Chapter Two
Harry Potter collapsed onto his bunk in exhaustion. It had been an incredibly long day, with rigorous training, and then a simulated attack where he had been cornered by enemies and had to battle his way out, followed by a three hour martial arts class. He looked across the room to where Ron Weasley lay in a similar position, too tired and aching to even contemplate changing out of their clothes. Tomorrow would be just as hard. It reminded Harry of a muggle movie he'd once seen about Hell Week - the test to become a US Marine, though they only had to endure a week…this had been four long months of training. He and Ron didn't need to verbalise their conversations anymore, they could predict each other's moves and speak through loaded glances.
Harry closed his eyes and felt himself begin to fall into unconsciousness when Ron spoke. Harry was immediately alert, he sat bolt upright in his bed.
"What's up?"
"Hedwig." His friend replied sleepily. Harry stood and let his owl in the tiny window.
"But Hermione wrote this morning." Ron said in confusion, then he fell into sorrowful silence as he remembered why Hermione might be writing twice in one day…it was two years since…Ron pulled the covers over him.
"I'm gonna sleep Harry."
"Night Ron." Harry said sadly as he sat on the edge of his bed, looking at the letter in his hands. At least he and Ron had each other around, especially today, one of the hardest days of the year for all of them. Hermione was with friends, but none who understood her pain, and Harry could read between the lines of the letters she sent to them faithfully. She was lonely, not for company but for them. They had the luxury of reading her letters, and contact from the outside world, but she had been completely cut off from them and it was eating him up inside. He could cope with anything the Aurors threw at him, but he missed Hermione like someone had cut off one of his arms - he wasn't a complete person without her around.
Harry crawled into his bed and opened the letter. It was addressed only to him, and started off simply saying she was taking her friend Jen out, and admitting that in part she simply wanted to drown her sorrows and for once forget the trauma she relived every day in her mind. Harry could sympathise and he longed to just apparate right to her and hug her in comfort. He tried not to dwell too long on that thought; it would be a gesture of comfort, but for himself as well as her. He missed the physical contact, the hugs, the way she touched his arm, ruffled his hair teasingly. He refused to think about why he missed Hermione so much, it would just drive him insane, and that was Moody's job.
Harry noted a gap in the letter as if she had stopped writing it and come back to it at some later point, her writing was now messier, the lettering slightly larger, the lines not completely straight as usual. His eyes widened as he read, and he could suddenly hear the sound of his heart beating in his ears.
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Ash
Well, we just got back from a bar. I drank to forget, but it only made me remember. I remember how Gin would tease me about the way I looked at you, and the way I wanted to take care of you. She was the only one who knew. The only one I could talk to about this. I miss everything about her, but today I miss this the most. She's gone, and I know she isn't coming back, so I try and think that you and Ron ARE coming back to me. I hope you are, and I hope it's soon because I've tried to be strong, but I need you. Is it weak to need you? You're part of me, it's like I'm wandering around in a daze. Every time I see someone with green eyes, I think I see you. I think I see you in the strangest places and I get ready to run up and hug you.
I miss your hugs. No one else can hug the way you do.
Have you guessed what I'm trying to say?
I've sort of run out of words. Wouldn't Ron laugh, Hermione The Bookworm has run out of words. So, I'm going to borrow someone else's.
Maybe the song will tell you what I can't - or what - even with alcohol - I'm still too afraid to tell you
The song will play for you and only you when you break the seal of the piece of parchment enclosed.
Night Harry
Love
Brown
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Harry sat looking at the words on the page. Did she mean what he thought she meant? He stared at the words. She always had been his brown-eyed girl, the song had always reminded him of Hermione, and when it came to choosing nicknames for their Animagus forms he had known immediately what the elegant Chestnut Brown Hippogriff in front of him would be called. She had grinned at the name and watched him transform into his Phoenix form. She had told him that he always rose from the ashes, and had named him. The two of them had looked at Ron also in his Hippogriff form and he'd transformed back with a laugh and said knowingly. "I guess its 'Red' for me then." Harry smiled at the memory and with slightly shaking hands broke the seal on the parchment, wondering why his hands would shake now when they had been steady as a rock when facing death. A melody filled the room, and Harry listened in wonder at the lyrics to a song he'd never heard. As the song finished the lyrics appeared on the parchment and he held it tight, his eyes scanning the words again and again as he considered the meaning.
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Lost without You
I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
'Cause I believe that we can work things out
I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But baby since you've gone I admit that I was wrong
All I know is I'm lost without you, I'm not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you, I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye
don't know what I'd do.
I'm lost without you
I keep trying to find my way, but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day, I'm lost without you
How am I ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You're the only thing that's on my mind
Oh my beds so cold at night, and I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right, no I'm not too proud to say
All I know is I'm lost without you, I'm not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you, I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye
don't know what I'd do
I'm lost without you
I keep trying to find my way, but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day, I'm lost without you
If I could only hold you now and make the pain just go away
Can't stop the tears from running down my face
All I know is I'm lost without you, I'm not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do
I'm lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you
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Harry closed the parchment and placed it securely under his pillow, retrieving a worn photograph from the same spot. He held it lovingly, looking at the image of Hermione in the garden of The Burrow. She was sitting with her eyes closed, her back leaning against a tree. As he'd taken the photograph she had opened her eyes and smiled at him. He watched her smile at him and then laugh as Ron tripped behind him, out of the shot. Her face was illuminated by that smile, the smile she had smiled just for him. Harry replaced the photograph and lay back, facing the ceiling. With a flick of his wand the lights in the small room were extinguished and Harry lay awake, desperate to get out of this training program. He needed to see her. He needed to be with her. He knew Hermione, and she wouldn't send a letter like this lightly, and she needed a response, and Harry was going to do everything in his power to make sure she got one.