do?" She sighed.
"I don't know. Endure it, I guess."
"What is the point, though?" Lily said with frustration. It was really starting to bug her that she was in the dark about it all- she always knew everything and she was just as clueless as James. It wasn't right! "Why? Why do we have to dream the stupid dreams? There must be a reason!"
James shrugged helplessly. He had no clue at all. She was meant to be the clever one. He didn't particularly care who was sending the dreams, he just wanted them to stop tormenting him with what he could never have.
"We should go to Dumbledore- he'll know what to do!"
He flushed and avoided her gaze while mumbling, "Erm…I already tried that."
"And?" she demanded.
James grimaced. "And what? I marched in there, took one look and marched back out again."
"Why? He might have helped us!"
"What? You think I actually should have gone through with telling a guy who's over a CENTURY old that I'm having- well- SEX dreams about a fellow student? Dumbledore's cool but he's not that cool."
Lily blinked. That would've been embarrassing for her but surely he did stupid things like that all the time? "Why not? He might've had some advice?"
James stared at her in amazement. "You think I should've asked Dumbledore for sex advice?"
She fought a blush and glared at him. "Dream advice, imbecile."
"Oh. Right. Yeah. Didn't see it that way."
Lily sniffed with disdain. "I didn't think so, you moronic buffoon."
"WHY?" he suddenly burst out, waving his arms in the air, and she leaned back in her seat, slightly worried at his furious expression. "Just as we begin to have a civil conversation you have to start with being mean again! I can't handle the confusion! You scare the Hell out of me!"
Her frown softened and she said, "It's what I do. I insult people. I don't mean it, but it's a habit. I can't help calling my friends names."
He froze mid-indignant-arm-wave. "You insult your friends? God, I'd hate to see what you do to your enemies!" His eyes widened as he belatedly realised what she'd said and a grin slowly worked its way over his face. "So you only insult your friends, eh? Does this mean that over the years every time you've called me 'maggot' you meant 'darling'?"
She glared.
"I'll take that as a yes."
"What's this about you being scared of me?"
He shrugged and flopped down next to her on the stone bench. "You're a scary person."
"You never used to be scared of me."
He smiled. "The more I get to know you, the scarier you become."
"Thanks."
They fell into silence once again but this time it was a different kind of silence. Over the past few weeks they had endured many a silence, some comfortable, most awkward, while this one was just empty. It was the kind of gap in a conversation where the flow ebbs and the words dry up for no particular reason except lack of inspiration.
"I'm bored." Lily sighed and crossed her arms, looking out across the grounds for something to interest her.
"Thanks."
"Of course you are an extremely boring person but that's not what I meant. This party is meant to be a great night, great fun and what are we doing? Sitting on a wall in silence. Fascinating stuff, eh? I think I'll just go to bed." She stood up to yawn, and stretched her body leisurely.
James forced his gaze from her arching back and bit his lip. He didn't want her to go. Sure, he fancied the pants off her but this was the first time ever they had shared a conversation that was not only civil but strangely enjoyable without once resorting to physical violence. If only she would stay, they might take a stroll around the grounds. He might entertain her with the exploits of the Marauders and she'd find him hilarious and sweet and so he might out up a bit more. He might admit that he thought she was wonderful. He always had. And then she'd say he was ok too and then she might let him kiss her…Then again she might beat the living daylights out of him. It was a chance he was willing to take.
"Lily! Don't go!"
She paused as she reached the doors leading back to the party and smiled, with a confused frown. "Why do you want me to stay?"
"I don't- I- We could go for a walk?"
"We've both walked these grounds a thousand time- what could you possibly find interesting about walking it one more time?"
James grimaced. So much for Plan A. Time for the back up plan…
"I have an idea!" He yanked on her hand, leading her out of the nicely kept garden and plunged into the bushes surrounding the Castle. He felt his way along the wall in the darkness, searching for the groove that would tell him he had arrived, while simultaneously trying to ignore Lily's loud protestations.
"Where are we going, Potter? Are you trying to kidnap me? There are laws against this sort of thing, you know! I'll scream 'abuse', I will! ABUS-"
He pressed his palm to her mouth to muffle the shout and glared at her. "Shut up, I'm trying to concentrate!"
She glared back furiously, but thankfully silent.
"I will gag you is I have to." Not the best way to woo the woman he wanted but she was really starting to get on his nerves. "How'd you get so pissed off all the time, anyway?"
"I'm not pissed off!" she hissed. "I'm righteously indignant!"
"Achoo!" he sneezed and the hidden door swung open, allowing James to drag Lily into the underground came that was full of forgotten magic.
"What- what is this place?" Lily gazed, open-mouthed around the dark, dank, yet nearly full to bursting hide-out, instantly forgetting that she was meant to be fighting him. She just couldn't believe that she had walked past the entrance so many times and completely missed it. "How do I not know about it?"
"Ah." He tapped his nose. "Marauder's secrets. And a Marauder never breaks his word."
"What did you bring me here for?" she asked, now slightly suspicious. She was alone, completely alone with Potter, a renowned pervert, in a strange place, entirely cut off from the outside world and she had no idea why.
"This." He rustled through a pile of empty bottles of Butterbeer and old copies of 'Which Broomstick' to produce a rug, which by the looks of it was old, smelly and flea-ridden. "Ta-Da!"
"Hmm?" She raised an eyebrow.
"It's a magic carpet! Sit on it, we can take it for a spin!" James grinned at her, plonked himself down, crossed his legs and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
Lily wasn't playing along. She stood with her arms folded and an expression on her face that clearly said she was not impressed. "I am not sitting on that thing. It's probably infested with something. I might catch what you've got."
"What have I got?"
"Stupidity?"
"Oh, come on!" he begged. "It'll be fun! Please?"
She frowned.
"You said you wanted fun! It beats just going to bed, doesn't it?"
"Oh, alright, if only to shut you up." She sighed in a very put-upon sort of way and gracefully positioned herself on the grotty carpet.
"Yay! You ready?" James didn't wait for an answer before he took out his wand and activated their transportation for the evening.
Before either of them could properly steady themselves the carpet shot off at an astronomical speed, turning quickly and swooping swiftly, leaving a trail of loop-the-loops across the moonlit night's sky.
A pair of laughing voices joined in unison, dancing on the zephyr, flowing through the forest and across the mountains where the pealing echoes were lost in eternity.
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A/N: This chapter was written/typed up to the sounds of: a disney compilation, Daniel Bedingfield, Michael Buble