(A/N: For all of you who are following this story, here is chapter 3! I strongly hope that you're finding the story enjoyable. As usual, I'd like to thank my wonderful BETA readers IronChefOR and SarahLupin.)
Chapter 3. IN THE BEDROOM OF SIRIUS
...
And punching a man just because
He has been impolite
Knowing that what it is burning inside are not
The offenses.
And closing my eyes to stop
Something that
It is inside of me
But it isn't in your mind...
...
"Emotions" by Lucio Battisti
Harry was running again along a dark corridor with stone walls, lit only by a few torches. He headed toward the only door at the end of the corridor and when he opened it, he found himself in a large room, shaped like an amphitheater.
Sirius Black was there again, in the center of the amphitheater, fighting against Bellatrix Lestrange.
Once again Harry wanted desperately to go and warn him, but he felt that he wasn't able to do it and remained frozen, like a helpless spectator reliving again and again the same tragic scene.
Suddenly he felt a sharp pain in his scar; his head seemed to break up into pieces and he woke up screaming, with his hand on his burning scar.
"NOOOOO...... SIRIUS...... NOOOOO..."
Ron jumped on his bed, alarmed.
"Harry? Did you have another nightmare?"
Ron was accustomed to his best friend's troubled nights, but he couldn't help worrying every time the nightmares occurred.
"Yes, it's always the same one, but everything's all right now, don't worry. Go back to sleep, Ron," Harry answered, breathing heavily, as his scar slowly stopped throbbing.
Ron wasn't particularly convinced and he sat down on his best friend's bed.
"Would you like to tell me, Harry? Maybe I could help!"
Harry didn't know if it was a good idea to tell his friend, because he didn't want to worry him. However, he knew that it could be worse not telling him.
He got up and sat on the bed, closing his eyes to ease the pain he was feeling inside.
"I always see Sirius's death - all the scenes- and I can't do anything to stop it."
Ron felt sorry for him and started staring at the floor. Harry knew Ron was doing this and it was partly why he kept his eyes closed. Then he slowly continued.
"I feel so... so helpless! It's unbearable, believe me!"
"Yes, I believe you, Harry! Do you think you'll be able to sleep now?" asked Ron nervously, embarrassed. Harry nodded, realizing that his friend was feeling sorry for him and that he couldn't find the right words to comfort him.
Harry stretched himself out onto the bed and turned onto his other side, gazing at the moonlight coming in from the window.
Neither of them was able to fall asleep again.
***O***
The following morning, Harry and Ron got up late. They had just managed to fall asleep at dawn.
They quickly ran down to the kitchen for breakfast, and there they found Mrs. Weasley, Hermione, and Ginny chatting animatedly, whilst cleaning the dishes.
"Good morning, you two! Ron, you always oversleep, do you know what time it is? And you, Harry, dear, did you sleep well? I'm sure that you needed a good rest after that long trip."
Mrs. Weasley was always very kind to Harry, probably because she felt sorry for him being an orphan.
Harry and Ron sat at the table to have breakfast, and Hermione moved closer to talk to them.
"Good morning to you! Did you forget that today we're going to pay a visit to Fred and George at Diagon Alley? We should go shortly, so please try to hurry up with your breakfast!"
Then she looked intensely at Harry and lowered her voice.
"Harry, what happened to you? You look terrible this morning! Have you had another of your nightmares last night?"
Harry was surprised at that question; was he such a predictable person? Or maybe Hermione was able to read minds? Anyway, Ron answered instead.
"Yes, a very bad nightmare. We woke up, and we couldn't manage to fall asleep again until dawn.... ahhhhhhhh.... I'm so tired....." ended Ron yawning loudly, and Harry put down his toast, feeling guilty. Then Hermione looked deep into his eyes.
"Do I have to worry?"
"NO, please, everything is under control."
Harry reassured her quickly, while he frowned at Ron, who froze with his mouth open. Harry was sure that his best friend was going to tell her what his nightmare was about, and he didn't want him to do it with everybody watching them.
Soon they were ready in front of the fireplace to travel by floo-powder. Before they left, Mrs. Weasley gave everybody their Hogwarts letters, which included their book lists, and, to their surprise, their O.W.L. results. Harry hoped to have passed all the main subjects with good marks, in order to be able to continue on with his plans on becoming an Auror.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were looking at their envelopes with trepidation. Hermione gave a deep sigh of relief, and Harry knew that she passed with top marks; Ron made a sad face.
"Not too bad! I didn't pass Potions! At least I'll have the pleasure of not having to see Snape's ugly face again next year!"
Mrs. Weasley frowned at him, and then she turned to Harry.
"And you dear, which marks did you get?"
Harry hadn't opened his envelope yet; he wanted to know his friends' marks first. When he read his results, his eyes widened, full of surprise. Hermione could not resist her curiosity, and ran behind him to read the results herself.
She jumped with excitement, clapping her hands.
"I knew it, Harry, I knew it! You passed in all the subjects with very good marks! You did great, I had no doubt!"
In fact, it was great: Harry got top marks in all subjects, except Potions; but it was enough to go on with the main subjects required to become an Auror: Potions, Transfiguration, Charms, and Defense Against the Dark Arts.
He was grateful to Professor McGonagall, since she offered her help to him in this matter last year.
Everybody congratulated him and Hermione, but Ron was satisfied too.
They moved to the fireplace and, one by one, disappeared into the fire, reappearing in Diagon Alley.
While Mrs. Weasley went to do the shopping, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny headed to Fred and George's new shop.
It was really nice, not as big as Zonko's in Hogsmeade, but it was full of strange new inventions. Harry was very impressed, as was Hermione, who in previous years was always disapproving wherever the twins and their "useless" abilities were concerned.
They came back to Grimmauld Place for dinner, and afterwards everybody was so tired, especially Harry and Ron, that they wished the others good night and went up to their bedroom.
But Harry could not sleep; he wanted to do something very important first, even if it might be really sad and painful for him. He waited until Ron finally fell asleep, and then he tiptoed out of his room. The hallway was empty.
Slowly he climbed the stairs to the upper floor and then he reached Sirius's bedroom. He put his hand on the handle and hesitated for a moment. He wished so much to see his godfather's room again, and maybe he even hoped to find him there again.
He entered the room and the darkness weighed heavily on his eyes. Then he took his wand from his pocket and ordered "INCENDO!"
At his command, all the candles in the room lit up.
He closed the door behind him and remained still, looking in every direction. Everything was the same as when Sirius was there: the canopy bed, the drawer, the desk, the black leather armchairs.
It looked as though bedroom was waiting for its owner to come back.
Almost without realizing it, a warm tear rolled down on his cheek.
Slowly he reached the bed and touched it with affection. Then, his hand tightened on the covers with anger; he fell to his knees, pressed his face against the covers, and suddenly, lost control of his feelings.
Harry burst into tears, a deep crying of liberation. He felt as though all his suffering from the last few months was slipping away with all his tears; he was starting to free himself from all that pain, from all that weight he was carrying on his shoulders for so long. It was as if Sirius's soul, captured in that room, was helping him to find comfort, to leave everything behind and start again.
A long time passed, the only sound in the room his sobs. No one could hear him, no one could imagine that Harry was there, in his loneliness, and that he was relieving his emotions at last. When he stopped crying, he remained on the floor with his head still leaning on the bed, his eyes closed.
Oddly, he finally felt free, lighter than before. Maybe now he would be able to face any obstacle hidden in his path; he had just been able to face himself, his endless sadness, his desperation.
Now, he would be able to start everything again, stronger than before.
***O***
When he finally managed to pull himself together, Harry realized that it was very late.
He silently left the room and closed the door behind him, walked to the stairs, but then suddenly stopped. He did not want to go back to his room yet; he sat on the first step with his elbows on his knees, his hands holding up his head, deeply absorbed in his thoughts.
Suddenly, he heard someone opening a door and he jumped in surprise. He did not want to be seen by anyone, but it was too late. He could already hear footsteps.
Before he could leave, Hermione had already come up to him.
"Harry, what are you doing here at this time of night?"
She was really surprised to find him there, and was talking quietly so as to not wake the others.
"What are YOU still doing up at this time, Hermione? I thought you were in bed!"
"I was in bed, but I heard a noise and I came out to see what it was!"
Then, without waiting for an answer, she sat close to him on the same step. Both looked at each other, but soon Harry moved his eyes away from hers, and started staring at the stairway leading downstairs.
Hermione probably understood his mood, because she immediately changed her tone of voice and spoke to him in a sweeter way.
"You miss Sirius, don't you?"
Once more, Harry was surprised by his best friend's ability to understand his true feelings.
Harry nodded in silence and Hermione spoke again.
"It must have been really hard for you to come back to this house again. Everything here reminds you of Sirius! I'm sure you'll be able to overcome all this, sooner or later, I know it! And we're going to help you!"
Harry was surprised to hear those words, and he turned back to her, looking deeply into her eyes. Was it possible that Hermione knew him so well? In that very moment he felt a strong desire to tell her about the prophecy, to reveal to her everything and relieve the heavy burden he was carrying on his heart. But why should he load her with such a big burden? No, he could not do that. He was not ready yet to talk about the prophecy, to her or to anyone else, and he remained silent.
"Ron and I will always be there for you. You'll never have reason to doubt our friendship. We'll always do our best to help you, in every situation!"
"Thanks..."
Harry was so thankful, but he was not able to tell her anything else, since he was starting to feel his emotions well up again, and he did not want her to see his fragility.
They remained there in silence for a few minutes, then Harry suddenly got up and she did the same.
"I think we ought to go to bed now. I don't want to make you lose sleep, as I did Ron yesterday."
"Yes, you're right."
Hermione gave him a sweet smile; then she turned and returned to her bedroom.
"Good night, Harry."
"Good night."
Harry watched her disappear behind the door, then descended the stairs and finally went to bed.
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