That evening she studied in the library. She much preferred its quiet to the noise of the common room, which would most likely be consumed by parties until the end of the year. Since Harry had defeated Voldemort some three weeks back, there had been a constant uproar of noise in almost every classroom, hall, common room and even toilet. It's not that Hermione wasn't overwhelmed with happiness over Harry's success, she had done her bit a partying too, she just had become engrossed by recently discovered emotions.
She knew she had always loved Harry. But she had never thought about it as more than a friendly, brotherly love. As of late she had begun to feel much more deeply for him. Seeing him unconscious for all of those days in the Hospital Wing after the Defeat had almost sickened her with sorrow. She had realized that her feelings for him might be more than…well, a friend should feel.
After Ron had kissed her the other night, she had been utterly confused. Not to mention a bit shocked. Sure, they had dated somewhat in their third year. If you call a few secret kisses dating. All those weekends in Hogsmeade without Harry, just the two of them, it had just seemed natural at the time. Of course, they had only been thirteen. No thirteen-year-old had ever had a meaningful and long-lasting relationship that she knew of.
Neither she nor Ron had ever mentioned anything to Harry. They decided that their shared kisses felt more like uncomfortable moments between a brother and a sister. And that had been the end of it. Of course, Ron had definitely had his jealous moments their next year at Hogwarts when she had gone to the Yule ball with Viktor Krum. She hadn't really thought much of it until two nights ago when he had cornered her in an alcove in one of the hallways on one of her usual rounds as Head Girl. It had been much more than the chaste kisses they had shared during their third year. They were now no longer thirteen, but a much more grown up seventeen. She had pulled away quickly and grabbed her mouth as her eyes widened in alarm. She wriggled from his grasp and dashed towards Gryffindor Tower and upwards toward her dorm.
"Thought I might find you in here," came a familiar deep voice, bringing her back to the present. This time she could not conceal her jump of surprise, causing him to chuckle at her edginess.
"You keep creeping up on me like that! What do you expect?" she said with a lighthearted swat to his arm. He stood behind her as she sat at one of the long tables in the library, craning her neck around to look at him. He grinned down and her and bent over to place a small kiss on her forehead. Her face went slack and she momentarily forgot who she was.
He smelled like ozone…the sky during a lightning storm. Mixed with soap and grass.
Blinking furiously, she regained her composure and grinned up at him. "I don't suppose you've come here to study for the N.E.W.T.s?"
"No. Actually, I came in here just to find you."
"That's sweet, but I would have preferred the studying."
"You'd think they'd let The-Boy-Who-Defeated-The-Dark-Lord-Again skip those things, huh?"
"Well, it's a wonderful thought, yes, but you and I both know it won't happen."
"Quite the optimist lately, aren't you?"
"Sorry, Harry. I know you must think I'm horrible for being in here with my nose in a book instead of celebrating for you…"
"No, I completely understand," he said as he began to rub her shoulders. She tried not to let a groan escape her lips. "I've been trying to avoid the parties myself. Where were you last night? I didn't see you in the common room."
"Oh…I wasn't feeling well. I went to bed early."
"You've been acting strange the past few days," he whispered as he slid into the seat beside her. She remained defiantly quiet and returned her focus to her studies. He reached out and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. A shiver went down her spine and she tried to disguise her pleasure.
"It's nothing, Harry. It's silly really."
"Something happened with Ron, didn't it," he said, not so much as a question as a statement. She gasped and turned her face, wide eyed, toward him.
"…Harry!"
"You couldn't possibly think you're the only one acting strange. And I can tell you that whatever it is that happened he seems to feel absolutely awful about it." She remained quiet, but averted her eyes from his. She could feel those jade orbs piercing straight into her mind and began chewing her lower lip. She could sense him straighten up beside her as if giving himself courage to ask his next question. "He kissed you didn't he?" he asked in a seemingly calm voice.
Merlin! If only he knew what he was doing to me! How much I wished it were HIM who had kissed me!
Her silence answered the question for him. She tried to remain focused on staring at the quill gripped tightly in her hand. He reached out and touched her chin with his fingertips, turning her to face him.
"Mione, it's okay. It's nothing to be upset about."
"Of course it is Harry! Now everything is just…well, awkward! I can't even bring myself to look at him! How am I supposed to go on being his best friend when I can't even look at him, Harry? I don't feel that way about him!"
"Hermione, you're overreacting, as always. It's no big deal. Really."
"How can you say that? I feel so embarrassed."
"Don't be," he said quietly, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. She began to cry softly into his shoulder whispering, "I just want to make sure this doesn't ruin my friendship with him…."
-(-(-
That night things seemed much better. Harry had taken her back to the common room where she and Ron quietly agreed to ignore The Kiss. Her uneasiness was made all the more comfortable by the bottle of butterbeer that Harry had forced into her hand. She sipped it slowly, watching everybody in the room enjoy themselves as she sat quietly on the squishy sofa.
After a while, Harry fought his way back through the crowd towards her, placing another butterbeer beside her on the couch.
"Alright then, Hermione?"
"Feeling a little better, yeah, now that I've talked to Ron. Thanks for that," she said, smiling at him.
They sat there for quite some time. Talking a little, but mostly just listening to the sounds of laughter in the room around them. The happiness was infectious. However, soon the noise began to die down and Harry and Hermione were left sitting alone in the messy common room.
"…Harry, were you scared…you know, then…"
"Hmmm? Yeah, sure," he said knowing exactly what she had meant by then. "But I got through it thinking about my friends. You know, I'm definitely sure that's what got me through," he said quietly.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I'm not quite sure. I've talked with Dumbledore about it a few times. It's pretty much brought us both to the same conclusion…" he ended.
"And…w-what's that?"
"Love."
"Oh." She sat, afraid to look at him and instead took another sip of her butterbeer. Then, after much silence and chewing of her lower lip, she understood; a power the Dark Lord knows not. "Harry, I think I should tell you…Well, I don't know just how to say it."
"I find it much easier to just blurt it out, before I read your mind." She chuckled nervously and took another long swig of butterbeer. "Geez Hermione, it can't be that bad!"
"Oh no…it's just, I'm afraid you'll think of it the wrong way. Well, you know…well…Ron and I…we sort of used to…well, kiss regularly." After a brief moment of awkward silence, in which the only sound was Hermione sipping more from her bottle while her eyes strained sideways to see his reaction, Harry spoke; "You mean, like he was your boyfriend?" he asked, looking directly at her.
"Well, I wouldn't use that word exactly. But something like it. Are you upset?"
"Well, no, not really. Just surprised. Hermione Granger had her first kiss before me?" This caused them both to let out nervous laughs and then fall back into a more comfortable silence.
Hermione felt him shift his weight so that he was slightly closer to her. "Why did you tell me?"
"I just thought you should know, I guess," she said leaning forward and placing her empty bottle on the floor. She let out a sigh and propped her elbows on her knees and rested her chin in her palms.
"Oh," was all he said before he started stroking the bit of skin showing above the butt of her jeans where her shirt had ridden up from bending forward. Instead of jumping she closed her eyes and let out something between a sigh and a moan. He let his hand wander up her back and began making slow circles around her shoulder blades.
"I should be the one rubbing your back. Considering you've recently lived through a duel with the most powerful dark wizard every known…" she muttered half-heartedly. He let out a throaty chortle and grabbed her shoulder and pulled her onto his chest where he held her until they fell asleep to the sounds of the crackling fire.
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