DISCLAIMER: JKR keeps avoiding my emails and phone calls so sadly, the world of HP still does not belong to me…my demands have not yet been met!
A/N: This is a short little one-shot I did after hearing the song `Foolish Heart' on the radio a couple of days ago. I posted the lyrics at the bottom. The song somehow reminded me of Ron and Hermione…well, you'll see!
I hope you enjoy this…I've been told its Pixie Stix sweet! LOL (Thanks Sara!)
Please R/R…I know there aren't a lot of R/LL stories out there and not a lot of people read them, but I actually enjoy writing them and reviews are quite motivating (which may be why I lean more toward H/Hr). Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.
Take care,
H_HrFan
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It Happened in April
I loved her, I know I did. No matter what anyone ever tells me, I know without question that it was love. I've had a lot of time to think about it since she broke my heart. Broke…hah! Shattered more like. I still look back on that day five years ago…
"You know it could never work between us Ron," she said.
"No I don't," I replied, "tell me why."
"Come on Ron, don't make me do this."
"Make you do what?" I replied heavily, my heart was breaking and I could barely speak. "All I want is an answer. All I want is to know why it won't work. You owe me that much."
"It won't work because you don't love me."
"That's it? That's all you have to say?" I replied getting angry with her. "Well I'm sorry to say this, but you're wrong. I do love you."
"No, Ron, you don't…not really," she said, her voice dropping low.
"How can you stand there and tell me what I'm feeling…or rather, what I'm not feeling?" I demanded.
"You don't love me Ron, not in the way you think you do," she yelled. Then she sighed and I knew…this was where my heart would do more then break … it would shatter … "…and more importantly…I don't love you. Not in the way you deserve…not in the way you want me to."
"This is about Harry, isn't it?"
"No Ron, this is about me and you," she said, although she wouldn't meet my eyes.
"You love him don't you?"
She looked up at me and before she spoke I knew the truth. "No…yes…I don't know Ron," she said getting frustrated…with me or with herself I wasn't sure. "I don't know what I feel for Harry, okay? I really don't. I will admit that there are feelings there that I'd like to explore but I can't honestly tell you that it's love. I just don't know." Her voice dropped so low that I had to focus hard just to hear it.
My heart had shattered and I stood there listening intently to her telling me that she might be in love with another man. How stupid could I get?
"Hermione please," I begged, apparently there was no end to my stupidity, "don't give up on us."
"I already have," she whispered, again I had to concentrate hard to hear her.
"No…no," I yelled shaking my head in denial, (see what I mean, no end to it…) "I don't believe it."
"You have to believe it Ron because it's true," she yelled through her tears, "I can't love you the way you want me too, but there's someone out there who can. She's been waiting a long time Ron…go to her."
"What're you talking about Hermione?" I asked feeling consumed by frustration. "There's no one else. There's never been anyone else…there never can be anyone else." My words were lost to both of us as I struggled to speak through the lump she caused to lodge in my throat.
"I'm sorry Ron," she said…and that was it. She kissed me on the cheek and she walked away from me.
Our friendship was strained for a while after that. She and Harry never spoke of their relationship in front of me. They never acted like a couple or flaunted any newfound feelings. Hell, it wasn't until a year later that I found out they were a couple. I guess misery can do that to you.
It was right around the time I found out they were a couple that I stood on the periphery between letting go and wallowing longer. I loved her but I knew that I had to let her go…even if I didn't want to. And believe me, I really didn't want to. I was convinced that it was only a matter of time before she realized she'd been wrong…once again, no limit to my stupidity!
Her words often echoed through my mind, `there's someone out there who can…she's been waiting a long time'.
Hermione had been the only girl I could remember to ever give me the time of day without wanting anything in return. Someone always wanted something…whether it was an opportunity to get close to Harry or just to get a rise out of me; someone always wanted something…except Hermione.
So her words played over and over in my head as I tried time and time again to understand who or what she was referring to. It wasn't until much later that it finally dawned on me who she was talking about and my first thought was that there was no possible way that it could ever work. First of all, I didn't want to fall in love again…it hurt like hell, it hurt entirely too much. And second, how could I ever allow myself to fall for a girl like Luna Lovegood?
I needed someone who could be strong for me. Someone who could put up with all my idiosyncrasies and bad moods and general irritability…especially after what happened with Hermione. I was even more uptight after that, my temper was shorter and my sense of humor seemed to have gone by the wayside…and I didn't think it was fair to lay that burden on someone else…unless, of course, that someone else happened to be Hermione.
Not to mention, I wasn't very trusting of the whole `love' thing anyway. I felt like a fool when she broke my heart and that was a feeling best felt only once in a lifetime. I wasn't fond of the thought of feeling it again.
And then came the day…
"Ronald," she said, I could hear the hesitation in her voice.
"Oh, hi Luna," I said only paying her the slightest bit of attention. I was still in mourning after all.
"Are you going to be like this forever?"
That got my attention. "What do you mean?" I asked a little more roughly than I probably should have.
"Sad," she said, her eyes were down and she appeared to be looking at her hands which were wringing together nervously.
"I'm not sad, Luna," I stated bluntly, "I'm brokenhearted, there's a difference." I couldn't believe I told her that. Of course everyone knew what my problem was but I never talked about it to anyone, to this point it was all assumptions on everyone else's part.
"I don't see a difference, Ronald." She sat down next to me and instinctively I shifted away from her.
"Yeah, well, there is one," I grumbled, though silently I was acknowledging that she was probably right.
"Why won't you let me help you?"
I looked at her in surprise…what on earth could she do for me? I wondered.
"How?" I asked curiously. Sometimes curiosity really is better left to the cat…other times……………
"Let me show you."
What she did next startled me beyond anything imaginable.
I'd been sitting on an old stump at the Burrow, minding my own business when she approached me. Paying her little mind, I didn't realize that she was carrying anything…I found out soon enough that she was…
"What the bloody hell was that?" I shouted as I jumped up from the stump. My shirt was soaking wet.
"Ice water," she said calmly sitting there, staring at me with her large, round eyes.
"What the hell'd you do that for?"
She stood up next to me and looked directly in my eyes. "To get the initial shock over with," she stated matter-of-factly.
"Luna, you're crazy! What does dumping a glass of ice water on me have to do with getting the initial shock over with?" I asked loudly.
Then she grabbed my head and pulled me toward her and then she … kissed me. I couldn't believe it! She kissed me and I wanted to feel it. It was the first time I'd felt anything in a very long time. But she pushed me away almost as quickly as she'd pulled me in.
"Do you see now Ronald?"
"Yes," I replied in a voice so quiet even I wasn't sure I'd spoken.
She placed her hand on my chest and I heard her stop to take a deep breath. "I care about you Ronald," she said softly, "I hope someday you'll care about me too."
She walked away from me then and being the stupid git I am I let her go. I didn't want to fall again. Not yet…it was too soon. Yes, Hermione had moved on with her life. Yes, I was still young. Yes, I was still stupid!
Weeks went by and I found myself thinking more about Luna and less about Hermione. I don't know exactly when it happened…it just did. I also found that the more my thoughts strayed from Hermione the better I began to feel about everything else. It was an amazing discovery! Suddenly I felt free…I know it sounds cliché but there's just no other way to describe it. I wasn't bound by thoughts of her…I wasn't bound by anything.
That's not to say that I was ready to open my heart to someone new so soon. No, it took me a lot longer than that. I may have been thinking about Hermione less…but I was no less stupid, believe me.
Luna was friends with Ginny so it seemed only natural that she would come by the Burrow once in a while. After all, she lived in Ottery St. Catchpole too. She'd come to visit Ginny and more and more I'd find myself watching her. There was a sense of freedom about her…a sense of abandon. It was like she had no cares and I've since discovered that it can be infectious. It took me a long time to come around, but I did…eventually.
My heart begged me to take a chance long before my mind agreed to it. I've since learned to listen to my heart a little more often…I could certainly save myself a lot of grief … a lot of pain, if I did!
It's been five years now since Hermione shattered my heart and I still look back on that day … only now I do it with a smile. I think she's long past the point of irritation with me…I don't know how many times I've thanked her for breaking my heart. I did love her … I still do. But now I know she's right…I never loved her in the way I always thought I did. I loved her like a boy loves a girl, like a best friend … like a sister. I never loved her like a man loves a woman. I know now that I never could, but Harry can…and he does. Every day I see them and every day I know he wants to thank her too. If it hadn't been for her courage in standing up to me, who knows where we'd be now?
"Daddy, yous all wigh?"
"Yes honey, I'm fine. Why don't you go play and daddy will be there in just a minute, okay?"
"'kay daddy, pway."
That's my little girl, April. She turned two just a few short weeks ago.
What's that? How did she get her name, you ask? Funny story, really…although you already know most of it. April was the month I got my heart shattered. Then it became the month I got over my `initial shock'…it was the month when her mother poured an ice cold glass of water on me and opened my eyes and my heart to new possibilities. It's the month I married my beautiful wife and it's the month our beautiful baby girl was born …
April is my favorite month … it's a month … and a little girl … that I will never forget……………………….
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Foolish Heart
Steve Perry
I need a love that grows
I don't want it unless I know
With each passin' hour
Someone, somehow
Will be there, ready to share
I need a love that's strong
I'm so tired of being alone
But will my lonely heart
Play the part
Of the fool again, before I begin
Foolish heart, hear me calling
Stop before you start falling
Foolish heart, heed my warning
You've been wrong before
Don't be wrong anymore
Feelin' that feelin' again
Playin' a game I can't win
Love's knockin' on the door
Of my heart once more
Think I'll let her in
Before I begin
Foolish heart, hear me calling
Stop before, you start falling
Foolish heart, heed my warning
You've been wrong before
Don't be wrong anymore
Foolish heart
Foolish, foolish heart
You've been wrong before
Foolish heart, hear me calling
Stop before you start falling
Foolish heart, heed my warning
You've been wrong before
Don't be wrong anymore
Foolish heart
Oh foolish foolish heart
You've been wrong before
Foolish foolish heart
Foolish heart
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