Chapter 11: Helping You See
Harry appeared in his pitch-black bedroom in number twelve and immediately feel forward onto his bed, on the verge of tears. How could Hermione do this to him? How could Hermione not tell him about the only family he ever had? Thinking of his children made the tears fall freely down his cheeks. Lily was so beautiful; Harry's emerald eyes came to life in her face which was so like her mothers, especially since she didn't have to wear glasses, and her hair was long and soft. And though he had only been near her for mere minutes Harry could tell she had a wonderful personality - she was warm and loving. Lily was everything Harry had ever imagined his daughter being. Then there was James, a perfect replica of Harry's father; he certainly seemed to be a handful already. Harry was sure that if his godfather Sirius, who was in life James Potter's best friend, had ever had a son he and Harry's son would have great fun together.
Harry rolled over to his back and wiped his face dry, but now the tears were rolling down the sides of his face and pooling by his ears so Harry sat up. This was not at all how he had envisioned his reunion with Hermione. In his mind Hermione came to the locker room after the game, just like she had, but in his vision he was wearing cloths (not that she seemed to mind). He would look sexy and desirable, though judging by the look on her face he had managed to do that without trying. Harry would pull her aside and tell her how he'd felt about her all these years - that he loves her. In his perfect vision she would say she had always felt the same and that she'd come home - back to him. He had even started to envision their wedding - a moonlight ceremony on a clear summer night; the sky full of stars - them surrounded by their friends - it would be the perfect night.
Over the years Harry had compared every woman he had ever been out with to Hermione and none of them measured up. One had come close, but in the end she hadn't been Hermione - she hadn't been what he wanted. That was two years ago. Since had had dated off and on, but none of them were right and Harry knew why. All these girls treated him like Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, the Teenager Who Saved the World, the Man Who Was a Sports Legend; none of them knew him - none of them wanted too. They wanted to live the famous life and be seen on his arm. They didn't want to understand the pain he had gone through, the struggles to be normal, to have real life. Hermione knew his pain, where it came from and how it affected him. Hermione knew his struggles; she had been at his side through all of them for nearly eighteen years. She was even willing to be with him, because it would help him connected with the years he had lost - the things he hadn't allowed himself to experience.
Hermione meant the world to him and finding out about their twins brought that world to its knees. Not because he had children with Hermione - no, that was a dream of his - it was because she hadn't told him. Everything he had ever dreamed about couldn't happen now. Now he had to be a father - a father, something he had always wanted to be. He wanted to hold his newborn child in his arms and understand the child was a part of him and the women he loved. He wanted to give the child everything he had never had. As it turned out his children didn't really need him - just like their mother, and it broke his heart.
Trying to shake off those depressing thoughts Harry stripped down to his boxers and settled into his bed. His mind was still wheeling, but his exhausted body got the better of him and he quickly feel into an uneasy sleep. Before his eyes he saw his children all grown up looking to their mother's husband, a man Harry didn't recognize, to fill the void left by their absent father. In Harry's heart he knew he hadn't abandoned them, but it didn't mater - they had turned away from him. Then his dream changed and it was Hermione telling him that she would always be his friend, but that she had to leave him because he didn't know how to love her or their children. Harry's mind tossed him from bad dreams to worst until the late hours of the morning.
Even then he didn't wake of his own power, a soft voice and a light touch brought him out of his nightmares. It was Hermione.
"Harry, Harry are you alright?" She said to him her soft hands on one of his shoulders.
"Hermione?" Harry questioned opening his eyes ever so slightly.
"It's me Harry, I came to talk to you and when I got here I heard you moaning." Harry noted the tone of concern in her voice.
"You heard moaning? How did you know I would be alone?" Harry joked playfully sitting up, but still not opening his eyes - it was far to bright in his room.
"Not that kind of moaning - the kind you use to make when Voldemort sent you those dreams."
"Oh."
"Are you alright?"
"I'm fine." Now that you're here Harry heard the voice in his head add and he knew it was true. No matter how upset he was at her, he was happy she was there - so close to him. "So you said you wanted to talk to me."
"Yeah Harry I do."
"Well start talking."
"I know you said you needed time, but I thought of something last night that might make you happy." Inside Harry's head he couldn't stop smiling thinking about all the things she could do to make him happy, but on the outside he looked calm and collected.
"And what would that be?"
"Come downstairs and I'll show you." Hermione said walking to the door. Harry opened his eyes and raised one eyebrow to her retreating back. What on earth was she going to show him? Quickly Harry got out of bed and pulled on the pants he had worn the night before, since they were sill lying at the foot of his bed, grabbed a t-shirt from on top of his dresser and walked hurriedly downstairs. He reached the bottom step just as Hermione was walking into the dinning room.
"What are you showing me in here?" Harry asked pulling on his t-shirt and walking through the dinning room door which Hermione had left open. She didn't answer right away; she was staring at his exposed abs. Harry pulled his shirt down and looked at her.
"Sorry Harry what did you ask?"
"I asked you, what are you showing me in here."
"Oh yeah, well like I said - wait sit down before anything else."
"Okay, any particular spot."
"Next to me would probably be best." Harry raised his eyebrows in a quizzical way and did as he was told. "Okay so like I said I thought of something that I think will make you happy."
"And like I asked - what would that be?"
"This," Hermione said pushing a bowl towards him.
"Hermione that's a Pensive - I have one of those already, remember Dumbledore gave me one so I wouldn't have to live with all the things I've seen."
"It's not so much the Pensive that will make you happy - rather it's what memories are inside it."
"What memories are inside it?"
"My memories - of the children all the firsts I could think of that you missed out on. I can't give what you've lost back to you and you still won't be able to hold them, but at least you'll be able to see the things you missed."
"Hermione - I don't know what to say to you other then this is possibly the best idea you've ever had."
"You really think so?"
"Of course I really think so," Harry said reaching over from his chair and hugging her. "This is so perfect, God Hermione when you said you thought of something that would make me happy you weren't kidding."
"I would never joke about your happiness."
"So?"
"So, you have a Pensive you know how to use it."
"Yeah, but I want you to come with me, they are your memories after all."
"Alright, we'll go together." Hermione said moving her hands to the edge of the basin, letting her fingers hang just above the silvery surface. Harry mirrored her actions by putting his left hand on the bowl's rim; his right hand reached across the basin and grabbed hold of hers. Hermione smiled at him in a slightly embarrassed way, as if they were school children playing a flirtatious game. Harry returned the smile and they instinctively dipped the fingers of their free hands into the pool of Hermione's thoughts at exactly the same time.
Harry felt the familiar falling sensation through cold blackness, he felt Hermione's hand in his thought he couldn't see her. They started spinning faster, Hermione's hold on him tightened, and then it was over and they were standing in a bright hospital room. Harry looked around and saw a nine years younger Hermione laying in a hospital bed, her legs up in the air and a nurse by her side telling her to breath.
"Not the most flattering position, but necessary." Hermione said in Harry's ear.
"Are they…?"
"They're on their way - the first one is about to be born."
"Who was born first?" Harry asked excitedly.
"Why don't you wait and find out?" Hermione said smiling at Harry's excitement.
"Can I -" Harry asked nervously pointing to where the doctor was sitting between Hermione's legs.
"If you want to - it's an awful mess, not very attractive, but that is where the miracle of life happens." Harry smiled nervously again and took up a position right behind the doctor so he could see over his shoulder. Hermione who had seen all this first hand nine years ago stayed off to the side.
"Okay Hermione on the next contraction I want you to push." The doctor said nodding towards the nurse who on his cue she helped Hermione sit up.
"Alright dear - I know you're tired, but you're first little baby is on its way." Hermione nodded.
"You look exhausted."
"Yeah well - you would be too." Hermione said simply.
"Come on Hermione it's time - we need you to push. I know you're tired and it's hard, but your baby needs you right now." The doctor said, Hermione nodded again and started to push. "That's perfect Hermione, come on push, push." Hermione made a gasping noise, "okay stop Hermione, the heads out. You're doing so great, I want you to breath, relax and breath because on the next contraction I want you to push this little guy all the way out." The doctor said cleaning out the babies noise. The next contraction came quickly and before Harry knew it his daughter was in the doctors arms.
"Well it seems your little girl decided to come first."
"My little girl?" Hermione asked weakly.
"Yes." The doctor said handing Hermione her baby daughter as the baby let out a tremendous wail.
"So Lily came first?"
"She did - she's sweet, but she can be very forceful." Harry started to walk towards Hermione's bedside, but the scene started to melt away.
"What's happening?"
"James wasn't born right after Lily - so the memory is changing."
"But I barley got to see her." Harry said as the room came back to them.
"You'll see her more later." Hermione said stepping across the room to where Lily was sleeping. Harry fallowed her with his eyes, but his attention was brought back to memory surrounding them as the doctor told Hermione to push once more. Even thought Harry had seen this happen seconds ago with Lily he was completely engrossed in the birth of his son. The scene went very much the same as it just had except after the head was out James just sort of slid out on his own.
"Hermione!" A voice said from the doorway. Harry turned to see seventeen-year-old Ginny Weasley running into the room, dressed in her school uniform. "Hermione are you alright?" Ginny asked reaching Hermione's bedside as the doctor placed James on her chest.
"I'm alright now." Hermione said looking down at her small, crying, son. "How did you know?"
"Dumbledore."
"I swear that man knows everything."
"Well actually Professor McGonagall told him. She was looking at the book where the names of newborn witches and wizards are recorded just after birth. At the bottom of the list it said baby girl Potter and baby boy Potter - she told Professor Dumbledore who told me because he knew I was your friend." Ginny said in a low whisper so the doctor and nurses wouldn't hear her. Harry walked over to Hermione's bedside as Ginny was talking, looked down at his infant son, and started to cry.
"And he already knew I was pregnant."
"Apparently - which one is this one?" Ginny asked stroking the top of James' said softly.
"This is my son. Nurse, can you bring my daughter over here." Hermione called to the nurse across the room from her.
"Of course," the nurse said pushing the hospital crib across the room to her.
"Hermione - she' beautiful." Ginny said as the nurse pushed the crib up right next to her. "She looks just like you."
"Except for her eyes - they are the same shape as Harry's."
"What are you going to name them?"
"I was thinking James and Lily -"
"After his parents."
"I wish he was here."
"He can be - I could go and get him."
"No Ginny - I've made my choice."
"They are perfect Hermione." Harry said to Hermione as he leaned over his daughter and traced the curve of her face with the back of his hand.
"They are pretty great aren't they?"
"Absolutely amazing," Harry said fallowing the nurse as she took James over to be weighed and measured. As the nurse took down James' measurements the image melted away again. "You didn't tell me Ginny was there."
"Well it was kind of a surprise to me too."
"So what's next?"
"Their first smiles." Hermione said as the image of their nursery surrounded them. And so it went for the next two hours. They saw one memory after the next unfold around them. The twins first laugh, the first time they crawled, their first steps, their first holiday, their first words, their first scrapped knee, their first day of school, and the first time they did magic. All the firsts their lives were full of that Harry hadn't been there for - just like Hermione had said.
When they had cycled through all the memories and were out of the Pensive once more Hermione saw tears in Harry's eyes. She knew he was misty eyed because he was happy, but Hermione still didn't like to see him cry so she moved her chair next to his and put a supportive arm around him.
"I'm alright Hermione, I'm just so - so happy."
"I'm glad," Hermione said softly letting go of him and standing up. She walked over to the basin and started to put the memories back into her head. "Harry," Hermione said when the basin was empty, "I need to get back to the twins now, so I'm going to give you the time you asked for - I'll be at Ginny's house when you're ready to talk."
"Okay." Harry said wiping his eyes dry and standing up. "Thank you Hermione."
"You're welcome Harry." Hermione said as she disappeared. Harry looked after her for a while; she was a great woman, a great woman that he couldn't stay upset at.
AN: When Hermione has a good idea, she has a good idea
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