AN: Here it is the moment we've all been waiting for - the talk
Chapter 10: How Could You Not Tell Me?
"I agree Harry, we do need to talk."
"I have to go give a statement about my last game, but after that I want to talk to you about this."
"Alright, do you want me to wait here?"
"No I want you to come with me, but first let me grab my stuff from the locker room." Harry saw Hermione nod as he disappeared into the locker room. He gathered up his things as quickly as he could and walked back towards the hallway. His thoughts of telling her his feelings were gone now. All he wanted was to understand; understand how he could be the father of nine year old twins and not know about them.
Harry grabbed Hermione's hand, probably harder then he should have, and pulled her out towards the Quidditch pitch where the press was waiting for him. Harry smiled nervously at them as he handed Hermione his bag and walked to where the reporters were standing - he hated public speaking. They asked him the usual questions about the game and why he was retiring, nothing new really. Harry answered them as patiently as he could but kept checking his watch and looking to Hermione. Finally Rita Skeeter asked the question that was on all of their minds.
"So Harry, you seem to be in somewhat of a hurry, is it possible that you have plans with that charming friend of yours?"
"Actually I do, she a school friend I haven't seen for ten years and am anxious to catch up with. So if you guys don't have anymore questions for me we'd like to get going." Harry said addressing Rita coolly and turning away from them.
"You're Hermione Granger aren't you?" Rita asked smoothly.
"You know very well who I am and I know exactly what you are." Hermione said as Harry returned to her side and they walked off the pitch.
"You shouldn't have said anything." Harry said sharply pulling Hermione away from where the press could see her.
"There's no reason to be upset at me." Harry glared at her. "I mean about what I said to Rita. You know how much I hate that woman."
"Yes, but now she's going to investigate and probably find out about the children. God I have children - nine-year-olds at that. Come on Hermione it's late and we still need to talk."
"Are we going to number twelve?"
"I though it would work." Harry said as he Disapparated to his home. Hermione looked at the spot where he had been standing and prayed for strength before following him.
"Harry?" Hermione called after she appeared in the front hall. She had done the same thing a little over ten years ago. Then she had barley been pregnant, if she could go back to that moment and tell Harry the truth she would if only to stop him from being so mad at her now.
"I'm down in the kitchen." Hermione took a deep breath and walked through the hall and down into the kitchen. Harry was sitting in a chair facing the door. "Sit down and explain this to me. Explain to me why I've just met a nine year old girl with my eyes and a nine year old boy who looks exactly like my father. Explain to me how my best friend, a woman I've talk to every day, had my children and never told me. How could you not tell me?"
"Harry, it's been so hard not telling you." Hermione said walking over, kneeling in front of him, and taking his hands in hers. "But I did what I thought was best."
"Why? Am I not good enough to be a father?"
"No Harry, it wasn't anything like that. It's just that night when we talked you were so sure you didn't have a future, sure that your life had nowhere to go. Then when you got picked for Puddlemere United you were so happy. You had the future you were sure couldn't exist. I couldn't take that away; I couldn't burden you with this."
"So that day, when you came to my house and said you couldn't remember what you were going to say, you were going to tell me you were pregnant?"
"Yes."
"So you decided to sacrifice your future instead."
"I didn't think I had any other choice at the time."
"That's why you wouldn't let any of us visit you." It wasn't a question but Hermione nodded her head to confirm his suspicion. "You could have told me Hermione, we could have worked it out together. I could have been a part of their lives and played Quidditch."
"Do you have any idea how hard it was to raise those two as young as I was?"
"It would have been easier if we had done it together."
"I don't think that's true Harry. Your carrier kept you busy. I don't think a phone call from their father everyday would have done them much good."
"I would have given them more then that - I would have worked it out."
"Harry it was easier this way."
"Easier for who Hermione? You? You had to raise two children on your own. Them? I'm their father and they don't know. Me? I -"
"Yes Harry you. I didn't think about them needing a father and I didn't think about how hard it would be for me; I thought about you. About how hard it would be for you to play Quidditch and raise a child let alone two at such a young age. I didn't think about anyone, but you."
"So this is all my fault?"
"No Harry, it's mine, I'm just trying to explain why."
"Do you even understand what you have kept from me?"
"What do you mean?"
"Think about it Hermione, I've never had a real family, unless you count the Dursleys and I don't. You didn't just keep children from me - you kept my only family from me."
"I never thought of that."
"I can see you didn't. I remember growing up without a true family Hermione, wanting a mother who loved me to hold me when I was hurt or a father to teach me things. I felt so alone."
"Harry I'm sorry - what else do you want me to say? I thought I had all the answers - I thought - thought I was doing what was right, obviously I was wrong."
"I would think that you, being the person I confided in the most, would understand what a family would mean to me."
"I didn't think of any of that, I just wanted your life to be easy." Hermione said now regretting her decision more then ever.
"I will never be able to have an easy life Hermione. I never have and I never will."
"I meant easier then it has been in the past - I just wanted you to be happy."
"They would have made me happy." Harry said simply. Hermione couldn't think of anything to say to that.
"God Hermione what were you thinking! Were you even thinking!?" Harry yelled not looking at her. "I just can't comprehend what made you think that this would be a good idea! That taking my children away - not letting me even know them would solve anything!"
"Harry I'm sorry - I was young - I thought I knew everything - I thought I understood the consequences - thought I understood the impact of what I was doing."
"Did you even once think of how I would react when I eventually found out!? Were you even going to tell me!? Did that ever factor in to your plan!?" Harry questioned turning back to her.
"I was going to tell you eventually." Hermione said softly avoiding his eyes - she was crying now and she didn't want him to see that.
"When - when were you going to tell me!?" Harry asked raising her face so she was looking at him. "Don't cry! Don't try to make me feel sorry for you!"
"I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me." Hermione said bitterly wiping the tears from her check. She was trying to make him feel sorry she was crying because she realized how much she had hurt him. "And I don't know when I was going to tell you - I hadn't figured that out yet."
"You hadn't figured that out yet?!" Harry said rolling his eyes.
"No Harry I hadn't."
"Were you going to wait till they were eleven and went to Hogwarts and just let me hear about it that way?!"
"No - I would never let you hear about your children second hand like that, but I guess it felt like it was never the right time. You were enjoying your life - the happy life I had been trying to ensure you would have by taking them away. I could make myself take that away from you."
"But you wouldn't have! That's the whole point!" Harry yelled feeling they had just talked themselves into a circle that more talking wasn't going to get them out of. "You named them after my parents?" Harry asked after a long silence.
"It felt right. He looks exactly like your father and she has your mother's eyes; your eyes."
"I want to see them again." Harry said standing up and pulling Hermione up with him. "Now."
"They're at Ginny's." Harry nodded and they Disapparated. "Their room is just up the hall." Hermione said flipping on the lights and pointing in the direction of a doorway. Harry let go of her hands and walked down the hall. Hermione followed shortly after him. By the time she reached the door Harry was already in the room. She could clearly make out his outline. He was bent over James' bed. James was asleep so he didn't notice Harry leaning down and kissing him softly on the head.
"Harry?" Hermione whispered, but he ignored her as he turned to the other bed; Lily awake and watching him smiled as he moved towards her.
"Daddy?" She asked softly. Harry smiled down at her and kneeled next to her bed.
"Yes sweet love." Harry said rubbing his hand against the side of her face and through her long hair.
"Are you mad at Mum?"
"Yes I'm afraid I am."
"Don't be mad at her, she raised us well and she loves us."
"I have no doubt about that Lily. Now go to sleep."
"Alright Daddy." Harry kissed her forehead softly as he stood up and she closed her eyes contently.
"Harry?" Hermione asked again as Harry walked to the doorway where she was standing.
"I need some time Hermione, you betrayed me by keeping them from me - you have to give me time to sort this all out." He said softly as he walked passed her and disappeared. Hermione felt soft tears roll down her cheeks again. She had expected Harry to take this better then he had, but she didn't know why. He had every right to be mad at her. Hermione whipped the tears from her eyes and walked into the living room. There she found Ron, sleeping in an arm chair.
"Ron," Hermione said gently shaking his arm.
"What? Hermione is that you?"
"Yeah it is. You can go home to Luna now." Ron nodded his head sleepily as Hermione helped him out of the chair.
"How did it go with Harry?"
"I don't know exactly, he was upset. Well no he was angry, but I guess that's understandable. He said he needed time so I have no idea where we stand now."
"Don't worry Hermione; I'm sure Harry will be alright if you just give him some time."
"I'm sure you're right Ron, say hi to Luna for me."
"I will, `night Hermione."
"Goodnight Ron." And then Ron was gone and Hermione was all alone. She didn't feel much like sleeping, but there was nothing else for her to do so she headed up the stairs to the guestroom she was using. She changed quickly into her pajamas, a tank top and pajama pants, and crawled into bed. Everything was in Harry's hands now.
AN: Now, I know Harry's reaction was a little subdued, but he's more hurt then angry, but we're going to delve a little deeper into his feelings in the next chapter. Anyway I wonder what will Harry do now that everything is in his hands? I guess we'll just have to wait to find out.
spaz141 - Harry didn't go to see Hermione immediately because he didn't know she was in town yet - another thing she failed to tell him. "Ganna" is my/my friends slang for "going to" I didn't even think about that whole it's not a real word thing and I was the same kind of nine year old as your daughter (actually I was a bit taller) but all my cousins - from small parents - were small enough to fit on hips until they were about 12 and a half so those are the nine year olds I know, plus Lily and James are a bit small for their age, especially Lily - I don't know I think Hermione got pretty chewed out, but you'll have to tell me what you think oh and the funny movie references are later on in the story so yeah you'll see them when we get to that point Coriander - : ) mwood2182 - : ) Voldermortist - the chapters are what they are, but the short ones will never be posted by themselves so don't worry Austenlover - : ) shaz124 - : ) izzieq - the point of this isn't for you to feel sympathy for Hermione, but you do have to understand that Harry loves her and anger isn't going to make that go away div - : ) LilLamb - : ) kw702955 - : ) MrsDanielRadcliffe - : ) LinNicole - : ) Hdawne - : ) HHRLVR - : )
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