Chapter 14 wouldn't have gotten here so fast, if not for Drailla, who offered me flowers & chocolates (hehehehe)! Thanks to everyone for the review. And of course I'm not going to kill off Draco. At least, not in this story!
CHAPTER 14 Losing It
"You shouldn't be here."
"Dumbledore said I could stay."
"It will just make things worse for her family."
Ginny struggled to open her eyes.
"Ginny!" Draco's bruised face came into view in front of her.
"Mr. Malfoy, you need to get back in your own bed right now!" Madam Pomfrey's voice announced crossly.
Ginny struggled to sit up. "What happened?"
"See what you've done?" Madam Pomfrey said, frowning.
"No! Tell me."
Draco sat down on the side of her bed and closed his eyes. He had scratches on his cheek, cuts along his arms, and his robes were in shambles. "Ginny, it's not good."
"This is not the time, Mr. Malfoy, now-"
"Stop!" Ginny snapped. "Let him tell me."
"When we got there, everything was already a disaster. Dumbledore got there right after us. It's a good thing, Harry, he can't take him, I just . . ." Draco took a deep breath, but the only color on his face was the two pink spots of color in his cheeks. "Your brother went first. He insisted on going first out that trapdoor into Honeydukes, and it was a trap. They were waiting. We could hear someone scream that curse all the way down the tunnel. Even Neville tried to . . . I'm sorry, Ginny."
Ginny could say nothing. No air was reaching her lungs.
Draco reached out and circled his arms around her back. "I'm sorry. I tried to get there as fast as I could." His voice cracked, but Ginny remained still.
Ron. Ron. Ron. Her brother. He wasn't gone. He couldn't be. She didn't believe it. "No."
"What?" Draco looked up and Ginny saw that his eyes were wet.
"No! NO! NO NO NO NO!"
"So you have told her?" Professor Dumbledore was standing on the other side of her bed. "He wanted to check the area for Harry, Ms. Granger told me. He saved Harry."
Ginny didn't care. Harry should have gone, not her brother, not her Ron. She had barely spoken to Ron in weeks, and now he was gone. Her stomach began to churn violently.
"Ginny," he said softly, "this is a difficult time I know, but no place is safe now. You and your family are going to stay at Harry's house. Your parents are already there. Remus and Tonks are coming to get you."
Ginny stared blankly, letting tears fall rapidly.
"I know your family may not understand my decision yet, but Mr. Malfoy will be going with you. He is in as much danger as any of you."
"Where am I going?" Draco asked.
"Did they see you?" Ginny managed to ask.
Draco nodded. "My father saw me."
Ginny felt like a hippogriff had sat down on her chest. The room began to grow dark and Dumbledore's voice faded.
***
When Ginny awoke she was falling. She hit the floor with a painful thud, and quickly scrambled up, disoriented. Tonks was staring down at her, her eyes as red as her hair. "Where am I?"
"Knight Bus," Tonks trembled. "Going to the Order's house."
"Where's Draco?"
"There."
Ginny looked and saw him leaned against a window, staring moodily out. This isn't real. No, it's not real at all.
"I'm so sorry," Tonks reached out to hug her. "So, so sorry."
When they reached number 12, Grimmauld Place, Ginny saw Draco glance at a scrap of paper and repeat the address. Not knowing what else to do, Ginny reached out and picked up his hand. They entered the house tentatively and found it dreadfully quiet. Ginny was relieved to see that it had been cleaned up though, and there were no mounted house elf heads or screaming portraits. No! You can't think about those things! Focus! Your brother is gone. But Ginny couldn't think about that. Instead she wondered why the house was so silent, where everyone was.
Hermione and Harry were in the living room. She was sitting on the couch, sobbing into her hands and Harry was staring blankly into space. Draco's grip on her hand tightened, and behind her, Lupin cleared his throat.
Harry's eyes slowly slid into focus, but Hermione never looked up.
"Charlie will be here soon," Lupin said slowly.
Harry nodded, looking as disconnected from his body as Ginny felt. "Thanks."
It took Ginny a moment to realize he was talking to Draco.
"Thanks for helping us," Harry told him.
Draco nodded stiffly. "Thanks for letting me stay at your house."
The room fell silent again, except for Hermione's sobs, and Ginny dropped Draco's hand and went to put her arms around the girl, holding her and willing herself to join in the sobs, but none came.
When Ginny finally pulled herself away from Hermione, both Harry and Draco were gone. "Come on," Ginny tugged Hermione's robe. "Let go to our room. You should sleep."
Ginny settled Hermione in the bed of the room they had shared two summers before and left to find Draco.
She crept up two flights of stairs to the room Fred and George had once stayed in and found Draco sitting in the window seat, staring at the night sky. He didn't turn to face her as she came in, so she shut the door behind her and edged up to him, sliding her arms around his waist.
"Lupin said to tell you that your parents are in their room on the top floor, but they've been given a dreamless sleeping potion." His words were careful and even.
Ginny pressed her head against his back and nodded. "Tell me what happened."
"What?"
"Just with . . . your father."
"Oh. Right. It was a big mess." He hesitated, as if hoping she would change her mind. "Longbottom and I went running . . . Potter was battling with You Know Who and that left Granger, she was trying to fight all those Death Eaters. We didn't even have time to think. We got there and had to start fighting, but Dumbledore showed up pretty quickly. He got rid of most the Death Eaters, and was battling You Know Who and trying to keep Potter out of it." There was a long silence. "When the Dark Lord decided he wasn't going to win, he told his people to leave, but . . . my hood slipped off, and . . . my father looked up. I knew it was him. He saw me. He didn't say anything, didn't try to curse me." Draco paused. "He just looked at me."
Ginny chewed the inside of her lip and waited.
"But when they were leaving he told me that I wasn't his son anymore."
Ginny froze. So Draco had lost a family member yesterday also. She didn't know what to do anymore. She was lost inside her head, lost in this huge house. Draco shifted in her arms and leaned down to kiss her forehead.
The abandoned, vulnerable expression on Draco's face matched the tangled feelings in her chest, so she stood on her tiptoes and kissed his mouth, trying to make some sense out of her emotions.
"Ginny," Draco whispered after several moments, "I-"
"Let's not talk," she begged. Please don't stop, she added silently. Please give me something, give me anything to fill up this numbness in me.
He nodded, staring at her red, streaked face and wished he could make all her pain go away. If this was what she wanted, he would be glad to help out. He pulled her gently towards the bed, kissing her over and over, closing his mind until he was focused on Ginny and Ginny only. Her fire colored hair, her freckles and how much he wanted to kiss each and everyone of them, the way her lips tasted and the way she arched her back beneath him.
She let him slip her clothes off and made no move to stop him when he began to tug on her underclothes; instead she reached back and undid his trousers, grabbing his waistband and pulling down his them and boxers in one quick move. She stretched open her legs beneath him and he fit perfectly against her.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," she whispered. "Please, I want this, I want you." I am a horrible, horrible person. My brother is gone. My brother was killed. He's not coming back and all I can do is lose my virginity to the boyfriend my brother hated.
Slowly, carefully, painfully Draco pushed into her until they were joined together, fitting together so well he didn't know where he stopped and she began. He lost himself in her heat, lost himself completely in Ginny.
Ginny tried to hold her breath and relax at the same time, pain searing from her thighs and roaring across her body. This is what you deserve. This is exactly what you get for disrespecting your brother's memory, she told herself.
"Are you okay?" he asked as she gasped in a sharp breath.
"Yes," she whispered, "just . . . be still a minute."
He waiting, kissing her forehead. "We don't have to do this. I don't want to do anything that-"
"Shh," she hissed.
He closed his mouth and watched her, kissing her lips and ears and neck and until she was relaxed and moved beneath him like she had been made for this, made just for him, whispering his name again and again, until he could no longer hold back and let go of himself inside of her, ensuring that she would always he his.
****
I'm taking a truly depressing history of the Vietnam War class right now, and learning about the different ways people cope with grief is what formed Ginny's reaction to the death. It's not that she's a heartless cow, but that some people deal with things by not dealing with them. I'm not saying it's right or healthy or normal, but it happens.
Please don't send too much hate mail.
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