-Chapter Nine: Inky, Kinky, and Stinky Situations-
-By Natali, the one and only LIBS of the great and fabulous RoseLibs-
Chirp, chirp!
Lily turned around in her lacy pink lingerie and stared at her bed. "What the bloody hell is a bird doing on my bed?"
Chirp!
"Shoo!" She said, swatting at it with her hand. She kept doing so, and the idiot bird still didn't move. She bent down, picked up a slipper, and threw it at the crow, who hopped away madly to avoid getting hit.
"Lily, wake up!"
"What the bloody hell?" Lily shrieked. The bird started chirping louder. "Stop that infernal chirping!"
"It's James," the bird said.
"James? Why are you a bird?"
James-the real James, not the bird James-snickered as he watched Lily attempt to hit what he supposed was a bird, which she believed to be him. "Wake up, Lils. You're dreaming."
Lily, who was in dream land, tried to kick the talking bird who insisted it was James, and felt the satisfying crunch of something breaking.
"Fuck, Lils," James gasped, holding his nose. "I think you broke my nose!"
That brought Lily back down to earth, and she awoke with a gasp. Sure enough, there was James's beautiful nose, bleeding. An ugly purple mark was visible already.
"James, are you alright?" she stammered, sitting up hastily. "Do you feel dizzy? Do you want ice? Do you need to lay down? Would you like me to clean it up, or should I-"
"Shutting up sounds interestingly comforting right now," he said, sounding a bit nasal. His eyes began to water. "What the bloody fuck were you dreaming about?"
Lily prepared to answer, but then noticed she was still naked from their... explorations the night before. She snatched the blanket beside her to her chest and attempted to cover herself up.
James, on the other hand, was proudly displaying his maleness. "Are you bloody out of your mind?" he asked. "We've fucked a handful of times, my nose is broken-your fault, no less-and now you want to cover yourself up? Like I haven't seen it all already!"
"I just want to feel a tad bit less naked, thank you," she replied crisply. "I'm going to dress and then you can dress and I'll walk you up to Madam Pomfrey's-"
"Over my dead body. I never go to the Nurse," he muttered stubbornly, rising and heading towards the castle-still naked.
"You've broken your bloody nose, James!" she protested, grabbing up the blankets and her clothes, hurrying after him as she dressed.
"No, you've broken it," he amended. "Anyway, I'm fine. Nothing a little bandage can't help."
"You've got to be kidding me!" Lily laughed, shaking her head. "You've got a broken body part, and you won't see the Nurse?"
"Pretty much."
She stopped dead in her tracks, then gawked at his retreating back. "That's what you think," she muttered. "If you won't go to the Nurse, the Nurse will come to you." Moving once more, she shouted to him, "Would you put some bloody clothes on, you git? You can't just walk around the place stark naked."
He looked over his shoulder and threw her a gorgeous smile. "I can and will."
Her face broke out into a grin, and she had to stop walking for a moment, just to enjoy the sight of his bare butt cheeks contracting as he walked.
"Damn right, that's my man."
-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-~-*-
J. Mo Harrison, only daughter of Jim and Lisa Harrison's six children, stretched languorously as she awoke, in no less than Sirius Black's arms.
Oh, shit.
Yes, that was the litany running through her head.
Ohshitohshitohshitohshit. Ohshitohshitohshitohshit. Ohshitohshitohshitohshit
But why, of all things, was this ebony-haired girl repeating such a terribly concerning curse?
What did you get yourself into? she groaned, shutting her eyes in an attempt to block all else out. You just slept with Sirius Black-notorious man-whore of Hogwarts, the womanizer of all womanizers. She strained her eyes in order to view him without moving. And you bloody loved every bit of it, you horrible bitch.
She tried to edge out of his arms, but they only tightened around her more.
And you like that too, you awful, awful wretch!
J. Mo sighed, determined to get out of her predicament. "Sirius, I need to use the loo."
"Hold it," he grumbled, shifting his arm to tug her even closer to him.
"Sirius, please let go of me," she sighed, feeling helpless. Something in her voice must have shown that she was distressed, because Sirius cracked one eye open and looked at her.
"You alright?"
Don't cry, she commanded herself, but even as she thought it, her eyes began to water. "I've made a major mistake."
This, it seemed, woke him up, and he was sitting up instantly. "What do you mean a `mistake'? What was mistakable about last night?"
She sat up too, but began to slide off the bed. "I... I shouldn't have slept with you." Remembering that she was in the Seventh Year Boys' dormitory, she glanced around and was thankful to find that the room was vacated. What time was it?
"You sleep with other guys," he growled defensively, jumping out of bed too.
"Well, I'm so glad you don't view me as a whore," she snapped, looking around for her knickers. Oh, fuck it, he can keep them. I've got a skirt on, and that's enough.
"I don't think-Where the bloody hell do you think you're going?" he asked, stopping her just as she reached the doorknob. "What's the matter? Last night you were all-"
"I made a mistake, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have slept with you. It was nice-"
"Nice? Not fan-bloody-tastic?"
"-and it was great fun, but I've been such a stupid, stupid nitwit," she continued without pause. "In short, major boo-boo on my part."
Sirius stared at her, still not allowing her to leave-not that she didn't try.
"You're just going to... leave?" he asked hoarsely, clearing his throat.
"Yes. As soon as you move."
"What happened to `more than one time'?"
Her blue eyes were sad for a moment before she answered. "That was probably the biggest mistake of them all. I'm sorry for leading you on."
She shoved him slightly, just enough so that she could open the door. He was about to go after her, but it would hardly do to walk about Gryffindor Tower wearing nothing but his diamond stud earrings.
He slammed the door and looked around the room, finally staring at his bed. It was rumpled, and distinctly looked like two people had had a lot of fun there the night before. Which they had.
So what had happened?
-*-~-*-
J. Mo entered her room, praying there was no one in there. To her dismay, there was.
"Hey, J, where have you been?" Brandy chuckled, braiding her hair. "Was he good?"
J. Mo fought to contain her tears-my gosh, when was the last time she'd cried?-in order to answer the last person she wanted to speak to at the moment. "I fell asleep in the library."
Brandy laughed. "Sure. He must've been really bad and embarrassing if you don't even want to mention who it was. No worries. Just, if I'm planning on shagging him, warn me beforehand. Later, I'm going for a jog."
Brandy left without expecting a reply from J. Mo, which was the best thing to have happened to her yet that morning.
-*-~-*-
"I cannot believe you brought Madam Pomfrey to me," James muttered, unhappily lying on the bed. "I was fine."
"Your nose was the color of a prune, James."
He glared at Lily, who only smiled and snuggled closer to him. "To cheer you up, I thought we could go ahead and do what we discussed last night..."
With an evil grin, James got his wand and conjured up paints. "Naturally."
Twenty minutes-and much spit swatting-later, James sat back on his haunches and grinned at his handiwork, paintbrush clenched between his teeth. He smiled, and took it out. "I love it."
"What is it?" Lily giggled. She twisted, but still couldn't see it.
"The Marauder symbol," he said slowly, running his hand across her bottom appreciatively. He liked how the henna tattoo on her lower back showed she was somehow his.
"That ugly little M with a circle around it?"
"Yes, that `ugly little M with a circle around it'," he snorted. "You better like it though, because now it's on your back, Lils."
She turned onto her side, careful not to smudge the still wet tattoo. "You know what that means right? I have to give you the Divines' sign too, in all its girlishness and femininity." She gave a short laugh, then yanked him onto the bed. "Your turn! It's going between your shoulder blades, by the way."
James groaned, but turned over anyway. "I'm never going to hear the end of this from Sirius, you know."
"Yes, I know."
"I get the feeling that's why you do this."
"Sometimes. Now would you hold still please?" She shoved him so that his elbows gave out.
"My nose, Lils."
"Sorry," she giggled, dipping her thin brush in the red paint.
"First you hurt me, desert me, then hurt me some more."
"Excuse you, I never deserted you."
"You did when Pomfrey came."
"Oh, you're such a baby!" She leaned closer in order to see better. It was a bit dark in the room, but she liked it like that. After so many years, she'd perfected the Divines' symbol, and could do it with her eyes closed. But she wanted to make it personal. Because he didn't belong to the Divines-he belonged to her.
She smiled at her possessiveness, and thought about who it was that she had fallen head over heels for.
Potter. James Potter.
The same Potter who she'd been rejecting for nearly two years. And she didn't even care that it was all because of a bet because-well, let's face it... He'd been a bet too, hadn't he?
Had he gotten his money for fucking her three times? She hoped so. Because then she could make him buy her diamond earrings with that money, couldn't she? After all, she was the one to thank, wasn't she?
So strange that I'm in love with the one person I couldn't stand. I never let myself see what a great guy he is. Would it have been different, if I'd accepted when he first asked?
No. Never. It wouldn't have worked out. I was so... anti-popularity back then. I hated his guts because no one else did. Well, maybe with the exception of Snivellus, but that's fine.
Thinking of Snape (as disgusting as it was to do so while she was engaging in a somewhat erotic act with her boyfriend) reminded her that she hadn't done any pranks with the Divines recently, and that was something that was just... well, quite frankly, a sin.
And they still had to prank McGonagall! Oh, where does the time go?
"Have the Marauders done any pranks lately?" Lily asked him as she dotted one of the i's.
"Nope." There was a pause while James frowned. "Come to think of it, haven't had much Marauder time." Realizing that what he said could definitely fall the wrong way, he quickly tried to make amends. "Not that there's a problem with that. I love spending time with you."
"I agree. We have been ignoring our mates, haven't we?" Lily said thoughtfully. "I think next weekend should be devoted just to them, don't you?"
"Just to them?" he asked reluctantly.
"Well, during the day anyway," she chuckled, kissing his neck. "At night, you're all mine."
"All your's? Sounds positively disastrous," he grinned. He hesitated before bringing up a touchy subject. "I thought that perhaps, my love, that I'd point something out to you, Lils."
"Oh? What?"
James cleared his throat and held back a triumphant grin. "I've been meaning to point out to you that, whilst you insisted that you never came when someone else was on top, you've been having several orgasms during our new relationship. Underneath, I'd like to add."
Lily stopped painting his tattoo and glared at his black head. "Well, I-Argh ...because I wanted to?" she said defensively. "I'd also like to remind you who's holding a paintbrush with ink above your back."
James grinned. "Sure."
"What do you mean `sure'?"
"Just that. I totally agree."
"No you don't! You just do it to irritate me, you little bastard!"
"As a matter of fact, you're correct. I think we can attribute it all to my great skill, honestly." When she didn't respond, he goaded her by adding, "After all, I'm good. Aren't I, Lils?"
"Shut up."
"You know what this means?"
"Don't do it, James. It's not fair."
"What's not fair?" he chuckled. "We made a deal. We've slept together for more than three nights-or three times, whatever way you'd like to look at it. And as I recall, you've been back for more."
He took her silence as her agreement.
"And so you see," he continued, stretching out a bit and yawning, "you must stand up in front of everyone in the Great Hall tomorrow morning and declare that you care about what other people think."
"It's just... that's not so much true anymore," she sighed. "And it was under unfair circumstances that I came back to you."
"What unfair circumstances?"
"I hadn't planned on..." Falling in love with you. Lily didn't say it, but she thought it.
He glanced over his shoulder. "On what? It feeling so good?"
"Yeah."
"And what do you mean it's not true? It's very true, and you know it."
"No, it's not," she dissuaded him softly. "I only care about what one person thinks now. You've changed that for me."
He didn't reply, only let that piece of information sink in. Really, he couldn't move himself to say anything, and he didn't think it mattered if he did.
His right hand crept across the sheets until they found her bare thighs, and he gave them a gentle squeeze. He felt her stop drawing, and soon her hand was in his.
"I know," she whispered, a trace of a smile in her voice. "Now let me get back to my work of art, if you please."
*(`'L.¸(L':.¸***¸.:'L)¸.:'L)*
*:.:.AºL:. Lily the Divine .:Lº:.:.:*
*(¸.:'L(¸.:'L *** L':.¸)L'A.¸)*
"I'm done!" Lily cried twenty minutes later, blowing over the wet tattoo. "I must say, it looks smashing, darling."
"Let me see!" James said, jumping off of bed and running to the mirror like a little kid running to the ice cream man. He turned around and craned his head till he could see it. She waited anxiously for his opinion, and bit her lip while she watched his face.
"You've done a bit of personalizing," he commented, eyeing the red, pink, and orange tattoo.
"I... I didn't want anyone to think you belong to anyone but me," she said quietly. "Is that ok?"
He slowly turned around, and just as slowly, a grin spread onto his face. "That's better than ok. To be totally honest, I saw the whole problem with putting the Divines' sign on my back, but... it seemed important to you."
"You put the Marauders' M though. Nothing personal there."
"Look closer."
Lily got up and craned her neck. "I can't see it."
"Then let me read it for you." He knelt down, and turned her towards him, placing a soft kiss on her right bum cheek. "It says: M. And it has a little circle around it. But then, beneath the little circle..." He ran his thumb across the now dry tattoo, loving tracing the one word he'd written.
"What does it say?" she asked, bringing him out of his short reverie.
"Mine."
*~_~*
Janet Harrison tugged at her hair as she tended to do when she was stressed. She was such a total bitch. A terrible friend, and fat to boot.
"Bitch, backstabber, and blubber."
"You're not," said an insistent male voice, flopping down on the couch beside her. "I don't like bitches, and I like you."
J. Mo blushed, getting up off the couch. "You might not like them, but you fuck them plenty." She headed for her room.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Sirius frowned, jumping over the back of the red couch and blocking her way to the stairs. "What's that supposed to mean? Are you mad at me?"
J. Mo looked at him sadly for a moment before sighing, "Sirius, you're making this so much harder than it has to be."
"Me?" he laughed. "You're the one who left me high and dry this morning. I was the one left with questions."
"Shh!" she snapped. "Someone might hear you!"
"What's your point?"
"I'm not a whore, Black!"
"After this morning, Harrison, I'm rethinking that." After that remark, it really wasn't that surprising that Sirius felt the hot sting of a hand smacking his cheek. "Ouch."
"Don't think for a second that you didn't deserve that," she snarled, shoving him aside and stomping towards the stairs. "Asshole. And to think that for a moment I was actually upset that this couldn't go on."
"You're not going anywhere!" Sirius caught her from behind and raised her in the air, legs kicking out trying to nick him. "Will you relax?"
"No! Let me go!"
"Not until we have a civilized conversation."
"Hah! You, civilized?" She threw her head back and laughed with surprising dignity for someone who'd just been thrown unceremoniously over Sirius Black's shoulder.
"You're one to talk. Especially when you yelled like a cave woman last nite."
She stopped laughing abruptly, and her grip on his back tightened. "Don't make me regret last night, Sirius. Please."
He sensed that she was serious, and allowed her that. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," she mumbled as he set her down on the couch again, sitting next to her.
"Just to be sure you don't run away, I'm going to hold your arms. Would that be ok?" he asked warily.
She shrugged. Don't fight, the sooner this is over, the better. She looked into his warm gray eyes. He looks so delicious though.
"What happened this morning?" he asked softly, leaning towards her. His thumbs made little circles on her arms, and she was aware of every move he made. He sounded like he actually cared, which only made things harder.
"I shouldn't have slept with you," she replied automatically. "No biggie."
"Why not?"
"I'm... betrothed," she lied. Really, it wasn't much of a lie, and she knew this, but she hadn't been able to think of anything.
"Betrothed," Sirius repeated, suppressing a smile. "Why won't you tell me what's the matter?"
For the second time that day, J. Mo felt her eyes become damp. She had a feeling this time she'd cry too. "I'm so terrible," she sniffled. "Don't ask me why, Sirius."
"Come here," he whispered, pulling her to him in a tight hug. "What's the matter, J. Mo?"
And there it was. The flood gates had opened. She didn't care that the whole of the Gryffindor common room was watching her cry-watching her cry onto the sleeve of one of Hogwarts's more notorious man-whores, no less. Never mind that there was no one else in the room besides them.
"I'm a terrible friend," she groaned.
"Why?"
Ignoring his question, she continued, "I'm a total bitch half the time too. And I'm fat. I don't fit into my new jeans anymore!"
"Err... Were those jeans white-washed with little butterflies on the left pocket?" Sirius asked.
"Yeah... How'd you know?"
"I sort of charmed them to shrink three sizes too small of the wearer," he grinned. "Seemed like a good idea at the time."
"You're an idiot!" She attempted to hit his arm, but he stopped her.
"You're not fat, see?"
"But you are an idiot!"
"Haven't you ever heard of little boys being mean to the girls they like?" he asked, grinning wickedly. "I was showing you that I like how you look with your Legos."
She would've laughed. Would've. Except that he looked so damn cute with that mischievous glint in his eyes. And his lips looked so tantalizing. Memories swept through her head of the night before, of the places those lips wandered. The magic those lips could work.
But she wasn't going to kiss him. Wouldn't have kissed him for a million pounds. Only... He kissed her first.
"Oh, God," she sighed, slipping her tongue into his mouth. "Just know I didn't start it."
"What?"
"Nothing."
The common room door opened. Laughter reached J. Mo's ears. Brandy's laughter. In the back of her mind, J. Mo registered Remus's deep baritone too, but it didn't matter. She jumped away from Sirius. "Please, Sirius. Don't."
Without another word, she turned and headed for the common room door, smiling stiffly to the passing Brandy and Remus, who didn't notice a thing.
Probably because they were too busy heading up for the Boys' Dormitory...
*~_~*
A/N: Was it funny? God, I hope that tattoo part wasn't funny. It's not supposed to be funny. Well, parts yes, but not other parts. Oh... Not having a good day. Sorry it took so long, I was in the UK for two weeks. And it only took me three days to post when I got back, and I blame that on jetlag. Otherwise. Well, that's all. So yeah. Thanks to everyone for reviewing, and I can't wait to read all those reviews (*hint hint*).
It makes me feel really good to see that what Amanda and I have created has blossomed as much as it has. As you all know, Rosie's chapter's next, and she's been writing extremely well lately, so I can't wait to see what happens! In case you guys haven't figured it out, there's some tension between J. Mo and Sirius because "she's been a terrible friend". And the whole bitch and fat thing aren't true, it's just something that tends to get thrown in when girls get down on themselves. It's supposed to be realistic, right? Can anyone guess why she's been such a terrible friend and the whole thing between her and Sirius couldn't work out (even though... well, never mind!)? I'm sure you can...
Lots of love!
If the tattoo that Lily drew on James' back comes out screwed up, I'm really sorry. It's basically the same thing as the Divines' symbol, only it says "Lily the Divine" and has little L's everywhere. That's about it.
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