DISCLAIMER: Belongs to the beautiful, talented JKR…sadly not me!
A/N: This is my first actual attempt at H/Hr lovemaking. I am part of the wonderful world that is Make Like Strangers, which will have plenty of the good stuff, but this is my first actual lone attempt. Please be kind. Reviews and constructive criticism are always welcome.
This story had no basis other than the fact I wanted to put my writing skills to a bit of a test! Please let me know what you think.
For those of you who have been kind enough to read and review all/most of my stories, I am doing two collaborations right now. One with GreenEyeSparkle16 (H_HrFan and GreenEyeSparkle16) and another with HarrynHermione (Make Like Strangers - these are NC17 stories). These are wonderful, wonderful authors and I've been having a blast writing with them. It's been a wonderful opportunity for me. I hope that many of you have been able to check those stories out!
Thanks so much for all the wonderful support I've received!
Take care,
H_HrFan
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"Harry don't," she cried, pulling his hand away from her face. She didn't want him wiping her tears. She didn't want to feel his touch or worse…to lose herself to him once again.
"Don't what, Hermione?" he asked, his frustration ringing clear in his words. "Don't be here for you? Don't care about you? Don't…" he paused and reached for her again. He placed his fingers under her chin and raised her head until their eyes met. "…don't love you?" he asked gently.
Hermione closed her eyes and for a moment lost herself in his touch as she buried her face in his hand. Quickly realizing her mistake, she grabbed his hand with her own and lowered them together before letting go of him. "You don't love me, Harry," she said firmly. "Stop deluding yourself…stop trying to delude me."
"Hermione, I…."
"I have to go," she stated as she turned and, with long, determined strides, left him standing helplessly in the rain.
Harry sighed deeply. This battle between them had been raging for years and he was tired of it. If it wasn't him pulling back it was her, and it had become a never-ending test of wills. Neither of them truly knew what it was they were afraid of, but they'd given up so much of each other and themselves as they tried desperately to hide from it.
Coming to his senses Harry finally ran after her. He grabbed her by the arm and swung her around to face him. She went willingly and it surprised him as her body slammed against his from her lack of protest. "Hermione, please," he pleaded, "you have to listen to me. You owe me that much."
Hermione's eyes burned with anger the moment the words escaped his lips. She jerked her arm from his grasp and faced him fully. "You tell me what I owe you Harry. You tell me!" she shouted. "It was me. I gave up my life for you. I helped you study. I helped you prepare. I sacrificed our friendship during our 3rd year to save your life. I dedicated my life to helping you 4th year so you wouldn't get killed during that tournament. I almost died 5th year because I needed to be there for you. And again I nearly died when you finally defeated Voldemort. Now tell me Harry. Tell me. What do I still owe you?" One hand was on her hip and the other she held forward as though she wanted him to fill it with answers. He watched in silence as the rain bounced off it and fell to the ground at their feet.
"Why are we doing this?" he asked quietly, his eyes still drawn to where her hand lay open before him. He raised his eyes to meet hers. "Why are we always doing this?"
Hermione lowered her hand and her shoulders in defeat. "I don't know, Harry," she replied just as quietly. "Haven't we always been this way? Even from the beginning? We connect on so many levels and yet…"
"…on this one we just can't seem to get it together," he finished for her.
Hermione nodded. "Something like that," she said softly.
"I do love you, Hermione, you have to believe that."
"I don't know what to believe anymore."
Harry once again placed his hand on her chin and raised her head until their eyes met. "Please, Hermione," he said softly, "just please, for once, let down your defenses and believe in us. I want to make you happy. I want to love you openly, without all the questions and what-ifs. I want you to love me the way I love you. Can you do that?"
Hermione smiled wistfully as she looked at him. "I've always loved you, Harry. I just…" she paused and took a deep breath to collect herself, "I just don't know how to `be loved' by you. How do you know you love me?" she asked openly. "How do you know it's really love? You're the one person in this world I know who has never really gotten a chance to know love so how can you tell me that's what you feel for me? How can you be sure?"
"I don't know what you want me to say, Hermione," he replied. "I'm not a poet. I don't know any great words of love. I don't know a lot about love or how to recognize it or how to know that it's real. I do know that I'm tired of the circles we keep running around each other because we're both too scared to get hurt. I know that you're my best friend and I can't imagine a greater love than one with someone you already know and genuinely like. Neither of us wants to lose our friendship but in the process we're giving up a whole lot more. What we have could be powerful enough to stop the world, Hermione. When life gets rough do you know who it is I look for? When I feel like I can't go on anymore and I want to curl up and just die, do you know who I cry out for? When I wake up in the morning in my cold, lonely bed do you know who I reach for?" he paused and searched her eyes. "Do you?"
Hermione lowered her head and stared unseeingly at the ground. Her tears began to fall and mix with the rain as it landed in a puddle at their feet. "I'm scared," she said so quietly that Harry barely registered the fact that she'd spoken.
Harry stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. She fell, unresisting, against him, her body trembling from the cold of the rain and tide of emotions crashing through her. "I'm scared too, Hermione, but we have to face this," he said in a choked whisper near her ear. "I'm tired of fighting it. I'm tired of fighting about it. Please give us a chance. I promise I won't break your heart."
"Promise?" she mumbled against his chest. He felt the vibration of her words throughout his chest and he felt the stirring of their meaning in his heart.
Harry pushed her away from him roughly and held on to her at arms length, her head dropped toward the ground. "Look at me Hermione," he demanded. "Where's the girl who always held her head high? The girl who was always willing to face every obstacle head-on? Where's the woman I fell in love with?"
Hermione raised her head slowly. The expression on her face telling him more than words ever could. "She's here somewhere, Harry. I buried her a long time ago when I thought the part of me that couldn't stop loving you finally died," she replied solemnly. "You left me, Harry. Do you remember that? You defeated Voldemort and you left me standing here with nothing. Not your friendship…not your love…nothing. I had to bury her, Harry, because I couldn't face that kind of pain again. When that part of me finally, mercifully, died I knew I didn't want it coming back. I know I'm too young to be that cynical, but it's the truth," she said shrugging her shoulders and shaking her said slightly. "The day you left that part of me vanished," she added with a sigh.
"I hope not forever," he replied pulling her against him once more. He hugged her to him and held her in silence for a few minutes. Her arms still hung near her sides but he took it as a good sign that she hadn't pulled away from him. Her head rested on his chest near his heart and he hoped that she could hear the way that it beat only for her.
He reached up and placed his fingers to her chin so he could raise her head to face him again. The moment she was where he needed her to be he kissed her. When she made a half-hearted effort to pull away from him, he tightened his hold on her. He'd felt the same shock she had. The same longing. The same desire. The same intense feeling of love that accompanied their kiss.
No matter how high his heart seemed to want to soar, no matter how hard it became to breathe, he wouldn't let her go. They needed this. He knew that. If this was the only way to get through to her than come hell or high water, he was going to get through. He put everything he had into the kiss and after a moment he felt her finally relinquish herself to him. Her hands found their way to his hips as she pulled away from his embrace and squared her body to his. His hands slid down the length of her arms and he grabbed her hands and squeezed them before he placed them on her back. Their heads angled from side to side as their kiss grew more passionate.
She opened herself to him and immediately his tongue sought hers. The moment they connected they moaned into each other, transmitting vibrations to every nerve cell in their bodies. The kissed deepened exponentially within seconds and he felt her fall against him as her knees weakened.
He held her close and dropped to the ground on his knees. Her hands sought to pull his shirt from the waist of his jeans and he started at the feel of her cold hands against his skin. He wasted no time in reaching down and pulling the rest of his shirt out of his pants and breaking the kiss just long enough to pull it over his head. The feel of the rain on his skin caused him to shiver uncontrollably for a moment until he adjusted to its touch. The warmth of her hands spread fire throughout him as she rubbed her hands haphazardly across his back.
He pulled away from her and sat back on his knees to search her eyes. He wanted this. He'd wanted it for as long as he could remember. But he wasn't going to take it unless she offered it to him willingly. This was their moment. The one that would change the course of both their lives. He would find it difficult, but he could walk away for now…just not forever. He never wanted to live a half-life again and only she could make him complete. "Hermione." He said her name quietly, not wanting to break the spell that had been cast upon them. He didn't want to frighten her into hiding once again.
She looked up at him with the look he'd been waiting for so long to see in her eyes. She was opening up. She was coming back to him. The look was encouraging and he chanced a glance at her shirt and then back to her eyes, questioning whether or not he could remove it. Hermione reached up with her hands and slowly pulled her shirt from her pants and over her head. Laying it precariously on the rain-soaked grass beside them.
Harry gasped inwardly the moment he saw the swell of her breasts, the lines of her stomach, and her flawless ivory skin. He stood back up on his knees and placed his hands on her shoulders. His hands slid down her arms as he simply watched her watching him. He placed his fingers beneath the straps of her bra. "May I?" he whispered near her ear just before he began to sprinkle kisses across her rain spattered neck and shoulder. Hermione nodded and raised her hands to his waist to steady herself as he ran his fingers under the straps until his fingers lightly grazed the sides of her breasts. Her breath caught and she laid her head back, opening herself up to him. He raised the bra in the front to expose her breasts without unhooking it from the back. His fingers grazed her nipples and they hardened instantly. Her breath hitched again.
He watched her. Everything about her was intoxicating. The way her head fell back in a moment of ecstasy, the way she licked her lips when he grazed her nipples. The way she looked at him as if he was the only one that mattered. He'd waited a long time for that look and now he relished in it.
He slid his hands around behind her and released her breasts from their bindings. His fingers found her shoulders once more as he slid the straps down her arms. He pulled it off and placed it with her shirt in the wet grass. Immediately her arms crossed on her chest to protect herself. To cover herself. To keep her safe as she had so instinctually done for so many years.
Harry shook his head and reached for her hands. "Don't," he said softly as he lowered them and placed them on his hips. "You're so beautiful."
Without thought Hermione scoffed. "I'm not beautiful Harry."
Harry placed his hand on her against her cheek. "Look at me Hermione," he said adamantly. "Look into my eyes so you'll know I speak the truth." Hermione looked up at him and stared directly into his eyes as he requested. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Do you hear me? Beauty is so much more than how you think you look on the outside, Hermione. And while you are breathtaking on the outside, it's what's inside that matters most. What's inside of you shines through and gives you an amazing glow that just lights up every room you walk into. Everyone who comes in contact with you is a better person as a result, even if you've only touched their lives for a few minutes. Please, don't ever doubt your beauty or yourself."
Hermione turned her face into his hand as the tears began to fall once more. "Don't cry Hermione," he said softly. "Just believe. I love you. There is no other woman in this world more beautiful than you. You, Hermione Jane Granger, are the complete package. You have so much more to offer than all those other girls combined."
Hermione sniffled than raised her head, determined to forget all of her doubts and fears. To forget that he left her when she needed him…when he needed her…the most. He was here for her now and as scared as she was, she believed him when he said that he loved her. "Love me, Harry," she said softly.
Harry reached a tentative hand forward and placed it on the buckle of her belt. When she didn't resist he brought the other forward and slowly began to undo the clasp. In a matter of seconds her belt was undone and her pants unbuttoned and unzipped. She reached forward to do the same for him. Together they removed their pants, shoes, and socks and then tossed them to the side with their other clothes.
The rain beating down against their now exposed skin sent chills racing up and down their bodies. The returned to their knees and stared at each other for a moment. Both scared of taking the next step and yet knowing that there was nothing either wanted more at that moment.
Hermione reached for him first. She placed her hand against his cheek then around his head and pulled him toward her until their lips met in a fiery kiss that warmed their rain soaked bodies more than their clothes ever could. He moved closer to her until their bodies were touching and he wrapped his arms around her, gently kneading her back and arse. She moaned into his mouth as she wrapped both arms around his neck and brought him closer to her. She broke the kiss and laid her head on his shoulder and for a moment they clung to each other in a tight embrace.
She could feel his erection pressed against her and for a moment it frightened her. She'd never been this close to anyone, and the thought of what they were about to do was terrifying. Harry felt the change in her body as she tensed up. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, pushing her back and searching her eyes for any amount of hesitation…the slightest bit of doubt before it was too late. Hermione nodded. "I'm sure," she said softly. "Just scared."
He pulled her close and ran his hands up and down the length of her arms. "I won't hurt you, now or ever," he said soothingly.
"Harry, have you…" she paused, unable to finish her sentence, and unsure she wanted the answer.
"Never," he replied softly.
Hermione looked at him in surprise. "But I thought…"
"Never, Hermione," he repeated.
"But what about…"
"Hermione, never is never no matter how many different ways I say it. Please, believe me when I tell you, you're my first," he replied patiently.
"I believe you, Harry. And I know you'd never hurt me."
"Are you okay? Do you want to stop?"
Hermione shook her head. "No, I don't want to stop."
Harry let go of her and spread their shirts out on the grass. The rain had lightened until it was now just a drizzle. He returned to her and guided her down to lie on the shirts. She shivered as the cold, wet ground seeped through the material. Harry laid down next to her with his leg covering hers and his erection pressed against her thigh. He offered his arm as a pillow and she gladly accepted. With his free hand he caressed her cheek. Watching her eyes he leaned forward and captured her lips. Her arms went around him and his hand went from her face down her neck and shoulder to the side of her breast. Her arm went above her head, giving him open access to her breasts.
He broke their kiss and lowered his mouth, trailing kisses down her neck and chest until he reached her breast. He gently pulled his arm from beneath her head and she replaced it with her own as she continued to watch him. His hand sought her breast and squeezed and kneaded it torturously while his mouth ravaged her nipple. He scooted around and continued his ministrations on her other breast. Licking and sucking and nipping and teasing. Her back arched each time he bit her as the point of excitement hit between her legs.
After a few minutes his kisses trailed south along her flat stomach until he reached her patch of hair. He looked at her with a twinkle in his eye and Hermione reacted uncontrollably by bucking her hips at him. He spread her legs and crawled over her to settle himself between them. Once situated his mouth crashed against her and began to ravage her clit. Licking, sucking, nipping, and teasing just as he'd done to her breasts. Hermione bucked wildly beneath him as the pressure within her began to mount. Taking a chance Harry rose up and placed a hand on her stomach to still her movements. Once she steadied her movements he slowly slid a finger inside her and moved it in and out until he could feel her wetness increase. She threw her head back and released a loud, feral moan. "Harry, do it now," she pleaded. "Please, just do it now."
Carefully he positioned himself at her entrance and searched her eyes one final time. Finding no regret he carefully opened her folds with his fingers and placed his erection at the opening. Slowly he entered her until he felt her shudder, then he gently pulled back. He forced himself to continue the slow, agonizing pace until he heard her cry out and felt her give beneath him. He lay against her and captured her lips with his. "Are you all right?"
She nodded her head and tried to move beneath him to let him know it was okay to keep going. Harry pushed himself up on his hands and slowly pushed in and out of her, burying himself as deeply as he could within her. He wanted to quicken the pace, but he was scared of what it might do to her. He wanted to be sure he didn't hurt her. "Faster Harry," she said, bringing him out of his own thoughts.
He quickened the pace and in no time he felt the beginnings of his release. Hermione moaned loudly as the pain and pleasure combined to near explosive levels. Unable to stop himself Harry pounded into her and exploded as his orgasm reached its peak. His body trembled and his arms felt weak as he fell against her. He tried to pump into her, to try and get her to this glorious plane of existence he'd found himself on, but the sensations coursing through him prevented him from doing much more then moving against her.
When at last the feeling subsided, he pulled himself up weakly and looked into her eyes. She was crying silently as she watched him. "I'm so sorry, Hermione," he said quickly. "I tried to…I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asked as he watched her more closely for a moment.
"That was beautiful, Harry," she whispered. "Seeing you like that. Knowing, understanding how vulnerable you were it just…" she paused, searching for the right words to describe what she was feeling. "It was just beautiful, Harry," she repeated. It felt as though her vocabulary had gone the way of her virginity. Only thankfully, she knew her vocabulary would return at some point.
"I wanted to make you…" he paused, slightly embarrassed that he hadn't succeeded in taking her to the place she took him.
"It's all right Harry. Seeing you like that. It was enough for me for now, really."
Harry sighed and dropped his head to her shoulder. He raised it up and gave her his best devilish grin. "Maybe next time?" he asked hopefully.
Hermione couldn't help but to laugh as she pushed him off her and rolled over on her side to face him. "Maybe next time," she confirmed with a smile.
Harry's heart leapt. "I love you, Hermione," he said softly.
"I love you," she replied as she reached up to once again caress his cheek.
"Hermione?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you realize its raining?"
Hermione looked up into the dark gray sky and smiled. "Mmm," she mumbled softly. "I like the rain."
Harry gathered her into his arms and held her close as he reveled in the feel of her.
Finally she was where she belonged.
And everything in his life suddenly seemed right as the rain that continued to fall upon them where they lay.
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