Forgive-3
A/N: Sorry bout the wait. My trial period of MS Word just ran out and that's expensive so I'm having a hard time trying to post my stories. ANYWAY, here's chapter 3 of Forgive.
Smiling faces. Laughing. Playing. Having fun.
When was the last time I did any of that?
There are pictures all over Harry's walls. Pictures of all three of us, him and Ron, him and me, just me. Mostly just me. It kind of made me wonder...if I hadn't gotten pregnant, how bad would've my life been.
He's taken Jamie into his room so she can sleep in peace...I wish I could sleep through what's about to happen.
I've got him pegged now. I thought he was different, but he's not. He's just one of those ones that like to keep it in the dark. A private punishment. Meant only for me to know....that's why he put Jamie to bed.
He's behind me now...I can feel it. I've been prying to long. I should've known better. I should've just sat on the sofa like a good girl and waited for him to come back. It takes all I have not to cringe in fear. Then I stare at a picture that I haven't seen yet, a picture that I didn't even know was taken.
It was my wedding day. The happiest day of my life, well that's what it was supposed to be. All I could think about was the loss of my innocence and of my first crush. I suppose this is what I was thinking about in this picture because it's not one of the one's that I have at home. They are all cheery and happy. This one is far from that. It's a side shot of me sitting at the head table watching all the people dance. A slow dance comes on and I start looking around for Marcus. He's no where to be seen. Ah, I remember this moment now. It was when I first realized that my petty crush on Harry was just a tad more then that. I couldn't keep my eyes off him that night. Even after he Ron and I had that humongous row I was still following his every move.
As I come out of my memory a lone tear falls down my cheek in the picture, and now in real life. Everything was just so much simpler then. There was less pain, more pleasure. I was fine, I didn't need to be punished I was a good girl.
A hand on my shoulder, I jump a mile and spin around like a top. It's just Harry. I look into his eyes for a moment and then remember myself and look down. I'm tense and he knows it. A hand under my chin lifts my face up. I try to look everywhere, anywhere but his face. I don't want to see his disappointment in me.
I was always perfect Granger. Never did anything wrong. I got 215% on my Charms NEWT for Christ's sakes. Now I'm far from perfect. Not even close.
"Hermione, please tell me what he's done to you."
My eyes snap to his face at the sound of his voice. He sounds sad and angry at the same time. Why? He hasn't done anything that I didn't deserve. I told him so. Apparently, like so many times lately, I've given the wrong answer.
"Hermione, you really can't believe that. How long has this been going on?"
I couldn't understand why he thought I wouldn't believe that. That's the truth of the world isn't it?
"I…I don't understand what you mean Harry. How long what has been going on?"
His eyes narrowed, I could tell he was angry, upset, torn. That's when he did something completely unexpected. Threw a curse at me.
It wasn't a bad curse, just a ripping curse and not to mention he missed, all he got was the sleeve of my shirt.
He ripped it the rest of the way, fully exposing my bare upper arm to him, along with the nasty bruise. He pointed at it expectantly.
"This! How long has he been hurting you, beating you?"
Beating me? The way he explains it makes me think he doesn't understand. How could he? He isn't married. But what if…
"He doesn't beat me. I'm bad. It's punishment. It's always punishment. They're my fault. If you could see how I act you would punish me too. I'm not the same person I was in school Harry. I'm bad now. I don't know much of anything, and Marcus helps me with that."
That was all said in a rush. I don't know what I was trying to prove. But I got light headed, woozy. That's when I remembered I was pregnant. I had forgotten.
The reason why I was here came flooding back to me. Jamie. The baby. I could feel wheels start to spin in the back of my mind. If I truly believed that, then why did I leave? Jamie. She's a girl too, she will eventually get punished, won't she? Why was I so afraid of Marcus hitting her?
I needed to sit down, before I fell down.
Harry, Merlin bless him, seemed to know what was going on as he grabbed my arm, ever so gently, and led me to the couch. His touch was comforting and kind, not hard and demanding as Marcus' had been for the last few years. He pulled me into a hug and that's when my life came crashing down.
All the times he hit me…
Yelled at me…
Broke me…
I had a glimpse of what life could've been like if I hadn't made that mistake 5 years ago and gotten pregnant. Now don't get me wrong. I love Jamie with all my heart, I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. But I saw my life from Harry's eyes for just a moment, and what I saw frightened me.
When I was younger my mum made me promise her that I would never be one of those women that took their husbands back after they hit them. I laughed at her, told her that I was to independent for that.
What a bunch of bullshit.
I can't even remember when it happened. Why I stayed after he hit me the first time. Was it pride? No, I was stubborn. I had told Harry and Ron that I could handle married life, even at the age of 17 and I didn't want them to think differently. Didn't want Harry to be disappointed in me.
I started crying. Sobbing. My whole life, all that I knew was a lie. How could I have been so weak.
I started talking, telling Harry everything. From the reason I married Marcus in the first place to the reason I was here. I left nothing out, I told him why I named my daughter Jamie--the real version and the fake. The only thing I didn't tell him was of my 'crush'. I couldn't bear that to be reveled just yet.
Through all that Harry just sat there with his arms around me. I half expected him to hit me and when he had gotten up I shrunk back into the couch, all he said was that he was going to make me some tea.
Without him here I began to think again. I've always been a logical person, and What Marcus did to me was the logical thing to do wasn't it? I mean you punish someone that is bad and I've, undeniably, been bad. What was I thinking. It was for my own good. Marcus loved me. Why was I bad mouthing him. It's none of Harry's business what's happening in my house.
Silently I stood and walked into Harry's room and gathered Jamie in my arms. And just as silently I walked out the door and into the street. I had to get out of there, before I lost my head again…it's amazing the things Harry can do to me.
I know he thinks he's doing the right thing but, it's not the right thing. The right thing for me to do right now would be to pack up all my things and return to Dublin and whatever punishment would be waiting for me there. Perhaps if I told him I was pregnant he wouldn't be too harsh till after the baby's born.
Just as I tuned the corner and was out of sight of his house I heard the door bang open and he was screaming my name. I had to get out of there so, once again, I started running, this time though I lost him and returned to my room. The next day I would leave. Return home.
It was good to be back in London for a while though…
It was nice to see Harry too,
It may be the last time I'll see him…