Seeking Hermione's Bean
Title: Seeking Hermione's Bean (06)
Author name: Romulus Lupin
Author email: galigad@yahoo.com
Category: Romance
Sub Category: Humour
Keywords: Harry Hermione Bertie Botts Beans
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: SS/PS, CoS, PoA, GoF
Summary: Chapter 6: Professor Thomas' Lecture. Why did Dean cast the Full-Body
Bind on Harry? Why didn't Ron, Seamus and Neville do anything? And what is Hermione going to do about it?
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
AUTHOR NOTES: Thank you to everyone who's reviewed, especially Curt (Excalibur) who pointed out some grammatical errors that my Drunken Muse missed :D, and everyone who has encouraged me in working on this fic.
One thing though. I know some people find this a bit dragging and may be taking a long time to reach the "logical" conclusion. I do agree but please keep in mind that (a) I'm trying to write humour here-something I've never tried before :D; and (b) while we know what Harry has to do, as I said in one review, "Getting there is half the fun."
I'm having fun writing this; I hope you also feel the same.
Thank you.
Chapter 6. Professor Thomas' Lecture
"You're scary, you know that?" A shocked Harry Potter blinked-it was the only part of his body that could move-and focused his eyes on Dean Thomas: shoulders slumped, hands by his sides, a sincerely apologetic look on his face. Harry tried to speak, to say something to the classmate he'd known for years but who, he realized now, he had never really tried to get to know beyond classes, studies, meals and the occasional Hogsmeade weekend but his mouth was clamped shut by the Full-Body Bind.
"Not just because of all that `Boy-Who-Lived' crap you have to put up with, but you've been keeping things bottled inside you-" Dean held up his hand at the surprised look in Harry's eyes and the protest on Ron's lips-"I know you've got Ron and Hermione, but remember how you were last year?"
A whimper escaped Harry's throat and he tried to blink back the tears as the memories of that agonizing year ran through his mind-the weeks at Privet Drive and the Dementor attack, the hearing before the Wizengamot and Dumbledore's distance, the lessons from Snape and Umbridge's quill, Grawp and the Inquisitorial Squad, Cho's tears and the battle in the Ministry… and… and…
"You were ready to lay into Seamus the first night we got back and things only got worse…"
Harry swung his eyeballs and saw a red-faced Seamus staring out a window and he shuddered from the effort to break free of the hex. He wanted nothing more to do at that moment but apologize for being a prat to his dorm-mate, something that he had been unable to do even when Seamus had told him he believed him when the Quibbler interview had come out-
"It was a good thing that Hermione came up with the DA…"
Harry closed his eyes-chalk up another thing to thank Hermione for as the filmstrips in his mind started running amuck with images of everything that Hermione had ever done for him: from lessons to walks, from Chocolate Frogs to his Broomstick Servicing Kit, from stopping him from jumping after the Veela to setting up the interview with the Quibbler-
And all he ever gave her in return was grief and more grief: Detention in First Year, Petrified in Second, Dementors in Third, Howlers, bubotuber pus and insults in Fourth… a howl that came out as a whimper escaped his throat as he watched a streak of what looked like purple flame pass across her chest-
And he blinked at Dean's pained voice: "I wanted to help, Harry but you never wanted anyone but Ron and Hermione and even they had a hard time with you…"
He thought that he was biting his lip but he wasn't-and he could only blink as tears ran down his face …
"I'm not doing this for you, Harry-I'm doing this for me. I'm doing this for us: we've wanted to help you, but you've always tried to do things by yourself, you stupid prat-"
If he could have hung his head in shame, Harry would have done so; frozen in his seat as he was, there was nothing to do but listen-and admit to the truth of Dean's words. He had tried to do things by himself but he could never have gone as far as he did, or lived through everything that life and Destiny had thrown at him, without his friends: Ron and Hermione as they made their way through the obstacles to the Sorcerer's Stone… Fawkes in the Chamber of Secrets… Hermione's Time-Turner… Hermione again at one o'clock in the morning, eyes red and radiating exhaustion from every pore until he succeeded with the Summoning Charm… Hermione, Ron, Luna, Ginny and Neville in the bowels of the Ministry of Magic… the members of the Order as they burst into the room and dueled with Malfoy, Lestrange and the others… Dumbledore and Voldemort in the Atrium…
"This isn't about you alone, Harry-it's for all of us."
His eyes locked with Dean's, hoping that he could convey his gratitude and understanding of what the other boy was trying to do… and he shifted his eyes, catching the others as they smiled and nodded-Seamus giving him a thumbs-up-before closing his eyes as he felt his insides sagging in relief even as his body remained stiff and unmoving in his chair.
***
"I didn't know Dean cared that much," Cindy whispered beneath the cloak and Hermione shook her head.
"Neither did I," she answered as she leaned against the window of Hagrid's cabin, tears pooling in her eyes. Dean's a good friend, she thought and her face burned with shame as she remembered that Dean's life had-literally-hung on a thread.
Or rather, on the heels of a young girl.
They had been maneuvering carefully towards the window when Carolyn stepped on a stone and stumbled-dragging down Hermione and Cindy with her as they tried to break her fall just as Dean cast the Full-Body Bind. Hermione tried to jump up but the two girls were holding on to her arms-and Dean's calm, soothing voice stopped her before she could even pull her wand and charge the door.
She shook her head-it hadn't happened, and it will not happen again. `One thing for sure,' she reminded herself, `I will never, ever, act, speak or think harshly about any of them ever again. `Cross my heart and hope to-"
The last word died in her throat as her eyes widened. She had looked up into Hagrid's cabin as her mind wandered but hadn't really registered what was inside. It was only when Dean moved that she realized that there was a blackboard in the room… and on the board was a colored drawing of-
***
Dean stood still for a long moment, grimacing as he contemplated the bean that he had magically drawn on the board. `What the hell was I thinking of?' he thought as, with a wave of his wand, erasers quickly leaped to the board and started working; another wave and a murmur and the erasers flew to an open window and started slapping together, dislodging the chalk dust they'd gathered.
He watched the cloud of dust for a moment, but was so deeply engrossed in framing his next words that he didn't notice the dust clinging for the briefest of moments to a large, shapeless form before being blown away by the wind.
Turning back to Harry, he rolled his shoulders and neck, for all the world like a man preparing for a heavy burden, and straightened his robes. When he spoke, all trace of his earlier camaraderie was gone… in its place was a cool, professional-almost pedantic-Dean Thomas.
"You've been acting strangely the past few days, Mr. Potter," he began in a voice reminiscent of Professor Binns but with all the demeanor of Remus Lupin at his finest. "And Miss Granger is right-you've been acting oddly since the day you brought those beans for Miss Galloway and Miss Wright."
He ignored the look of panic he saw in Harry's eyes and congratulated himself for casting the Full-Body Bind; the way the git was acting, he didn't doubt that Harry would have been out and running for the Forbidden Forest, screaming, before they could do anything.
Time to focus the discussion, he thought. "We know what Miss Granger means to you, Mister Potter… and what she feels for you. The problem is-"
A deep breath, "We think that You-Know-Who knows-"
***
Hermione's head dropped on the window sill in front of her, ignoring the gasps of Cindy and Carolyn, biting her lip to keep from screaming. She knew it… she'd suspected as much-but she hadn't wanted to believe it.
Simply because she was not sure if she was the one Harry had been obsessing about.
How could she be sure that Harry felt that way about her? Plain, bushy-haired Hermione Granger-not the exotic beauty and athletic grace of Cho, not the English rose that was Lavender or the buxom blonde beauty of Hannah Abbot-even the fiery hair and maturing loveliness of Ginny.
Plain, boring, brainy Hermione-
"But I don't think you're ugly." The bemused voice of Harry in fifth year resonated in her head, and she bit her lip as the memory danced in her mind. He had been bewildered then, totally surprised at her statement and-she realized now-his bemusement had come because he had never, ever thought of her as ugly. He may not have realized that she was a girl until the Yule Ball… he may have accepted her all those years for what she tried to be-friend, companion, brain-but for Harry Potter, the simple fact had always been… she had never been ugly in his eyes.
She felt her breathing slow, become shallow as her lips flushed and warmed-before she could command her brain to stop, the memories of Grimmauld Place and the Weasley mistletoe exploded in her mind: the searing heat of his lips on hers, the feel of his tongue as it entwined with her own, the taste as her own tongue entered his mouth and explored, the feel of his beating heart as her hand pressed him closer to her-
Her fists clenched as a wave of anger roiled through her. `That bastard!' she thought. `Where the hell does he get off doing this to me? What sort of sick, besotted arse is he that he wants to kill Harry by using me, probably wanting Harry to die even before I even get another chance to taste his lips-'
And felt her brain break as Dean's next words blasted through her ears: "You were dreaming-and talking-about Hermione's bean last night."
***
Harry closed his eyes and tried to grit his teeth as he struggled against the magic holding him down, trying to work his throat and mouth so he could vent the frustrated scream he so wanted to yell: "Voldemort has NOTHING to do with this, you nitwits!"
He'd come to that conclusion as he sat in the Astronomy Tower that morning, applying whatever powers of logic and concentration he possessed-and realized that Voldemort and his Beans had nothing to do with him.
All because of a single, irrefutable fact: no one knew about the passionate kiss that he and Hermione shared under the Weasley mistletoe that night in Grimmauld Place.
It was that single beautiful, wonderful, wondrous, mind-blowing event that changed him.
And no one knew about it but Hermione and himself.
Not Scabbers who'd been unmasked in Third Year and hadn't been with them since; not Rita Skeeter whose claim that Hermione was two-timing him with Krum turned half the wizarding world-including Mrs. Weasley-against Hermione; not Malfoy and his wannabe Dark Arses who would never see anything in front of them but Granger the Mudblood… not even Ron or Ginny, for crying out loud!
No one knew but Hermione and himself.
And he'd come to the only possible conclusion about Voldemort and his Beans: coincidence, nothing more.
More importantly, he'd come to a decision: the only way to deal with this was to talk it out with his best friend.
Hermione, not Ron.
He'd checked his watch, counting down the minutes until her Arithmancy class ended and he could go and meet her as she left… he'd asked her to walk with him by the lake, as they'd done before when he had a problem, and he'd pluck up the courage to tell her how he really felt-
Only to have it all blown away by Ron bursting into the Tower and dragging him here, ignoring Harry's every question and attempt to slow down, muttering about meeting up with the others so that they can talk it out, disregarding Harry's every effort to explain that there was nothing wrong with him… walking into Hagrid's hut to be hexed by Dean of all people-
To learn that Dean knew about Operation Hermione's Bean.
Which meant that Ron, Seamus and Neville already knew.
And only Merlin knows who else.
***
"Harry?" Dean frowned at Harry's closed eyes-had Harry Potter fainted? He was about to ask for a bucket of water to throw on him when the latter's eyes opened, and Dean heaved a sigh of relief-only to step back at the sheer magnitude of pain and frustration that radiated from those eyes.
Without a second thought, he dropped to one knee beside Harry's chair and his dark eyes met Harry's stormy greens: "Harry mate, we understand… we're all guys here, right? We all have those thoughts-you want to snog Hermione, Seamus wants Lavender in a broom closet, Ron would just love to get Luna alone in Hogsmeade, and Neville's gonna ask Ginny for a date-"
"WHAT?"
"Shut it, Ron-or do you want me to tell Parvati to tell Padma that you're gonna ask Luna to go to Hogsmeade with you this weekend?" Ron's angry face quickly paled at the threat; before he could get his mouth in working order, Dean continued, "Besides, Neville and I discussed it already… like gentlemen, you know? Neville knows that if he has any… uhm, inappropriate ideas about Ginny, Harry and you will have a go at him-and I'll take over what's left! OK?"
"Maybe we should get Luna in here to calm him down, Dean," Seamus said as he gestured out the window, "Ginny and Luna are out there with Hagrid-"
"NO!" Ron and Neville stared at each other for a moment and quickly turned away, their red faces rivaling each other. Before Ron could say anything else, Neville mumbled, "I thought we were talking about Harry here, not us."
"Quite right," Dean said. He glared at the two of them and glanced at Seamus, who smirked back and said, "The floor is yours, Professor Thomas."
"Thank you, Mr. Finnigan." Dean took a deep breath as he turned back to Harry, his professorial demeanor back in place.
"We believe, Mr. Potter, that You-Know-Who has found a way to use your hormonal drives against you. By creating an obsession for Miss Granger, he believes that he can turn you into a babbling idiot-or worse, deprive you of the proper nutrition while you continue consuming those beans, searching in vain for the one that would give you the taste you've been craving for.
"Am I accurate in my assessment, Mr. Potter?"
Taking Harry's silence for assent, Dean continued: "It would seem, therefore, that the solution is simple: rather than seeking out a bean which would only satisfy your mental fantasies and keep you captive to his evil plot, I believe a better approach would be-
He paused for a moment, and said in a rush: "Find Hermione, drag her to the Astronomy Tower or the nearest broom closet and snog her senseless."
"YES!" Seamus cheered with his fist in the air. "Took you long enough," Ron said as he rolled his eyes. Before Neville could add his input, however, Dean Thomas held up his hands for silence.
"Unfortunately, as Mr. Potter well knows, such a… simplistic approach may not be enough to thwart You-Know-Who's evil machinations." Four pairs of eyes locked on him at those words. "Snogging Hermione senseless would only match what those beans are meant to do… while physically, and emotionally, satisfying, it would not be enough to break the obsession that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named infused into those beans.
"Mr. Potter cannot very well snog Miss Granger 24/7." At the puzzled looks of the two pureblooded wizards, he elaborated, dropping out of his pedantic mode: "That means twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week."
Reverting to his teaching mode, he proceeded, "What would happen, for example, if Mr. Potter wakes up in the middle of the night with a… uhm, craving for the taste that he loves? He cannot very well sneak into the girl's dormitory for a midnight snack-the protective wards will prevent it.
"Neither can he keep Miss Granger awake and by his side at all hours of the day and night. What do you think would happen if she doesn't have any time for her studies or her preparation for next year's N.E.W.T.s? And do you honestly think Madam Pince would allow Mr. Potter into the library when all that is on his mind is to find Miss Granger for a snogging session?"
The room fell silent, a sense of horror spreading among them, until Ron said in a stricken voice: "Hermione will be hell to live with-you know how she is about study time!"
"She might end up hexing Harry if he keeps her from studying," Neville put in with a shudder.
"Precisely." The word was delivered in Dean's professorial mode but he dropped the act as he turned to Harry. "Actually, Harry-you had the right idea, although I would lay bets that you were going to go at it the wrong way."
Harry's rapidly blinking eyes signaled his puzzlement at the turn of the lecture; Seamus, Neville and Ron exchanged grins while Dean maintained his serious face as he continued, "You said you needed to find Hermione's bean, Harry… the question is, do you know which bean to look for?"
"Or more importantly," Seamus broke in, "what to do with the bean in question?"
One look at Harry's wide eyes answered that question-and the four boys looked at each other, nodding, and then Dean spoke. "Guys, would you stand here, backs to the blackboard? I need to put our visual aid together."
The three Gryffindors complied, fidgeting nervously as Dean pointed his wand at the chalk, closing his eyes as he focused his thoughts, feeding his magical energy through his hand and his wand, muttering the charm that Flitwick had taught him when his developing artistry had caught the Charm teacher's eye… Minutes ticked away as he concentrated until he finally opened his eyes, smiling at what he had wrought-"Oh, shite."
Surprised, the others glanced at the blackboard and Harry, sitting frozen in his chair, could only wonder at what was going on: Seamus echoing Dean's words, Ron's strident voice exclaiming, "What the hell?"… and Neville releasing a loud, surprised "Merde!"
Dean, Ron and Seamus blinked and he blushed, muttering "So I picked up some words from Great-Uncle Algy, all right? But what do we do about-that?"
Dean raised his wand but Seamus grabbed it, hissing: "We don't have time, Dean-Hagrid's class-"
Ron glanced nervously out the window-he knew that Ginny and Luna made it a habit to have tea with Hagrid after their class and he had no intention, right now, of being caught by Luna in a confined space-especially with his dorm-mates knowing his feelings for the blonde eccentric.
He looked at Dean and forced himself to say the words-"Do it, Dean"-saw the others nodding in agreement-and stepped away from the blackboard at the same time.
***
Hermione goggled, her ears vaguely hearing the surprised "Eeeek!" of Cindy and Carolyn, even as her arms were pulling the two girls closer to her, trying to turn their heads away from Hagrid's window.
With a strength that surprised the two, she turned away from the window and started dragging them away-Cindy and Carolyn put up only token resistance for the moment, but the waves of pure anger radiating off Hermione frightened them and they followed, keeping up with Hermione as best they could while keeping the Invisibility Cloak around them, as they tried to erase the picture that had been seared on their young brains.
It was a beautifully rendered drawing of Harry and Hermione facing each other while holding hands, filled in with exquisite detail-fingers intertwined, Hermione's bushy hair and his trademark unruly locks, her eyes with the light of love shining through, and the smile on Harry's face making it obvious that he returned Hermione's feelings in full.
Neither one was wearing Hogwarts robes.
Or any other clothes for that matter.
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