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If You Love Me, You'll Understand Me by SilverMuse
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If You Love Me, You'll Understand Me

SilverMuse

A/N… This is the last chapter of this story. I've enjoyed writing it although I'm not much of a romance writer. Enjoy!

Chapter 9: I'm Sorry

Hermione and Ron flooed back to the Burrow later on in the afternoon. Strangely enough, they managed to clamber out of the fireplace without the slapstick comedy.

"It's Harry's fault," Ron laughed. "It only happens when Harry's with us."

Hermione only managed to smile sadly back at her boyfriend. She was worried about Harry and the Ministry. He'd only been called in a few times, during dire attacks on the muggle-borns. It scared her to death sometimes. He would be gone for hours, sometimes days without a word to tell anyone where he was.

"Hermione?" Ron asked, grimacing a little. Hermione stirred out of her thoughts. "We need to talk."

Hermione nodded. "I know."

Ron sighed heavily. "I need to apologise, Herm."

"Why?" Hermione asked, expecting a lecture about worrying about a grown man.

"Because I haven't been paying enough attention to you," Ron smiled sadly. "And I need to completely honest with you."

Ron leant again the kitchen table. "I've…I've been seeing Lavender."

Hermione's face fell. "Lavender? As in Lavender Brown?"

Ron nodded. "I'm so sorry. Its just…there isn't a spark between us Herm. I don't think there ever was. We were just…superficial…looking for something on the surface, you know?

"We both know that we were never really in love with each other. I mean, I love you Herm but I'm not in love with you. Not in the same way I am with Lavender."

Hermione couldn't really feel bad about this. She'd been questioning their relationship, falling for his best friend wasn't exactly the perfect way to maintain said relationship. "I know."

"I don't want anything to change between us," Ron said. "You're still, first and foremost, my friend and that'll never change. I'm just sorry I didn't figure this out sooner."

Hermione smiled and wrapped her arms around her friend's neck, hugging him tightly. "Nothing will ever change Ron."

There was a sharp knock at the door. The two sprang apart and Ron went to open it, smiling a little at Hermione.

He opened the door to find Remus standing in the doorway.

"Evening, Ron," he smiled. "Can I speak to Hermione for a moment?"

Ron nodded and opened the door a bit wider for Remus to step inside. He was drenched, soaked from head to toe. They could the rain pouring down onto the roof outside.

"Do you want me to leave for a minute or something?" Ron asked when they were all in the kitchen.

"If you don't mind," Remus replied. "It's nothing personal Ron, it's just Hermione…"

Ron held up his hands in surrender. "I know. Don't worry."

He quickly ran up the stairs to escape the awkward moment.

Hermione turned back to Remus and regarded him with confusion. "This is about Harry isn't it?"

Remus nodded again, performing a drying spell on his robes. "It's important."

"And it's about the Ministry I take it?" She questioned further, taking her cloak from the hat stand.

"Harry wants to see you Hermione," Remus stated. "At the Marauder Manor. He…he wanted to tell you this alone."

Hermione's expression fell. She wore the same panic look as before, when Harry was first leaving for the Ministry earlier that day.

"Has something happened?" She asked donning her dark blue robe.

"You better hear it from him," Remus noted solemnly. "I'd tell you but…"

"I understand," she smiled and walked to the foot of the stairs. "Ron?"

Pattering was heard as Ron came down stairs carrying his Chudley Cannons scarf in his hands. His eyes were bloodshot and it was apparent that he had been crying lightly.

"Ron? What's wrong?" Hermione asked.

Ron held out the Chudley Cannons scarf to her. "Just got an owl from Harry. Give this to him will you."

That just added to Hermione's worry. She turned back to Remus who had his head bowed down to the floor.

"Tell him I'll tell everybody else," Ron whimpered sniffing back some more tears. "Got to him Hermione. He needs you."

Harry sat alone in his bedroom, hands clasped in front of him. He was reciting a small speech, what he'd say to Hermione, how he'd explain the situation.

She could surprise him and take it really well, or not even care. Why should she? No one cared about him. The last seven years had been the best time of his life and he was giving them up.

He walked to his bedroom window and looked out over the Manor's gardens. Just that day they'd walked up the garden paths laughing together.

He remembered first meeting them both on the Hogwarts Express seven years ago. Funny how it didn't seem that long. He felt like the scared eleven-year-old again, afraid to face his future, afraid to face a singing hat.

That made him laugh a little. He was so afraid of not fitting in with them that he focused on only that. It was only when Hermione and Ron became his friends that he was just himself.

They saw him for Harry, not Harry Potter. They saw the real him, not some icon, Voldemort's Challenger, the Wizard Champion.

The pain pattered down against the windowpane, drumming against the glass. Harry felt caught in the rain, was that possible? To be caught in something so fragile. He opened the window and placed his hand outside feeling the rain drip onto his palm.

Once he brought his hand back inside, he felt the water run down his arm to his elbow. Strangely enough, it was warm…warm like his own tears.

A small pop caught his attention behind him and he turned around. Hermione was standing in the middle of his bedroom holding a Chudley Cannons scarf.

She looked at him and tried to speak. Her mouth was opening and closing, trying to form words but none came out. She ran to him, dropping the scarf on the floor and wrapping her arms around his neck.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her for a moment, breathing her in as if for the last time.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in her hair, feeling his tears fall from his cheeks.

"What are you sorry for?" she asked pulling back a little to look at him. She noticed his bloodshot eyes and the tears falling down his face. She brushed the tears away with her fingers. "Do you want to tell me?"

He nodded and broke away from her, turning around and closing the window. He gestured for her to sit down on his bed as he sat on the damp windowsill.

"The Ministry wanted to see me today," he began crossing his arms protectively over his chest. "They offered me something, and I…I couldn't turn it down."

She picked up the Chudley Cannons scarf from the floor and placed it on the bed next to her.

"Is that Ron's?" Harry asked standing up and crossing over to the bed. Hermione held the scarf out to him.

"Yeah, he asked me to give it to you," she smiled sadly as Harry sat down next to her holding the scarf in his hands.

"His pride and joy, signed by the players," Harry smiled stroking the wool scarf. "He was going to get Krum to sign it at the next game."

Hermione laughed. "You're given that prestige now."

Harry nodded. "I guess so."

Hermione took one of Harry's hands in her own and made him look at her. "What's going on, Harry?"

"The Ministry have offered me an Auror position," Harry continued, trying not to look at her whilst he spoke.

"That's good news isn't it?" Hermione asked looking confused.

"I suppose in a way it is," Harry said leaning against one of the bedposts. "And in another way it isn't. It's for the Phoenix Squad.

"But Fudge proposed something else as well. To keep everyone safe, to protect everybody…I'm…I'm having my memory erased."

Hermione dropped his hand. Her face turned a ghastly pale and she looked away from him. "You can't go through with it! I mean…it's not…they can't…can they?"

She looked back up at him. "Why?"

"It's not my memory," Harry corrected in a small voice. "It's yours. Yours, Ron's…everybody that's ever known me really. It's like you'll never have known me for these past seven years."

Hermione shook her head. "No, no I can't let you do that!"

She stood up and paced around in front of the bed. "I'm not letting you do that to me, Harry! Not ever knowing you…it's…it's like Hell, my world would collapse."

Her body felt numb. She didn't even feel her tears falling from her eyes rapidly. She felt the dampness on her cheeks.

"I'm not letting you do it!" She shouted burying her face in her hands. "To me and the world you'll just be Harry Potter, Boy Who Lived again. I don't want that, Harry! I want to remember you, to remember everything we did together…I want to remember my Harry, the Harry I know."

"By tomorrow, you'll never even have known me," Harry smiled sadly. There were lots of emotions running through him; loss, pain, anger, love…

"You can't do this, Harry," Hermione pleaded, tears streaming down her cheeks. "You…you can't let everything we've ever done be for nothing!"

Harry turned to look at her. "I'm sorry. I really am."

He reached up a hand to stroke her cheek and for a moment, she leaned into his hand but she pushed it away.

"You're not sorry, Harry!" She said. "You're just trying to protect us again and you don't need too!"

She took his hand. "You're our friend because we wanted you to be, because this is how it was meant to be. Ron, you and me…you can't let everything just fall away! It isn't right and it isn't…it isn't fair."

"I'm sorry," he whispered brushing his thumb over the back of her hand. "I need to do this, Hermione. I'm not just trying to protect you, I'm trying to save you."

Hermione looked confused and angry. "Save me? From what? We're with you willingly. Not because we have to or had to but because we want to. You keep trying to save us from you, Harry, but who'll be there to save you from yourself?"

"What would a life be like with me?" Harry asked with frustration. "I'm a hunted man, a guy permanently on some maniacs death wish list! You'd be killed just to get to me, Hermione, and I don't…I don't want that to happen."

He felt the tears stinging his eyes again, he tried to regain his composed exterior but his walls were cracking.

"I don't want to see you hurt because of me, can't you understand that?" a single tear cascaded down his cheek and dropped to the floor. "I want to see you happy and have a good life. I don't want to see you hurt."

Hermione encircled her arms around Harry waist. She clung to him so tightly, dreading that he might disappear. That tomorrow she'd never have loved Harry, her Harry, and not Harry Potter. She'd never even have known him.

"I love you, Harry," She cried into his shirt. "I love you, I don't want you to go, I don't want you to ever leave me."

"I love you too," he sighed clasping her hands with his at his front. "But I have to do this."

"Then never forget I love you," She whispered into his shirt. "I won't forget if you don't, and when this is all over, I want you to remove it."

He nodded. "I will. I promise."

"No matter how much you don't want to," she continued nuzzling her face into his back. "I want you to remove it."

He raised one of her hands to his lips and kissed the back of it softly.

"Take care of yourself," he smiled sadly, breaking her grasp around his waist and turning to face her crying eyes. "I'll be around, so don't worry."

She smiled a little. "You'll be around…but I won't know it's you, will I?"

"No," he shook his head. "No, you won't…but I'll be there."

"Like you always are," she leaned up to kiss him, catching his lips with her own.

They kissed for a moment, just savouring the contact, the last intimate contact they'd have for a while. Although, they didn't know how long it'd be. The war could end in days, months or even years.

It felt like a final kiss, a defining moment on their relationship. They both felt it, from that moment they were together, souls joined and shared.

Harry tried to pull away, but Hermione grabbed onto the front of his shirt and pulled him to her lips again.

"Don't go," she whispered against his lips. "Don't go."

He kissed her again avidly, snaking his arms around her waist as hers went up around his neck.

"I love you," He gasped, taking in a short breath. "Forever."

"I know," she replied, pulling him down onto his bed.

She broke the contact with him for a moment. "Give me something to remember us by."

Harry looked confused for a moment. "What?"

"Show me how much you love me," she kissed him again. "Now. Show me. I can…I can bare it a bit more if I know just how much you love me. I know you understand me, Harry."

He stroked her cheek and tucked a loose strand of her dark, brown hair behind her ear then bent down to kiss her again with all the love he could.

In moments, their clothes were strewn about the bedroom, forgotten as they showed each other, as best they could, how much they loved each other, how much they'd miss each other and how much they'd missed during their last year of denial.

They tried to convey a thousand words, a thousand unspoken emotions that couldn't be described, and for that night, they were just themselves as they surrendered to one another in a final battle. The final battle for each other, to succeed in completing what they'd set out to do when they first realised what their friendship had become.

And after it all, he lay next to her, watching her dream. He felt completed somehow. She'd be the one he'd miss the most, she was the one he couldn't live without and he remembered what Sirius had told him.

"To the world, you may be one person. But to one person you may be the world."

~) Fin (~

A.N à Hey everyone! Thanks for reading this. It's been great hearing from you all about how much you enjoyed it. I'm not sure whether to pursue a sequel or not, should I or shouldn't I? I'll leave it up to you lot!