Chapter One
Tried to save a place from the cuts and the scratches. Nine Inch Nails
After only seventeen years, there were memories that Harry knew would remain forever burned into his mind. They would never fade or leave him-choosing instead to haunt him for the rest of his life.
Ginny Weasley's cold, pale face on the floor of the Chamber of Secrets.
Cedric's flat, empty eyes as they started lifelessly up at him from the ground.
The image of his parents standing side by side in the mirror of Erisad.
His godfather as he toppled helplessly into the veil.
The look on Hermione's face when he rejected her feelings for him at the end of sixth-year.
Don't think about that now, he reminded himself firmly. Think of anything but that.
"I don't want to talk about this, Hermione," he said, surprised by the bitterness he heard in his words.
Right away, Harry could tell that he had made a mistake. Hermione's steely resolve only intensified and her posture clearly betrayed her determination. Harry took a step back, not trusting himself.
"We will talk about this now!" Hermione shouted, crumpling a sheet of paper in her fist. Harry could just make out the words of the spell inscribed on it.
Immortal Beloved.
"This spell," Harry began shakily. "This spell… it won't work. It can't-"
"This might be our only chance!" Hermione said, her eyes bright. "Don't you see, Harry? We can't lose if we-"
"It won't work!" Harry yelled back, cutting her off.
Hermione set her jaw, the same steely determination written on her face. "Yes it will," she said softly. "Yes, it will."
Harry shook his head. "It can't," he said through gritted teeth. "Not if you and me do it."
Harry remembered with perfect clarity the look in her eyes at the end of sixth-year. He remembered the way she kept her voice strong and her body perfectly calm, but her eyes had told him everything he needed to know. He remembered the vulnerability, the way they begged him to take his words back, even as she had smiled warmly and promised they would always be friends.
He looked into her eyes now and was surprised to find that they were still overly bright, her determination not at all diminished. She did not seem the least effected by his vehement denial.
Harry felt his stomach twist into knots with sudden panic.
She didn't believe him anymore.
"This spell," Hermione began, and Harry caught the hint of a waiver in her voice. "This spell requires the complete connection of two people… mind, body, heart and soul."
"Yeah?" Harry said, feeling desperate. "Then it can't be me!"
"It has to be you!" Hermione yelled, a frustrated flush creeping over her face. "It can only be you!"
"There's a bloody ring on your finger that says differently!" Harry exploded.
Hermione took a step back, looking like she'd been slapped. There was a long moment of silence as they watched each other, their angry breathing echoing through the air. Wind whistled across the Hogwarts' grounds, blowing Hermione's hair around her angry face.
It really was a beautiful day, Harry thought to himself, with a sort of numbed bitterness. Pity that we have to spend it facing things we've been repressing for years.
Besides, he reflected morosely, these kinds of days were becoming far less frequent. With the threat of Voldemort looming over their heads, Harry wished nothing more than to be able to enjoy just one nice day.
For the first time, Hermione looked near tears. She clenched her hands together, but Harry could still see it… that ring… glittering in the sunlight.
"You're too young to be getting married, anyway," he mumbled, turning to go. He wasn't sure whether or not he wanted her to stop him.
"I won't," she said softly.
Harry stopped in his tracks. Back still to her, he felt the warmth of the sunlight beating down on his head. "Sorry?"
"I won't," she said, louder this time. "I won't… I'll… I won't marry him."
"You have to marry him," Harry snapped, feeling the anger building up inside him again.
"I don't love him!" Hermione yelled, her voice breaking. "I don't love him! That's why I can't do this spell with him!"
Harry whirled around. "Well-you can't do this to people, Hermione! Don't you see that? Ron asked you to marry him! He asked and you… you said yes. You can't play with people's feelings this way."
"Like the way you played with mine?"
Harry felt the knots in his stomach clench tighter. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said, voice controlled. "I never-we went over this last year."
Hermione made a sound of disgust. "You liar!" she spat. "We both know you-you were lying through your teeth last year. I'm not stupid-did you really think that I wouldn't figure it out?"
She stared at him-so angry and close to tears. He felt like she was staring right through him and it unnerved him. His heart was pounding away behind his ribcage and he could see all the perfectly, constructed walls he'd built over the last two years crashing down around him.
Protect her.
Harry shook his head, feeling like he was fighting a losing battle.
She knew. She knew and there was nothing he could do about it. He could pretend, lie to her, and none of it would matter.
And that ring glinted on her finger. It seemed that he was unable to tear his eyes away from it. That was another thing he remembered.
The pain he felt when he first saw that ring on her finger.
Irrefutable proof that she belonged to someone that wasn't him. Proof that she belonged to his best friend. Proof that she wasn't allowed to be his-that she couldn't be his.
After all, Ron was his best mate.
The knots in his stomach tightened until Harry was afraid that he was going to be sick.
"If…" he swallowed with difficulty, feeling her gaze burning right through him and tearing down his defenses one piece at a time. "If you… as you put it… `figured it out' then why, why, did you tell Ron you'd marry him?"
"Don't," she whispered warningly. "Don't you dare even try and…. You saw me last year. You knew what you were doing to me. You… you… I thought I'd never feel whole again. So don't try and blame me for saying `yes' to Ron. You have no right to blame me." She twisted her ring despairingly on her finger. "The only person who has a right to blame me for it is Ron."
Harry closed his eyes, remembering the one bruising kiss they shared right before he'd gone and ripped both of their hearts to shreds. He remembered that she'd tasted like tea and honey. He remembered the way her hands tangled in his hair and her low moan of pleasure and need.
He remembered forcing himself to pull away. He remembered needing to end things before they became even more tangled up in each other.
He remembered how his only comfort after seeing that ring on her finger had been the thought that he had been her first kiss. That Ron would get everything else-but he could never be that.
"Hermione…" he said with difficulty, opening his eyes. "I don't know if this spell's-Voldemort might-"
"What's why we must do this," Hermione interrupted, growing stronger as he grew more distressed. "We have to do this, Harry. There's no one else. You must see that. Don't you? Don't you see why it has to be us?"
Harry couldn't answer. To say `yes' would be to admit that he'd been lying to her for the last two years. To say `yes' would be to accept it-accept them-accept that he could not protect her.
But he couldn't say `no,' either.
Because if he said `no' he would still be lying. He would still be lying and there was no way she would believe him.
Harry felt hopelessly trapped. Her eyes bore into his, the look on her face betraying the fact that she knew exactly what was going on in his head.
"I…"
Harry never got the chance to give her an answer. Sudden pain ripped through his stomach. He let out a harsh gasp, knees buckling underneath him. He fell to the ground, his fingers curling in the grass. The pain spread through his body, down his arms and legs, tingling into his fingers. Every joint, muscle, tissue was throbbing.
Voldemort, he thought to himself in his pain-induced haze. Voldemort must be…
He tried to yell out for Hermione, but all the breath seemed to disappear from his lungs. For a moment, he felt completely empty and lifeless, as if he no longer belonged, as if was no more than empty air. He stopped feeling the grass under his fingers and the dampness of the earth on his knees. There was only an infinite black haze, stretching out before him. There was a loud roaring in his ears that he desperately wanted to shut out but he couldn't seem to find his hands anymore.
Then, just as suddenly as it started, Harry felt himself take form again. The pain left his body and he found himself still on his knees, his fingers still curling in the grass. The roaring in his ears was gone and he could feel again. He breathed in and out, trying to calm the pounding of his heart.
That's when he noticed that something was wrong.
Something was terribly, terribly wrong.
The sun… the beautiful day… it was gone. The grass under his hands was brown and dry.
Harry swallowed with difficulty, feeling a new kind of panic beginning to whir in his mind.
That's when the smell hit him.
He started choking, the smell of burned char and… flesh… Oh, god… that's burning flesh…
Horrified, Harry had to fight against an urge to vomit, and he pressed his fist to his mouth, struggling to stand up.
Hermione…
Harry felt like he couldn't move fast enough. If something's happened to her it's all my fault… if something happens to her and she doesn't know…
Despite his panic, the image that greeted him had him pausing in shock.
Hogwarts.
A burned, hollowed, broken Hogwarts.
This is a nightmare, Harry thought wildly, staring at the castle.
This cannot be real…
He could only stare, even as the scent of burning flesh hung in the air.
The castle he had known was gone. In its place was only a shell of its former self. What had once been majestic towers were now burned craters. Where there had once been a courtyard was now a blackened, lifeless pit. Bits and pieces of furniture lay strewn about.
That, Harry thought, feeling his heartbeat pounding in his ears. That's… part of Gryffindor table from the Great Hall…
His knees felt weak. He glanced wildly around him and immediately wished that he hadn't.
Corpses. So many… corpses… blackened, burned… so mangled that he couldn't recognize anything but for the Hogwarts robes clinging to what used to be their bodies.
Harry shut his eyes, the stench nearly overwhelming. His stomach revolted and he felt the sting of vomit in his throat.
This isn't real… when I open my eyes this will all go away… this isn't real… this isn't real…
He opened his eyes, nearly having tricked himself into believing that everyone would be gone. He stumbled back a step in surprise when the destruction of what was once his beloved Hogwarts met him full on.
Hermione.
I have to find Hermione.
She's dead, he thought. She must be dead. There's no way…
And Ron… dead… he's probably dead… Nothing could have survived this… Except me. That thought stopped him. Harry forced the breath out of his lungs and concentrated. Why him? Why was he still alive? What had happened? How could Voldemort have possibly destroyed Hogwarts within the span of a few moments? Unless, Harry thought, turning slowly to look around him. Unless… it wasn't the span of a few moments… He caught the barest hints of movement out the corner of his eye and his heart leaped into his throat. No…it can't be… it can't… it's not possible….
Despite the warnings of denial in his mind, Harry was already running. It only took a few moments for him to realize that he wasn't seeing things.
"Hermione!"
She looked up at him as he ran towards her, shock evident in her eyes. She held a clenched fist over her heart and her face was contorted in obvious pain.
Harry sunk to the ground next to her, relief so great swamping him that he nearly burst into hysterical tears. Forcing himself to concentrate, he found her eyes.
"Harry?" she said questioningly.
Harry tired to smile reassuringly. "Yeah, it's me," he said softly, moving closer to her.
"You're alright," she said, the relief evident in her voice. "What happened?"
Harry gave her the barest hints of a smile and tried to keep his voice from trembling. "I was hoping you'd be able to tell me that."
Hermione shrugged helplessly, and gave a sharp hiss of pain.
Harry licked his lips, which were dry and parched. "Hermione… what's wrong?"
She closed her eyes, pain flickering over her face. "I don't know," she whispered with difficulty. "I feel a sharp pain… here…"
She removed the fist held over her heart and opened her eyes, fixing them on his face. Harry reached a trembling hand out to press on the spot just vacated by her hand, relieved to feel the steady thump, thump of her heart under his palm.
Hermione gripped his wrist. "It's going away," she whispered. "I just… I don't understand…"
"Something's… I felt something go through me…" Harry stopped. "You felt it too, didn't you?"
She nodded. "You know where were are, though, don't you, Harry?"
"Hogwarts," he answered darkly.
Hermione nodded darkly. "Something… how can this…"
"I don't know," Harry whispered, looking around him. "Maybe it's a trick… a spell…"
"A spell?" Hermione echoed, frowning. "That…" she trailed off, thinking. "Help me up," she said, after a moment.
He helped her up, keeping a steadying arm wrapped around her waist. She looked around her, eyes growing darker as she took in the destruction.
"Perhaps… no, but… yes, maybe…"
Harry stared at her, baffled by her incoherent babbling. She chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully before turning triumphantly to look at him.
"Yes!" she said. "That's… it! That must be… don't you see, Harry? This is… we're… but that would mean… Oh, no…"
"What?" Harry said.
Hermione waved a hand to shush him. She opened her fist, revealing a small piece of crumpled parchment. Slowly she unraveled it.
"It's… our spell… we must have-"
"Invoked it right before your terribly sad and untimely death? You always were the greatest witch of your age, my love."
Harry jaw dropped. The voice… it sounded just like…
"Ron," Hermione whispered.
Harry felt his heart plummet. Slowly he and Hermione turned around. Harry couldn't quite contain his shocked gasp at the sight that met them.
It was Ron… only much like everything else in this place, Harry could immediately see that Ron bore no resemblance to the Ron he'd left back home. This Ron seemed bigger somehow. Gray, Harry thought looking at him. He was wearing nothing but gray. If it wasn't for Ron's flaming red-hair, he'd be almost indistinguishable from the background.
Which, Harry realized, was probably the point.
But what shocked Harry the most was the long, jagged scar running across Ron's face. It started on his forehead, ran over the top of his nose and ended with a delicate curve at the side of his mouth.
With a slight start of surprise, Harry realized that standing behind Ron was a group of people he'd never met. They were all wearing the same gray garb. They all had their wands out in front of them, their eyes staying suspiciously on Harry.
Except… Harry's mouth bobbed open in surprise when his eyes landed on Ginny Weasley. A much older Ginny than the one he remembered, but her red hair was unmistakable. Catching his eyes, she shoved her way to the front of the pack to stand with her brother.
Ginny smiled brightly. "Hello, Harry," she said, grinning. "It's great to see you again."
"We've been expecting you for a while," Ron said and, unlike Ginny, he didn't smile. He just looked at Harry expressionlessly, eyes devoid of any kind of warmth or emotion.
"Expecting us?" Harry repeated. "But… I don't understand…"
"Come," Ron said, beckoning to those around him. "It's not safe here. We're taking you to the Compound."
"The Compound?" Harry echoed.
Ron cast Harry a look of disgust. "It's not safe for us to talk here," he said again. "Keep in the middle of the pack, wands out, and do not call unnecessary attention to yourselves." Ron eyed their Hogwarts' robes wearily. He gave a pained sigh. "Though, that may be impossible."
Harry's head was spinning. "Ron," he said weakly. "What's going on? Where are we? What happened? How did you get here?"
"Shut up!" Ron hissed. "Are you completely daft? We are not safe here!"
"Well, that's clear!" Harry yelled, voice trembling. "I don't know if you noticed, but Hogwarts happens to be a burning hulk! I just want to know what the hell happened!"
"Keep your bloody voice down, Potter!" Ron snapped angrily. "Unless you're looking to get us all killed."
"Ron, leave him alone," Ginny said softly. "You're not helping matters any."
Ron didn't pay Ginny any mind and Harry realized that it was because he was staring at Hermione-staring at the ring on Hermione's finger. Harry quickly looked away, focusing his attention on Ginny.
"Harry, I promise that you'll get your answers," Ginny said gently. "You just need to trust us. Please?"
"What choice do I have, exactly?" Harry said.
"Well, that's the thing, Potter," Ron said, snapping his eyes up. "You don't. You're coming back to the Compound with us-one way or another."
"Ron!" Ginny said in frustration. "For goodness sake's, there's no need to get so melodramatic about it!"
"I will not continue to put our lives in danger, because Potter is a stubborn pri-"
"We'll come," Hermione announced firmly. "I trust you."
"What?" Harry demanded. "What d'you mean `we'll come?'"
"I mean," she said coolly. "They're our friends. And if they say we're in danger by staying here, then I believe them."
Ron raised his eyebrows. "At least one of you has a brain." Clearing his throat, he turned to the men standing impassively behind him and gave out a series of cool, clipped orders. They dispersed in groups, going into the Forbidden Forest in different directions until only Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny were left.
"Let's go," Ron said, gesturing for Harry and Hermione to follow him.
"Brilliant," Harry muttered under his breath, as they went crashing through the underbrush of the forest. "Let's go into the Forbidden Forest-because that's not at all dangerous."
Ron stopped and spun around. "Did you not hear the words, `do not call attention to yourselves?' Or are you completely stupid?"
Without waiting for an answer, Ron stalked on ahead. Harry stared after him, unable to reconcile the Ron he'd known with the one who was confidently striding through the Forbidden Forest as though he owned everything and everyone around him.
Ginny put a comforting hand on Harry's arm, her gaze sympathetic. "I can't even imagine what you're going through, Harry," she whispered. "But, please… we're the good guys. You must trust us."
"Ginny, I just… I don't understand…" Harry gestured ahead of him and ducked under a tree branch. "Ron…he's so… different. What happened?"
Ginny sighed. "It's difficult for him, seeing you two again. Give him a chance. You should know… Ron's the only reason that any of us are still alive. After… well, after you…" she stopped, looking hesitant. "After You-Know-Who took over, Ron was the only one left who could organize those of us who were still alive. He's the only reason we're still putting up any resistance at all."
Ginny's face darkened. "But we're losing. We're losing people every day. He doesn't say anything, but he feels responsible. He feels every person that dies. But… winning this war is the only thing that matters to him."
Ginny glanced at Hermione and dropped her voice. "He noticed the ring right away. I know he still loves her. It gives me hope. If anyone could give him something else to live for, it would be her."
Harry felt as though someone had doused his insides with cold water. Suddenly unable to look at Ginny, he turned his head and nodded. Ginny squeezed his arm before releasing him and going on ahead.
They were going deeper and deeper into the Forbidden Forest. Ron stayed slightly ahead of them, wand out, and eyes coolly studying the area around them. Harry watched him, looking for some sing of his best friend, looking for the wizard that used to be terrified of spiders and the boy that used to look at Harry for direction.
Harry caught up with Ginny. "Gin," he whispered. "Where are we going?"
Ginny glanced around her. "The Compound… we set it up soon after You-Know-Who began taking over. We suspected that he was going to make a move on Hogwarts and we needed somewhere in case the worst happened." Ginny's eyes flickered to Hermione, who was listening with great interest. "It was designed to feed on the magic of the forest itself, so it's completely outside our own magical reach. It's constantly changing places-it'll only make itself visible to those it knows is on our side. It's virtually impenetrable."
Hermione nodded. "I've been thinking of something like that," she said blandly, hurrying to catch up with Ron.
Harry stared after her, feeling irrationally angry that she seemed to know exactly what was going on when he hadn't the faintest idea. He turned back to Ginny.
"Ginny… what… what year is this?"
"I don't know if-"
"Please," Harry cut in. "I need to know. I'm… I'm going mad here."
She smiled fondly. "You always hated feeling helpless. Alright," she said, resigned. "You graduated from Hogwarts about two and a half years ago. That's the best I can give you. Time doesn't have much meaning anymore." She looked at him in worry. "You're not too shocked, are you?"
Harry shook his head and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I figured as much." He paused. "We died, didn't we? Me and Hermione. That's why we're here."
Ginny stared straight ahead. "Yes," she finally whispered.
Harry found himself totally unaffected by the information. Perhaps it was because he was still in shock from everything else he'd learned.
I died… Hermione died… that's why we're here…
Nothing. He couldn't feel anything but the complete unrealism of the situation around him.
"It's really…" Ginny trailed off before looking at him, eyes overly bright. "A lot of people lost hope after you died. I don't think you can understand what it means to see you again."
Harry stared at the ground, feeling horribly inadequate. Ginny was treating him as though he was some sort of legend. He wanted to protest-tell her that he was only in his seventh year at Hogwarts, that he wasn't anything special, and that the situation around him was terrifying.
Seeing the look on his face, Ginny smiled warmly. "Don't worry, Harry," she said softly. "Just having you here… it's enough."
Up ahead, Ron had stopped walking. He stood still, head cocked to one side, listening with great concentration.
Harry took a couple steps towards him, wincing when he snapped a twig under his foot.
Ron sent him a murderous glare. "That's right, Potter. Let's announce to everyone that you've risen from the dead. Brilliant, really."
"I think you're making more noise than I am," Harry said quietly.
Ron's eyes narrowed. "You don't understand the first thing about this world, Potter."
Harry clamped down on a strong urge to point out that if this was what the world was like than he didn't want to understand it.
"We're here."
Both Harry and Ron jumped, Hermione's voice breaking the tension surrounding them. She was gesturing to what, as far as Harry could see, was a door suspended in the middle of the Forbidden Forest.
Hermione didn't seem to find this the least bit shocking. "Oh, this is it!" she said excitedly. "I just know it is. Isn't it, Ron?"
"Yes, it is," Ron said appraisingly. "And it was what I was looking for before Boy Wonder distracted me." Ron smirked. "Should've known you'd find it. After all, you designed it, love."
Some of the anger and confusion that Harry was feeling seemed to burst out of him. "Don't call her that," he said aggressively.
A long silence met his words. Ron's expression remained unchanged, Ginny's forehead creased into a small frown, and Hermione glared at him disapprovingly.
Finally, Ron nodded. "Fine," he said simply. Without giving Harry a chance to respond, he opened the door and vanished.
Ginny gestured towards the door, still frowning. "You two next."
Harry took a deep breath before following Hermione. Though the rational side of his brain was telling him that he was in a different world, that all he thought he knew was gone, he was still unprepared for the sight that met him. He heard a loud gasp-though he wasn't sure if it came from him or Hermione.
Hermione grabbed his arm. "Oh my god…" she whispered. "Harry…"
"I know," he said.
They were in what looked to be a giant dome. Everywhere, witches and wizards in various stages of life hurried about them. No one seemed to notice their strange appearance and Harry could immediately see why. Other witches and wizards kept appearing from what looked to be thin air all over the dome, some of them Harry recognized as the wizards that he'd seen with Ron earlier. Others were leaving-going out doors that resembled the one that he'd just come in from the Forbidden Forest.
It suddenly occurred to Harry that this must be what was left of the wizarding world. There was pathetically little, but it seemed as though people were putting on a show of every day life. There were witches and wizards clustered together, speaking in hushed tones. Everywhere there were wounded people spread out on cots, harried mediwizards rushing back and forth between them. On another side, children were clumped together, pushing and shoving as they raced forward to get good from a surly looking wizard. On Harry's left, families were bartering for supplies.
"It's a fantastic pot, Dolores, really…"
"Not sure about this… this cauldron's been in my family for centuries…"
Hermione grip on Harry's arm tightened. "It's a refugee camp," she whispered. "That's what it is."
Harry was inclined to agree with her as he openly stared at everything around him. His eyes landed on one of the wounded, a short, balding wizard who was missing a leg. He was staring at Harry with naked shock in his eyes-and Harry realized, with a growing horror, the man's eyes were pinned to Harry's forehead.
The man pointed a shaking finger in Harry's direction. "It's true!" he yelled, causing people all around him to stop and stare. "The rumours are true. It's Harry Potter. He's come back to us."
The reaction was immediate and a loud slew of voices grew up at once.
"Oh, we're saved!"
"Thank, Merlin…"
"Knew it couldn't be true…"
"Ridiculous… ridiculous to think that You-Know-Who could take down Harry Potter…"
"Read the prophecy, I have… he's our only hope now…"
Ron cleared his throat loudly. "Yeah, it's a bloody miracle, alright," he said irritably. Ron's mere presence seemed to bring on a sort of hush. All eyes snapped from Harry to listen to what Ron had to say. "Now, the next person who so much as dares stare at Potter's forehead will be sleeping out in the Forbidden Forest tonight. Am I making myself clear?"
Disgusted, Ron began walking down the dome, people parting to make room for him. Harry and Hermione rushed to catch up with him, Harry's face still burning in embarrassment.
Harry chanced a glance at Hermione. She was pale and worrying her bottom lip with her teeth, but showed no other outward signs of panic. He felt his earlier anger with her return-frustration that she seemed to understand what was happening to them. His need for answers intensified and his hands quivered with rapidly growing anger.
Ron turned right, leading them down a narrow corridor. It seemed to stretch out before them, with doors lining the walls on both sides. Ron's boots echoed along the floor and the quiet of the hall seemed stifling after the confusion of the open dome.
Ron approached one of the doors and whispered an incantation. It slid open to reveal a small, square office with a desk buried under a mountain of paperwork. Ron shut the door behind them and took a seat behind the desk desk.
"Well," he said, tipping his chair back. "You two look…" he eyes lingered on Hermione. "Good."
Harry's control seemed to snap. "What the fuck is going on here?"
Hermione flinched at his language, but Ron merely clasped his hands together, appearing slightly amused.
"What do you think, Potter?" Ron leaned forward dramatically. "You're here to save the world."
"What kind of fucking answer is that?" Harry spat.
Ron quirked an eyebrow. "That, Potter, is the extent of my knowledge. You're here to save the world. I'll make sure you do so. The end."
Harry whipped out his wand. "You better damn well do better than that!"
Ron looked completely unimpressed. "Why don't you ask my fiancée?" Ron paused. "She never quite managed to explain all the details to me."
Ron turned his seat around so he could face Hermione expectantly. Harry stared at him distrustfully. "Hermione?" he prompted, keeping his eyes on Ron.
"The spell," she said quietly. "Our… spell. The… the Immortal Beloved spell… it worked, it must have worked. It was a failsafe…" Hermione's voice grew stronger. "A way to bring us back if we-"
"If we died, " Harry finished flatly, turning around to look at her.
Hermione nodded. "Yes."
Her eyes had a clear `I told you so' expression. When he spoke, it was as if his voice was coming from far away.
"So our future selves did this spell… and now we're suddenly supposed to take down Voldemort?" Harry's voice was rising. "We're supposed to take down Voldemort in a world he controls? IN A WORLD WHERE WE ALREADY FAILED?"
Hermione kept her eyes on his. "Yes."
"WELL, I DON'T ACCEPT THAT!"
Hermione backed up a step. "We don't have a choice," she said softly.
Harry took a deep breath, already regretting his outburst. "You have no right to mess with time! You should know that better than anyone!"
"Excuse me?" Hermione demanded frostily. "I think you meant to say we. This spell takes two people, remember? It only works with the complete cooperate of two people!"
"Yes, well," Ron cut in, causing Harry to jump. He had completely forgotten that Ron was still there. "This has all been… fascinating." He looked at Hermione and his eyes seemed to soften. "Ginny'll set you up in a room, my dear. I think that Potter and I have some… matters we should discuss."
"I think that would be a good idea," Hermione said evenly, not dropping her eyes from Harry's face. "Thank you, Ron."
Harry barely noticed as Hermione left, settling into a stupor he objectively realized was shock. Hundreds of questions were flashing through his mind. He felt tired and worn, his mind busily trying to process the shock of the last few hours. It didn't seem real-none of it could be real. Not when he and Hermione had just been standing outside in the bright sunlight, Hogwarts strong and true behind them, a guard against the war that had seemed so far away.
And least of all, he couldn't understand the man standing at his desk in front of him. He kept looking for some sign of the Ron he used to know.
"Why do you keep calling me `Potter?'"
Ron didn't say it with the disgust that Snape used to say his name or the way Malfoy spat it out like it was a dirty word. Instead, Ron said with detachment, as though he didn't care one way or the other.
Ron's expression remained unchanged. "Let's get some things straight here, Potter."
Harry swallowed with difficult and gave a small nod of consent.
"This is not the world you know. Almost everyone you have ever met is dead." Ron paused, letting his words sink in. "I've been fighting this war for two years and I refuse to lose it. And you are the only person who can defeat Voldemort."
Ron spoke the last word deliberately, his eyes on Harry's face. Hearing Ron say Voldemort's name so calmly should have shocked Harry, but he found himself completely unsurprised.
"I will do everything in my power to insure that you will defeat him. I will protect you at all costs." For the first time, Harry saw a hint of emotion flicker over Ron's face. He dropped his voice. "Voldemort took everyone I have ever loved. Mum, dad, Charlie, Bill, Percy, Fred and George… Hagrid."
Harry felt a lump gather in his throat and he looked away from Ron's empty eyes. Hagrid is dead, he thought to himself. Almost all the Weasleys are dead. They're dead. I should be more upset than this.
Yet, Harry found that his body wouldn't accept the simple truth of the words. It seemed unreal when, to the best of his knowledge, they had been alive and well only a few hours ago.
"Everyone we knew from school," Ron continued, in a flat voice. "Seamus, Dean, Lavender, Pavarti… and my fiancée."
Harry felt like someone had kicked him in the stomach. He drew in a sharp breath. Ron stared blankly back at him and Harry had the sense that he was undergoing some sort of test.
"It is very important to me, Potter, that you kill Voldemort once and for all." Ron's voice hardened. "But we are not friends. We will never be friends. I care about your well-being insofar as it affects your ability to face Voldemort. We will work together, but we are not friends."
"So what?" Harry managed. "I'm supposed to call you `Weasley' now?"
"Call me whatever you like," Ron said, beginning to rifle through the paper's on his desk. "I don't care."
Harry realized that he was being dismissed. "Do I get a room?"
"Ginny," Ron answered simply, not raising his eyes.
I should be feeling more than this, Harry thought to himself again, with a sort of numbed detachment. My best friend hates me. I'm the only hope the wizarding world-what's left of it-has. Almost everyone I know is dead. I should be feeling something.
My best friend hates me.
Hermione and I both died.
I'm trapped here.
I might never be able to go home.
Nothing… nothing but a vague detachment. Harry realized that it was probably some sort of defense mechanism. If he truly allowed himself to feel, he'd go mad.
This doesn't feel real.
"For fuck's sakes," Ron muttered, breaking into his thoughts. "Why are you still here?"
Harry ignored him. "Can I ask you something?"
Ron sighed and set down the parchment he'd been reading. "If you must."
"How did you get that scar?"
Ron's expression darkened. "As a matter of fact," he said simply. "I got it trying to save your life."
Harry stared. "Oh."
"Yeah," Ron said, looking back down at his papers. "Though, seeing you here in front of me, I probably shouldn't have bothered." Ron shuffled a few pages. "Now get the fuck out of my office."
Harry was about to go when something compelled him to turn back around. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "For whatever it was I must have done to make you hate me." He hesitated. "Really… I'm sorry."
Ron said nothing in return.
Feeling like he'd accomplished nothing, Harry exited Ron's office. The Compound's hallway was much as he'd left it, empty and silent. Ginny was sitting cross-legged on the floor, back against the wall and her arms folded under her chin.
Harry found that he wasn't the least bit surprised to find her there.
"Hi, Harry," she greeted softly, standing up and giving a long stretch.
Involuntarily, Harry's eyes followed her movements. She'd changed clothing since the last he saw her. Instead of the conservative, gray garb that nearly everyone was wearing, she'd put on a tight-fitting white t-shirt, which did little to hide the black bra she was wearing underneath it.
"You like?" Ginny asked, grinning. "Hate the uniforms Ron makes us wear. It's supposed to make us less visible, help us blend in. but it takes away more our humanity, don't you think?"
"Err…" Harry managed, trying to focus on her face.
Ginny gave a self-satisfied smile. "I told Ron that I refuse to wear that horrid looking thing in the Compound. He wasn't happy with me… clothes like this are hard to come by." Ginny shrugged her shoulders. "But he can't do much about it, not really."
"Oh," Harry said.
If Ginny was bothered by his unenthusiastic response, she didn't show it. "Sorry… this must sound absurd to you. Me, worrying about clothes when so much else is going on."
"Of course not," Harry said hurriedly. "It doesn't sound absurd at all."
Ginny beamed. "I really missed you," she said sincerely. "It's hard to find someone that… cares. Mostly because everyone else is too busy worrying about their own lives. But I'd forgotten that you… you always care about others, no matter how bad things get for you."
Harry shifted uncomfortably. "I'm not-"
"No," she cut in. "You wouldn't think so. And that's… part of what I-what makes you so important to our side."
Harry decided to change the topic. "So," he said, gesturing around him. "People live in here?"
Ginny nodded. "Yeah… the Compound was designed to hold thousands of people. We have all the rooms we need-they're not much, but it's all we have. The cots are uncomfortable and it's never warm enough at night, but… we're safe." She sighed. "And that's what matters."
Harry couldn't think of any kind of reply. "Things sound… bleak," he finally said, rather lamely.
Ginny smiled thinly. "Yes, I suppose they are. Things are… it's a lonely existence. It's difficult sometimes."
"It must be," Harry whispered. "I'm… really sorry, Ginny."
"Oh, Harry… don't be!" she said quickly, sounding upset. "You must be feeling so out of place. And here I am… complaining. I can't even imagine what you're going through…"
No, Harry thought to himself. You can't.
No one can.
Ripped away from his life and forced into a world that he didn't know, that he didn't understand, that he was supposed to save.
Harry felt himself grow cold as it finally began to dawn on him that he wasn't going back, that he couldn't go back.
His hands trembled and some part of his brain realized that the shock was beginning to wear off. He wished desperately for his earlier numbness, because thinking about where he was… it was unbearable.
"… I could stay with you for a while, if you wanted. You know… until you got settled… a bit of company might do you good."
Harry stared, having completely forgotten that Ginny was still talking. He nodded, trying to pretend that he'd been listening. His heart rate sped up, beginning to feel desperate.
I'm cracking up, he thought in panic.
"Harry?" Ginny prodded gently. "Are you alright? Is it… did I say something? Upset you?"
Seeing Ginny's eyes looking at him, bright with concern, sent his heart aching. This isn't right, he thought. This isn't… I need to speak to…
"Hermione," he breathed, feeling relief swamp him.
Ginny's eyes darkened. "I-excuse me?"
"I need to talk to her," Harry said loudly. "It's… you know where she is, right? You can take me there?"
"I… guess…"
Harry barely noticed her hesitancy. "I really need to see her, Ginny," he said urgently. "Please, it's really important."
"Fine," Ginny snapped. "I get it."
Ginny stopped speaking to him after that and Harry felt bad for upsetting her, but he was too preoccupied to spend any time worrying about it.
"This is it," Ginny said, stopping them in front of one of the doors. "You know," she said quietly. "She doesn't appreciate you. Not really. She doesn't see what you really are. I don't know why you-I just… I don't want to see you get hurt."
Then, before Harry could say anything, she hurried away. Baffled by Ginny's words, Harry turned to the door, feeling hesitant. He couldn't help but feel that by turning to Hermione he was about to make things even more complicated.
His hesitancy didn't last long, as his urge to see her-talk to her-became nearly overwhelming. Gulping, he knocked. His knock seemed to echo loudly down the hall and several people stopped and stared. Face flushing, Harry thrust his hands in his pockets and stared down at the floor.
The door creaked open and Hermione's pale face looked out at him.
"Hey," he said quietly, feeling a sudden rush of gratitude at the sight of her. He wasn't alone-he had Hermione and she would figure things out… like she always did.
"Hi," she said, rather coolly.
"Um…" Harry looked around him. "Can I come in?"
Hermione's eyes narrowed. "No."
Harry's jaw dropped. "What d'you mean, `no?'"
"No," she hissed quietly, so as not to draw attention to themselves. "No, you cannot come in. You're only here because you want my sympathy. And I refuse to do that. I refuse to be the girl you come to for answers. You're on your own."
She tried to slam the door in his face, but Harry easily held it open and pushed his way inside.
Hermione looked furious.
"I didn't come here for pity… or answers…" he said, not quite able to meet her eyes. "At least, not entirely for those reasons."
She let out an aggrieved sigh. "I don't want to deal with you tonight."
"You don't… I'm someone you have to deal with?"
Hermione sighed and her shoulders slumped slightly. "Yes," she said honestly. "Sometimes… yes, you are."
"Oh," Harry mumbled-not quite sure how to react.
Looking tired, Hermione sat down on her dingy cot in the corner of the room. The entire thing couldn't have been much larger than the stairs at the Dursley's. The walls and floor were entirely bare. In the corner there was a small table with a basin of water and cracked, dusty mirror hung on the wall over it. On the bed-if you could call it that-there was a single worn blanket. There were no sheets.
Harry thought about his dormitory at Hogwarts, where it was warm and clean. He suddenly wished desperately for his four-poster bed.
Feeling a pang, he looked Hermione and could tell she was longing for the same thing.
"It'll be okay," he found himself saying, overcome with a desire to reassure her. It didn't escape his attention that he'd originally come seeking that very same thing from her. "I'll find a way to get us home, Hermione. I promise."
Hermione smiled sadly. "Oh, Harry, don't you see? This is our home. This is what happens to us."
"We die."
She pursed her lips. "No… I mean, yes, that's why we're here. That's why we had to use the spell. It's up to… it's up to us now."
There was a long moment of silence before Hermione spoke again. When she did, her voice was quivering. "We did the spell. You and me. You know… do you understand what that means?"
"That's… do we have to talk about this now?" Harry asked weakly.
Hermione's eyes flashed, her earlier anger quickly covering up her vulnerability. "We talk about this nor or you get out. Your choice."
Some choice, Harry reflected bitterly.
Headache pounding behind his eyes, he began pacing the small length of the room, aware of Hermione's eyes on him. His old defenses wanted nothing more than to run away, away form this room, away from this conversation, away from her. But he was far too exhausted to fight it-fight her-so, feeling defeated, he turned to look at Hermione.
"People I lo-care about… well, bad things tend to happen to them," he said heavily.
Hermione looked sympathetic.
"Yes, well, I'm not sure if you noticed, but I died." He flinched and Hermione continued. "And there was nothing you could do to stop that."
"I'm sorry," he said softly. He wasn't sure why he was apologizing or even what he was apologizing for, but he couldn't seem to help himself. "I'm sorry, Hermione."
"Oh, Harry, don't be melodramatic," she said, sounding annoyed. She looked him in the eyes. "Just be honest."
Honest.
"I…" he said. "What… I don't understand what you want from me."
Hermione sighed deeply and patted the space next to her. "Start by sitting down. You don't… you don't look too good."
Harry sat next to her, feeling awkward. She was so close to him that if he turned his leg it would brush against hers. Yet he wasn't sure he could remember feeling so very far away from her. The distance seemed to stretch out between them. They were in this-whatever this was-together. She was all he had. And he felt like he was talking to a stranger.
This, coupled with everything else he'd learned that day, was almost more than he could handle.
"Did you know that Hagrid's dead?" His voice was emotionless-just like Ron's voice had been. "And Seamus and Dean and almost all the Weasleys. They're dead."
Hermione looked shocked. "Oh," she whispered.
"Yeah, and I can't… I can't feel anything." Harry swallowed. "How is any of this real?"
Hermione didn't say anything.
Harry took a deep breath and plunged on ahead. "When… I thought that I'd lost you… I'd never felt that way before. I know I'm not good at this, but when I opened my eyes and saw what was left of Hogwarts…" Harry stopped because it all came rushing back. The smell, the dead bodies, the burning outline of what had once been his beloved school. He closed his eyes, feeling hot tears pinprick behind them.
I will not cry… I will not cry…
"Harry…" her voice was soft and gentle and nearly made him lose it right then and there. He took a deep breath and shook his head.
"This isn't easy for me," he said, willing his voice to sound calm. "I just… I want you to know that it… terrified me when I thought I'd lost you and I hadn't… said it yet."
"Well, you can," she said, sounding choked up. "I know… I already know…" she drew in a sharp breath. "You're in love with me."
You're in love with me.
Harry didn't have to see her to know that was watching him with bated her breath, her fingers gripping her knees.
You're in love with me.
He knew it would be so easy to give in-to give in and fall into bed next to her and hang on to her in a world where he had no one else. So easy. So simple.
"You're wearing his ring on your finger," he said softly-understanding that he was breaking both their hearts. "You're wearing Ron's engagement ring. You're not…"
Harry realized that he'd been about to say `mine.' Only it wouldn't be true-not really-not when the spell had proved that she was his.
That doesn't matter.
"You're wearing Ron's ring," he said again-and this time his voice was stronger.
He finally looked at her, his stomach twisting into knots when he saw her eyes shining with tears.
"Hermione…" he faltered and looked at the ring sitting on her finger. "I wish… I want so badly to be able to… I'm sorry."
A single tear slid down her cheek before she wiped it away. "It's alright."
It wasn't alright and they both knew it. Nothing was alright. Nothing was alright and they were trapped her together, trapped by their feelings-that damned spell.
"So…" he cleared his throat. "What… what do we do now?"
Hermione hesitated before answering. "I don't… know."
Author's Notes
Yes, it's finally happened.
Kaze and Goldy have started to write a fic together. A real fic with lots of chapters and a plot. Why?
Good question.
Actually, there's two reasons.
A while back we started a yahoo group together and despite having creative juices in our body, we could not come up with a really cool name. We held a contest with a fic reward, hoping that someone we think of a really witty name for our group. Enter our good friend Ronin10, who not only found us a name but a cool one at that.
We also just like writing together.
So our yahoo group is now appropriately titled Immortal Beloved (its link can be found in either of our separate profiles) and is also incorporated into our fic as you can see. Since we're both progressively busy, we can't give solid update notices but our group will always be the first to know. So go join because we post a lot of stuff there that people have probably never read and because we told you to. And that's reason enough.
Please review and let us know what you think!
ETA the Immortal Beloved link. Just to make signing up extra easy.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/immortal_beloved/
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