Unofficial Portkey Archive

"My funny Valentine
Sweet, comic Valentine
You make me smile with my heart."
-My Funny Valentine, Frank Sinatra

Chapter Twenty

Dawn broke on the day of Hogsmeade, and still James was stuck with two day-long appointments and only one day to use. He had spent a sleepless night tossing and turning and finally gave up sleep to sit in the windowsill and look out upon the mountains on the outside of Hogsmeade as the sun slowly rose on the horizon.

He and Lily decided that they were going to be going on a picnic, though she had told him to surprise her at the where, but he'd been so busy scouting with Sirius to pause and look for a place to have it. She was looking forward to it, so much so that he had overheard her talking with Dorcas and Alice about their plans, with such a sparkle in her eyes. He loved that sparkle, especially when it was his making.

Sirius, on the other hand, was too involved in thinking up a prankster obstacle course to make the connection that James was promising Lily that they were going to spend the day together the same day as tryouts. He had roped James the day before into setting up the course that the younger students would be running the next day. They had been dredging up all the situations they had found themselves in (most of which they had put themselves in) and did their best to recreate the scenes. The past few days had been filled with reliving their old days, and there had been a rekindling of the lost fire between the two boys. James felt closer than he ever did to Siris.

Which made him feel twenty times worse about not being there.

James leaned his forehead against the cool window and sighed. Somebody was going to get hurt, and it was going to be James' fault.

His eyes snapped open suddenly. How could he be so dumb? Of course he could please both of them, it was so easy! He'd have to do it just right, of course, and that would require careful planning on his part and the use of his Invisibility Cloak.

Stepping away from the window, he glanced at the clock on the wall. It was near five in the morning; that would give him about two and a half hours to figure out the exact spot where he could place Lily, and...

He grabbed his Invisibility Cloak and nearly ran out of his dorm. He had a lot to do, and not a lot to do it in, after all.

"James!" Lily sighed, as they came into view of the spot where he had fished out some hour before. A blue blanket had been placed on the edge of the cliff with a display of assorted fruit and cake pieces and a bowl of steaming chocolate in the middle. There was also a single red rose and a bottle of wine icing beside the blanket.

"Is this satisfactory?" he asked, waiting for her to sit before he joined her.

"Have I told you how amazing I think you are?" Lily sighed, ogling all that was before her. James reached down and picked up a long stemmed strawberry, dipping it into the chocolate, and then bringing it up to her mouth.

"Open wide," he said, leaning in with the strawberry. Instead of putting it in her mouth, he put it in his, biting off the entire strawberry except for the stem. She pouted at him as he stared back at her, strawberry still clutched between his teeth.

"That's not fair..."

James said something, which was hard to make out, but perfectly clear by the look in his eyes. She leaned forwards and put her mouth to his, pushing the entire strawberry out of his mouth (not exactly what he had planned), into hers, and promptly began chewing.

"You weren't supposed to take the whole thing, Baby," he kissed her nose.

"Let's try again then, shall we?" she asked, taking a strawberry of her own in her mouth. James peered down at his watch nonchalantly and jumped. Sirius was gonna kill him!

"Something wrong?" Lily asked, taking the strawberry out of her mouth.

"No, Baby," he kissed her. "Stay right there. I'll be right back."

With that, he left her, a chocolate-covered strawberry sitting in her hand and set into the forest, in search of his second appointment of the day.

James' brilliant idea consisted of having fun-time with Lily and then "conveniently" finding excuses to get away and run to the other side of the forest to where Sirius was trying out the younger kids.

Because James' sense of direction was...not so hot, he put markers up on trees between where the starting point was for the Marauders-to-be. He came upon them, and Sirius looking a bit irked. James had promised him that he'd be here by 9:30, but Lily had wanted to 'walk' and enjoy the village for a bit, so it was near 10 when he finally made it to where Sirius was.

"Finally, what took you so long?"

"Got lost?" James shrugged. Sirius snorted.

"Fine Quidditch player you are," he turned to the group. James surveyed them critically. Most of them looked in awe to be so close to the famous James Potter and Sirius Black. He could pick out a few first years, as they were the smallest and most scared of the bunch. They, plus whatever second years there were, were already high up in James' book for the craftiness to get past Filch.

"All right, Padfoot, we ready to begin?"

"What's on your face?" Sirius asked, peering at a dark spot on the side of James' mouth.

"Nothing," James said, quickly wiping his mouth. "Are we ready to begin?" he asked again.

Sirius gave him a suspicious look, but said nothing further on the subject. "Yes, I figure we can separate the years to find the best out of all of the years and then we can set those upon each other. While you were dawdling I explained the rules, so we're all ready to go."

"Fine, fine, so I shall patrol the eastern side of the mountain and you'll patrol the western?" he asked.

"Yes, yes," Sirius nodded. They had set up a series of obstacles all up and down the mountain, which included cardboard dummies Transfigured to be real of teachers and Slytherins, pieces of parchment with scenarios of hallways and classrooms in Hogwarts, and random spells that must be performed.

James and Sirius were going to be positioned up and down the eastern and western sides of the mountain (or were supposed to) and were going to be hiding and watching certain things. None of the trainees knew when or where they were going to be, so they were encouraged to do their best at all times.

Of course, this was perfect for James because he could sneak off to be with Lily and get back for a few minutes to watch a bit, and then return to be with Lily. He was just mad at himself for not figuring it out sooner.

After the initial send off, James hurried back to find Lily. She was looking quite put out for being kept so long.

"Where were you?" she asked, impatiently, and James saw that the strawberries were gone. He grinned and sat down next to her, kissing her sensuously. She seemed to forget about being mad for a bit and leaned into him, kissing him just as passionately.

Out of the corner of his eye, James peered at his watch and monitored himself fifteen minutes of Lily-time before he went back to check on the Marauders-to-be.

He spent this time taking turns snogging her and feeding her grapes and cherries and slices of oranges. He also had several foolproof ways of getting away from her.

He slowly lessoned his passion. "Wait right here."

"James, stay with me," Lily whispered, grabbing the front of his shirt and keeping her close.

"Ok..." he relented, coming back to her and kissing her again. Then he remembered his job and pushed himself to stop.

"I want to go get you something," he says, pulling away.

"I don't want it, then," she shook her head.

He chuckled and stood up. "Be right back. Don't move."

"Ahh!!!" the first year cried, as he was sprung on by a cardboard, but very life-like Filch.

James banged his head against the tree. And the first years were looking so promising too. He looked at his clock. He hadn't had a steady group come by, which made him irked, because every second of time that he sat alone in the forest, he could have been snogging Lily.

"James," Lily giggled. "Stop it! I'm going to get a mark!"

"That would be the point, Dear," James grinned, continuing.

"James!" Lily cried, as he pushed her slowly to the ground. Of course, his intention was landing his left hand on his wand. A shot of wind came out of his wand and rustled the bushes.

Lily broke apart from him roughly and looked at the bushes. "What was that?"

"I'll go check it out," James assured her, kissing her forehead and taking his wand and smiling so he couldn't see her. Everything was going about perfectly so far.

James peered at his watch. He'd have time to watch for two more before he went back fo his snogging/eating with Lily.

All in all, he was fairly disappointed with the entire lot. They didn't show much spunk or initiative or even creativity. He wondered if Sirius was fairing better, but he needed to get back to Lily.

She was drawing things in the sand when James returned.

"What was it?" Lily asked. "I was worried."

"What was what?" James asked, confused.

"The thing in the bushes," she said.

"Wha-OH!" James grinned. "It was nothing."

"So what took you so long?" Lily asked. James decided not to answer, but just to kiss her, as this was his preferred way of making her forget about his questions. It didn't work this time.

"James, what took you so long?" she pressed again.

"I...... thought I saw someone so I was following it," he lied, leaning in again.

"And?" Lily pushed him away.

"And it turned out to be a deer or something," he said, trying again.

"There are no deer in this forest except for you," she reminded him.

"I am a stag thank you very much!" he huffed indignantly.

"Sorry...did I wound your manly pride?" she asked, putting her hand on his chest.

"Mortally," he said, mocking as if he was hurt.

"Well, then, shall I kiss it and make it better?" she asked, unbuttoning his shirt. He looked around at the forest. He had no problem getting partially undressed with Lily in the middle of the forest, but should an ickle firstie get lost, he didn't want them to have to walk into the sight of them going at it.

Still, he kinda forgot all about the ickle firsties when she pressed her lips to his bare chest, moving across it slowly. He leaned back and breathed her name, a grin coming to his face. She kissed up his chest to his neck and nipped at his shoulders, as she settled into his lap.

Sliding his hands under her shirt, she jumped when his cold hands touched her bare skin. "Cold hands," she whispered against his neck. He continued up the back of her shirt finding her bra and unhooking it without any difficulty.

She forgot about his neck and kissed his mouth, hungrily. He responded in turn by sliding his hands to the front of her chest.

Before he could get to what he was aiming for, he heard a voice in the bushes. Cursing the terrible timing of some kid, he looked to Lily, who had also heard the voice.

"Perhaps he's back?" she asked quietly, sliding off of his lap, and rehooking her bra. James sighed and stood up, grabbing his wand to steer whatever kid on the right path.

"Ug...be right back," James groaned and stormed into the forest.

Even with James' horrible sense of direction, he was starting to think that maybe, somehow, he'd misread his own markers. Because he was sure that he hadn't passed a giant cliffside before. He paused for a moment to look down the dark abyss, wondering just how long it went down.

And then he doubted that he even saw any markers when he turned to find that there were no markers, though he was positive that he'd followed them. He sighed and backed up to the cliff side, thinking deeply.

He was sure he came by that tree...or maybe it was that tree, or was it a bush? But that bird looked awfully familiar, and there it flew off.

Panic began to fill James' brain. He suddenly thought of what would happen if he had to live out in the wilds of the woods for the rest of his life. If he'd have to eat rats (Wormtail! he thought) and become a wild man. Or worse, he'd never see Sirius again or...

Or he'd never get to snog Lily again.

"Oh jeez, oh jeez," he was really panicking now. He hopped from on foot to the other and looked around, worriedly. He came from that tree, didn't he? Or maybe it was that bush. But that bird looked awfully familiar, and there it went flying over the ravine.

Suddenly, the very calm, quiet voice that lay usually dormant in his head began to speak. He was a wizard. He had a wand. He knew a spell to get himself on the right track.

"You know, Prongs, sometimes you're really an idiot," he muttered to himself. He turned, losing his balance for a minute, next to the cliffside, and chuckled. Then he laughed a good laugh at himself.

"Now, where is my wand?" he asked, feeling around in his pockets, still chuckling at himself. He didn't see the spell come out of the bushes, crumbling the rock face and sending him falling into the darkness.

Lily threw a branch aside angrily, looking around for James in the mountainside forest. He had been gone for an hour and if she had thought him disappearing every so often was suspicious, now she definitely thought so. Especially when she overheard Sirius talking to a group of younger kids.

"All right, now whenever James returns, we'll give you our scores," he said, tapping his foot.

"Black." Lily said, dangerously, coming into the clearing. "Where is he?"

Sirius turned around, confused. "Lily? What are you doing out here?"

"Looking for Potter," she said. "He was supposed to be spending the day with me-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, James was supposed to be helping me out today with these guys-"

"I thought I told him to give up on that," Lily's eyes narrowed dangerously. "He's been disappearing every half hour."

"So you mean to tell me that he hasn't been doing his part of the deal?" Sirius asked.

"I haven't seen him in an hour, so I suppose that he at least kept one of us happy," she snorted.

"I've been waiting here for 45 minutes," Sirius said, getting a bit concerned.

"Do you think he got lost?" Lily asked.

"It's possible, with his sense of direction," Sirius snorted. He turned to the candidates. "If any of you fancy sticking around to help find James, come with me, and everyone else can go."

A few of the kids left, but the majority stayed. Sirius divided them up to search and he took Lily and a small first year with him.

"I can't believe him," Lily grumbled, looking around. "James!" she called.

"James!" Sirius called. "Well, honestly, he promised me first. Jim!"

"James!" Lily called, peering behind a bush. "Yes, but you shouldn't even be doing this in the first place. Ja-ames!"

"Why not?" Sirius said, looking behind a rock.

"Because you don't need to be teaching innocent kids things like hexing people. It sets a bad example."

"Bad example? It's teaching kids to defend themselves," Sirius called again, "James!"

"Defend themselves?" Lily snorted. "You're teaching them to hurt other people without warning! James! Are you there?!"

"Not without warning, Lily," Sirius said, slyly. "They usually have it coming. We're above hexing people for no reason, now. Jim!"

"Even if they do have it coming, that is no reason to stoop down to their level and hex them," Lily sighed. "That's wrong."

"All right, so next time a Death Eater is trying to kill you, are you going to negotiate for them to cease hostilities?" he asked.

"No," Lily said. "That's different. Those people are already murderers, a few spells won't hurt them."

"The Slytherins here, they're already Death Eaters," Sirius said. "I'd bet my golden dog collar on it."

Lily shot a look down to the first year who wasn't really listening. "You have a golden dog collar?"

"No, not really," Sirius said, moving aside a tree branch as they came upon a deep ravine. Lily and Sirius were too scared to take another step forwards.

And then they heard it.

"Alll byyyy myyyyseeeeeeelf....don't want to be....alll byy myseeeeelf..."

"James!" Sirius and Lily rushed to the edge of the cliff. James was sitting at the bottom of the cliff, which, upon closer inspection, was not as far as it seemed.

"Oh, there you guys are!" James whined, standing. "I've been waiting here ages."

"Are you all right, baby?" Lily asked, biting her lip.

James eyed the two of them. By now they probably knew what he had been doing, and they would probably be mad at him if he didn't distract them in some way.

"Yes," he said, melodramatically. "If only my leg wasn't broken..."

"I'll be right down mate!" Sirius said, edging over the side of the cliff.

"Me too!" Lily said, following suit. She stopped right on the edge of the cliff, however, and felt it, curiously.

"All righty!" Sirius said, jumping down to face James. Sirius took one look at James and then punched him in the shoulder.

"You big bloody faker."

"What!?" James said, rubbing his shoulder.

"Last time you broke something, you were screaming like a little girl."

"Well my shoulder's broken now, thanks to you."

"Lily, he's not...what are you looking at?" Sirius called up.

"This is too smooth to be caused naturally."

"What dya mean?" James asked.

"Somebody tried to kill you, I think," Lily said. "Tried and failed. And they wanted to make it look like an accident."

"That doesn't sound like a Death Eater," James shook his head. "Because I didn't see anybody."

Lily pulled herself up on the ledge again. "Come on, you two. Let's get back to the school before any other mishaps happen."

"Yeah, and why don't you explain what happened today, Potter?" Sirius asked, scathingly.

"Owww...my leeeeeeg-OW! PADFOOT! I THINK YOU REALLY BROKE IT THIS TIME!"

Sirius shrugged and began climbing.