I knew full well that James Potter had his eyes set on me. How could you go to Hogwarts and not know it, for that matter? I was envied by most of the girls in the school, but I hardly paid attention. All I wanted that year was to pass my O.W.L.'s with the highest possible marks; I never gave James so much as the time of day back then. Sure, he was smart, and handsome, and funny, (too funny, sometimes) which were all things I wanted in a guy back then, or thought I wanted, but I could never allow myself to say yes to him. He was a big-headed, egotistical, bullying prankster. That's all I saw him as.
I didn't know his friends very well, though I saw them everyday, but I figured they were just like him. So that year, at Christmas, when my best friend, Emily, and I stayed at Hogwarts, I didn't pay any attention to the fact that the Marauders where the only other Gryffindors staying.
Only it turned out that on the second day of the holidays, Emily got the flu. What luck! And me, being the 'lucky' little Gryffindor I was, got left alone in Gryffindor Tower. With them.
I should've known better than to sit in the Common Room by myself- I was bound to be found by one of the Marauders, right? Well, guess what… I was.
I was sitting in the floor by the fire, enjoying the snowy day indoors, writing a letter to my mum and dad, when Sirius Black walked in.
"Oh, hey, Lily!" he said cheerfully.
"Erm… Hi, Sirius." I said slowly, trying to hide my look of surprise. Trouble is that I've never been good at acting.
But how could he expect me not to be surprised? I couldn't remember any of the Marauders ever talking to me before then. Well… Except for Remus. We were Gryffindor's Prefects that year, so we did talk all the time. Oh, and Peter, too. Well, I mean that I talked to him some- he certainly wasn't ever a Prefect. He and Remus would sometimes sit with me and Emily at lunch or during classes. I definitely liked them best out of the Marauders.
Anyway, Sirius saw the look. "What, can't I say hello?" he grinned.
I raised my eyebrows and tried my best not to laugh… That didn't work, either.
It was his turn to look surprised. I looked up with an apologetic smile. "Sorry…" I said quietly. "It's just that… well, you're a… Marauder…" I lowered my voice to a whisper.
For one brief moment, he frowned, but it was quickly replaced with a look that could have been confusion. Or sadness. Or… Okay, really, I don't know what 'that look' was.
He cleared his throat and slid to the floor next to me. "And?" he prompted.
"And what?"
"What's your point?"
"Okay… Fine. I'm a bit surprised you even know what house I'm in, let alone my name-"
"Hey, Padfoot! Did you see-"
Sirius and I looked up at James Potter ran through the portrait hole, clutching a stitch in his side.
"Padfoot?"
"Hey, Prongs. Just stopped in for a bit of a chat with Lily…. You know Lily, don't you?" Sirius said politely. Too bad I missed the mischievous smirk he was wearing at the time.
"Course I do," James said. Again, I had no clue what the look on his face meant. He looked like he was smiling, but it looked more like confusion. What was there for everyone to be confused about?
I looked up in time to see Sirius smiling and nodding while James rolled his eyes and shook his head. I felt excluded- obviously, the two boys in front of me knew something I didn't or were thinking of pulling a prank. Call me paranoid, but I was suspicious the moment I saw the way there were acting that they were about to pull a prank on me. What would the Marauders be if not pranksters?
I watched at the two boys exchanged looks. Sirius was always very handsome, with dark hair and eyes. He had the look of a trouble-maker, but it suited him nicely. He looked even more so, smirking in a mischievous way, with the light from the fire casting a golden glow into his grey eyes. He was wearing a black long-sleeved shirt that fitted him nicely.
I turned my eyes to James, noticing for the first time that his black hair was covered with fresh snow. He looked even nicer than usual with his dark jeans and maroon shirt just like Sirius's, cloak over all.
Then I noticed both boys were smirking at me.
I blushed and started gathering my parchment and quills together.
"Lily, you know James, right?" Sirius asked with a roguish wink.
I nodded and got uneasily to my feet. "Yeah… I do… But I'll see you later- I've got to go check on Em… Hospital wing, you know…"
I don't think I'd ever run so fast out of the Common Room… Which resulted in me running straight into Remus and Peter. I didn't even stop for a backward glance- I just got back up of the floor and hurried up to the Hospital wing.
Sixth year wasn't much better. Yet again, I stayed at Hogwarts for Christmas. Vernon Dursley, Petunia's fiancée, was staying at our house for a week. 'To get to know the family better.' I told mum that almost everyone was staying at Hogwarts… That we were having a huge Christmas Ball. So I got out of it. Who would want to stay with that man, anyway? I'd met him once during the summer… And it has never been one of my favourite memories.
Actually, all my friends were gone. Em went to her mum's house, Cora was going abroad and wouldn't be back for a month, and Eli went with Kina so he could meet her family.
The only person I really knew very well was Remus. But he wasn't feeling well. Madame Pomfrey said he should stay in the Hospital wing. He did, too, for almost the entire holiday.
Only at first, I didn't know why.
Until Christmas Day, when I brought him his present… A rather nice silver bracelet. The kind that men wear… It had his name on it, one side engraved: To Remus, From Lily… To two of the best students in all of Hogwarts!
Back in fifth year, when we started working together on Prefect duties, we got to know each other pretty well- it was our joke that since we were both from Gryffindor and prefects, we were naturally the best student Hogwarts had ever seen. And in a small way, we were.
So when I went to take him his gift, I was rather shocked when he said he couldn't wear it. I would have thought that Remus, if he didn't like it, would have been too polite not to at least put it on for a little while, until I'd left… But he simply opened the box, looked at it for one long moment, then frowned at me.
It's suffice to say that I was shocked… and that I almost cried.
He knew he'd done something wrong, because he set the box on the table next to his bed and took my hands in his.
"Look, Lily… It isn't the bracelet…"
I nodded and tried my best to smile. "No, it's all right… I understand… You don't-"
"Lily, it isn't the gift- I have a… problem. I'm a…"
"A what?" I said patiently, pulling my chair closer to his bedside.
"A… were…." he looked like he really didn't want to say what he was about to, so I squeezed his hand and smiled encouragingly. "… wolf…" he finished.
I sat still, staring at Remus as he avoided my eyes, looking extremely uncomfortable. I bit hard on my bottom lip, trying to bite back the tears. The pain he must go through every month… It made me wish I could do anything to make it better for him.
Somewhere behind me, I heard the door to the wing open and close, but I kept my eyes on Remus, willing him to look at me.
He looked up slowly to see who had walked in, but his eyes fell on me. He looked away quickly, pulling his hand away as he did so.
I leaned over and put one hand on his cheek, turning his face towards me. "Look at me, Remmy." I whispered. He did so, but unwillingly. I smiled sadly and moved over to sit next to him on the bed. "It doesn't matter. You're still the same person." I said quietly.
He looked disbelieving for a moment, then smiled. A single tear slid down my cheek. I wrapped my arms around him, crying softly into his shoulder. I felt his body shaking as I held onto him. "I'm so sorry, Remmy…"
He pulled me closer. "Lily," he said. I looked up. "Thank you." he said, as two tears slid down his cheek, onto my robes.
"This boy needs rest! Out, out!" We started and looked up into the wild eyes of Madame Pomfrey, as she stood above us, hands on her hips.
"Just another minute, please?" I pleaded.
Remus smiled hopefully, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.
"Oh… All right- but only one minute!" she sighed and bustled away to her office.
"Well…"
"Oh- sorry…" I slid back into my chair. I hadn't realized I'd been squishing him. "Well… I guess I'd better get back to the Tower- it is late…" I said reluctantly. I didn't really want to leave him alone on Christmas- especially now that I knew what was wrong with him every time he said he went to his grandmothers.
Remus nodded and looked at something above my head, then smiled. I looked over my shoulder and grimaced.
James Potter was standing a few feet behind me, hands in his pockets. "I brought your present," he said to Remus, taking one hand out of his robes, to pick up a very poorly wrapped box on the bed next to him.
"How long have you been here?"
"Oh, just a few minutes." James said casually, hands back in his pockets.
"Oh- you two had better leave-" Remus said suddenly as Madame Pomfrey hurried towards Remus's bed, holding a large goblet with a steaming liquid.
"Right… See you tomorrow, mate…" James said quickly, moving the box to the table next to Remus's bed.
"Night, Remmy!" I said, kissing him hurriedly on the cheek.
James and I ran the length of the ward and were out the doors before Madame Pomfrey could catch us again.
"So…" James said. I could tell he was searching desperately for something to say, but couldn't. The awkward silence was somewhat smothering. I knew he thought there was something going on between Remus and I. I had no doubt that the moment Remus was free from the Hospital wing, James was going to question him. "Going up to the Tower?"
"Oh… yeah." I said. Obviously. Where else was there to go in the middle of the night? I was a bit uneasy around James at first. The only words I ever heard from him were, 'Hey, Evans, want to go out with me?' Of course, the answer was always negative.
"Mind if I walk you?" He said hopefully.
"Already are, aren't you?" I replied. For some reason, the lack of 'lovers admiration' as he called it, was unnerving me.
"Yeah, 'spose so…"
We walked up three flights of stairs in silence, each with our own thoughts.
I'll never forget my last year at Hogwarts. A lot happened that year. For one, I was Head Girl, and everyday was full to the brim with all kinds of surprises for me to deal with- one student in particular, a tiny red-headed shy boy in first year, would always need to talk to someone- as a Weasley, he got a lot of grief from the Slytherins because his father was pulling for more muggle born witches and wizards.
The Voldemort threat was growing more everyday, with more and more people dying- in the muggle and wizarding worlds alike. I was always scared, but I never could show it- as the Head Girl, I had to be strong, of course. Since I'm a muggle born witch, I was always told that I was in more danger than a pure-blood. At first, I was terrified, but as I was in the protective walls of Hogwarts, with Headmaster Dumbledore in charge, I knew I would never be in much trouble as long as I stayed there, and did what I was told. That was enough to keep me within the walls, let me tell you.
Another dreadful thing I remember quite vividly was my sisters engagement. It was all she could talk about- her lovely Vernon Dursley, and how she couldn't wait to become Mrs. Vernon Dursley. I always got sick at the thought. Still do, as a matter of fact.
Out of all the memories I have of that year, one day has always stood out the most… The day I first learned to love. It was Christmas Day, my favourite time of the year…
I was walking along a corridor, on my way to take a walk around the lake, when I happened to look out of a window on the fifth floor.
I stood there for at least twenty minutes, admiring the beauty of the falling snow, before I pushed the casement open, to poke my head out and catch the pure white snowflakes on my tongue. I giggled as the tiny drops of ice melted in my mouth, giving me a warm feeling all over.
I always loved Christmas because of how busy it was. All other days of the year, except perhaps exam time, could be so boring. To me, the Christmas Holidays brought all kind of good things… My birthday, snow, presents, family, Christmas itself… And love. Especially that year.
From that window, I could see Hagrid's hut, with the smoke pouring out the chimney, and snow covering the top- giving it a gingerbread house look. His large pumpkin patch was all iced over, but I could see Hagrid's large dog nosing about in the snow… Four students having a snowball fight halfway between the castle and the forest. Oh, how I would have loved a snowball fight that day. If only I'd known I was bound to get something much better.
All my friends had gone home for the winter holidays again that year. I guess I hadn't learned my lesson from the last time I stayed for Christmas. In fact, I wondered many times why I didn't just go home for the holidays… Did I really stay to keep out of Petunia's way? Or for others reasons… Involving a certain raven haired, hazel-eyed, quick-to-grin Marauder?
The only other students there that I really knew were three second years, a fourth year, and the four Marauders, all from Gryffindor. I knew one or two Hufflepuffs, but not well enough that I would walk over and sit next to them for the Christmas dinner that day. I was quite lonely that year, as I wasn't too fond of the idea of spending my Christmas with the four Marauders- the only ones near my age. I spent my entire time with a pretty fifth year from Ravenclaw I'd met on the first day of the holidays.
But she spent a lot of the time in the library, something I'd never really fancied. That's where she was… on Christmas Day- the library with a small group of people from her house. I always thought they were too smart for their own good. Of course, I had very good grades, and I'd been in the library, too, a fair few times, but I'd never have been able to spend unnecessary hours there. I'd certainly never have been able to go there everyday, or every week, even. Not that I never studied, because I did, but I just didn't like going into a room so full of musty books.
I could have gone home, but I would've had to help my sister make up her wedding plans… And that would have been a horrible waste of time. She wouldn't have liked anything I had to say, and we would've been at each other necks the entire time. I did miss my family terribly, though… even Petunia.
"Your gonna freeze your tongue off, you know that, right?"
"That's not humanly possible, you know that, right?" I said, without turning around.
"Actually…"
"Oh, go away, Potter…" I said shortly, before throwing him a dirty look over my shoulder and pulling the casement shut again. Surely the weird nervous feeling I had in my stomach was from the snow and the cold. Not from Potter.
"Aww… now, what kind of Christmas spirit is that?" he said with a grin, leaning against the wall next to me.
"The kind that states quite clearly I'd rather be alone." I said lightly, finding myself smiling. Merlin knows why.
"Surely you don't really want to be alone on Christmas?"
"Well… no, I don't, actually. But that doesn't mean I want to spend it with you, either." I said happily, pulling my cloak closer around me and turning my back to him.
James watched me walk halfway down the corridor, a smile on his face, before jogging to catch up with me. Just when I'd though I was rid of him. "Well, you know, Lil- Dumbledore said he'd let us go to Hogsmeade two days before everyone else comes back… How 'bout it?" he said with a charming smile, wrapping his arm firmly around my shoulders.
I ducked under his arm, and dodged behind a tapestry hanging on the wall- my favourite secret staircase. It went to every floor, and I used it almost everyday. But he was right behind me, like he expected me to try to run behind it. Sometimes, the sense he could read minds wasn't entirely foreign to me.
"First of all, Potter, my name is not Lil, it is Lily. So if you insist on calling me by my first name, at least get it right. Second of all, no, I don't really want to go with you to Hogsmeade. I've never said yes to you in my life and I don't plan to start now." I said evenly, taking the stairs two at a time.
"Well… we could always go sooner, if you'd like that better." he said. I rolled my eyes and tried my best to look annoyed, but found myself smiling. How I could possibly smile at a time like that, I'm not sure. The boy had been asking to go on a date with him for almost two years… two very long years.
"James- the answer is still no." I said.
It was the first time since I'd known him, that I used his first name- a slip-up we both noticed immediately.
He grinned confidently and ran a hand through his hair. I groaned inwardly, telling myself that I would never say so much as another word around James Potter again.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"No where." Damn it, I said I wasn't going to talk to him!
"Well, this sure is a pretty day for it to be no where."
"Where does it look like I'm going?" I said.
"Somewhere?"
"Oh, aren't you smart?"
"Must be- I'm Head Boy, aren't I?"
"I doubt it had anything to do with common sense, then."
"Lily, look at that snow- go outside with me." he said happily. That was out of the blue. I glanced out a nearby window at the falling snow. I really didn't want to spend the day alone… Besides, I had sensed that some kind of change had taken place over James during the summer… I'd first noticed it the first day back, when we were on the train. He called me Lily, not Evans. Ever since that day, I wondered about it some, especially when we were working together on our Head duties. And I'd definitely noticed that he asked me out less, which was a lot less distracting. Not that I would have admitted any of that to him at the time. Or anyone, for that matter.
"Wh-"
"Please?" he pouted. I couldn't help but smile as he hit his knees, hands clasped before him, begging me to go outside.
"But-," I was trying to find any excuse not to go outside with him- I may not have gotten along with him for seven years, but I still thought he was mildly attractive. Okay, so I thought he was one of the most handsome people I'd ever seen, but I never let that change my attitude to his ever-lasting efforts, did I?
"Lily! Just look out there! Don't tell me you don't want to go play in the fresh snow? it's the best part of Christmas!" he pleaded, dropping his hands disappointedly to his sides.
"Oh, fine- but only because I don't have anything better to do!" I gave in. There was only so long a girl could resist his pleading… and his grin, which he flashed at me right at that second, just as I was thinking that.
"Come on!" he cried happily, jumping to his feet, and grabbing my hand all at once.
We ran down to the first floor, laughing the whole way. I think it would have been impossible to run through half the castle with James Potter and not laugh. By the time we were we reached the huge oak doors in the Entrance Hall we were both out of breath and choking back laughter.
"I've never… done that… before!" I gasped, clutching a stitch in my side, but smiling just the same.
"Oh, well… first time for everything, no?" he laughed again, and took a deep breath.
"It's so… beautiful out here," I said quietly, staring out of the open door.
"You're beautiful," he whispered, almost as if to himself.
I shook my head, so that my shoulder-length hair would hide my flaming cheeks… But he saw them anyway. Not that I was blushing.
"Lily…" he said softly, using his thumb to turn my face so that I was looking at him.
"W…what?" I knew he was about to kiss me when he said that, I just knew it.
"I… well… but-" he was stumbling horribly over his words, so I smiled gently and put a finger to his lips. "Um- okay…" he muttered, looking a bit confused.
I brushed a piece of his messy hair out of his face and got up on my tip-toes to kiss him… He stood still a moment, then deepened the kiss… Like he said- there's a first time for everything.
After a minute or two, he pulled away, smiling at me triumphantly.
I blushed crimson- had I really just kissed him? I lowered my eyes to the ground.
"Well… And I always though you hated me…"
I snapped my head up. "Hate you? No- I never hated you!"
"Had me fooled most of the time, then." he said sadly. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and opened my mouth to apologise, when he grinned. "It's okay now, though, right?"
I nodded slowly, and locked my eyes onto his. He bent down and gave me a quick kiss.
"So… How about that Hogsmeade visit?" I asked.
He looked surprised, but quickly recovered. "I'm supposed to ask you! I was just about to- that isn't fair!"
"Oh, shut up and kiss me before I change my mind." I laughed.
That was probably one of the best days of my life. From then on, we were a couple and we've been happily together since…
The next Christmas was just as memorable as the one before.
James and his family invited us to their house for Christmas, to celebrate my birthday also. I told James I didn't need anything for my birthday, as all I got him was a pretty decent muggle TV with a VCR and a couple movies (he played with the one in my room the entire summer, when he was at my house) but after he flat out refused to not get my anything, I agreed he could get me something… just not anything terribly expensive.
He promised me it would be worth it.
When we walked through the door of his extremely large mansion, I knew he was up to something, just by the way he was smiling. But I could see he was extremely pleased with himself, so I didn't say a thing.
All of our friends were there, too, most of which I hadn't seen since the day we graduated.
We were all gathered in the Ballroom- which was the size of the Great Hall at Hogwarts- I never knew rooms so large could be built in a house…er…mansion- when James announced he wanted to give me my present.
Only then did I realize just how many people were crowded around us, smiling thoughtfully. I saw Emily, grinning at me from the back of the room. Remus was next to her, holding her hand. I smiled at my best friends, and looked back at James- just as he drew a little black box from his pocket.
And got down on his knee.
"James-" I breathed, unsure of what to say, and unable to say much else.
"Lily, I love you. I have since the first time I saw you- on our first day to Hogwarts… I waited for seven years to ask you this- and I'm not very good at talking in front of so many people… So, Lily Evans- will you marry me?"
I could only laugh and nod- trying to stop the tears flowing down my cheeks. I was more happy than I'd ever been, yet I couldn't get the tears to stop. James looked a bit surprised, then relieved.
The next thing I knew, he had me in his arms.
Every person in the crowd was smiling. Many of the women had tears in their eyes, especially our mums. Our fathers were even seen wiping their eyes with the back of their hands.
I don't even know how long we stood there, together, but when we broke apart, I kissed him. "I love you too, James…" was all I could say.
He slipped the ring onto my finger and we smiled sheepishly at Sirius, Remus, and Emily as they joined us in the middle of the floor.
Exactly one year later, I stood nervously in my guest room at the Potter's, as my mum fixed a white ribbon around my bouquet of flowers.
"Mum… I'm so nervous!" I said quietly. She smiled knowingly and looked at me over the top of her glasses.
"Dear, you love each other- this is what's meant to be. Everything will be fine."
"You look beautiful, Lily." Emily said. She squeezed my hand with hers and smoothed out a wrinkle on my white silk wedding dress.
I picked a soft green for her Maid of Honour dress. Her hair was up in a French bun, with baby's breath tucked in neatly. She had a bouquet just like mine, only smaller. She looked beautiful, even if I was too nervous to notice.
"What if I trip?" I asked nervously.
"You won't."
I jumped and turned around quickly. "Oh, Daddy!" I whispered. He smiled proudly, taking in my dress. He pulled me into his arms, hugging me.
"My little girl is all grown up… You look lovely, Lily."
I smiled sadly. "Is it… time?"
He nodded, and we all knew that he was afraid to speak. If he did, he might cry- and he felt he had to be strong, of course.
"All right…" Mum handed me the flowers. "I love you, dear." she said, as a single tear slid down her cheek, and hurried from the room.
I nodded, unable to do much else. I turned my eyes fearfully to Emily.
She took a flat box from under her bag on the floor, and handed it to me. "It's from the Marauders, Kina, Cora, Eli, and me… We picked it out one day last week."
It was two silver hair pins, with lilies made of diamonds and emeralds. "Em…"
"Lily?" my father said.
"Okay- I'm ready. Oh- Em, will you put them in my hair?" I asked.
"Course…" she said, taking the delicate pins in her hands. She slipped one into my hair, one on each side of my head. I ran a hand over my curly hair (which was done exactly like Em's), checked it in the mirror, and turned to my father. "Now I'm ready."
My father led me downstairs, where Sirius, who was James's best man, Cora and Kina- my two bridesmaids, Remus and Peter were waiting.
"The music started- we're up!" Remus said happily to Cora. "Let's go!" he grinned and took her arm.
I watched as they disappeared through the door to the Potter's ball room, where the wedding was to take place- and James was waiting.
"Us next…" Kina said. Peter, who was shaking involuntarily, timidly wrapped his arm around Kina's and led the way through the door.
Emily smiled at me, and turned to Sirius.
I waited anxiously, as Morgan and Jamie- James's two younger cousins- followed Sirius and Emily.
"Daddy- I can't do this."
"Lily- you love him." he smiled patiently.
Before I had time to answer, he led me through the door. Everyone's eyes turned to me.
But I could only see one person: James. He was fidgeting nervously at the front of the room, but looked up slowly when everyone sighed. His eyes met mine, and we smiled at one another. Then we forgot all about the nervousness.
"I love you." I said softly, once I took my spot next to him.
"I love you, too…" he whispered back.
"Lily? Harry is waking up…" I look over at my husband of two years to the day, and smile. It's Christmas morning and now we have a little five-month old son, Harry, who looks as though he is going to be every bit as stubborn as me, and just as handsome as his father… With my eyes. I wanted a girl, but I couldn't be happier with baby Harry. And James.
Even though he's laid out on the sofa, eyes closed, looking positively exhausted, I couldn't ask for a better husband. I'd be tired, too, if I had to stay up half the night with Harry… But James offered last night, to give me a break. And I needed it.
"Just think, love, next year, he'll be able to run around, and open his own presents! I can just imagine his little eyes when he sees the tree- we'll have to do it beautifully just for him…" I say happily, leaning down to kiss James before I go get Harry from his little 'nest' on the floor.
James groans, but when I look over at him, he smiles. I take Harry tenderly in my arms, and slide onto the cushion next to James. "Don't you-"
Suddenly the doorbell chimes… again… and again… and again. Well, there are the boys. Sirius never has grown up… He's probably out there, grinning like a fool because he got to push the button for the doorbell this time. I'll bet Remus is next to him, shaking his head, but smiling, just the same. He grew up too fast. Peter is going to be behind the two of them, shaking in the cold… he always seems to be shaking for some reason or another. I'm not really sure he's ever grown at all, or ever will.
"Well, at least Harry is already awake, eh?" James mutters before getting wearily to his feet to open the door for his friends. I watch proudly as Harry's emerald eyes light up with excitement and follow his father across the room. He giggles as Sirius knocks James to the ground with his 'hug', while Remus and Peter stand in the doorway and laugh. Remus lifts his hand to me, waving.
I smile, waving back, only thinking of how much I love them all.
I hope nothing ever changes.