Seeking Hermione's Bean
Title: Seeking Hermione's Bean (08)
Author name: Romulus Lupin
Author email: galigad@yahoo.com
Category: Romance
Sub Category: Humour
Keywords: Harry Hermione Bertie Botts Beans
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: SS/PS, CoS, PoA, GoF
Summary: What happened when Hermione fled Hagrid's hut? Are Cindy and Carolyn safe? Will the
Terrible Two be scarred for life? And… is that a basilisk in the Gryffindor Common Room?
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
AUTHOR NOTES: My apologies to everyone for the delay in this chapter; RL has been worse than ever before-which led to my Muse going off on a drunken binge and I had to leave off on working on this for a while.
As usual, my deepest gratitude to everyone who reviewed… they make me smile and constantly pose a challenge to me to do better in every way.
Chapter 8. Sentinel in the Common Room
Silent as a ghost (which he was), Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington entered Gryffindor Tower, nodding a quiet `hello' to the dozing Fat Lady in her portrait. There was no real reason or need for him to be here, he knew… except to look in and see if Hermione had been able to find Harry Potter.
He smiled at the all-too familiar Common Room with its squashy armchairs and sofas, the always roaring fire (magically conjured to give off warmth in winter and a cool breeze in hot weather), everything neat and in its proper place from the cleaning that Dobby the House-Elf had given it. And there was Hermione-sitting alone, staring at the roaring flames… a fist rhythmically beating a silent tattoo on her chair's arm.
He was about to drift closer but paused, realizing that Hermione was murmuring monotonously… repeating a most uncomplimentary word like a mantra.
With an elegant shrug of his ghostly shoulders, Nearly-Headless Nick decided to leave the young woman alone. The way she was acting left no doubt that she'd found Harry Potter; unfortunately, it seemed that her mission had some rather uncomfortable outcomes… and he would much rather not be there to see what would result from it.
He sighed as he floated out the wall. `Young love,' he thought. `So beautiful to see but hell on those who go through it."
Another elegant shrug and he drifted off; he should just be in time to catch The Grey Lady as she left the library.
***
That prat! That great, stupid, stumbling, bumbling, blundering PRAT!
Did he have to do that? Of all the stupid, brainless, dim-witted things that Harry has ever done-and she considered herself the authority on all the daft things that Harry had ever done-this… this… this…!
Hermione continued beating the armchair with her fist. If he's been obsessing about me, she thought-and for a brief moment, the memory of their kisses beneath the mistletoe drove all thought and breath from her-he should have just come to me! Even Dean, prat that he was and is, could see the solution to Harry's damnable bean obsession: "Find Hermione, drag her to the Astronomy Tower or the nearest broom closet and snog her senseless."
She would have snogged him senseless in the middle of the Great Hall with teachers, elves, ghosts and students watching if that was what it took to break him from his obsessions.
Hadn't she laid her life on the line for him and with him since First Year? Making their way through the castle towards the Philosopher's Stone, encountering the Monster of Slytherin because she wanted to help him, revealing the Time-Turner and riding behind Buckbeak to rescue Sirius, and… and…
Unthinking, she rubbed her stomach, the memory of Dolohov's curse once again replaying through her mind, and she shuddered.
She had gone the distance with Harry year after year… laid her life on the line more than once for him and with him… what more could she risk losing that she hadn't offered before?
Their friendship.
She gritted her teeth as a wave of fear washed through her at the thought… was that why Harry hadn't approached her? Was he so afraid that grabbing her and snogging her would ruin the friendship and companionship they'd built up over the years… destroy the level of trust, affection and love they had for each other?
But it shouldn't, she thought blankly. It shouldn't. What's a simple kiss between friends-even if that "simple" kiss had burned itself into her memory… made her wake up in the middle of the night with the sensation of his lips pressing on her… the feel of his tongue as it entwined with hers…
She shuddered as the sensations and emotions of that night razed through her, and she felt sweat breaking out on her head-and blinked as she thought, `maybe that was the point.' By unspoken agreement, they'd kept quiet about what happened that night beneath the mistletoe… they never spoke of it to anyone, even themselves-
And, although they'd been far more demonstrative and affectionate to each other than friendship would warrant…
CRASH!
She jumped to her feet, wand in hand, eyes narrowed… and saw Crookshanks looking at her, trying to look innocent beside the fallen wizard's chess set beside him. For a long moment, she glared at her pet-who seemed to be grinning self-consciously back at her-before glancing up the stairs to the girls' dormitories, and sighing to herself. Cindy and Carolyn were still up there… still barricaded in their dormitory, and she shook her head as the memory of their return from Hagrid's hut rushed through her mind…
She'd entered the Common Room silently, Cindy and Carolyn at her heels; the two young girls quickly collapsing on a sofa while she stalked the room, muttering under her breath, mumbling something about casting hell and damnation on the boys in Hagrid's hut…
Only to stop as she heard soft giggling from the sofa where the two girls were seated.
She'd glared at the two, sitting red-faced as they held their hands to their mouths, trying to stop the laughter that was threatening to erupt from their throats… until they finally lost control and started laughing their heads off, holding on to each other as tears coursed down their rosy cheeks and she could feel the anger within her warring with the contagious hilarity-her mind locking on Harry's shock as Dean petrified him… Dean's "professorial" voice as he walked them through his analysis… Neville's "Merde!" and blaming his Uncle Algie in the next breath… the boys' surprise at Dean's drawing, and… and… and-
Something must have shown on her face, she reflected-because she found herself hit in the face by twin cushions. Before she could clear her head from the assault, Cindy and Carolyn were racing up the stairs-
She ran after them, only to hear them locking the door to their dormitory, and she smirked, remembering the door in the third-floor corridor she'd opened with Harry's wand-
"Alohomora!" She grinned as the lock clicked open-only to encounter major resistance as she tried to open the door… pushed harder and realized that something big, and heavy-heavier than Cindy or Carolyn or even their trunks-was behind the door…
"Open this door! Cindy! Carolyn! Open this door!"
"No!" the muffled response came back. "You're going to memory-charm us, Miss Hermione…"
She stopped at that-she hadn't even thought that far ahead although, thinking about it, Obliviating had its merits. But first, she had to get there-"Why should I do that, girls? Come on, open up in there!"
She heard Cindy's muffled voice: "Because you're embarrassed at what we saw, Miss Hermione."
She'd sputtered at that accusation, but Carolyn spoke up: "There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Miss Hermione… in fact, I think you and Sir Harry looked…"
A pause.
"Cute."
Cute? CUTE? Hermione's anger boiled over-that bastard had made fun of her, and these two thought it was cute? She was about to cast a Reducto on the door when Cindy's voice came through: "Dean's a wonderful artist, Miss Hermione."
"What?" she'd screeched-Dean had abused her and these two were acting like art critics?
"You have to admit, Miss Hermione," Carolyn's reasonable voice came through, "Dean's drawing was perfect-it's just what everybody sees everyday!"
"I don't parade around the Common Room with no clothes on," she'd roared as she kicked at the door, "and neither does Harry!"
"We're not talking about your bodies, Miss Hermione," Cindy's patient voice replied through the barricaded door. "It's how Dean caught the way you look at Sir Harry when you think he's not looking…"
"And how he looks at you when he thinks you're not looking…"
"Dean caught it perfectly."
"It's exactly what everyone sees everyday, Miss Hermione."
"Except the two of you…"
"You're both too busy trying to avoid looking at each other…"
"Maybe you completely missed it…"
She'd leaned her head against the door as the two girls inside explained… she found herself sliding slowly to sit on the floor, wand held loosely as she slumped on the corridor.
"What are you saying, girls?" She'd said, quietly and almost to herself, and shook her head as a muffled response came through the door.
"You're in love with Sir Harry, Miss Hermione…"
"And Sir Harry's in love with you."
She didn't reply but remained slumped in the corridor… a few minutes later, she slunk off to the Common Room and her favorite chair where she sat down, her mind a roiling cauldron of conflicting emotions… Harry in his corner with his beans… her midnight realization that something was wrong… Dumbledore's breakfast announcement… learning that Harry hadn't shown up for lunch… running to his dormitory to check on him and Sir Nicholas telling her that he wasn't at Divination… Cindy and Carolyn in Harry's room… the boys in Hagrid's cabin…
Had it been only two nights before when Harry brought those beans home for Carolyn? Was it only last night that she watched him as he played with his beans? And only this afternoon when Dean began his "lecture"… and drew that… that…
She gritted her teeth as the image on the board flashed in her mind. She had to admit that the girls were right-she had been shocked at the way that she and Harry were looking at each other in that drawing. What was surprising was that Dean had so precisely captured her feelings and emotions whenever she risked staring at Harry-and her realization that Harry's face reflected the way she looked at him.
But her surprise quickly turned to rage as she remembered what the rest of the drawing was…
Dean's voice echoed in her mind: "You said you needed to find Hermione's bean, Harry… the question is, do you know which bean to look for?"
There was only one reason she could think of for such an anatomically correct rendition of Harry and herself; and it was that revelation which made her drag the two young girls away from the window… it wasn't that Cindy and Carolyn would be scarred for life or would lose respect for them after seeing them in all their naked glory-it was what Dean was planning afterwards that made her run like a scared rabbit, dragging the two girls with her.
She wasn't going to leave the girls to a pornographic show if she could help it.
Especially if Dean's peep show starred Harry and herself!
She realized that she was pacing the Common Room, recognized that her building anger was refusing to be bled off by physical activity, felt her bushy hair tingling with electricity-heard the portrait-hole open as a wave of sound crashed in, and she spun around, eyes flashing, to meet Natalie MacDonald's startled eyes head on.
***
The end of the class day was always a noisy and rowdy time in Gryffindor as the students returned to drop off books and bags and freshen up before heading to the Great Hall for dinner or other recreational activities. Since they could not all enter at the same time, there was an inevitable backlog on the outside, causing the corridor to boom with laughter and raised voices-a sound matched from the inside as the separate groups converged and headed for their dorms or the corners they'd staked out for themselves and their friends.
This time, however, those outside realized that there was only silence from inside; soon enough, the noise on the outside died down as puzzled looks were exchanged and they began clamoring to get in, some heckling those ahead of them to get moving, and finally pushing their way to the front so they could enter quickly-
Only to freeze in their tracks at a sight they'd only heard of but never saw in all its power and majesty: a fuming Hermione Granger in the middle of the Common Room, glowering at each person who entered, waves of anger slamming into them for a moment before fading away, leaving them pale and shaken…
Seventh-Year Katie Bell and Alicia Spinnet finally understood why Fred and George would only grumble and moan whenever Hermione stopped them from their "product-testing" the previous year-one look into Hermione's flashing eyes sent a cold shiver down their spines, and they slunk off to their corner where they exchanged quiet whispers as they kept glancing at the sentinel in the Common Room.
Lavender and Parvati climbed in and paled at the sight. They'd had to endure Hermione in their dormitory during their O.W.L.s and it was an experience neither wanted to repeat. They fled for the safety of their dormitory, wondering what Ron had done to set their dorm-mate off, their inquisitive minds quickly focusing on Dean and Seamus, wondering if the two would share what was undoubtedly a juicy piece of gossip.
And so it went as the Gryffindors entered and froze before slinking, scurrying or scampering for their dormitories to dump their books before returning stealthily to the Common Room-to wait for what, no one knew, only that something extraordinary was about to happen and eager to see what it was.
***
`That prat! That great, stupid, stumbling, bumbling, blundering PRAT!'
The audio tape in her mind had gone into its seemingly unending loop, and Hermione continued to pace the Common Room, unheeding of the Gryffindors entering-all of them shocked at her presence and palpable anger, all of them avoiding her space as they went to their dormitories and quietly returning to watch the drama unfold.
`Did he have to do that? Of all the stupid, brainless, dim-witted things that Harry has ever done-and I consider myself the authority on all the daft things that he's done-this… this… this'-"Arrrgh!"
The growl of anger made everyone in the room look up; eyes blinked and mouths dropped at the sight of Hermione Granger standing still but shaking with rage at someone or something…
`Do you really think I'd do something like that to you, Hermione?'
Heads ducked all over the room as Hermione's heated glare flashed around, looking for the source of that voice-and blinked as she realized that no one had spoken to her. She glared and everyone quickly turned back to what they were doing-watching from the corner of their eyes as her shoulders slumped, bushy hair flying all over as she shook her head hard, realizing that the voice-so much like Harry's-was in her head.
Hermione stood still, gently massaging her temples as she thought of Harry and Ron, probably still in Hagrid's hut with the rest of the Gryffindor boys, laughing hysterically at Dean's antics, and a cold wave of anger coursed through her, making her shake and clench her teeth, her fists, her toes-
`I would never do that to you, Hermione.'
The voice in her head paused for the briefest of moments before continuing: `Ever.'
`Will you get out of my head!' she screamed to herself, stamping her foot in frustration, making the Gryffindors jump in surprise. `What the hell are you doing in my head, anyway?'
`Sorry.'
She lowered her head in shame, feeling a wave of loathing pass through her at the tone of that voice-hating herself for making him feel so undeserving and unfit to be in her head.
`How many times have I heard him say that, in that very tone of voice?' she asked herself, and shook her head. `Not often enough, really… Harry had never verbally apologized to me for every stupid little thing that he'd done over the years-everything from the moment he mounted his broom to go after Malfoy in first year to the look he gave me when I thanked him for giving me `The New Theory of Numerology' for Christmas…'
And Hermione shook her head again as she remembered Harry's face when she greeted him, his eyes full of abject apology for giving her another book when he could have given her something more personal-`like that foul-smelling perfume that Ron gave that I could only call `unusual' because that was precisely what it was…'
She sighed. How could she tell him that he had nothing to be sorry about? She loved the book he gave her; it made her appreciate how highly he thought of her, how much he really listened even when she thought he wasn't listening. She had wanted to start bawling when she opened the package and saw the book-her mind suddenly replaying the moment in the Common Room in third year when they'd approached her with the Firebolt he'd gotten back from Professor McGonagall.
`Typical boy,' she thought. `He couldn't tell me outright that he was sorry even then; I knew that he was working his way around to it as he asked me how I was doing… suggesting that I drop a couple of subjects… and then telling me that Arithmancy looked terrible-'
"Oh no, it's wonderful!" Hermione felt hot tears pooling in her eyes as she remembered that moment. She'd been so depressed during those days when both Harry and Ron ignored her; even though she kept her head high and continued to tell herself that it was all for the best. In spite of McGonagall's and Hagrid's constant reassurance that everything would work out in the end, she'd been miserable and wretched-until the moment Harry approached her. "It's my favorite subject! It's-"
She could feel her teeth grinding down as the memory of what followed washed over her: Ron shouting, the bloodied bed sheet in his hands, accusing Crookshanks of killing his stupid rat-
She forced the memory away, choosing instead to focus on her thoughts of last Christmas as she held Harry's gift in her hands, smiling at Harry's thoughtfulness, shaking her head at the notion that even if it had been two years since she'd told him that Arithmancy was her favorite subject, he still remembered…
`I remember everything about you, Hermione. You're my best friend…' sounded the voice in her head.
`Then why didn't you tell me, Harry? If I'm your best friend…' She answered him in her head, unaware that the Gryffindors were staring at her in fascination as she stood in the middle of the Common Room, seemingly in deep conversation with someone they couldn't see.
`Do you think I could?' Hermione shook her head at that; she could almost see his embarrassed face right now, shuffling his feet, hands in his pockets, looking everywhere and nowhere at the same time. `It's a guy thing, Hermione and… and…'
`I'm a girl? Is that it, Harry?'
He'd be hanging his head about now, she thought… ashamed and mortified of his hormones and his thoughts, unwilling to face the fact that he would be thinking in that way about her, that he would not be thinking of her as his best friend… that he would be having those `inappropriate' thoughts about someone who's been with him since first year…
Hermione closed her eyes and tried to breathe deeply, fighting the conflicting emotions running rampant through her mind and her body: one, a blinding, towering rage at the stupid bumbling oaf who was her best friend; the other, a wave of sympathy and understanding for the lonely boy who'd never had much of a childhood, who'd had to be rescued from his barred and locked room in second year, who had literally begged that they send him food when his pig of a cousin was on a diet…
She wanted to scream, to bawl him out for embarrassing her like that but at the same time wanting to hug him, embrace him like there was no tomorrow, feeling her head threatening to explode from the conflicting emotions of anger and concern coursing through her-
A flushed and excited Colin Creevey rushed in and froze in front of Hermione as his eyes met the cold murderous eyes seen through the lens of his camera and the translucent body of Nearly-Headless Nick-the eyes of the basilisk that impaled him as he tried to sneak to the Hospital Wing to see Harry in his first year…
He was still frozen in place as the portrait-hole opened again and he felt someone behind him-and a cheerful voice crying out, "Hi, Hermione!"
***
Dean had been in high spirits the whole afternoon-well, make that since they'd escaped Hagrid's hut with some bruises and cuts, leaving the scene of the crime with no detentions or points taken from Gryffindor… shaking his head at the magnanimity and understanding of the Headmaster, unable to mask his glee at the stunned look on McGonagall's face as Dumbledore defended them…
Without a word, the three boys had gone straight to the Hospital Wing to check on Ron, each of them sniggering in anticipation of what they would find there-bursting in unannounced to find a befuddled Ron Weasley, his head in Luna's lap as she ran her fingers through his hair while she talked with Ginny who was sitting all composed on the bed next to Ron's, smirking to herself as she watched her brother and her friend…
"Luna," Ginny said in a feigned long-suffering voice, pointedly ignoring the three boys who'd come in. "You promised-we've got OWLs this year, and you promised to help me in my revisions-"
"Ronald said he'd tutor me, Ginny."
"Hmph," the red-head sniffed. "He didn't even offer to tutor me in anything, just said that I can study as well as he did…"
"Oof!" Neville felt the breath knocked out of his body as twin elbows slammed into him from either side, the short stab of pain announcing their presence to the oblivious Ron and Luna Lovegood. He quickly straightened up, and said, "I'll be happy to tutor you, Ginny-that is, if you wouldn't mind?"
He saw Dean's and Seamus' grins at this but didn't move-his eyes were suddenly locked with the fixed and angry eyes of Ron Weasley who was doing an impressive imitation of a basilisk as their eyes locked. The moment was broken, however, when Luna ran her fingers through Ron's hair and he turned to look at her. Ginny, however, quickly leaped in-"Why, thank you, Neville! That would be great… but wouldn't you rather be going to Hogsmeade than tutoring me?"
Neville successfully sidestepped the elbows of Dean and Seamus, felt grateful when he realized that Ron was glaring at Ginny, and said, "Well, we can do both, I think… we can get up early so we could get a headstart on the coursework, go over to Hogsmeade for a break, and come back to study."
"Are you asking me for a date, Mr. Longbottom?" Neville's face turned as red as Ginny's fiery locks but he quickly nodded and grinned as Ginny continued-"Thank you, I accept."
They'd left the Hospital Wing soon after, any discussions about the events in Hagrid's hut glossed over, except for one thing-and Dean's smile widened as the three Gryffindors walked back to the Common Room-Harry's outburst aside, he felt that he'd done a good day's work: Ron and Luna seemed to be getting on famously, Neville and Ginny were going to be spending time `studying', Seamus and Lavender were OK while he and Parvati were, well…
He shook his head, however, as he remembered his other dorm-mate-and sighed. He'd known that Harry was someone special, ever since he'd learned of the legend of `The Boy Who Lived'… and the legend had only grown with each year that passed: challenging The Nameless Prat in first year, defeating Slytherin's monster in second, capturing Sirius Black in third, winning the Tri-Wizard Tournament in fourth-fighting Death Eaters and The Dark Lord himself last year-
But the sheer power that Harry took to break out of the body bind as well as blast the blackboard and Hagrid's hut in the same instant-
Dean shuddered as Dumbledore's words came back to him: "I would suggest, however, that you avoid Mr. Potter until Miss Weasley can explain the situation to him."
Unfortunately, there was no way around it… they needed to get to their dormitory to change and freshen up before heading down for dinner. They'd asked Ginny to go ahead of them but she'd refused to leave Ron to Luna's tender mercies for the moment; sighing, they'd agreed. The only thing they could come up with was to have someone-probably Colin or his brother-check out their dormitory before they ventured up there. If Harry was there, they'd simply hide out until he left for dinner; if he wasn't there, they could sneak up and change or grab a quick shower before he showed up.
Or, and Dean grinned as he gave the password to the Fat Lady, if Hermione were there, they could ask her to keep Harry calmed down until they were done. No need to tell Hermione anything, he reflected-Ginny had promised not to tell her, not unless she wanted her brother's blood on her hands!
The portrait swung open and he quickly climbed in, feeling rather than seeing Seamus and Neville following closely… and there was their salvation!
He slipped past Colin Creevey, giving the younger wizard a puzzled look as he passed, and called out in a cheerful voice, "Hi Hermione!"
And gaped as he realized that her wand was moving up and pointing at him, and found the time to gulp as he heard her voice cry out: "Stupefy!"
***
"Protego!"
The reaction was instinctive-Dean, after all, had been with Harry and Hermione's underground DADA classes from the beginning-but even he was surprised at the sheer power behind Hermione's curse. He knew the Shield he'd thrown up held-just barely-as he felt himself pushed back a few paces… blinked as he felt a chunk of stone graze his shoulder, realizing that his shield had deflected the Stunning Curse upwards, gaped as Hermione readied herself for another curse-and dived to the floor as he heard Neville behind him yelling, "Expelliarmus!" quickly followed by Hermione's "Protego!"-and tried to make his thin frame even thinner as the flashing, scarlet light of the deflected Disarming Charm slammed into the surprised Neville, hurling the latter backward into the wall where he slid down to the floor.
There was a moment of silence and then shouting was heard-and Dean cowered on the floor, lifting his head for a moment as hexes flew around the room interspersed with flashes of white light. He felt his jaw drop as he realized that Lavender and Parvati had jumped in to defend their boyfriends-and gaped at the sight of Hermione Granger dueling with the two as the Gryffindors in the Common Room peered out from under overturned tables and chairs-except for Colin Creevey who had his camera to his face, taking pictures as he dodged the ricocheting hexes. His first thought was to start crawling back to the door to get out, but stopped as Seamus' voice cried out, "We've got to help them!"-turned back to see Lavender teetering as a Full-Body Bind encased her, nearly jumped as Seamus leaped to his feet with a cry only to be blasted backwards as a Disarming Charm hit-looked around and realized that Neville was still out cold… heard a thud and wondered if Parvati or Hermione was down… felt a presence in front of him and looked up, and wondered what the inside of a meat locker felt as he stared into the steely, blazing eyes of Hermione Granger, and whimpered as her cold voice wafted down: "Where is he, Dean?"
For what seemed like ages to him but was in fact only a second or two in objective time, he stared at her angry face, his mouth opening and closing as his life flashed before his eyes, the events of this day swirling past him in brilliant color-especially the moment when Harry's curse or hex or whatever it was rushed past him to blast the evil blackboard that, he had no doubt now, was the cause of all this mayhem-felt a hand on his robes pulling him up, and sagged unsteadily on his feet when he realized that it was Hermione's hand fisted on his robes.
"Who?" He cringed, wondering how a school owl had made its way into the Common Room, and shook himself as he heard the same owl hooting and realized that it was his voice…
"Who?" There was no mistaking this enraged voice, however, and he forced himself to look as Hermione roared in his face, "Where's Harry Potter, you nitwit?"
There was only one answer he could give, and he gave it: "Meep?"
He felt himself flung back and marveled for the briefest of moments at Hermione's strength, felt himself slipping weakly to the floor as he landed on his back-and heaved a sigh of relief as he watched Hermione's back exiting through the door.
He remained slumped for a long moment, hearing the Gryffindors stir as they realized that Hurricane Hermione had left the area, excited jabbering beginning to rise-and a sudden dread silence falling all over again as the portrait-door opened, and he prepared himself to faint when Ginny Weasley's red hair appeared over him, her excited voice preceding her: "What happened? I just saw Hermione storming out-"
The youngest Weasley took in the sight of the devastated Common Room and the sprawled bodies of Parvati and Lavender, Seamus and Neville and her eyes caught those of Dean for a single moment before expressing the same thought that had jumped into their heads: "I wonder how she found out?"
They both blinked at Katie Bell as she said, "I sure hope Harry's found a nice, deep hole to hide in… his life won't be worth beans when Hermione finds him."
In a moment of silent understanding, Dean and Ginny looked at each other, the same thought in their minds: if they never heard the word `beans' again, they would be eternally grateful.
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