There are two view points in this story, you and me and then Draco, ~*~*~*~*~*~
Indicates the separation of the different view points.
Those Words
By Felicia
~*~*~*~*~*~
If you were to look out over the open green space that was now covered in moonlight you would just see that, an open green space.
If you were to take a look beyond it and your eyes saw the moonlight dancing along the waters of the lake you wouldn't think anything of it.
The lone solitary tree by the lake looked like it too was sleeping as the rest of the world was.
But if you were to take a closer look you might catch a glimpse of a silvery blond head reflecting the moonlight, before anxious hands would rake through the hair shrouding it for a moment from sight, for the owner of the hair was clothed in black.
Your head might cock in puzzling while trying to figure out why a young man, who looked very out of place among the grass, lake and tree, was sitting there so perplexed.
Maybe he'd received bad news?
What if someone very close to him was in trouble?
It must be horrible enough to make him retreat away so late at night…
~*~*~*~*~*~
`Trapped! No not trapped just caught off guard. This is ridiculous Malfoy get it together. You're the main man ladies man you can handle anything', Draco lifted his head from the hollow of his knees to stare out over the moonlit lake.
He pondered that thought, clenched his eyes shut as though trying to force that thought to dominate all others. He opened his eyes again, `I'm not fooling anyone…'
//Like the sound of silence calling
I hear your voice and suddenly
I'm falling
Lost in a dream//
~*~*~*~*~*~
Draco was hardened from life. He was like a marble sculpture, beautiful but cold and silent.
He'd been trained from a young age that he came from a long line of Malfoy's, full of prestige who wouldn't yield to anyone. He was one of them; he was the line continuing, so he like his predecessors wasn't going to give into emotions and feelings.
"Your enemies can use your feelings against you Draco." his father had told him when he was young, "You let your guard down and forget to use your head, if they notice that then you're easily manipulated and then you're lost".
"Yes father" was the reply.
It was almost a parrot-like response, but Lucius' words hadn't been lost.
This is why when Draco was confronted with emotions that he couldn't use to his advantage then he cast them aside, and donned a sneer.
However something different happened tonight. Something troublesome enough to make him run and retreat into solitude.
He couldn't brush off these emotions or, more specifically, the knowledge that he'd caused them.
Draco had caused many emotions, loathing, disgust, jealously, sorrow, pain, and a glimmer of humor over the pain of another, even hate.
Notice how all were negative.
But no person can be that rotten to the core you say. It's true Draco wasn't rotten to the core, he still had some pleasant feelings associated with him.
Admiration, entrancement, pride, and when he was younger there must have been delight, at least on the part of his mother.
There see Draco isn't all bad, he's just lost and complicated.
There's movement down by the tree now, he's gotten up, shoved his hands into his pockets, and now is staring out over the lake.
The thoughts that must be racing through his mind…
~*~*~*~*~*~
`How could she do this? I didn't ask for it, why me? There were others.' Draco bent to pick up a stone as he pitched it out across the water and it skipped his mind continued, `But she didn't, she could have but she didn't, there must have been some reason.'
He couldn't remember the last time something like this had happened, or if it had at all.
`Of course it did you prat, when you were born!'
Even then Draco had his doubts; those emotions were only brought on for those fleeting moments because he was required and needed. Required and needed was a far cry from being wanted.
He sighed; he could picture it happening over again. The moon was hidden behind a cloud, enveloping them in darkness; they'd just been sitting on the wall looking at different stars, when she said those words. He'd looked at her in an emotionless shock trying to register it.
He'd politely inquired "Come again?"
Again those words.
He calmly drew his legs back over from the edge, stood and walked away. He knew he should have said something, a questioning of why it had come to this. What else did she want? But no silence seemed to do fine.
He'd walked calmly away, down the stairs, through corridors, then outside to the lone tree by the lake.
He'd been sitting there for what seemed like hours. Pondering, arguing, denying, hating. He was almost sick with it.
Draco's moods and feelings ran like a river. Constant, flowing, steady. Then with those words it was like all of a sudden along the river someone had thrown in a waterfall and all of it was crashing around in a torrent. He physically could handle it but he didn't want to.
`If I wasn't a gentleman I'd beat that wench for that'
`What if she's just joking, playing me for a fool?'
`How could I leave like that? A Malfoy should always make an exit to remember'
`A kiss…yes a kiss that would have fix everything…maybe not for me but for her at least'
These and more thoughts added to the menagerie of those foreign emotions accumulating in Draco's head.
//Like the echoes of our souls are meeting
Say those words my heart stops beating
I wonder what it means.//
~*~*~*~*~*~
He's moving now. He's like watching an elegant panther almost, black, powerful but graceful. The way he's walking is animalistic too, he paces. Like the poor panther in the zoo, locked behind bars trying to easy its mind from the knowledge that its fate is sealed, there is no way out.
But this young man's cage can't be seen, it's a cage of years of suppressed emotions. Naturally the pacing would come in a frantic way to organize thoughts.
Do you wonder if he, like the panther, has resigned to his fate? Or will he keep resisting and putting off the enviable?
~*~*~*~*~*~
`This is no use, how long have I been out here? I'm getting no where with this, maybe I don't have to, maybe I'll just go back inside go to bed and wake up and act like nothing happened.' Draco thought irrationally.
The rapid stream of Draco's thoughts were very different from the way they usually were, they were coming at all angles, and quickly too. Normally his thought process was organized, calm and efficient. But this wasn't a normal thinking time, there was serious damage done now.
Draco slowed in his pacing to pause to think of a plan of action. `Pretend like nothing happened?! Ha! Like nothing ever happened who am I kidding. If I'd commented sure but I was at a lost for words. A Malfoy not knowing what to say? I never thought I'd live to see that day, not to mention be that Malfoy.' Draco thought ruefully as he sat down and leaned against the tree once more. But then he sobered, the cocky half gin vanished, because again those words echoed, `she'd taken my breath away…'
//What could it be that comes over me?
At times I can't move
At times I can hardly breathe//
~*~*~*~*~*~
Sitting again, wonder if the hard truth hit him.
Have you guessed Draco's dilemma? Or are you still convinced his problem has to do with something of an ill nature? Well maybe an ill nature for him anyways…
~*~*~*~*~*~
Draco sighed, he was starting to give in to what those words would mean. When suddenly a voice of deceitful doubting came and crept over Draco's thoughts.
`She didn't mean it…it's like all the others'
`Yes she must have, I've never known her to lie'
`She said it to hurt you…she knew it would tear you up, don't believe me then why have you been outside now for hours?'
`I've been outside for hours so I could sort out my thoughts to see if she did say it to hurt me'
`Well? I'd say you're hurting'
`Yea you're right I am hurting'
`See! She did do it to hurt you!'
`No she didn't the only pain that has been caused tonight has been self inflicted, at least I hope I didn't hurt her'
With that there seemed to be no reply, he knew she was telling the truth. He knew why he just needed to hear it because he needed reassurances.
Draco got up and left his spot from under the tree, he put his hands back in his pockets and walked into the middle of the field.
There were no lights around to make the stars dim, and tonight was no exception. All of them looked like diamonds scattered, as Draco tilted his head upwards.
Staring up into the blackness, dotted with light he sighed and let himself whisper the words he'd been trying to deny for that whole time.
"She loves me"
//When you say you love me
The world goes still
So still inside
And when you say you love me
For moment there's no one else alive//
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