Author Notes: I said before I dedicate this story to Paola, though she'll never read it. Same goes for Stella, my dear friend who went through this precisely, as I was trying to write it. You have all of my support, for anything you need, this is for you, even if you won't ever read it.
Again, huge Glomps to my brother Gil for the help as well as for dedication he devoted to myself and this story. Love you!
For Victor, as a promise of what I'm going to write for you! Cheers!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"I'll love until love must be away
I'll die and I know my love will stay
And I know, my love will stay"
~Celine Dion
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
James entered the room with his heart pounding in his head. Vaguely aware of his trembling legs, his hand shaking as he turned the doorknob and opened the door, shaking even harder as he closed it behind him.
"Mum," he whispered. His mother seemed to be in a place that was not her room, a place that wasn't the armchair she was sitting in. a place James could see, just by looking at her, that only she knew, and perhaps his father. Yes, Harry had to know, because, in his nineteen years he had come to acknowledge one thing for certain, whenever one of his parents was, the other went along. Whenever Hermione was, Harry went with her, whenever he went, Hermione was at his side. And it had always been like that. And tonight, that was going to change forever. Or at least for a good while.
And somehow, as he saw her sitting in that armchair, leaning her head against it, breathing slowly, James realised a terrible something. That his mother was really going to die tonight, and that he really didn't want her to go.
He had always kept Hermione in this sort of cage, even when he was just a little boy. He had always thought that his mother was super strong, that nothing will ever harm her. And that she will be there, the day he'd chose a woman to marry, the day he'd be a father, the day Ally went to Hogwarts... but all of a sudden he realised that nothing of that was ever going to happen.
"James," she said slowly, her eyes closed, still leaning against the chair.
"Mum," James answered, trying to command his brain to obey him, and swelling his tears back inside. He walked slowly to her chair, but she didn't move.
"Twenty seven years ago," she said, and James stopped short where he was. "Your father and I went through what we thought back then was the hardest experience of our lives. Of our young lives, when most teens think they own the world and that it is at their feet, your father and I were trying to save it." She opened her eyes and turned to look at James at her left. She smiled at him, and James felt the knot in his throat tight even harder. "I remember so clearly the feeling of how the end tried to come over us, the feeling that, that morning our lives might last see the sun light." Hermione took a deep breath and closed her eyes in a long blink. "But it wasn't like this at all." James reassumed his walk to his mother's chair. "I've heard people say that they see their lives past through their eyes a moment before they die." She looked at James again and extended her arm to take his hand. "I've been seeing mine since I woke up this morning!"
"Mum!" James said, taking her hand in his and kneeling in front of her.
"James," she said, tears starting to break through her eyes. "I need to ask something of you, my boy,"
"Anything mum," he whispered, caressing her hand with his thumb. "Anything at all."
"Do you remember the day Ally was born?" she asked, tears now rolling down her cheek. "The day I told you, that the day will come when Ally will need you to be really brave for her, the day I told you that there will come a time when she would need you badly?"
James tried to open his mouth to say of course he remembered but he couldn't, so he just nodded.
"That day has arrived James," she said patiently.
James took a very deep breath and nodded. "What do you need me to, mum?"
Hermione also took a deep breath, she looked at their joined hands, and then looked back at James. "I need you to write," she said. "I need you to write about me,"
"About you?" James asked.
His mother breathed deeply as she nodded, like every breath cost her a tremendous effort she didn't possessed.
"Yes James," she said. "Write about me, for Ally,"
"Mum, I-"
"She won't remember me!" Hermione told James desperately. "She won't remember much about me, James! I need you to promise me you will, that you will write about me for Ally so she won't forget me!"
"But mum," James tried. "She won't -"
"Promise me James!" she asked, crying in a desperate anguish. James never denied a thing to Hermione. Never, nineteen years, and everything Hermione had wanted from him, she had given it to her. He couldn't deny her such a thing. "Promise me you'll keep alive this picture of me you've had all of your life. Promise me you'll make sure Ally won't ever forget me!"
"Mum-" James felt incapable of speaking for a moment, the rush of emotions preventing him.
"Promise me James!" Hermione cried to him. "Don't you see? I can't die without knowing you'll do this for your sister!"
"I will, mum," he said, his own tears now rolling down his cheeks. "I promise you I will!"
Hermione then threw her arms around him, and James smelled her essence. Her motherly essence, the one that only she possessed.
"I love you James!" she cried against his neck. "I'm more proud of you than I would ever be able to tell you!" she took his head in her hands and made him look at her. "Did you know that? Can you tell me that you are aware of that?"
"I am," he cried. "I know, and I love you too!" James sighed through his tightened throat. "And I don't want you to go!"
"James!" Hermione cried, her tears wetting all of her cheeks. "You knew that sooner or later the day will -"
"I did!" he said. "I've always been aware of it, but... the fact that we know it is going to happen doesn't change the fact that we don't want it to happen!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"A million stars light
This beautiful night
This is not a night to die
Let me sing and dance beneath the sky
I have such love to give, to give
I want a chance to live
Live for the one I love
Love as no one has loved
Give asking nothing in return
Though this world sets us apart
We're still together in my heart
I want the world to hear my cry
And even if I have to die
Love will not die
Love will change the world "
~Celine Dion
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lily stepped out of the building, her hand inside her Capezio bag, searching for her sunglasses. Her hand found them and she quickly put them on. She was starting to walk away, as she did every morning on her way back home. Somehow, unexplainable as it was, she could feel her heart beating in her throat before she even knew what was happening. She knew something was indeed happening, she could feel it, but, up until that point she had no idea what it was. But she was about to find out.
"Lily!"
Lily froze on the spot. Now her heart was positively pounding its way out of her chest. She held her breath and felt the sweat that was already in her hand, still held to the pink bag she was carrying. It couldn't be, it really wasn't. It was his voice but... it couldn't be! It was not possible. He wasn't there.
"Lily!"
Lily held another breath that got caught in her throat even when she could feel her throat busy, holding the exorbitant beating of her heart. She took another breath without stopping to release the first one, and turned slowly around.
"Lily!" he whispered.
"Oh God!" she whispered, feeling the wetness in her eyes that developed just by looking at him. "Alex?"
Alexander Malfoy, really looking at her from a spot that was mere inches away from where she was standing. His brown hair, that was somehow the same colour of his eyes...the colour of honey when it was kept in a bottle. It was how he described it, because when honey is spread it has a different colour compared to when it is kept inside a bottle.... Alex, the perfect mixture of both Draco and Ginny, all in one man... Lily's best friend in the universe, who was really there, looking at her, waiting for her to run and hug him.
"Oh Alex, thank goodness!"
And with that, she broke into a run and climbed in the arms of her best friend. She felt the familiarity of Alex's hug dawn on her. And she couldn't but break into a cry.
"Alex!" she cried, hiding her face in his neck. "I wished for you to come! I wished for it so much!"
"Puppet, I had to come!" he whispered, running his hand through over the top of her head. "I couldn't stay, Lily, I couldn't let you to live through this alone. I can't!"
"Alex!" she said, disentangling herself from him to look at his face. "Alex, it's been hell!" she said, and cried again, Alex took her head and placed it against his chest, holding her by her waist. "It's only been two weeks, but it's been hell!"
"Puppet!" he whispered soothingly.
"Oh Alex you have no idea!" She cried, with a desperation she hadn't been able to convey up until that point. "I've prayed for you to come! I've been... oh Alex I can't do it!"
Lily heard Alex take a sharp breath, and then he brought her closer to him, running his hands up and down her back.
"Alex, she's really going to die!" Lily cried, hiding her face in the chest of her friend, and realising that her hands were closed into fists at Alex's back. "She's really going to die, and I can't live through it! I can't bear the thought, I can't do it, I'm not ready to loose her... and yet I keep pretending everything's going to be alright, and it just isn't!"
Alex kissed the top of her head and lingered there for a moment. Lily cried helplessly in her chest, wetting his shirt as she did so, but he didn't seem to care.
"Come puppet," he said, grabbing Lily firmly by the waist. "Let's make it all better,"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"I could stay awake
Just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could spend in this moment forever
'Cause every moment I spend with you
Is a moment I treasure
I don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
'Cause I'll miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'll still miss you baby"
~Aerosmith
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~ February, 2005. London.
Hermione could hear Harry as he came out of the room and walked into the kitchen, even if their room was upstairs and the kitchen was downstairs. She could feel it since the moment he opened his eyes, even if she wasn't there.
It was something that, on past times, made her awfully scared, because facing it, it was quite freaky to feel so connected to someone.... But this was Harry! It simply couldn't be any other way!
He entered the kitchen and in one swift movement, he grabbed her waist from behind and placed a kiss on her temple.
"Good morning!" he said. "You're glowing!"
"I am?" she asked smiling slightly as she buttered the toast.
"Most absolutely!" he smiled, his lips still pressed to her temple. "Why is that, Mrs Potter, if I'm allowed to know?"
"Well, I'm not quite sure," she said laughing as she did so. "Maybe you're not wearing your glasses!"
"Bad peripheral vision Mrs Potter," he said, a smile Hermione could taste in his voice. "Because I am!" he spun her around and pushed her against the counter, hands still holding her waist firmly. "And I think I will predict that, whatever the reasons are, your glowing will make me crazily more in love with you, if that's even possible!"
Hermione laughed, feeling Harry smile in front of her.
"What a prediction!" she laughed happily, feeling light as a feather. "I'm sure you got top marks at Divination!"
"Oh no!" Harry said, smiling broadly. "I got a 'T' in my OWL, dropped the subject right away!"
"Oh Harry!" Hermione said as she laughed. "I love you!"
"And I love you Hermione," he said, smiling so much his eyes were sparkling. "But you haven't told me why you're glowing!"
Hermione looked in Harry's eyes and thought for a moment. Maybe this was it. She thought another second... it was. She breathed, looked at the floor and then back to Harry.
"Well, I'm pregnant," she said with her eyes looking directly into his. "Maybe it has something to do with that!"
Harry froze on the spot, his smile freezing along.
"You're what?"
"Pregnant," she said slowly, allowing a smile to escape her lips. "As in we're having a baby,"
"I.. you, I mean... we are?"
"Yes Harry!" she smiled, Harry was still frozen there, looking at her, disbelief all over his face. Then, very slowly, disbelief started to transform into a smile. Very slowly, until his eyes were sparkling again.
"And we're sure about this?" he asked quietly, his eyes so bright Hermione thought if she looked closer, she'll be blind.
"We, well... how do I say..." she smiled, keeping the suspense. "Yes!"
"Hermione!" Harry whispered. "We're having a baby!"
"I know Harry!" she whispered back, smiling so much her jaw was starting to hurt. "I just told you!"
"Hermione!" he whispered again, then leaned in quickly and kissed her straight on the lips a kiss that was firm and quick, but tender and sweet at the same time. "Hermione I'm so in love with you... I love you so badly!" he repeated the kiss. "A baby! We're having a baby!" he kissed her once more. "Glowing! Of course you're glowing! We're having a baby!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"You say that the river
Finds the way to the sea
And like the river
You shall come to me
Beyond the borders
And the thirsty lands
You say that as a river
Like a river...
Love shall come
Love...
And I'm not able to pray anymore
And I cannot hope in love anymore
And I cannot wait for that love anymore"
~U2
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
There was the Leaky Cauldron, The Three Broomsticks, there was even the Hog's Head... But Alex chose to Apparate them somewhere else. And when Lily turned around, she wasn't in London anymore, for Alex had Apparated them to Paris.
Champs ƒlysŽes at her feet, La Place de la Concorde at one side, La Place de l'ƒtoile at the other. If she looked south, she got a glimpse at the Seine, and far west, at the Eiffel Tower. She turned to look at Alex with her eyes wide. He just looked back at her, no meaning in his stare except that of saying that if it made her feel better, then so be it. He took her hand and walked her along the avenue. For some reason, she simply couldn't take her eyes off him.
She knew where he was taking her, she knew because they had been there once before. And indeed, the same small cafŽ, at the left side of the road, never overly crowded, but always cozy enough. She couldn't remember the name, because it was hard for her to spell it. Still, she remembered every single tiny detail about it. The design of the windows, the position of the tables, the colour of the mugs, the uniforms that the waiters were wearing. And it was just as she remembered it, just as if she had been there the day before, but she had been there two years ago, with Alex, back then, to say goodbye.
And now, she was back with Alex, but surely, she knew, this was no goodbye.
Alex walked to a table, the one that they had occupied two years ago, and that seemed to have been waiting for them along those two years, even if in reality, they knew better than that.
Alex took out a chair and offered it to her. She only took her eyes off him when she sat at the chair, with her back to him. He pushed the chair a little further and then sat facing her.
Her brain was a storm of a hundred different thoughts, but, shaking her head, she managed to find a coherent one to start speaking.
"Alex, what-"
"Shh!" he said, motioning for her to wait. A waiter came to their table, the colour of his uniform as perfect as Lily remembered it.
"Bonjour! Monsieur, mademoiselle,"
Alex asked him in his perfect French, of which Lily had always been envious, for two cups of tea.
"Now," he told Lily as the waiter walked away.
"What have you done?" Lily asked, forgetting all about concentrating on coherent thoughts.
"Lily, listen to me," he said, placing his hand on top of hers as it rested in the top of the table. "I need for you to promise to listen, and then, perhaps, you'll find the answers you're asking me for now," Lily looked inside his honey brown eyes, the way they shone brightly with something she couldn't quite make out making her frown slightly. Alex waited, but Lily was immerse in her thoughts. "Puppet?" he said, squeezing her hand. "Can you do that? Promise me that?"
Lily released her frown and looked at him, then leaned against the back of her chair.
"I will," she whispered at length. "Go on,"
Alex took a deep breath, and looked at the tablecloth. His chest rose and fell as he took deep breaths. Then he nodded and looked back at Lily.
"Alright," he said, running a hand through his hair. "Lily...I, I... this past two years, I've... I've been having anything a man may want. I've had my job which I love, a bit of a capital, thanks to my parents and to my clever use of it; I've been doing good at my career choice and have improved quickly. And... anytime I've wanted a determined woman, I could always count on it... And, here's the thing: I have everything I need to be happy, I should be happy, but I'm not!" Lily drew a huge breath as he said those words, trying hard to untie the knot in her throat. "I... I'm not one bit happy... and then yesterday, I made a choice, I went and met our captain, and I told him I was going to quit Quidditch,"
"Alex!" she interrupted, besides herself.
"Lily please!" he said, squeezing her hand once again. "You promised!" Lily closed her mouth at the sound of those words, indeed, she had. She leaned again against the chair. Alex nodded and breathed again. "But he won't let me quit; he said... he said I could ask for anything, he said that they will get me inside the first team, he said... he asked me if what I wanted was to go back to London... And I..." Alex was looking at the tablecloth, shaking his head, fighting back tears. The looked at Lily. "Lily, I... I couldn't possibly say no, because... because right then I realised something." He leaned closer to her across the table. "Since that day we said our goodbyes here, in this very table, Lily, a day hasn't gone by when I haven't thought of you. Being without you has been agony; every day, it gets worse. Not seeing you when I get home, not smelling you cook, not waking up to share breakfast with you, not kissing you goodnight, it torments me!" Now Lily was positively crying... how was it that she had never seen it? How could she have been so blind? How in the world? How, for Merlin's sake? "At this very moment, the thought of not being with you, makes my stomach turn over - my mouth go dry. I feel dizzy. I can't breathe!" Alex brought his other hand on top of their hands, and looked at the table before facing her again. "And, in the midst of all this insanity, something finally made sense. Lily, I'm in love with you! I don't want anything else! I don't want anyone else! I can't have anyone else. All I want is you!" he was shedding tears that matched hers. But Lily's tears were also tears of desperation, because she had just realised such a thing had been there all along. She had indeed had the time of her life. She just didn't know she had. "I can't search any sort of happiness if you're not by my side, because... my happiness lies within you, along with the thought of you!"
"Alex!" Lily cried, incapable of saying anything else through her tears. She covered her mouth with her free hand and cried. She looked at Alex and her throat was so caught up with tears that she couldn't speak right away. "What is this that's so big, but that's been hiding from us for so long? This "us" that seems so huge and amazing and special, and that I can't even start to believe I haven't ever seen before!"
"I don't know," he said sincerely, smiling slightly through his own tears. "But it isn't just special. It's one for the books,"
"No," she said, smiling back through the huge curtain of tears she was crying. "It will make the ones in the books jealous!"
Lily took another deep breath and ran hr free hand over her eyes, wiping away tears. She then looked at Alex and placed her hand on his cheek, then felt him relax at her touch. And then she saw it, for the first time in her life, she really saw the bloody line there, standing clearly between them. She spared the line a glance... and decided it had been there long enough. And leaned in to close it as she met her best friend's lips that so crazily searched hers.
Then the fireworks burnt, the stars clouded her vision, and all of a sudden, Lily was having her first real moment of genuine happiness in a long time, as the line that had shadowed her life for so long vanished in a kiss. Forever.
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