Unofficial Portkey Archive

Killing Him Softly-Chapter 4

Harry turned toward the door to Ron's room, stopped and turned back toward Hermione. She had no idea he was staring at her as she walked away. His mind going so fast he had the feeling as though he were traveling by portkey to some unknown destination….that pulling sensation behind the belly button. He realized the pulling was both a little higher and a little lower.

He had never taken the time to admire Hermione like was doing now. He'd always know -- at least since the Yule Ball -- she would one day be a beauty. As he looked at her from behind as she walked away he became excited like he'd never felt before about her. A thought ran through his head, `It's horrible enough to think she's the coolest, kindest, and smartest girl I know …but now, beautiful?' the door closed behind him shaking his thought process to reality. It was Ron coming in from outside.

"What were you looking at Harry?" He stared up at Harry from the staircase only to see the light fixture in the ceiling and a shadow on the wall on the next level up.

"Oh, I just said goodnight to Hermione," said Harry truthfully.

"You two are sure good pals. She says goodnight to me outside and walks in with you like you're going to the prom together. Then you stand here and talk. I'm lucky I get a smile from her. Are you trying to help me or not, mate?" Ron wasn't displaying anger as much as distress or confusion.

"Ron, Hermione and I are good friends. I also know that if I blurted out, `Oh, Ron fancies you. Go talk to him. He's got a gift for you, and he's set aside a place for you to snog. Go ahead, I won't interrupt.' She would find a way to head straight back home for the next two weeks; or turn us into toads, stick us in a box with a bunch of flies and hang out with Ginny for the next two weeks." Harry was happy with his explanation

"I think those are the good things that would happen. She might be put on the spot and come find you and give you an earful for inviting her early under false pretenses. Consequently, under those circumstances she might say something really mean because she's caught off guard." Harry continued and immediately wished he hadn't. He was now on the verge of helping Ron. What was he thinking?

"Let's just give it a rest for the night, mate. As it is, she'll be here tomorrow." Harry felt warm inside at that thought. `She'll be here tomorrow and I'll be here tomorrow, maybe something will happen. Here's to wishing for the best!'

Ron and Harry walked up the stairs. "She looks a lot different, doesn't she, mate?" Ron said rhetorically. "I mean, have you taken time to look at that her bum? Ooooh, it's scary how tantalizing it is. I mean last year she looked like a 12-year-old boy in that department. And now…" Ron sounded more like Hermione had described. He had just hung around waiting for her. With each passing comment, Harry realized that if you loved someone you might think those things, but you'd never say them to another guy or your best mate. She must have read the lust in his eyes or attitude.

Harry wasn't about to answer that question because of his respect for Hermione and the guilt he felt for looking at her the way he did. Somehow what he was thinking just a moment or two before seemed trashy when said out loud.

A second emotion came over Harry. He no longer felt sympathy for Ron. He couldn't talk that way about Hermione. Ron acted like he didn't care about all the things that made Hermione great. He wanted someone who looked good. He almost said something about it as they went into the bedroom, but he chose to just say, "She is a beautiful girl, Ron. Beautiful. No doubt about that."

Harry hoped that he'd never act like Ron was acting now, he was sure that Ron would have commented on other changes they'd noticed in Hermione if Harry participated in this kind of talk. He knew it was the way a lot of guys talked about girls. He didn't like it. He lost a little respect for Ron, but he knew it would pass once Hermione put him in his place. He was sure that was going to be the case whether she did it directly or indirectly. He was fair game.

Harry felt uncomfortable the rest of the night. He'd not given Hermione her gift. He also had to listen to Ron go on about how cool it would be to have a girlfriend this year at school. He almost got up and walked out. Finally, he could hear the Finally, he could hear the loud snoring of his friend in the bed next to him. Harry began to think more on the dream.

It wasn't but five minutes after his last conscious thought; he heard a girl's soft voice whispering as loudly as possible coming from the hallway.

"Harry!"

Silence.

"Harry, it's Ginny."

Silence. Then there was the sound of something very strange in the hallway. "Harry!"

Harry went to the door. Sure enough, there was Ginny in her night robe. He softly closed the door. "What?" he asked agitatedly.

"Follow me." Ginny took him upstairs very quietly by the girls' room. He noticed what must have been the other strange sound. It was a trap door to the attic about 10 to 15 feet from the girls' room and it was open. He could see Hermione at the top waving for him to come up. "I'll cover for you if anyone looks in Ron's room. I made sure he'd sleep through the night and I transformed some laundry into something to fill out the blanket." Harry looked puzzled as Ginny explained. "Don't ask." Ginny whispered.

"Hi, Harry." She said with a little mischief in her voice and wearing very thin but not revealing pajamas. Nevertheless, Harry had never seen Hermione dressed like this and his mind started thinking like Ron had been talking. "First, don't get any wild ideas. I asked Ginny where you and I might talk without Ron present and this was really the only safe place. She doesn't like to use it because she doesn't think the boys know it's here. He could have walked in anytime downstairs tonight."

Hermione walked over to the windowsill and returned to Harry with the box that had been there. The box was about six inches by three inches and handed it too him. "I promised you your birthday present after lunch, but somehow we never got around to it."

Harry lived in the moment. He was alone with Hermione, but he was so tired all that could come out of his mouth was, "Couldn't it have waited until tomorrow?" He no more could have predicted Hermione's reaction than he could the weather.

She looked like he had slapped her in the face. She teared up and allowed one tear to slide down her cheek, and she turned away. Harry looked disgusted with himself, but because she'd told him so much about Ron and fancying someone else he was confused again. "I'm sorry, sweetie, I didn't know how much it meant to you."

Hermione looked back at him, with a sparkle in her eye, and asked, "Did you just call me sweetie?"

Harry took her hand, looked her in the eye and said, "I might have…is that a bad thing?"

Hermione said, "No, it's not. I called you up here because I just didn't want Ron seeing what I bought for you. You probably won't wear it a lot. I know you have another one."

Harry opened the box and looked at an antique pocket watch. The inlay was beautiful and polished. He found the latch and opened it. On the face each number was in roman numerals and face itself appeared to have a strange reflective or movie screen quality. He looked in the box. There was a card.

To Dearest Harry on his 16^th birthday,

I found this watch in an antique shop. I was curious what one looked like inside since your stories about Pappy in your letters. Believe it or not, I had never been in one. I saw this watch and it reminded me of how precious time is. Even though we have relived moments with the Time-Turner, the exception not the rule, I found myself thinking how much the time I have spent with you has shaped me. Your friendship has given me more than you can ever imagine.

The woman who owned the shop told me that it supposedly held magical qualities of some sort. The best I can describe what she said was that it showed you happy memories and reflected your mood. I took what she was saying as the watch was kind of like the Mirror of Erised. It can replay a scene of someone whom you have loved or who you love. She also said she had no idea how it worked. But I thought it was beautiful, and that maybe you would like it.

That's not all Harry. There is another part to your present, but you will get it later.

Love and Friendship Always,

Hermione xx

When Harry started looking through the paper in the bottom of the box and the watchcase, she knew he'd finished reading the card. Unlike some guys, who take the present, open the card, and then set it aside quickly never reading the comments, Harry took his time reading it. Hermione just knew that he read the card. She approached him and said something that she would probably regret later. "Kiss me, Harry. I want to give you a proper birthday kiss."

His heart pumped so fast, he knew that Hermione could see his face blush almost immediately. Only one thought raced through his head, at the same time the same thought ran through Hermione's mind, `Come on Harry, it's just a kiss with your best friend.'

Harry leaned in tentatively. He was surprised he had his glasses and was suddenly aware of them. He turned his head slightly and brushed her lips. He smelled her sweet breath close for the first time and realized that he'd never kissed her before today. She'd always been the one who kissed him on the cheek or something. The awful kissing experience with Cho was based on a crush, and he pretty much was surprised by it all. This time it was starting softly and sensually. He'd dreamed of this many times.

They tickled each other's lips with four or five kisses acting as if they were scared to get too close. Finally, when they were pressed close there lips were entwined. Harry nibbled her bottom lip and folded his arms around her and her body felt the warmth of his, surprising both of them. She had expected a decent kiss, but this was major league and she wasn't prepared. `I had expected Harry to be a little shyer than that. Man he can kiss.'

"Hey, hold on Romeo. It's a birthday kiss not our first date." However she was wishing that it might have been. "Now, do you see why I wanted to have a moment alone where I could give you your birthday present?"

Harry stood there for a second looking into her eyes trying to read her expression. He was sure he saw a healthy case of sadness that they'd stopped. "Well, it's MY birthday and I'm making up for the birthday kisses I never got." He smiled. "Besides, it's not everyday your best friend offers you a kiss. Especially, when she's a very beautiful, wise, and wonderful best friend." He tried not to embarrass himself with his emotions. He wanted to remain pretty relaxed, but that probably wouldn't happen. Not after that kiss. "Thanks that was a wonderful present." He looked at the watch she'd given him. It was beautifully crafted.

"Question Hermione, does this mean I can give you a birthday present like this?" Harry asked breathlessly. "Because I promise it'll be better." He looked almost sad because he'd thought he hadn't kissed her as well as he'd hoped he would the first time.

The trapdoor suddenly opened again. "Hurry up, you two, before Mum or dad need to use the loo, you know they're just down the hall." Harry helped Hermione down the ladder and then went down behind her. Ginny was already in the room and Hermione hurried in after her and turning to look at him through the cracked-open door. She smiled, blew him a kiss, and closed the door. He folded up the latter and magically it went up again. It had disappeared before he knew it. Not the door, the entire attic entrance.

Harry scampered quietly down the hall to the staircase where just as soon as he'd hit the bottom step he heard the door to the master bedroom open and the bathroom door close. He kept moving as fast as he could until he was safely in bed. His heart was racing but his head was clear. He had no troubling thoughts just a picture and a sensation: Hermione's beautiful face and the sensation of her lips on his.

Once he lay down he fell right to sleep. Dreaming of that amazing woman, the Lord had sent his way. Disney was right, `A Dream IS a Wish Your Heart Makes.'

The following morning was full of activity. Ron had sort of gotten over his melancholy mood and was at it again; pursuing Hermione at every turn. Hermione looked nervous now. Harry wasn't sure if it was because of their exchange in the attic or if it was because she was truly coming to the end of her rope with Ron. The answer came more quickly than Harry would have expected.

"Hi, Ron. Hi, Harry. Hermione and I have decided to take the day and go shopping. It's quite a distance. Charlie's agreed to take us. We'll see you when we get back. Harry and Ron stood looking like they were about to be executed by a firing squad. Hermione turned and looked at them both without a smile and waved.

"Women! Why do they do this to us Harry?" Ron asked.

"I have no earthly idea. One minute you think you're being a perfect gentleman and the next they treat you like you insulted them or something." Harry was perplexed, but he thought he saw a flicker of a smile on Hermione's face.

As is the case with guys when they've got girl troubles, Harry and Ron went and spent the afternoon doing macho things like seeing who could fly the Firebolt fastest to the trees at the far end of the field and back. They didn't talk much more about what happened. But as luck would have it, Harry got Ron into a flying contest that was destined for trouble.

Even now he was using something Hermione had shown him and it made his stomach uneasy as he thought of her. `What had happened? I thought that she'd be a little more friendly than taking off with Ginny today?' were the questions Harry asked himself all afternoon.

He bewitched the Firebolt before he and Ron began. He did this so that it would keep them from becoming permanently buried bum to the sky in the ground. Hermione thought of this one afternoon a few years ago when he was practicing the Wronski Feint that Viktor used in the Quidditch World Cup.

He and Ron were trying to see who could get closest to the ground. You know a game of chicken with the Firebolt. Hermione had always warned him after he'd learned the Wronski Feint that Ron would want to try it and he'd need this spell. Her words haunted him as Ron went into a high speed dive that could have killed him. He wanted to beat Harry so bad he would do anything.

Harry watched as Ron soared to the clouds, looking like a crow in the distance and then dove toward The Burrow. Harry counted the number of seconds that Ron was ascending before he saw him again. He knew trouble when he saw it. Ron kept closing and closing. Then just as he reached the point of no return Ron nearly passed out from the force he'd generated in the dive, but by this time the Firebolt had leveled out and gently came to the ground with Ron falling from about six feet.

"Ron, what were you trying to do mate? Kill yourself? You almost succeeded. Lucky you had the awareness to do what you did or I'd be missing a best mate!" Harry couldn't tell Ron about the spell. Ron had shown courage. The same courage he remembered when he'd rode the Knight in Wizard's Chess their first year.

Harry wished there was a way to avoid Ron being hurt. The thought occurred to him that he wished there was a way for him to avoid being hurt too. The "near-disaster" of the Wronksi Feint challenge ended, Harry and Ron both agreed that a nap was in order while they waited for the girls.

Harry lie quietly on his bed drifting in and out for most of the hot summer afternoon. An occasional snort from Ron would wake him. He just could not think of a reason for Ginny to be the one to have announced they'd be going shopping. Something was wrong and he hated that he couldn't figure it out.

Finally, about 4:30 PM they heard Charlie's old car landing on the gravel road, churning, and belching smoke as it drove up to the house. Ron heard it too. He must have awoken before Harry because he realized he hadn't heard snoring in a while. Harry just walked over to the window to look.

"Hi, Hermione….Ginny, how'd your day go?" Harry loved Ron like the brother he'd never known, but he looked at him now like the dog who loved his master no matter what…whether the master fed him a huge soup bone or swatted him with a paper. What surprised him was that both Hermione and Ginny were chatting back with him like they had always done until the last few days. He saw Charlie go to the shed to do something.

Harry walked down to the kitchen where the girls were putting out some of the groceries that Mrs. Weasley needed for dinner. "Hi, Hermione…Ginny," he said. Unlike their attitude with Ron, they looked at him somberly.

"I thought you'd have asked to come with us today," said Ginny. "We were disappointed."

Harry felt weird. Again someone had taken real Ginny and Hermione. They'd replaced them with this pair. He was confused and now almost angry. Hermione didn't say a word but he could see a faint smile like she wanted to say something but couldn't.

"Hey, Ron, let us show you what we got," Hermione said with a somewhat uncharacteristic happy tone. It was uncharacteristic for the past few days anyway. Harry shook his head and walked out toward the shed.

Ron looked at Harry as he left with a victorious smile and walked up the stairs chatting with Hermione and Ginny. "So who's all this stuff for?"

Harry didn't hear the answer and at this point was too angry to care. "Hi, Charlie, how'd the trip go?"

"What's with the long face Harry?" Charlie asked.

"Women, I'll never understand them." Harry said with finality.

"You're right about that. But they've got us by our you-know-whats. They can read us like a book most of the time. You know they predicted that Ron would run down to the car and you'd just watch from the window. I told them they were nuts. Well, I lost a galleon to each of them." Charlie said as he pulled out an old wheel barrow from the shed. "I like to do old-fashioned muggle gardening sometimes."

Harry sat on a big rock next to the shed. "So they were in a good mood on the way back?" He asked.

"In some ways, but I think they went away to have one of those girl-to-girl heart-to-heart things we fear so much. They were talking about telling Ron about Hermione's pen pal from this summer. Apparently, she fancies this guy at Hogwarts and.... Well, you know. You were helping them get it through to my brother that Hermione didn't want to be his girlfriend. It was a nice thing you were trying to do. They told me."

"Yeah, lotta good it did me." Harry said with a sigh.

"Hermione and Ginny were going to tell him directly if he didn't get the hint," Charlie chuckled as he said it. "My little brother can be some kind of thick sometimes. His heart's in the right place, even if he does place beauty over all else."

"What makes you say that?" Harry asked.

"I've been here with him all summer. He asked all sorts of questions and made all sorts of really ignorant comments about girls. I'm not married, but there aren't a lot of women looking to go to places where dragons might do in their husband. He wasn't talking the way I'd talk about a girl I fancied." He stopped as he said that and looked at Harry. "He likes Hermione, but I don't think he cares for her like you do."

"Who says I do?" Harry said defiantly.

"I do. You just said, `lotta good it did me.' I saw your faces when you arrived. You tried your little plan. Oh, yeah, Ginny couldn't keep a secret if it were locked inside two safes and buried in a volcano. She didn't tell anyone else though. I think she suspects how you feel about Hermione." Charlie said.

"Well, that's ridiculous. Hermione's like a sister to both of us. That's the way she wants it," Harry scoffed.

"Okay, have it your way. But if I'm right, you'd better find out who this bloke is so you can get her back. If not, no big deal." Charlie looked at Harry for signs of weakness. There were none.

"Thanks, Charlie. I'm going for a walk. Tell `em not to worry if I'm not back for supper." Harry said as he walked.

"Mum will be disappointed if you miss dinner Harry," Charlie said hoping to change Harry's mind.

"Tell her I'm sorry if you must." Harry yelled back. He started to run. Even in the late afternoon sun, he had to get this uneasy feeling out of him.

He had run for ten minutes or so and walked for nearly 4 hours when he finally decided he'd go back. He'd gone as far as he could so no one could see him then he just paced and paced, unleashing the sadness and anger at being alone without Hermione.

"I wish Pappy were here." He heard himself say aloud. He recalled a conversation he'd had with Pappy. Pappy had said. "Could you live with the fact that she might think she loves someone else while you persevered and did not give up on your dream to be with her? …. But if you love her, express it as long as you have the life's breath to do it. If you do that, I think she will see the light."

Harry felt a little better but he knew it wouldn't be easy. He walked straight toward the lights at The Burrow. He noticed someone moving just to the right of the shed and realized it was Ron sitting on the picnic table. He looked forlorn.

"Where'd you go, Harry? Everyone's been worried sick that You-Know-Who or Wormtail might have gotten you. My dad was ready to notify the Ministry of Magic and the members of the Order." Ron said as he looked truly worried for a second.

"I was just over in the clearing on the other side of the field. I'd taken a walk." Harry explained.

Harry looked at Ron again and realized he too was hurting. "What's wrong, Ron?" he asked. He felt bad acting dumb. Ironically, he thought he knew the exact feeling Ron had, but the conversation would soon convince him otherwise.

"I don't know if I'm sad about Hermione having some bloke she fancies at Hogwarts or whether I'm mad at myself for thinking you were trying to sabotage us to take her for yourself." Ron said apologetically.

Harry felt the sting of that comment and avoided saying `that's exactly the way I planned it you stupid git.' "Why what happened?"

"Hermione and Ginny got me up to their room and started showing me all the stuff Hermione and she had bought. None of it was for the unknown git Hermione likes, but I could tell it was a ruse to tell me about him. For two days she barely looks at me and then this bombshell. But I'll get over it, I suppose. None of my brother's has a real girlfriend…well, except snotty Percy and she's a real…," he stopped before he was disrespectful. "I shouldn't say that even if Percy's a putz. So, I guess having a girlfriend is kind of a pain in the arse anyway."

Harry thought that Ron must really be hurting if he's talking that long about something without it being Quidditch or food. "Well, we're back to normal now, mate." Harry said. "Hermione's just one of the guys."

Ron said. "Maybe not if she's got a boyfriend. She may not spend much time with us. Who could it be, Harry? We know it's not a Slytherin. I don't think she'd have the gall to go out with a fellow Gryffindor. So it's either a Hufflepuff or a Ravenclaw, don't you reckon?"

The thought made Harry really sad and angry. He'd spent the last two day's thinking of being with her forever. `And the kisses,' he thought, `those were real.' She can't do this. "Well, we can't worry about it. We all knew this would happen one day, didn't we?" He lied. He knew that none of them expected they'd be apart. Hermione probably didn't realize right now the toll it would take on him personally. "I'm going to bed. Are you going in soon?"

"No, I'm staying here for a while," Ron said lazily.

Harry walked toward the house. As he got closer, he saw Ginny and Hermione sitting at the table writing on long bits of parchment. Their quills looked new. He was exhausted and didn't feel like talking. So he opened the door and headed directly for the stairs.

"Where did you go?" Ginny asked. "We looked out high and low for you." She looked over at Hermione who looked sad but wouldn't meet Harry's eyes."

Harry turned slowly. He looked to see if Ron were still on the picnic table. He was. "I was walking off a little bit of angry energy." He looked at both of them trying to restrain his angry emotional side. "Forgive me if I'm not happy. There you two sit, probably writing love letters to some git you like. But, first, my best mate wants me to help him, tell my best "female" friend that he fancies her. Then she pleads for help to turn him away. Then she decides on the way to a shopping trip with my best mate's sister to tell him and leave me stuck between the two. And, by the way, I'm glad to hear you finally told Ron you have a new beau, Hermione." He turned and walked away. He'd been fairly civil, but he was sure his hurt had shown through. He'd stated the truth with the exception of the bit about the love letters and didn't care. He was glad the tears that ran down his face didn't develop until he'd turned away. He didn't know whether they were from sadness or anger.

The last he heard was Ginny saying, "I told you."

______________________________________________________________________

The next ten days were torture for everyone. They tried to be civil to one another and at times they'd share a good laugh. The best day had been two days before when they'd gone to the Ministry of Magic. They'd gotten their books which gave Hermione something to do with her time the last two days and they'd seen Neville and his Grandma. Neville had grown a lot and was really quite unlike he'd been since they'd known him. Less shy was what they'd all agreed on. They'd found out that there were no new reports of Wormtail or Voldemort.

The last day at the Burrow, Hermione and Harry had the most intimate conversation they'd mustered since they'd kissed. Harry looked at his new watch. "Thanks for the watch, Hermione." How they'd managed to be the last two people in the kitchen was a surprise to both of them.

"Have you seen anything in it?" asked Hermione hoping he'd seen her.

"Once, I thought I saw my mum and dad. Once, I know I saw Pappy," he said.

He'd left out that at least once a day he'd see her as he saw her the day he arrived at The Burrow: beautiful brown eyes, glistening, sumptuous lips and the voice of an angel in his head as she mouthed `Happy Birthday Harry'.

"Well, it works then, doesn't it?" Hermione said restraining a tear with all her might. "It's as good as advertised."

"Yup. Thanks. Well, I'm off to bed. Back to school tomorrow. Good night, Hermione." Harry said hurriedly. He didn't even hear whether she said `good night'. He was choking back the tears as he ascended the stairs to his room. He feared being alone at Hogwarts more now than ever before.

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