Disclaimer:
Everything Harry Potter belongs to the great JK Rowling, and I have no personal gain from any of this. Sad but true.
Chapter 6
Friend or Foe
Hermione sat down onto the common room sofa with a heavy huff. It had been several days since her talk with the Headmaster and she had had a tough time getting everyone to get back under control. Jervy or was it Barkley? It didn't matter. Both of their names were now decidedly on her hit list. They had taken her new mission and attitude as a personal affront and were targeting her daily with pranks. She had finally removed the charm that had sealed her in her dorm room and was infuriated with the two boys.
She had absently threaded several quills up into her hair to pull it out of her face while she had been reviewing her homework schedule for the term. A couple of first year giggled at her severe look until her focused scowl shut them up. The feather quills were sticking up giving her the appearance of a wild-haired Indian. At this point in the day she didn't care.
Lessons had ended badly with double potions and the usual sniping from Snape had made the day almost unendurable. How was it he could always find the snarkiest insults that would set her nerves on edge? Harry still hadn't said much beyond monosyllables to her in a week. She didn't know what to do about him. The thought of her best friend walking around her as if she wasn't there was driving her spare. Her lips pursed tightly and she angrily rubbed the palms of her hands into her eyes to thrust away her emotional need to cry.
Hermione was glad she had finally gotten through the depression she had been under and had vigorously reset herself back on track. She had purposely made the decision to not let anything get to her; or at least show that it was getting to her. Not even Draco Malfoy with his filthy mouth would crack her newly stoic exterior.
She fervently wanted to put all that childishness behind her. Who cared if every time Malfoy spoke she wanted to pound his face into the ground? Just the memory of third year and the emotional thrill she got when she had slugged Draco made her sigh with pleasure. But this year had to be different. She was going to be the better person. She had so many more important things to think about than his stupid name-calling or insult baiting. He had gotten particularly good at throwing a nasty comment while coming off appearing the victim.
Maybe Malfoy had been taking lessons from Snape. The thought made her snort.
She had more important things to think about. Like Harry. Dumbledore's request sat heavily on her mind as she thought over what the gentle headmaster had said. Her brows crinkled into a pucker and she bit her lower lip in concentration. Harry had drifted in and out of sight not really connecting with anyone but Ron since school had begun. He had spent the summer alone in his room rather than leave when the Weasley's offered to take him on his birthday like they had every summer. Tonks had told her this in confidence when she dropped by one day since neither Ron nor Harry had bothered to tell her about their row. Hermione felt completely cut off from her friends. They had basically stopped even speaking to her. She was used to that from Ron when they fought, but not from Harry. He would have tried to work it out at least. Maybe he didn't really care after all. She missed him desperately.
The bushy-haired girl sniffled a little and drew her legs up underneath her robes. Hugging herself tightly she wished for a life where none of the horrors the three of them had experienced had ever happened.
Or, she thought, at least where they could be forgotten.
Crookshanks her ginger-colored cat pounced playfully at her fingers to get her attention. She smiled softly and ruffled his fur backwards making the fluffball rumble in pleasure. The peach-fuzzed face jumped quickly up into her neck and settled in with a purr.
"You're such a sweet thing, Crooks. You'd never be mad at me for anything, would you, hum?" Her hand's rubbing caused the cat to snuggle in close and somehow in the way of cats fall immediately asleep.
The entrance to the common room opened with the sound of loud, strident voices. Ron was shouting and gesturing with his arms waving wildly about as if he had to explicate his argument physically as well as vocally.
"Of course you are the seeker! Ginny is fine with the chaser position now that Alicia has left Hogwarts after graduation. Are you saying you think Umbridge's ban can possibly still be enforced?" Ron stuttered to a fanatical stop.
Harry had slid into the room silently and leaned against the cold stone wall. A painting of Wizard Knights of Ancient Briton had to shift over a little across the wall to make room for the sullen boy and the painted Hogwarts ancestor looked decidedly grumpy about it as they waved their tiny swords his direction before pushing the frame out of his way.
Harry ran his hands slowly through his hair, messing it up even worse than usual. Hermione slithered farther down the couch so that neither boy knew she was there. This was a new fight.
When had Harry decided to give up on Quidditch? She would have bet all her savings that flying again would have been just the ticket to re-animate her friend. Apparently his depression over his Godfather's death had not lessened at all.
She was so tired of all the fighting. It seemed that all they ever did was scream at each other. It was infuriating.
"Why is it always so hard?" she questioned herself angrily.
Too many people have been hurt. Too many people had died! She was sick to death of it. Even the passing of Sirius had been so heavy to hold. She had mourned the loss of Harry's godfather as much as Harry had, though in a different way. Hermione and Ron had known the animagus for as long as Harry had. Their furtive communications to "Snuffles" had always made the older man somehow more approachable than other people in their lives. So much of their adventures had included him. Harry, however, had clung to the dream of finally having a family that cared for him; even if it was a broken prison escapee with few friends and even fewer opportunities. With the death of the animagus, Harry's hope died with him.
"Just let it go, Ron." The girl surprised herself as she spoke loudly and clearly from the sofa.
Both the boys jerked their heads to the sound of her voice.
"It won't bring him back, Harry, but if you think punishing yourself more will make you feel better, then just go ahead and wallow in it!" She stood up suddenly toppling the cat from her lap and found herself start to shake with the emotional overload she had been forced to deal with over the past few days.
Ron's mouth dropped open and his eyes darted quickly between the now angry girl and his friend. He had never seen her so angry before and he had been around for some exceptional Hermione tirades.
Harry's eyes narrowed in fury and self-righteous anger.
She doesn't know what she's saying! No one understands!
He leaned forward bouncing on his toes as if to launch himself at the shaking girl.
"What do you mean? How can you even say that!?" He exploded with eyes slitting menacingly.
Her hands flew to her hips and with brown flashing eyes she growled her pent up anger and frustration. Stoking the indignation that pushed her to use words that she would have never considered proper before today she lit into him verbally.
"We don't need you to sulk anymore. I am so sorry that your childhood sucked, but you're not a child anymore! You may or may not have noticed, Harry, but it's not all about you anymore."
Ron's mouth opened and closed in horror as his head continued to swivel back and forth.
"Now Hermione…" the taller boy began to stutter.
The common room had grown unpleasantly quiet. An exploding snap game had stopped mid-air and the incessant chatter of the second year girls in the corner abruptly turned into a hiss of disbelief.
Harry stared at his friend with her disheveled hair and heated eyes. So many furious retorts bottled up behind his throat that he could barely hiss through his teeth.
"What do you know of my childhood, Hermione? You've never been there have you! You never had to go a week without food or find yourself boxed into a dark dirty closet for days on end!" His breath came in fast high pulls as he revealed much more than he ever meant to.
Hermione's eyes widened in horror and tears quickly pooled in shocked empathy. She never knew it was like that. The Dursley's were bad she knew, but to abuse Harry like that…She gasped trying to hold back the flood of animosity toward his guardians and the crushing guilt she felt for not seeing Harry's pain before.
Harry however had built himself up into a rage. He couldn't stop his body from shaking. Almost blinded by his anger he stopped seeing his friend and could only feel his fury and the bottomless envy of the life he knew all his friends took for granted.
"You've never seen it, have you? You can't tell me you never saw the bruises or noticed I would drop weight just over the summer vacation!" He sputtered wildly.
"Hell! You had your perfect parents and your happy little family vacations and so why think anything about your friend who has to try to survive on the little bits of cake he has to portion out every day to survive that his REAL friends," he gestured at Ron," at least think to send him!"
Hermione's eyes looked shattered. The boy seemed to shrink down a little and his breath came in sharp bursts. His hands kept clenching into fists and he rolled them up and down his thighs as if to keep himself from hitting someone.
The room was deathly quiet. No one could dare speak. Harry had never spoken a word about how truly horrendous his life at Privet Drive had been. Hermione wondered if even Dumbledore had known he gave The-boy-who-lived to real-life monsters every time he left the train station. Her thoughts of Dumbledore gave her pause. Dumbledore had looked so sad when they spoke in his office the few days ago. If he didn't know about this the girl knew it would devastate the quiet gentle wizard. So many things weighed heavily on the shoulders of the old man. Students and the wizarding world alike turned to the Headmaster and expected so much. It was hard for him to be held to such expectations, but the kind old gentleman embraced the worries with a twinkle in his eye and a wry laugh on his lips. This was what he had been trying to tell her. He knew everything about Harry. He had left him there for a reason. The choices the headmaster must have had to make would have broken any lesser man.
She gathered her breath and tried to shove the tears away. Hermione knew this was the moment to which the Headmaster had been hinting. This was really going to hurt.
"I'm sorry, Harry. Really. But I'm still right." Several people gasped at her harshness.
The room seemed to fall in temperature and the chill traveled up her spine leaving her feeling very, very alone.
Her voice lowered and she faltered a bit. "We don't have time to be children anymore."
She paused and looked at him very hard. "This is a WAR!"
Her vehemence startled Ron whose expression had clouded in worry. "Now Hermione, you can't expect…"
"Shut up Ron." Harry hissed through his teeth without taking his eyes off the girl.
Hermione hugged herself as if she would never be warm again. "We are at war, Harry. Think about it. And for some INSANE reason, you're IT! You are the leader. Or the target, or whatever, but you are what is driving this defense of what is good and necessary to keep our world alive."
"Think about it Harry. A sixteen-year-old half trained teenage boy up against one of the most evil and powerful wizard our world has ever seen. A man who has cheated death and murdered hundreds of wizards. You don't have the luxury of feeling sorry for yourself anymore. Do you think Voldemort will patiently wait for you to work your way thorough your issues? No one here is untouched by the evil, Harry. NO one."
Her hands had unclenched and had jerked out to include all of the young people in the room. Her eyes scanned over children who had lost brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers in this war against evil.
Harry growled low in his throat with a threat that sent Hermione a step back.
"I …DON'T…WANT…THIS!" the scream ripped from deep inside his body. The room shook and two of the topmost stained glass windows shattered instantly.
No one dared say a word. The silence stretched across the room like a curse. Only the tinkling sound of the shattered bits of glass falling could be heard.
Silence settled around the two figures as they stared at each other as if they had never seen each other before.
She turned to him opening her hands palm forward to him as if he was a wild animal and she had to move toward him carefully.
"It is time for you to be a man, Harry. We need you to be." Tears slid noiselessly down her face. She stepped right up to his shaking body and raised her hand to touch his arm, but shaking; pulled back and wrapped her hand tightly together in a prayerful attitude.
"I need you, Harry." She whispered low only loud enough for Harry; and then fled upstairs and out of sight.
Author's Notes:
Thank you so much for reviewing! I have more chapters already written, just editing and parsing a few phrases…If you review I get happy feelings which FORCE me to upload more quickly..
Thought you should know.
PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!
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