******
Frantically he began stuffing the scrolls back into the box, then tried desperately to remember how she had left things arranged. He laid out the newest scroll, half rolled at the top and bottom as best he could recall, and set the tattered quill so that the point rested over the last word. Taking a quick look and deciding it was a little too perfect, he readjusted the quill and centered the box near her corner of the table. Then he grabbed his Transfiguration text and hopped into a squashy armchair as the students came flooding back in.
Ron and Hermione were the last ones to come climbing back through the portrait hole, both laughing because they were able to take 50 points away from Slytherin. They walked over to Harry and began to tell him about everything that had happened outside, when Hermione noticed that her letter and quill were still on the table next to the box she normally kept sealed with a charm.
Harry watched her as best he could out of the corner of his eye, while still paying attention to Ron's recount of the water balloon incident. She wiped off the quill with some cloth and fixed it into the lid. Then she began to roll up the parchment she had been writing on, when something caught her eye.
Harry began nervously laughing at Ron's story, trying not to sound too obviously guilty, when he noticed Hermione roll up the scroll and charm the box shut. She then walked slowly over to join them, her face unreadable.
"Go ahead Hermione, tell him about how you banished that water balloon right into Goyle's head!" Ron was still laughing and Harry had a nervous smile on his face.
"Let me see your hand Harry." Her voice was deathly quiet, and held just a hint of menace.
"I'm sorry, my... my hand?"
She ripped the book out of his grasp and threw it to the ground, where it made a loud smack. A couple of second years jumped and moved away quickly. She then grabbed his right hand, flipped it over and extended his thumb. The telltale signs of black ink and the smeared, backward impression of the word 'of' were deeply embedded in the ridges of his thumbpad. He had completely forgotten that the ink was still wet when he had first picked up the letter. His face went deathly pale as hers took on a violent purple hue.
"You had no right! How could you?" Her voice was still low and much more menacing now.
"Hermione, what's gotten into you?"
"STAY OUT OF THIS RON!"
"Are you mental?!" Ron stared at her in utter confusion, then noticed the sickly look on Harry's face. He couldn't remember ever seeing his friend so pale.
Just then Professor McGonagall came back into the common room, escorting two cold and wet first years who had not been so fortunate at escaping the water balloons. She instructed them to quickly change their clothing before returning outside.
"Professor," Hermione turned to face McGonagall, attempting to look and sound as normal as possible, "I realize I didn't sign up, but would it be alright if I ran into Hogsmeade? I'm in desperate need of a new quill."
"Well, it is unusual, but, seeing as how you're a prefect, I suppose there'd be no harm."
Ron looked as if he were about to ask the same thing, but before he could even try, Hermione cut him off.
"Thank you Professor. Perhaps you could answer Ron's question about his Transfiguration homework... I simply haven't been able to explain to him the finer points of chapter 13."
Ron looked at Hermione as if she had grown a second head, then McGonagall turned and asked him exactly what he was having problems with. Ron had no choice then but to focus on his homework.
Hermione glared at Harry, and it pained him when he saw the hurt and betrayal in her eyes. She stalked upstairs with her ornately carved writing box, collected her money for Hogsmeade, and left the tower.
It took a few minutes for the knot of guilt in Harry's chest to loosen. He would have laughed at how despondent Ron looked under McGonagall's tutelage, had he not felt so miserable.
'Well what did you expect? It's not as if you didn't deserve it?' He closed his eyes and covered his face. 'What was I thinking? I shouldn't have done that - not to Hermione!' Deciding nothing was more important right now then setting things straight, he rushed upstairs, grabbed his invisibility cloak, and proceeded to the statue of the one-eyed witch. With any luck, he'd beat her to Hogsmeade.
***
Harry lurked near the entrance of Scrivenshaft's, hoping to spy Hermione at any moment. After what felt like at least half an hour, he began to lose hope. 'Maybe she just said the first thing that came to mind? Maybe she's out walking off her foul mood.' Ron had been right about one thing, it definitely was a warm day outside, and Harry was sorely tempted to remove his cloak.
Finally, he could see her coming down the street. Her face was still flushed with anger, no doubt maintained by the brisk pace she kept. Her jaw was clenched and her mouth was set in a thin line as she shoved the door to Scrivenshaft's open. Harry slipped in behind her, keeping a healthy distance. She walked to the back of the store, pacing the row of finer quills, before finally letting out a frustrated growl while pulling her hair back from her face.
"Hermione? Is everything alright?"
"What... oh, Ernie. Sorry, I didn't see you there."
"That's alright. You seemed a bit distracted." He placed a hand on her shoulder. Harry couldn't say why, but he didn't care for it one bit.
"I'm just upset is all. Figured I'd treat myself to a new quill."
"Are you sure you're alright? I didn't see Ron or Harry."
"Oh, Ron's working with Professor McGonagall right now." Harry saw the mischievous smile she flashed when she said it.
"And Harry?"
"Harry can sod off for all I care!" 'Ouch,' Harry thought.
"Oh, bit of a row then?" He looked concerned, and it made Harry uncomfortable.
"You could say that. I just need some time to calm down."
"Alright then, as long as you know you can talk to me if you ever need to." He placed both hands on her shoulders as he said this. Harry, without realizing it, began squeezing his fists.
"Thanks Ernie." She smiled at him, then concentrated on finding a quill.
Unclenching his fists and taking a moment to calm down, Harry now tried to figure out how to approach her without getting killed. He came to stand right behind her as she stared at a column of large plumed quills.
'Hermione, I'm sorry...'
'Hermione, I'm a daft git...'
'Hermione, I'm an absolute prat...'
"OW!"
Hermione had deliberately stamped her foot backwards, smashing Harry's foot.
"Honestly Harry, if you're going to bother using that thing, you should at least try not to breathe so heavily."
Harry pulled off the cloak, then tried to inspect his foot. Not that he could see anything through his trainers, but it was throbbing heavily. Hermione, completely ignoring him, selected her quill, then made her way to the front of the store. She took her place in line as Harry joined her.
"Was that really necessary?"
She fixed him with a steely glare.
"Alright, I guess I deserve whatever it is you plan on doing. But please, believe me when I say how truly sorry I am."
She stepped forward in line, placing her quill on the counter.
"No, please, let me get that. It's the least I can do." Harry selected several different colors of bottled ink, three more quills and a several fresh rolls of parchment from the counter display before paying the witch at the register. She smiled at them, gave Harry his change, then handed him the bag, which was charmed to write 'Scrivenshafts' over and over in large, loopy letters on the front.
Hermione had already walked out the front door before Harry caught up with her.
"Hermione, stop, please." She continued to ignore him and walked at a brisk pace. He had to run and stop dead directly in front of her to get her attention. Her eyes still held that same hard glint, so he handed her the bag in hopes of appeasing her.
"And this is supposed to make up for what you did?"
"Yes! I mean, no, it's... it's only a start. Please, you have to believe me. I didn't intend to read your letters."
Her face turned color once more and her eyes grew wide. "You read more than ONE!"
'Uh oh,' he thought.
She shoved him, hard, off of the sidewalk and stormed past.
"Ugh, that was brilliant!" Harry raced to catch up with her. She had already turned the corner, so he had to put on a full sprint to head her off near the Three Broomsticks.
"Hermione wait! I'm really sorry! Just let me explain!"
She came to an abrupt stop then rounded on him. "Do you have any idea how truly horrible and humiliating this is? What you've done? I trusted you and you completely violated... I mean... I thought you were my friend!" Her eyes were shiny with angry unshed tears.
He had hurt her. The last thing he ever intended to do. And now here she was, seconds away from crying, and it was his fault. He couldn't bear to see her like this, especially because of him.
"I am your friend, please," he said in a whisper, grasping her shoulders. "Just give me a chance to explain what happened. Please. I can't stand to see you so upset. Please Hermione." He was pleading with her, out here on the streets of Hogsmeade, without caring what he must look like.
She just stared at him, her face threatening to release her unshed tears. He moved beside her, then wrapped his arm around her shoulders, directing her into the Three Broomsticks. He found them a table, then went to get them some butterbeers and pretzels. When he returned she was still, thankfully, sitting there, and had managed to calm down a bit. At least she didn't look ready to burst into tears at any rate. However, she still couldn't bring herself to look directly at him.
"Alright look, I meant what I said. I didn't intend to read your letters..."
"They just happened to leap from the box and unfurl beneath you then?"
"Of course not! Listen to me. I was going back to look outside the window when you'd left, and saw that worn quill of yours dripping on your letter. I'd only intended on cleaning up a bit, but then I saw some of what you had written..."
"And you simply couldn't stop yourself from rifling through my personal things..."
"Are you going to let me tell you happened or not?!"
She gave him a fiery glare.
"Well at least now you're looking at me," he teased.
"I'll just be going then." She tried to stand, but Harry placed his hand over hers.
"No, no please. Just let me finish what I have to say. I can't stand to have you upset with me Hermione." There was the most pleading and sorrowful tone in his voice, so she slowly sat back down and stared at him, expectantly.
"I caught a glance of some of what you'd written. Something about 'being the only person you could talk to' or something like that. I was curious. I mean, we've been friends forever and... ," he swallowed before continuing, "and I didn't want to think that there were things that you couldn't share with Ron or me."
Her expression softened just a bit and he felt free to continue.
"I wanted to let it alone. Honestly I did. I had hoped that it was something you were writing to your mum, but then I saw," he couldn't bring himself to tell her it was the 'something more' line, "I saw something that made me realize you were writing to someone else. I just wanted to know who."
"It's none of our business whom I correspond with Harry."
"I know that... and I promise you, my only intent was to see who it was. To see if it was someone I knew or if, maybe, there was someone who was trying to manipulate you."
"Give me some credit Harry."
"I know, I'm sorry. I just had to be certain. It's just, these days, I'm so paranoid Hermione. I've already lost Sirius. Who else is Voldemort going to use against me. Believe me when I say that I only had your well being in mind when..."
"When you completely violated my trust and threw away any confidence you had in my judgment?"
"Urgh! Look, that is not at all what I intended! How many times do I have to tell you that? I only wanted to see who it was. When I saw that it was addressed to me..."
"But they're not meant for you..."
"...when I saw that it was addressed to me, then I decided to read it. Only then! When I got through the first bit, where you made reference to all the other letters, that's when I started looking through your things. I didn't mean to..."
"Get caught?"
He sighed. "...I didn't mean to 'violate your trust', Hermione. I saw something that had my name on it, and lately, if there's something out there that's about me that I don't know about, it tends to lead to very bad things!" She looked slightly unsettled, and it gave Harry some hope. "Look, I'm sorry I hurt you, but, in all fairness, they were addressed to me."
"But like I said, they were never meant for you to read!"
"Then what was the point of writing them?"
"They're for me Harry! They're my way of telling you everything that I can't normally tell you, because it'll either upset you or it's too emotional, or it's too frightening to vocalize..."
"Hermione," his voice was soft, "you know you can tell me anything."
"No I can't! Just look at last year Harry. It seemed like every third sentence someone said to you was bound to set you off. I nearly had to stupefy you just to get you to listen to me!"
Harry squeezed his eyes shut. Last year had been pretty terrible all the way 'round, but then something occured to him.
"But you didn't start writing them last term Hermione. I found one, maybe the first one ever, from the summer after first year."
He had her dead to rights. He could tell by the look on her face that she knew it as well.
"Alright fine." She looked as if she had reached some decision, then pressed on. "You want to know the truth? Fine!" She took a deep breath. "You were muggle raised, right?"
"You know I was."
"Right. And then all of sudden you find out you're a wizard. Forget all that 'Boy Who Lived' stuff for the moment. You find out that magic is real. That you've had the ability to do things that your family or classmates or 'normal' people couldn't possibly understand. You finally realize why you've always felt strange and different - and then suddenly you're thrust into Hogwarts, where, somehow, you're still strange and different. And then these fantastic and frightening things start to happen to you. Things you didn't even know existed are now part of your life on a daily basis. You're flying on broomsticks, you're attacked by a troll, you sneak by a three-headed dog and land in a plant that can strangle you like a boa constrictor! Harry, you, of all people, should understand how utterly mind blowing all of that is for an eleven year old. Writing those letters, sharing that with you, in a way, was just... I don't know Harry, I guess you were just the way I learned to cope with it all."
She sighed and leaned back in her chair, as if a tremendous weight had been lifted from her chest. Harry just kept staring at her in stunned silence.
"I continued to write those letters because things kept happening, things that even 'normal' wizards don't go through. Certainly things that muggleborns or muggle-raised people would ever know how to deal with. I figure I'm saving myself thousands in therapy when I'm older." She gave a half hearted smile.
"But, I mean, is it so terrible that I read some of them?" He knew he was taking a chance at enraging her again, but he had to know.
"No Harry, the terrible thing is that you took away my decision to share any of this with you, if and when I ever decided to."
"But I never would have read them if they hadn't had my name on them."
"Alright then, what if I suddenly decided to leglimens you? Right now. But, I only promise to rifle through the memories you have of me. I mean, they are of me, right. So what's wrong with me seeing your innermost thoughts?"
Harry blushed quickly. He wasn't even certain why, but he wouldn't want that... definitely not. "I... I guess I see your point."
"Thank you!" He recognized that tone. She felt vindicated.
"But, let's be clear on this," he challenged. "I'm sorry for what I did, but if you had just told me what you were doing..."
"And that would put me on what level of absolute nutters?"
Harry sighed, "I guess you're right... as usual," he teased. He couldn't help but push a little further, "So, when can I read the rest of them?"
She threw a handful of pretzels at him, but at least they were both laughing now. She finally began drinking her butterbeer, and Harry offered to order them a late lunch.
Two shepherd pies, two more bottles of butterbeer each, and Hermione was finally able to start questioning him.
"So, I suppose I should ask... which ones did you read?"
"Well, I told you I had found the first one. I also read one you had written right after you were cured from being petrified. I'm sorry I never thought to ask what that was like for you. With everything that was going on, it never occurred to me."
"Well, just because you're 'The Great Harry Potter' doesn't mean you're still not a typical boy!"
"Hermione, seriously, how could you think you'd failed us? You know, without you, we'd probably never had figured out what was going on, and poor Ginny'd be..."
She cut him off abruptly. "Well, that was rather a long time ago. I'd rather not dwell on it."
"But you're brilliant! You have to know that. Even petrified you were brilliant."
She smiled and a blush pinked up her cheeks. "Um, thanks Harry..."
"No really, you are. And I'm sorry for the way I acted when you told McGonagall about my Firebolt."
"Oh Harry, that was ages ago. And I'm certain you've apologized for that well before now!"
"But..., but I never really understood how badly we had treated you. I'm so sorry for all of that."
"Alright, you know what. I'm sorry I asked which ones you read. The last thing I wanted to do was make you feel worse about what happened, especially for things that happened years ago. It's not as if you don't carry enough guilt with you as it is."
He thought about what she had written. About how she had found out from Hagrid all the horrible things the Dursleys had done to him, and how deeply it affected her.
"I need to explain something to you. One of the bits of that letter..."
"Honestly, I don't remember everything I had written. I haven't even looked at some of those in ages."
"No..., I'm certain you'd remember this. Look, Hermione," he reached across the table and took her hand. "The reason I never told you about... about how I was really raised," her face suddenly paled. "It was never because I didn't trust you. It was because I was... well, I mean, I'm supposed to be this famous person in the wizarding world, right? Some sort of hero, and yet, there, on Privet Drive...," he paused, unable to finish what he had intended to say. She placed her other hand over his as a sign of encouragement and tilted her head, her expression soft. He understood that this was her unspoken way of asking him to continue. "I was just... I guess, embarrassed. What would it be like if everyone knew what I'm really worth out in the muggle world?"
"Don't Harry! Don't you dare ever think that what those people did to you," she took a deep breath, "that how they treated you, was ever any indication of your worth. I meant what I said then as much as I do now... it's nothing short of a miracle that you've become the person you are after all those years of abuse and neglect."
"You never told me you knew..."
"I never wanted you to know. Not unless you told me yourself."
Not for the first time, Harry was keenly aware of what a wonderful person Hermione was.
Outside the window they could see the students heading back towards the castle. "Oh dear," Hermione checked her watch. "we have to get back!" She grabbed her things and quickly headed for the door.
"Wait, there's one more thing!"
"What?" She looked over the table to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything.
"Just this," Harry said, then wrapped her into a big hug. "I'm sorry I hurt you Hermione. I promise to do my best never to hurt you again." Then he squeezed her tighter. She wrapped her arms around and squeezed him tightly too. He'd never realized how good it would feel to hold her this way.
"Apology accepted Harry. Thank you." It was a bit muffled, as her face was pressed tightly against his chest. His chin was resting on the top of her head, and he continued to hold her tightly for a moment longer. They slowly broke apart, and then Harry placed a few galleons on the table to cover their check and tip and ran out the door with Hermione. They ducked into an alley so that Harry could throw on his cloak. He wrapped himself up, but before he draped it over his head, he suddenly remembered something.
"Hermione," he hissed. She had been guarding the entrance to the alley, but turned at his voice. It was still unsettling to see just his head floating there. "Listen, you were right."
"About what?"
He stepped towards her and gently touched her arm. "That letter you were writing today, you said that there was something I've been keeping from you. There is, and I'm sorry. I promise you, soon, when the time is right, I'll tell you what's been going on. I'm just not ready yet."
"I know Harry." She smiled at him, then reached up and drew his hood over his head. "Now c'mon, we can't be late." Hermione grabbed his hand and led him as they left the alley and started making their way back up the castle. They lagged towards the back of the groups of students just to be cautious.
"Hermione," Harry whispered.
"Yes," she whispered back.
"Thank you for accepting my apology."
"Oh, you're welcome..."
"Because, I really did mean what I said... you can talk to me about anything."
"I know Harry."
"You know..., me. Or maybe even Ron."
Forgetting he was invisible, she turned to look at him. She knitted her eyebrows while trying to figure out what he was getting at. "Um... I realize that Harry."
"Because, you know, we'd definitely be there for you. It's not like you'd need to talk to someone like Ernie MacMillan."
She didn't know if he was looking at her or not, but she turned her head away as a huge grin spread across her face.
They hadn't realized they were holding hands the entire way until they had to let go upon entering the castle. Once they returned, Harry rushed ahead and entered the tower. He noticed poor Ron was still sitting at the table, mildly engrossed in his homework, for a change. He removed his cloak once he reached his room, then waited a few moments before heading back down to greet everyone. As he descended the stairs, he could hear Ron's raised voice.
"...did you go and do that for?! Do you know I've been here for four whole hours doing my homework!"
"And why exactly is that a problem?"
Harry couldn't help but smile as he witnessed the exchange. Ron noticed him. then started in on him as well.
"And where the bloody hell have you been? I've been working on this stuff alone for ages!"
"Um, sorry Ron. I wasn't feeling too well. I went upstairs to catch a nap." Hermione looked at him funny, then grinned.
"Well, you certainly looked sick enough when Hermione threw your book down. What was that all about anyway?" Hermione looked wide eyed at Harry. He understood that if she couldn't even tell Harry about those letters, she'd probably not want Ron to know either.
"I, um, I borrowed her quill without asking. Seems she's got it charmed to blacken the thumbs of whoever's stolen it. You know how Hermione gets about her quills." Harry gave a nervous laugh, waiting to see if Ron would believe him or not.
"Hermione, it's just a stupid quill. You said it was knackered anyway. Was it really worth getting your knickers in such a twist?" Ron was doing his best to be understanding and mature. If it wasn't so completely unnecessary, they might have been more impressed.
"I know Ron, I was just feeling upset. Like I had given up a Saturday and you two didn't seem to be at all grateful. I"m sorry I set McGonagall on you."
"Actually, it wasn't too bad. Believe it or not, I managed to not only finish the assignment, but I understood it too!" He puffed up with pride.
"That's brilliant Ron!"
"Yeah, good job!"
"Well Harry, if you need any help with your homework, don't bother asking me. I'm not giving up dinner to go through all that again just because you got drowsy! You coming then?"
"Where?"
"To dinner mate. It's nearly seven. I know I'm famished."
"Oh, I'm, uh," still quite full from lunch in Hogsmeade, "still not feeling too well. I think I better beg off dinner tonight."
"What about you Hermione?"
"I actually ate at the Three Broomsticks. Besides, now that I've calmed down, I think I should probably give Harry a hand with his homework."
"Suit yourselves then. See you in a bit." And with that, Ron headed out to the Great Hall, joining most of the other students.
"Um, thanks for not mentioning what really happened." She looked at him, almost shy.
"The last thing I wanted to do was upset you again. So, would you really mind helping me with Transfiguration?"
"Of course not," she smiled at him, then went to grab her textbook.
******
A/N: And you thought it was over! One last chapter to follow, and thanks for the words of encouragement. I guess I just couldn't bear to make you all wait (but I do really, really need to proof the last one before u/l, so maybe it'll be <gasp> a whole day!). So much for building suspense... I also happen to hand out Christmas presents after Halloween. Simply can't stand the waiting...