Breaking The Habit
By: Anti Darth Ani
Chapter Four: Safe Here In My Room
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Hey all! I'm so glad everyone enjoys my fan-fic. This is actually the first Ginny/Draco fan-fic I've ever attempted to write. Usually, I just stick to Harry/Hermione, but I've been reading a lot of Ginny/Draco lately, so I thought I'd give it a go since there aren't that many Ginny/Draco writers out there.
Anyways, you probably don't care about that. Just wanted to let you know that I know everyone has a bunch of questions and it's great how you all seem to care about this fan-fic. I'm trying to answer any questions I can without giving away parts of the plot. I don't have enough room to on the beginnings of the chapters, so FYI I'm going to be responding to reviews on the review page so just find your review there and see if I've written anything back. If I haven't, then you'll find out the answer soon enough :P Thanks and love to all!!!!
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-present-
Ginny picked at the omelet on her plate with little interest. Food wouldn't make her feel better and she didn't think she could stomach the eggs at a time like this. She hadn't seen him in days, although sometimes during the night while she had dreams - nightmares - about him, it seemed much, much longer. Her stomach growled in protest to the lack of nutrition and food, but Ginny couldn't even concentrate on holding her fork steady. The sound of the metal hitting the table seemed to echo in her head, causing her to wince and the harshness of it all.
"Ginny, are you okay?" Dean asked against her ear. Ginny shivered, having him so closer proved to be torture recently. He rubbed her back softly with one hand, trying to soothe her, but only causing her to shudder against his touch.
Ginny slipped off of the bench quickly, stumbling to get upright on her feet. All the heads in the Great Hall immediately turned in her direction and all side conversations ceased. They all wanted for her to say something, or for Ron to say something actually since he was quickly getting up also, as was Thomas and Potter. "Ginny, what's the matter?" Ron asked softly, reaching out to his younger sister.
She didn't know why she did it. The last thing she wanted was for the whole school to know about the struggle she had to deal with concerning the news of his problems. But with Dean repeatedly touching her and all of her friends, including her brother, trying to protect her (only making it worse) by not telling her anything, Ginny couldn't take the pressure of keeping a semi-happy appearance up anymore. "What's the matter?" she hissed under her breath, getting right up in her brother's face. "Let me tell you what's the matter, Ronald. You and you Golden Trio are driving me up the walls. All I wanted to do was see him, to see what's wrong with him, if he's hurt. I just wanted to get a good look, Ron, but you insist that you're preventing me from doing so for my own good.
"It's not for my own good!" Ginny snapped, now even the teachers were looking down at the Gryffindor table with concern. "I can't sleep without seeing him in my mind. I can't eat without seeing that damned scar on his arm! I can't go to class without thinking he's suddenly going to appear out of one of the side corridors and pull me away with him!"
Oh, Ginny Weasley wasn't hissing anymore. On the contrary, she was yelling at the top of her lungs at her older brother, whose face began to resemble the color of his hair. "Ginny... can't we talk about this later?" Ron mumbled pathetically in an attempt to get her to keep quite. He reached out to take her arm and steer her through the massive double doors and into the common door, but Ginny stepped back quickly.
"Don't touch me!" Ginny screeched. She felt helpless against them, like she always did. Water gathered in the corners of her eyes and she threatened to break down in the middle of the entire school at any moment. The only person not in the room was the one person she desperately needed to see.
Professor McGonagall appeared quietly behind Ginny. Professor Dumbledore had asked her to pull Ginny out of the Great Hall and talk to her away from all the prying ears at breakfast. But when the old woman's hand touched Ginny's shoulder, Ginny spun around to face her.
"Why the hell won't anyone tell me where he is?" she asked desperately and McGonagall felt sympathy towards the girl, no matter what kind of mess the girl had made for herself.
"Darling, come with me out into the hallway, won't you, and we'll discuss it there," McGonagall told her softly, trying to remain a little control over Ginny Weasley. Ronald Weasley, on the other hand, couldn't be helped. He sank down miserably next to Harry at the table, watching his sister with careful eyes. McGonagall never pointed fingers at people, especially when they were her own students, but she knew Ron had a hand in causing Ginny's meltdown.
"I don't want to discuss anything," Ginny cried. "I just want to see him. I need to see him."
Professor McGonagall nodded at the youngest Weasley. "Mr. Malfoy is waiting for you out in the hallway, Ms. Weasley," she whispered against the girl's ear. Without another word, Ginny was running in the direction of the doors, hope filling her once again before McGonagall could stop her.
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-past-post Draco-
I don't know how it happened... His sentence filled her mind as her eyes opened. Sitting up stiffly, Ginny picked up the blanket off the floor and pulled it back up to her waist. Her toes curled until they cracked softly and Ginny relaxed them. Her knuckles were next, followed by her neck. Looking out the frosted window, Ginny barely made out a hint of sun light. Winter just happened to be her favorite season of the year, especially around Christmas. With only two days to the sacred holiday, she should have felt happy.
Instead, she felt like a massive pile of crap. A pile of crap with a Death Eater mark on her arm. I don't know how it happened... he reminded her again, in her head where he always stayed, hidden behind her will to be independent. "If you don't know, how am I supposed to?" she asked softly out loud.
"What, Love?" a voice came from beside her. Startled, Ginny fumbled in the bed to turn towards the voice. She kicked at the sheets around her legs, only to get them even more twisted. It was almost justice when Ginny fell off the side of the bed and landed on the floor with a loud thunk! Grunting, she pushed herself up on her arms and the first thing she saw was a poster of David Beckam on the wall. Oh crap, she cursed to herself. I fell asleep in Dean's room? she asked herself. When did I ever come into his room?
Dean looked over the side of the bed at his girlfriend on the floor. "What don't I know, Gin?" he asked, a twinkle in his eyes.
"Nothing," Ginny muttered, pulling herself back up onto her feet and shoving the blanket back onto the bed. "I'd better get going," she mumbled, not meeting his eyes. "I was supposed to met someone before breakfast." Without waiting for a response, Ginny quickly picked up her sweater off his trunk at the end of his bed. Without a quick glance at Harry's bed across the room, Ginny snuck out of their dormitory, pulling on her sweater as she went.
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-past-Draco-
Ginny let the water run over her bare skin, the cold making goose bumps raise on her arms and on her neck. Just the reminder of the way his made her body feel caused Ginny to scrub harder on her legs. She didn't want him to control this power over her anymore. Sure, it wasn't all that bad while it happened, but after it... she just couldn't get him off of her mind anymore and it drove her crazy to realize this.
And God, he had that blasted mark. A promise, it seemed to her, that he would never truly be there for her. Apart from the fact that he belonged to the Malfoy clan, Ginny knew very little about him, so it didn't help him in personality points that the only other thing she now knew about him was that he worked for the Death Eaters. She told him she didn't care about that mark before she left him in his dormitory, feeling completely used and confused, but that wasn't the case at all. She knew she could never report him to anyone, but just the thought of someone like that inside of her made Ginny Weasley sick to her stomach.
Ginny winced as she pulled the washcloth away from her red arm. Damn it, she scrubbed it until it bled. The soap made it sting, so Ginny held her arm under the jet of water, trying to forget the pain. Her entire life this year became a complete mess. First, she'd fallen for Dean, who did nothing but pin her to the couch while snogging her and completely ignoring her, which turned into a disaster piece. I love you so much, Ginny, she mimicked in her head to herself as she rinsed the conditioner out of her hair. Right, you love me alright, Ginny snorted to herself. You'd love to fuck me.
Yet Draco, the polar opposite of Dean, actually got the pleasure of the shagging. No, no, no, she wouldn't let her boyfriend touch her like that, but she let her friends' enemy- almost everyday. Am I insane? she asked herself, running her hand through her wet hair. I have to be... How had she gone from being the youngest, most innocent redheaded Weasley child to becoming someone who had to rethink every decision she made because of Draco Malfoy? The guy she slept with, yet whom she knew would never be able to love her. His family wouldn't let him, his pride wouldn't let him; his heart. If he even has a heart, that is.
Turning off the water, Ginny pushed her hand past the shower curtain and reached for the counter, where she set her towel before getting in the shower. Her soaking wet fingers trailed over the bare counter, frustration filling her body and she extended her arm a little further and still didn't feel the cotton of her towel. I'm going to kill Dean if he came in here and stole it again, Ginny grumbled to herself, reaching out just a little further and still not getting anything.
Groaning at her misfortune, Ginny made to pull the curtain back to find the towel, when she suddenly felt it against her arm. Jerking back, almost slipping on the floor of the shower, Ginny pushed the curtain back closed and breathing in deep pants. Who the hell is that? she wondered, seeing the dark outline of a body through the curtain. Ginny gasped in air when the hand pulled back the curtain a ways. Afraid the person, whoever it was, was going to poke their head in, Ginny instinctively crossed her arms across her chest to cover up what she could.
The hand thrust the towel into the shower, but the head remained out of view. Reluctantly, Ginny reached out and took the towel from the mystery person, immediately wrapping it around her body to exclude peeping eyes. "Ginny, we need to talk," a voice came from the other side of the curtain and Ginny gasped at the realization of who it was. Peeling back the curtain with amazing speed, Ginny stared at the person on the other side of the curtain. "How the hell did you get in here?" she snapped.
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-past-post Draco-
Ginny pulled her knees up to her chest in the fetal position, her head resting on her knees, tears streaming down her cheeks. She hated herself for the way she screwed up her life this year. Anything she did she now regretted. She forced herself to include the times she'd spent in Draco's dormitory in this category of regret, but something tried to stop her. She couldn't regret everything she had with Malfoy. If she did, the only thing that would remain with her was a broken heart.
More tears fell, harder and faster, at the thought. He wasn't supposed to be able to get to her here. Her room was the one place he wouldn't allow himself to travel in Hogwarts. But he haunted her anyways. He remained constantly in her mind, driving her slightly mad as she tried to contradict everything in her life.
He'd marked her as his, in his own, sick little way. Maybe he hadn't tried to, but she'd ended up with a huge Death Eater scar (which throbbed with pain) on her arm. His way of telling Dean Thomas to stay away from her. His way to say that he controlled her - her body and now her mind as well.
It should have killed her; the thought of him owning her. Yet, as Ginny cried into her knees, it didn't seem like such a bad thing after all. He actually made her happy, in a twisted way. He never hurt her, even though he tended to be a little rough when he got carried away. And, God, he let her touch him back, no matter how reluctant he was about it. Dean never let her lay a single finger on him. Not that she wanted to anymore.
Ginny released her legs and stretched out on her bed, burying her head into her pillow and let out another sob. She needed time to think about everything. She needed to think without him around her anymore. But that wouldn't happen. Because he was always around her.