My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelry,
whichever you prefer.
-Hands Down, Dashboard Confessional
Hermione entered the seventh-year boys' dormitory full of purpose-she would talk to Harry and they would work things out, like they always did. So sure of herself, she was momentarily stunned when she found it empty. Disappointment flooded through her and she blinked back tears of frustration.
She grit her teeth, reminding herself to keep it together. It would be no use falling apart now, not when it was essential that she remain calm. She would stay where she was until Harry came back. They had to talk-one way or another.
She sat down on Harry's bed, clasping her hands together in her lap. She peered around the dormitory, unsurprised to find that the boys were complete slobs. Ron had clothes and parchment flung on his bed, Neville had a variety of objects piled in a mess, and Dean and Seamus's area was in a similar state of disarray. Only Harry showed any kind of neatness, something Hermione suspected was left over from the Dursleys.
Thinking of Harry caused her chest to tighten and she squeezed her eyes shut. She could smell him, his scent clinging to his sheets. She felt like he was near and she slowly opened her eyes, realization dawning on her.
The dormitory was still empty.
"Harry?" she whispered.
Nothing.
"Harry… please, I know you're here. I just want to talk. I… Ron said you weren't doing well."
Nothing.
"I miss you," she said. "I hate this-not speaking."
Hermione bit her lip, eyes passing over the empty room.
"If-if it's because you don't want me anymore… then-then I understand. Just tell me that… don't hide, not from me…"
Hermione trailed off, Harry had appeared in front of her, clutching the invisibility cloak in his hands.
"What are you talking about?" he demanded.
"Harry…" she whispered, thrown off by the sight of him. She fought the urge to reach out to him and she kept her hands held tightly together in her lap.
"Yeah?" he said. "What do you want?"
"I… I want to talk to you."
"I don't," he said flatly.
Hermione fought against the tears in her eyes. He seemed so… different. Cold and withdrawn.
"Do you really mean that?"
"Yes!" he said. "Just… go, will you? I can't do this now. You can't expect to just… just… come here and make everything better! Talking isn't going to help anything. I just need to be left alone!"
"Ron said you needed me."
"Ron was wrong," Harry snapped. "Go the fuck away, Hermione. I can't deal with you being here."
She nodded, throat too tight to speak. Harry wasn't looking at her-hadn't once since she'd come to speak to him. He was studying the wall above her head, body rigid.
Hermione felt like she was standing at the top of a steep hill. If she did or said the wrong thing, their entire relationship would go crashing to the bottom.
"That's it, then?" she said and her voice trembled. "That's it-everything is over? Because-because of one fight?"
"Of course not!" he said. "You know exactly why things are over. I can't do it, okay? I can't deal with it! I can't even look at you."
She flinched, feeling something inside her ache. A tear slid down her cheek and the sight of it only seemed to anger Harry further.
"Don't pretend like you care!" he yelled. "I know you don't. So leave. Please-just-leave."
Startled, Hermione stared at him. He seemed dangerously close to the edge. "Why are you saying these things to me?" she whispered.
Something in her voice had him looking at her and his eyes seemed to soften at the sight of her tears. He swallowed with difficulty, backing up another step. "Because-because…" he faltered for a moment, looking lost and vulnerable. "I'm trying to keep myself from going mad. It's too difficult… having you here."
Her own pain seemed to disappear in the face of his, and she was approaching him before she'd even realized she'd moved. He looked trapped at the sight of her coming closer to him.
"Harry," she said. "Why… why did you just say that?"
He looked anguished. "Hermione, go away. It's too hard… having you here…"
"Just… answer me something," she said. "Are you angry with me because you don't… you don't care about me anymore?"
"Of course not!" he said hoarsely. "It's you who doesn't love me!"
His words left her frozen in place. Their eyes met and realization seemed to dawn on both of them at the same time.
"You mean…" Hermione said. "You thought that I… and I thought you… Oh, Harry…"
"You don't… I mean, you still…" Harry stopped, looking pleading.
"Of course I love you!" Hermione said, laughing through her tears. "How could you even… Harry, the way I feel about you…"
"Really?" he said. "You're not just saying that?"
"Honestly!" she said, wiping at her eyes. "Whatever gave you the ridiculous notion that I didn't?"
Harry's mouth bobbed open and Hermione could see the change in him as her words sunk in. His eyes brightened and his entire body seemed to slump with relief.
"I thought…"
"I know…"
"Are you sure?" he whispered. "I can't take it if you're not."
She felt a wave of sadness, disappointed that he could lose faith in her-in them that easily.
But it was Harry, and that's who he was-always believing himself to be unworthy of love. And he was staring at her with a mix of desperation and hope that had a lump gathering in her throat.
"Harry, I love you in all the ways it's possible to love another person-I've never been surer of anything in my life."
She wanted to ask him how he could doubt that-how he could ever doubt that. But before she could get the words out, he had his arms around her, holding her tighter than she'd ever been held in her life. He pressed his face to her neck and she felt him tremble once, violently, but she held on to him and slowly he began to relax.
All she could think was that he needed comfort-he heard her words, but it would be a long time before he'd truly allow himself to believe them. It tore at her to think about what he must have gone through-thinking that she didn't love him.
They slipped to their knees, but held on. She couldn't think to do anything but whisper her love into his ear over and over again.
He'd given it up so easily and she knew it would be so much more difficult for him to believe he had it back.
So she held him and stroked his hair and whispered to him, swearing to herself that she'd never let him doubt her love again.
***
"One more hall?"
"One more hall."
Harry glanced over at Hermione, who had been uncharacteristically quiet during her Head Girl rounds. He knew they were both still trying to recover from the emotional strain of the last few days, but it wasn't like her to be so silent.
"Classroom check," she said, tugging on his hand.
Harry stopped. "Can I do it?"
She gave him a look of exasperation. "Honestly, you haven't let me do a single spell this evening. I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself. I am Head Girl, after all-I'm supposed to do it."
"I know… it's just…" Harry paused. "When I thought you didn't… well, you know…" Hermione nodded and Harry continued. "I lost my ability to do magic. All of it… it was like all my power just disappeared. So I s'pose now… being able to do it again…"
"I understand," she whispered.
Harry blushed. "It's stupid, I know."
"Of course it's not stupid!" she said. She smiled and stood on tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "I think it makes perfect sense."
Harry felt rather lightheaded as she pulled away, suddenly forcibly reminded that it had been a very long time since they'd shared a proper kiss.
"Well, go on, then," Hermione said, gesturing to the classroom.
"Right." Harry opened the door, Hermione hovering behind him. He cleared his throat. "Lumos!"
He couldn't quite help his twinge of pride at seeing his wand light up on command.
"Well?"
"It's empty," Harry said, shining the light around the room.
"Good."
Harry turned back around, startled to find that Hermione had shut the door.
"Er…"
"Privacy, you know," she said.
"Right," Harry said. "Good point."
"Thought so."
"Do you lock the Head Boy into empty classrooms when you do rounds with him?"
Hermione took a step closer to him. "No. Just you."
"That's reassuring."
She took another step closer.
"Besides, the Head Boy is Ernie Macmillan."
"Also a valid point."
She reached him and placed her fingers on his mouth to shush him. He closed his eyes and after a moment, her lips replaced her fingers in a kiss that was soft and gentle. He moved closer to her and the feel of her body against his own had him deepening the kiss. Her lips parted for him and he slipped his tongue into her mouth, aching to taste her.
Her arms encircled his neck and she pulled away, face so close to his that he could feel the warm puff of her breath. "I love you. I'll say it every day, if that's how long it takes for you to believe me."
Having her so close to him was driving him crazy so he pressed his lips to her forehead, then the tip of her nose. He kissed the corner of her mouth and she smiled.
"I love you, Harry," she said again.
His heart was pounding so hard, Harry was certain she could hear it. The doubt still clung to him, and it was difficult for him to shake away the gnawing despair he'd felt only a couple days ago.
But she was here.
She was with him, arms wrapped around his neck, lips inches away. She was with him and seemed determined to prove her words.
"I-I love you too, Hermione," he said-finally. She drew in a breath, hardly looking like she believed him. "And… all that stuff, that we were fighting about? I reckon you were right. I can't cut myself off. I can't… I can't do this without you. I've never felt worse than I did when I thought I'd lost you. Voldemort could've finished me off in a second, if he'd wanted. So… I just thought… you should know."
His only answer was her mouth crushing his.
**
A half hour later they emerged from the classroom, clothing slightly more rumpled than when they'd gone in, hair sticking up in all directions, and lips tender and swollen.
Harry was grinning as they walked back to Gryffindor tower.
"I got you to snog in an empty classroom."
"You did not! Other way around, more like."
"Well-whatever. It was still brilliant."
"Was rather nice, wasn't it?"
"'Nice?' I'm injured."
"Oh, don't give me that."
"I'm a bloke, you know. We're sensitive about these things."
"Obviously." Hermione shook her head. "I give detentions for what we just did."
"You should abuse your power more often."
"I'm shocked that you think so."
They trailed off into a comfortable silence as they climbed the staircase. Harry marveled at how different it felt, merely accompanying her on her rounds-something he'd done hundreds of times in the past. But their relationship seemed more stable, somehow. He felt a confidence in it that had never been there before. There was hope for the future-hope that they could survive what was coming.
"Harry?" her voice was hesitant and he immediately felt a sense of unease. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"Why did you think that I didn't love you? Not that I'm accusing you of anything, but if you believed everything that someone said about our relationship…"
"I know," Harry said heavily. "It… it was Ginny actually."
"Ginny?'
"Yeah." Harry paused, thinking. "I'm sure it was just a mistake. I s'pose I figured she'd know what she was talking about. Guess not."
"Ginny?" Hermione said again, eyebrows furrowed. "That's… strange…"
Harry frowned at her. "What is it?"
Hermione shook her head and smiled warmly. "Oh… just thinking. It's nothing. Don't worry."
***
Ginny Weasley was patient.
She'd been waiting for six years.
She could wait a little longer.
She may have lost this round. She accepted it. But it wasn't over.
Ginny Weasley had been waiting for six years.
She would not give up.
"Ginny."
Ginny looked up, startled to find Hermione in the entrance to her dormitory. Ginny glanced around, uneasy to find that the rest of the girls were gone. Ginny felt a flash of worry, but she smiled warmly, trying to look politely puzzled.
Hermione stepped into the dormitory, shutting the door behind her. Hefting her chin, she said, "Let's talk."
"I'm busy at the moment."
Hermione's gaze was piercing. "Don't bother, Ginny. We both know why I'm here."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Hermione spoke deliberately. "You will not go near him again. You will not speak to him again."
Ginny felt a flash of anger. "You have no right," she hissed. "You can't control him. He's not yours. Don't you understand that?"
"No, Ginny, it's you who doesn't understand."
It was maddening the way Hermione was standing there-calm and collected. She should be worried-angry-upset.
Harry didn't belong to Hermione.
"The one thing Harry had," Hermione said. "The one thing he could count on was that I loved him. And you took that way from him. You took that way from him and that is unforgivable."
"He's not yours," Ginny said. "He doesn't belong to you."
Hermione's eyes flashed. "It doesn't matter, Ginny. It doesn't matter. He had my love and he never had to doubt that. And you took that way from him. I will not allow you to do so again."
Ginny hated her.
She hated the way Hermione stood in front of her, chin hefted and wand out. She thought she was superior. She thought she was better.
She was wrong.
Hermione didn't love Harry the way she did.
Everything Ginny had done had been out of love.
"I love him too," Ginny said, feeling tears prick her eyes.
Six years.
She'd been waiting for six years.
And she still didn't have him.
"You don't understand," Ginny said. "I did what I had to! You two don't belong together! You're best friends-you're only best friends!"
Hermione was unmoved.
"You have no comprehension of what love is, Ginny."
Her eyes were full of pity.
Ginny hated her.
"You made a mistake," Hermione continued. "I don't care about what you did to me, but I will not tolerate you purposely hurting Harry. You know what he grew up with. You know how little he thinks of himself. You used that. You struck him where it would be most painful." Hermione paused to let her words sink in. "And you failed. Harry never turned to you. He never will, Ginny. Harry loves me-me, Hermione Granger, best friend and bookworm. It will never be you."
Ginny was breathing very fast.
"I'll wait," she said. "I'll wait for him."
"You'll be waiting forever, then," Hermione snapped. She shook her head. "I hoped you'd feel… something…. Guilt, shame, remorse… anything."
"I did what I had to!" Ginny cried. "Do you think it was easy for me? To hurt him that way? It wasn't! But I had to! It would have been better in the long run. I'm sure of it. You don't love him like I do."
"No," Hermione said. "And I never want to, either." She pursed her lips, looking smug and oh-so-superior.
Hermione Granger always thought she was so much better than everyone else.
"Harry and Ron don't know what you did," she said. "And I'm not going to tell them, Ginny. Ron, because he's your brother and I don't want him to feel like he has to chose. Harry… because he thinks you're his friend. And he has so few of those. I can't take that away from him. But I know, Ginny. I know exactly what you tried to do. Don't forget that. Don't forget that when you see me, when you see Harry. You will never break us up, Ginny."
Ginny was shaking with suppressed rage.
Smug. Superior. Haughty.
"You can't tell me what to do."
Hermione raised her eyebrows. "No, I can't. But you will stay away from Harry, I assure you."
Hermione turned to go.
Tears of frustration and anger gathered in Ginny's eyes.
Hate. Oh, yes. She hated Hermione Jane Granger-always thinking she was superior to everyone else.
"You think you're better than me."
"Oh, I don't think so," Hermione said, one hand on the doorknob. She smiled sweetly at Ginny over her
shoulder. "I know I'm better."
The End