Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Harry Potter except for the wonderful posters on my wall.
AN: This was probably my favorite chapter to write so far, I think it holds so much emotion. Let me know what you think!
Chapter Five: Emotions
It was difficult to open my eyes when I attempted to. They were so badly swollen I could have used a crowbar to pry them open. Finally after my eyes came into focus, I recognized the stark white walls of the infirmary, and memories came flooding back to me. Harry running into me in the hall, my assignments flying all around us, the kiss in the secluded hallway, the deafening crash above us, the laborious sprint up the stairs, the smoking common room, and finally…Ron. It was still too fresh and raw; I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't believe it. Ron had done nothing to deserve the fate he was handed.
I felt fresh tears threatening to surface, and quickly I shut my eyes willing them to retreat back to the solace of being unknown. I turned my head to my left and slowly opened my eyes. Harry was asleep in the bed next to me, his glasses still on his face. He was breathing very comfortably, most likely still under the effects of the dreamless sleep potion. He looked so peaceful during this horrible time in our lives. Suddenly I remembered seeing his face, upon finding Ron. Ron had not only been my best friend but Harrys' also. The loss he was suffering was just as great as mine, if not worse. Ron was Harrys' confidant, his guy friend, his mate. And now he was gone, forever. A great wave of sympathy overwhelmed me at the thought that Harry had lost yet another loved one.
His parents, Sirius, and now Ron. I choked down a sob at the thought of never seeing my best friend again. The pain was so real, I didn't know how to handle it.
Then suddenly a thought came to me. Ron shouldn't have been in the common room. He should have been down in the Great Hall having breakfast with me. It was my fault, my fault he was dead. If I hadn't been so cowardly, and broken up with him at his confession, then Ron would still be alive. A silent tear cascaded down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away. I thought I had been breaking up with him for the right reasons. Reasons I didn't give to Ron, I was too scared, and now he was gone. He was never going to know the real reason why it was I left him.
A move to the left of me caught my eye, and I saw Harrys' eyes flutter open, the bright green of them clouded by blood shot and black rimmed eyes. He must have stayed away long after me, letting his emotions show then. Our eyes met and a silent understanding went through us. His arm shot out over the side of his bed and stretched to meet mine. I grabbed his hand as best as I could, and that's how we held each other, giving what strength we had to one another.
At the same time we heard voices out in the hall, then the door opened and Dumbledore walked leisurely in. There was no twinkle in his eye, no skip in his step. He walked in looking much older than usual, a decrepit old man in place of our fun loving young at heart headmaster.
His eyes flicked back and forth between Harry and I, not quite sure which to land on first. He chose Harry in the end.
"Mr. And Mrs. Weasley are out in the hall Harry." He started folding his hands in front of him. "They would like to speak with both of you." His eyes now landed on me, I nodded in return.
"Send them in, unless we can get up and speak with them out there." Harry stated. He suddenly sounded so old. So broken. I felt my heart breaking.
"No, Madame Pomfrey would be quite upset with me if you were out of bed right now. I will bring them in." he walked back out into the hallway where we heard Mrs. Weasley stifle a sob before walking in.
They both looked a right mess. Mrs. Weasleys' face was tear stained and blotchy, whereas Mr. Weasley looked as if he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep in days. Immediately Mrs. Weasley went straight to Harry, hugging him to her bosom, muttering thanks and apologies at the same time. Mr. Weasley crossed the room to me, and wrapped his warm arms around me as finally his tears came. I felt the hot dampness of his tears hit my shoulders. After both of the Weasleys had grown quiet, and their tears came only occasionally they pulled up chairs in between our beds, and we settled down to discuss what had happened.
Harry told them how he was on his way down to the Great Hall to find me (He left out the kiss, thankfully) when we heard the thundering crash above us. He told them he was the first one there, how he made me stay back, while he investigated. They wanted to know what he had looked like, what curse had been used. They wanted to make sure their youngest son had gone peacefully. Harry informed them, he was pretty sure it was the Killing Curse. Mrs. Weasley broke down once again, her husbands loving arms around her, cradling her broken down body.
They asked me how I was doing, all I could do was nod my head. All three of them looked concerned for me, but I would not let them think that. It was my fault Ron was dead, mine and mine alone.
Finally the Weasleys left, both had calmed down in the talk we had with them. They were returning to the Burrow to plan Rons funeral, they wanted to have his headstone on their property, they said they would owl us with the date for the event.
I wanted nothing more than to drift off into a peaceful sleep, but Harry wouldn't allow it. He sat up and put his legs over the side. I looked at him curiously.
"What are you doing Harry?" I said weakly, as if I barely had a voice.
"I don't want to spend another night in here." He stood up and stretched, his joints cracking. "Come on." He held out his hand to me. I shook my head.
"Madame Pomfrey, will be cross with us if we leave."
Harry suddenly looked mad. "I don't care, I'm not injured. I don't need to stay here any longer."
He grabbed his wand from the bedside table and stormed out of the hospital wing. A silent tear fell down my face as I tried to close my eyes again, but to no avail, I was wide awake. Feeling suddenly very restless, I too flung my legs over the side of the bed, grabbed my wand and walked out of the infirmary.
Things seemed to be normal around the castle, classes were going on, and students were laughing. How could people be laughing, when such an amazing person had just died? I began to become quite angry with my fellow students. I caught a glimpse of Seamus and Dean, they looked very somber indeed. They seem to catch sight of me, and gave me a very uncheerful wave. I smiled weakly back at them, and continued walking up towards the Gryffindor Tower. Hoping that it had been restored magically, I made my way through the corridors I had memorized years ago. I could do this walk in my sleep, I thought grimly to myself.
I turned a corner and nearly ran head on into the one person I didn't want to see. Draco Malfoy. He looked surprised at seeing me, but the surprise on his face didn't change to a scowl when he realized whom it was he had run in to. It changed to something I never thought I would see coming from a Malfoy. Sympathy.
Hesitantly one of his hands moved towards my shoulder, he placed it there gently. I shied away from his touch, but he held his hand there. He looked me in the eye then.
"I'm sorry." Was all he said, and then he removed his hand and continued walking down the corridor. Tears were back in my eyes, and I ran the rest of the way to the portrait hole.
The fat lady had returned, and she let me know that the common room had indeed been restored. She let me in after informing me of what the new password was. Walking into the common room was a surreal feeling at best. It was only last night I had come barging in here to find the body of my best friend being cradled by my other best friend. My cheeks were wet with my own rain as I ignored the corner where I frequently studied, where he had been found. I walked right up the stairs and into the girl's dormitory.
Ginny was in there, she was throwing her clothes and belongings into her trunk. She spun around when I closed the door. Her face too was blotchy, her make up runny. A fresh whimper escaped her lips as she launched herself at me. I caught her in my arms and we both fell to the ground, holding each other tightly, fearing that if we let go, the other would be lost. Ginny was my gateway to Ron, the last thing I had. I smoothed her fiery red hair away from her face, as we looked at each other.
"I miss him Hermione." Was all she got out before she broke into another fit of sorrowful weeping. I held her until she had nothing left. An hour had gone by before we had both cried ourselves into nothing. We then stood up from the floor, and we packed her stuff together. She was going to stay at the Burrow for a while, she said she needed to heal, and home was the place to do it.
I agreed with her, secretly longing for my home, but there was no way I could leave Harry, and my studies. We gathered the last of her things and I helped her out the door. I didn't dare go down into the common room, so I bade her good-bye at the stop of the stairs. We hugged clutching onto one another tightly.
"I'll send an owl in a few days." She said into my ear. I nodded my head. I still hadn't said one word to her. We broke the hug, and she lugged her trunk down the stairs where Fred and George were waiting for her. They solemnly waved at me in unison, and I smiled bravely at them.
Feeling suddenly sick, I turned from them to come face to face with Harry. I gasped when I saw him, surprise evident on my face.
I realized I hadn't hugged Harry yet, since this had happened, and my world suddenly felt very lonely. I smashed myself into his body and he welcomingly wrapped his toned arms around me. I didn't cry, and neither did he. He just held me to him.
We stood at the top of the stairs for what seemed like forever before finally he tilted my head up, so he could look me in the eye.
" 'Mione, everything is going to be alright." He said assuredly. He sounded so sure of himself. I almost believed him. For now I would let him think everything was going to be perfect again, but I knew better. Something this horrible doesn't happen, and then everything goes back to normal instantly.
I rested my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It was nice to hear his heartbeat, it let me know he was alive. Then a horrible thought abruptly crossed my mind. Voldemort. Harry would be facing Voldemort soon, and the thought of losing him also was heartbreaking.
Harry had told Ron and I about the prophecy during our sixth year. I had cried when I found out, Ron just slapped him on the back and let him know that we were by his side one hundred percent. I smiled at the memory of a carefree Ron. I missed the days when all we had to worry about was whether Professor Snape was going to pass us for the day or not.
Now as I stood at the top of the stairs being held in the arms of my best friend, I realized treacherous times were ahead of Harry and I. I shuddered at the thought, and Harry must've felt it. He glanced down at me.
"Are you cold?"
I shook my head and hugged him tighter. I could feel my eyelids becoming heavier by the minute, but I refused to succumb to sleep. But as usual sleep over came me, I could feel my legs wailing at the idea of supporting my weight, and then my knees buckled. Harry held onto me, as I woke slightly, muttering an apology.
He put his arm around my shoulder and moved me towards the girls dormitory. He put his hand on the doorknob and pulled it back automatically, burned by the charm the girls had put on it to stop boys from entering. I smiled at him and opened the door. He walked me over to my four poster bed, and pulled back the curtains. Crookshanks lay sleepily on the bed, he opened his eyes preparing to move, but then realizing it was only me, he closed them once again resuming his nap.
" Thank you Harry, for being there." He nodded his head, blushing slightly.
"You're my best friend Hermione, I will always be there."
I climbed into bed, clad in my robes. Harry thoughtfully pulled the covers up around my chin, making sure I was entirely tucked in, he even asked me if I was warm. I had to smile at the thought. He then leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, and whispered good night into my ear.
I watched his retreating form, then the lights dimmed, and finally went out. Then the door shut. I was alone with my thoughts, and not at all happy about it. Deciding there was nothing I could do, I cast a silencing charm around my bed, and cried until I had fallen asleep.