Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Harry Potter except for the lovely posters on my walls!!
AN: This is another chapter I enjoyed writing. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it.
Chapter Three: When I Breathe
You asked me for my heart
But you didn't have your own
I'm back to where I start
An empty page alone
And I don't want to be the first to call
To show that I still care
Cause every time we speak I fall apart
You know you've got me there
But time will make it all feel better
Like suave upon a wound you soon won't see
Time will erase the scars I've weathered
But as for now it only hurts when I breathe
The pictures once on top
Are deeper in the drawer
Like promises we swapped
Were swept up off the floor
And I don't want to be the one you love
Cause no one else is there
I was never good as runner-up
In races that aren't fair
But time will make it all feel better
Like suave upon a wound you soon won't see
Time will erase the scars I've weathered
But as for now it only hurts
Tarnished as this coin I found
Now how am I going to make it through
In the economy of pain
A flowing currency of grace anew
"Harry, could you please move your trunk so I can sit next to Hermione?" Ron asked pleadingly as we boarded the Hogwarts Express for the last time. I smiled at my best friend and obligingly lifted my trunk and hefted it into the overhead bin.
I sat down across from the two most important people in my life, smiling as I did so. Ron gave me a quick smirk and possessively draped his arm around Hermiones shoulders. Hermione on the other hand gave me a warm smile that swiftly turned into a knowing glance and then a bright red blush crept up her neck and threatened to take over her face. I winked secretly at her while Ron was flipping through the new Which Broomstick magazine, gazing longingly at the wonderfully expensive brooms.
I leaned my head against the backboard suddenly becoming quite tired. I closed my eyes and in an instant I dozed off. Images of the night in the burrow came flooding back to me. Hermiones tender lips, my hands in her hair, the scent that flooded my senses even days after the kiss. We had done what we said and kept the whole thing from Ron. At first it was hard, every time I noticed Hermione was alone, it took all the strength I had to keep from snogging her senseless. She of course did her best to stay way from me for the first few days; I did not make this easy on her. Now here we were mere inches from one another, but she was in the loving arms of her darling boyfriend and my best friend. Damn my luck.
Suddenly my bright dreams turned rather dark, and the warmth that was spreading through me at the thought of Hermione, froze and became ice cold. I could see Voldemort standing in front of me, and he was laughing. There was a lump at his feet, I could distinguish what exactly it was, but it stopped me dead in my tracks. A searing pain shot through my head as my scar caught ablaze. My hand went instinctively to it, trying in vain to relinquish the pain. Voldemorts' laughter became maniacally louder as I unwillingly moved closer to him. The bundle at his feet suddenly came into focus and I gasped. Hermiones' lifeless body lay at his feet, her eyes rolled back in her head, a terrified look frozen on her angelic face. Suddenly I was screaming…screaming as loud as I could muster…
"Harry! Harry! Wake up!" I awoke with a start to see Ron shaking me, and Hermione standing above me, a worried frown on her face.
I shot up from my seat, becoming dizzy and lightheaded at once.
"Er…I need to go to the privy." I excused myself and made my way down the corridor of the train to one of the private stalls. Locking the door behind me, I splashed some water on my face, and took a deep breath. I then took this time to glimpse myself in the mirror. I looked a right mess. My hair which was normally uncontrollable seemed to want to rebel even more at this moment. I had dark circles accompanied by heavy bags under each eye, which not to mention were bloodshot at the moment.
I splashed more cool water on my face, and sat down on the toilet.
Why did I have to have such horrendous dreams? Was it going to be like this until Voldemort was defeated? Most likely I thought darkly to myself.
Just then there was a knock on the stall door, and the silhouette on the door told me who it was before I even opened.
Her brown bushy hair always seemed to give her away, but I loved it. I opened the door to see a rather distraught Hermione staring at me. She shoved her way into the stall with me and then closed the door.
"What happened back there Harry?" She asked immediately.
"Well get right to the point then, why don't you?" I tried to joke with her. She glared menacingly at me. I backed off, putting my hands up in retreat.
"Ok, ok, I just had a dream, it's no big deal." Obviously by the death stare I was receiving this wasn't going to be enough information for our Hermione. "It was about Voldemort, I dreamt about him, which made my scar hurt. It's just like the other ones I've had before." I ended in a huff.
Her stare seemed to soften, as she put her hand up to my face and gingerly touched the cause of all my troubles. Her caress seemed to soothe all my trivial problems away and in an instant there was only Hermione. Once again I was lost in her eyes, the same sweet cinnamon sugar goodness urging me to have one more taste.
Before I knew what had happened she had wrapped her arms around my neck and was plastering tiny kisses all over my face. I tried to capture her lips with mine, but her face was darting all over my neck and cheeks and nose. I could feel her eyelashes batting against my face when finally our lips met once again.
She still tasted like strawberries but the pumpkin pie was gone, replaced instead by peppermint. It was wonderful taste that had me ravishing her mouth; I never wanted this moment to end. Sadly though only a few minutes in, she pulled away once again.
"That, Harry, was a get well soon kiss. Don't expect it to happen again." She said with a snicker, then turned around and opened the door. Flinging her head back to look at me once again she added. "Do hurry back, we will be arriving soon, wouldn't want to forget you." With that she walked out, a slight spring to her step.
I put a finger to my lips to feel an icy sensation encasing them; she had done something to them. Bewitched them, bewitched me, somehow. This was something that wasn't going to simply go away. Damn that woman.
I splashed more water on my face before I finally decided to head back to our compartment.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Luna Lovegood was sitting alone in the next compartment over. She had been brooding since she boarded the Hogwarts Express. Seeing Ron with Hermione was never an easy thing, not since she had briefly dated Mr. Ronald Weasley a few months before Hermione had. The relationship had been a good one, but it had ended badly. Luna had seen it before it had happened, that was one of the downfalls to having the sight. Either she sit back and let it happen or do something about it, which would probably bring about the inevitable no matter what.
She knew Ron was in love with Hermione, anyone with eyes could see the way he looked at her with so much love, his heart was sure to burst. Alas anyone with eyes could also see that Hermiones' eyes were not often on her boyfriend, but on a certain Harry Potter. Luna felt horrible being able to see that Hermione was in fact in love with her best friend, and he with her. She knew that before anyone else, so it hurt her even more when she and Ronald broke up so he could be with someone who didn't love him.
So here she sat, alone in a train compartment, contemplating going against everything she had seen and to just waltz right up to Ron and tell him that she loved him, and plant a big wet kiss on him.
That was when she was struck with a sudden headache. Not a searing pain like that of Harrys' but one that buzzed a little. Instantly she was transported to another place.
The light was very dim from what Luna could see; there were candles lit all around, but no human beings. The corridor was dark and looking slightly like Hogwarts, and as she gazed in front of her she saw the fat lady's portrait. The door to the Gryffindor Tower. What was she doing here? The door suddenly flew open for her, and she went inside. What she saw there was enough to scare her right out of her vision.
Luna sat up gasping. Sucking in quick breaths, trying to keep her bearings straight. Her eyes came into focus and a sweat broke out on her forehead. She knew she had just had a vision, but it was one she would rather not think about, ever again. She could see everything in her mind right now, as if it were burned there, so as she would never have a reason to forget. Thinking about it caused hot tears to cascade out of her eyes and stream down her flawless face.
She was shaking now uncontrollably, her greatest fear, she realized, was going to come true this year. She had seen her first death…and there wasn't anyone she could tell.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I placed Crookshanks on my bed in the dorm I shared with Lavender and Parvati. They hadn't yet arrived and for that I was thankful. I had time to myself to think about what I had willingly done on the train today. I knew I was being a horrible person, by going behind Rons' back with his best friend, but as I told Harry today in the bathroom, it was going to happen again.
But as I threw myself backwards onto my bed, I thought to myself, how could I not want it to happen again? When had Ron ever kissed me like Harry did? I can answer that…umm…never? Harrys' lips seemed to be made for mine, as if they were molded out of the same material. I inhaled deeply, still able to smell Harry on me. Ron hadn't questioned me when I returned, he merely assumed I comforted Harry in a way that he could not, and in a way…I did.
But I couldn't do this to Ron, not only was he my boyfriend, but he was best friend before anything else. I love him dearly, as a friend. As a boyfriend…I just didn't see it working, but how was I to tell him that? There was a time when I could tell both of my boys absolutely anything, now though, it seemed difficult to even be around them anymore without wanting to snog. Either it be with Ron, who wanted it because I was his girlfriend, or be it Harry, and who knows why he wants to snog me. But I desperately wanted to snog him, all the time it seems.
I began to get frustrated with myself; this wasn't something I often did. There was never a time when I couldn't figure something out that had been troubling me, this time should be no different.
I pulled myself up and decided it was time to go down to the common room and see what exactly my boys were up to. Both had been quite silent at the Welcoming Feast, so I figured it best to make my appearance as their best friend and see what was bothering them.
I walked out of the dorm and down the stairs into the common room. My eyes darted around the room looking for the red and black heads of hair that I was so familiar with. I spotted them in the corner near my favorite chair playing what seemed to be a very lively game of wizard chess. I walked slowly down the stairs and made my way over to them quietly. I walked up behind Ron, Harry seeing me of course, I motioned to him to keep quiet, as I placed my hand over Ron's eyes and he proceeded to drag me over the couch and onto his lap.
I kissed him gently, all the while feeling Harrys' eyes on me, the weight of them were distracting and I pulled myself up so I was sitting next to Ron instead of on him. I looked at the board to avert Harrys' hurt look.
"So who's winning?" I asked trying to make conversation. Ron seemed happy about my coming up to him first, and ecstatically shouted that he was winning as usual.
Just then Harry stood up and feigned a yawn.
"Well I've had a long day, I think I'll head on up to bed." He looked at me sharply, and instantly I knew what I was doing was wrong.
He began to walk towards the stairs when I got up and went after him.
"Oy, where ya going?" Ron called after me.
I turned around to him. "I'll be right back, I need to speak with Harry quickly."
With that I made my way back towards the stairs and managed to catch Harry before he entered the boys dormitory.
"Harry."
He seemed to be ignoring me, so I called his name again. Finally he turned to face me, a look of utter pain etched all over his face.
"What Hermione?" he seemed almost angry.
"Harry, I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for what happened today, and that it cant happen again. I'm with Ron, our best friend."
Harry nodded his head and then made to leave, but turned as if he realized something.
"Hermione, I just want to tell you that I do have feelings for you. Which is why I kissed you, and when you kissed me back, it led me to believe you too had feelings for me." he took a deep breath. " But when you blatantly rub it in my face that you are dating my best friend, after such an amazing kiss…it hurts."
That was all he said before he turned and escaped to his room. I stood there shell shocked, not sure what to do. Deciding it would be better to be alone, I too retreated to the confines of my bedroom, where I put a silencing charm on my four poster bed, and cried myself to sleep.