Feels Like Home
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling actually gets paid to write this stuff. I don't, so guess what? I don't own Harry Potter.
This story is dedicated to my friend Anne Marie she's an A1 lover and she introduced this band to me. Thanks Anne!!!
Part 1 - Walking in the rain
It may be hard to believe
But girl you're the only one I need.
It may be hard along the way
It's this feeling I get when blue skies turn to grey
Feels like I'm walking in the rain
I find myself trying to wash away the pain
Cause I need you to give me some shelter
Cause I'm fading away.
And baby, I'm Walking in the Rain
The sun shone brightly in the sky reflecting the joyful mood people were in. Everywhere you looked you could see happiness; you could see it in the people's eyes. The greatest evil being has just been destroyed and the people were celebrating freedom, they were finally free of the nightmare of Voldemort.
One pair of green eyes was watching the lake, wondering what would happen now. His aim in life for the past years had always been the same: kill Voldemort. He had finally achieved that goal; thanks to him the magical world was safe. He had freed them; he gave them hope for the future, now they could plan their lives without fear and without Voldemort. But the boy, or should we say man-who-defeated-you-know-who, was not happy.
Sure he had saved the world, he was a hero! What else is new!! Now that he had achieved his aim, he had no idea of what to do with his life. He felt empty, alone, he felt lost. For the past years he was the boy-who-lived, he had slowly become used to that idea. But now he was something different; now things had changed and he didn't like change that much, he was quite happy with his current life. After all, he had Quidditch, good marks in exams and his two best friends.
Hermione and Ron had of course helped in the final battle, so Ron was getting the attention he always wanted. Hermione was of great help this year, he had to admit it. She was always there for him, she listened when he told her his fears, his nightmares and helped him in every way that she could and for this he was eternally grateful.
And speaking of the devil, or should I say angel, suddenly he heard footsteps approaching him. For some reason he knew who it was. Then she sat next to him and asked him:
"Why is it that the whole world is celebrating, but the guy who brought about this celebration is sitting here on his own?"
As always she had nailed it. Hermione knew him too well; he couldn't help but smile at this.
"Is there something funny?" she asked him. He turned and looked at her. He looked straight in her eyes; that was one of the only things that could calm him down in any occasion. He didn't now why, but her brown eyes calmed him down.
"No, I was just thinking about something. What are you doing out here anyway?"
"Actually I was looking for you. I - I kind of need to tell you something."
'Oh, here it goes again. Change. Generally I'm the one who talks and she's the one who listens, now the roles have inverted. Great; really great! How am I supposed to do this, do I just sit here and listen to her? Or do I put my hand on hers like she does when I tell her something? HOW DOES THIS WORK? I'm not good at this. Actually I'm not good at anything, I only now how to do the-boy-who-lived. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS CONSOLLING FRIEND THING? I'll just tell her to come some other time after I've figured how this works'
"I'm sorry 'Mione but I have a lot of things on my mind right now. Why don't you come later and we'll talk about it OK?"
She looked shocked to say the least. She stood up abruptly and started shacking with anger.
"I can't believe you."
He couldn't understand why she was taking it this badly.
"Throughout these years I've been here for you always. Whenever you needed me I was there, even if I had something else on my mind, I was there for you. And now, now that I need you, you have other things on your mind?"
"Hermione, wait that's not how I meant it"
"That's not how you meant it?? And how did you mean it, eh? Look I'm sick of this. Did it ever occur to you that a friendship is a give-and-take relationship? I'm done doing the giving part; can't you just be here for me? For this one time? Can't you just be the friend that I need? Can't you just do this one thing for me?"
"Hey, it's not like I don't do anything for you. I killed Voldemort for you. I cleared this Earth from the most evil being ever for you" He didn't want to get angry but his stupid temper didn't permit it. If you're Harry Potter when someone shouts at you, then you answer by shouting back. It was what he always did.
"How dare you? How dare you get angry like that when I'm the one who's supposed to be angry here? I'm the one who got thrown away by her supposed-to-be best friend. Yeah sure you defeated Vodemort, the whole world is grateful for this Harry. I can't believe that all this time I actually, ugh never mind. You know what? You're an arrogant-seeking-attention-bastard. I don't even know how I lasted 7 years by your side. Now I'll do what I should have done years ago."
"Yeah and what's that?"
"Pushing you out of my life."
And with that she left. He was so shocked he didn't have the guts to stop her; to turn her back; to even shout her name. He just let her leave. If before he thought he was alone then he had no idea what this was. He felt completely alone, completely lost. It was just like walking in the rain, when you try hard to wash away the pain, but you can't. He felt like fading away in the rain.
He stayed like that for a few minutes. Then minutes turned into hours, hours into days, days into weeks, and weeks into months. And before he knew it, it was December and almost 6 months passed from that day he let her go away.
Of all we've said and done
Remains the memories of days when life was fun
But now when you are gone
I sit alone to watch the setting of the sun
Feels like I'm walking in the rain
I find myself trying to wash away the pain
Cause I need you to give me some shelter
Cause I'm fading away.
And baby, I'm Walking in the Rain
***
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Part 2- Every time
Lately I'm not who I used to be
Someone's come and taken me
Where I don't wanna go
If I knew exactly what I have to do
In order to be there for you when you were feeling low
Every time I kiss I feel your lips
Every time I cry I see your smile
Every time I close my eyes I realize
That Every time I hold your hand in mine
The sweetest thing my heart could ever find
And I have never felt this way
Since the day I gave your love away.
"Come on man. She's the one who's supposed to be angry at you not the other way round!"
Those were the same words she had told him 6 months ago, and they still burned him.
"I know, that's why I'm doing it. Seeing me at Christmas will surely make her angry, so it'll be her present, not seeing me. And apart from that I really have to work you know, the training is quite tough."
After graduation Harry started Auror training apart from playing Quidditch. He shared a flat with Ron in London and he had not spoken to or seen Hermione from that famous day of The Fight. Ron of course met Hermione sometimes; Harry made it clear that just because he is not talking to her doesn't mean that Ron shouldn't either. Now Christmas was approaching and Mrs. Weasley invited them for dinner and he had just found out that even Hermione was invited.
"Hello, I'm in doing the same training! And we don't have anything on Christmas!" Ron was starting to get angry; he couldn't understand his friend's behavior. For him the reasons behind The Fight seemed like the most stupid thing to fight about. He couldn't understand how two people could forget their friendship for something so... so stupid!
Harry always acted as if it doesn't matter that he's not seeing Hermione. But deep down he knew it was killing him. Ron knew that Harry couldn't breathe without Hermione, let alone live without her. The first months were tough, he would find Harry staring at a picture or reading Hogwarts: A History. Harry didn't eat or sleep at first either. But then auror training and Quidditch kept his mind occupied.
"Ron, I'm not going OK, so just shut up."
"You're coming whether you like it or not. It's final. If you want stay away from Hermione, don't talk to her, don't look at her. I don't care. Just be there"
Well Ron was right, he could just stay away from her, it shouldn't be that difficult.
"Ok, I'll be there. Just tell the others not to try and make me talk to her"
"I will, don't worry"
From the moment he accepted, Harry knew it was wrong. He knew she would be angry but he wanted to see how she would act around him, how things would be. Even if he didn't want to see her; he missed her terribly. He kept dreaming of her every night; seeing her face turn away from him and it was killing him. 'You never know what you have until you loose it' that's what they say. Harry now knew that this was true. Now that Hermione wasn't there he understood how much she meant to him. He missed the little things she did, like how her face concentrated when she was studying; how her eyes twinkled under the moonlight during their midnight walks; how she absent-mindedly removed the curls that would fall in front of her eyes by putting the curls behind her ear; how she smiled. And every time he closed his eyes, he could still see her doing these little things. He could still see her smile, see her eyes shining... he could still see her.
But what he missed most was simply looking in her eyes. Sometimes he would just look at the photos he had of her just to try and look into her eyes.
There was one photo in particular he loved. It was taken before after they finished their last exam. It was a photo of just the two of them, he was standing behind her with his hands around her waist and she had her hands on his. They were looking at each other smiling; it was just perfect. He remembered how he felt while holding her, that feeling of completeness every time he looked in her eyes. It was a great feeling; he missed that feeling.
Now he was going to see her again, he wondered what it would feel like.
***
***
"Ginny tell me again why should I do this?"
"Come on Hermione, it's Christmas, the time to be around friends and family. Your family is invited too and I'm your friend. The others miss not having you around it would be good to catch up with them."
"By them do you mean a certain guy I don't want to see let alone catch up with?"
"Well, he may be there-"
"That's it. I'm not going"
"Hermione"
"Ginny, no. I'm not having this conversation again. I don't want to see him. I don't want to talk to him. I hate him for what he did to me."
"Oh come on Hermione, yes we did have this conversation a million times but you never seem to get it through your head. We both know you don't hate Harry. We know it OK, so stop trying to convince yourself that you do 'cos it won't work. Let me clear this up for you, you hate not seeing him, you hate not talking to him, you hate not walking with him under the moonlight but YOU DO NOT HATE HIM."
"How the hell do you know what I feel? How do you know if I hate him or not when even I don't know?" Hermione was crying at this point. She knew Ginny was right but she didn't want to admit it for she knew that if she did she would get hurt again and she didn't want that.
When Ginny saw Hermione break down like that, she went near her friend to console her. Since moving with her during the summer she had seen this scene a lot. When Hermione graduated she found a flat but it cost too much for her alone so Ginny moved in with her. Of course she left for her final year in Hogwarts but now she was back for the Christmas. She new this summer was a tough one for Hermione, she was angry with Harry for treating her like that but she was also angry with herself for leaving him like that because now she missed him too much.
"It's Ok Hermione; everything's going to be fine. Don't worry. I'm sure he misses you too, I'm sure he'll forgive you."
"I'm still angry at him, but I miss him so much. He broke my heart in a million pieces but I still miss him."
"I know; I know. He'll come around don't worry. I know he hasn't approached you yet but it's Christmas and I'm sure Ron can convince him to come. Then you can just go there and show him what he's been missing."
"What do you mean?"
"Well we'll just make sure you look beautiful and Harry's hormones will do the rest of the job."
"Ginny, I don't want you to try and put us together. You know I gave up on that a long time ago. I cannot just give him my heart after what he's done the last time I tried."
"I know that. This is just to make him see what he's missed and feel guilty for ever treating you the way he did. Then you get your revenge and you can shut the door in his face." Ginny's eyes sparkled, and she had a very mischievous grin. Hermione noticed this.
"You know what? You're right. I'll finally give him what he deserves."
"You go girl!"
Save me, I've fallen from my destiny
You and I were meant to be I've thrown it all away
Now you're gone it's time for me to carry on
But baby I just can't go on without you by my side
Every time I kiss I feel your lips
Every time I cry I see your smile
Every time I close my eyes I realize
That Every time I hold your hand in mine
The sweetest thing my heart could ever find
And I have never felt this way
Since the day I gave your love away.
***
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A/N Songs: Every time by A1
Walking in the Rain by A1.
Hope you liked it!! The final part of this story will be posted next week.
Thanks
Marija