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This Lullaby by Secret Lily
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This Lullaby

Secret Lily

This Lullaby

Chapter 4-You're Never There

Turn it inside out
So I can see
The part of you
That's drifting over me
And when I wake
You're never there
But when I sleep
You're everywhere

"What about him?" Lily asked, pointing to a boy at the Ravenclaw table.

"Too smart," Leah replied, popping a grape into her mouth. It was lunchtime and the Gryffindors had just finished their classes. Leah and Lily sat at the house table, looking over the students for possible suitors for themselves.

"Is that a bad thing?" Lily inquired. "I thought smart was a good thing."

"It is in some cases," Leah mused. "The guy has to be well rounded though. If he's only smart and not charming or funny, how interesting is a date going to be?"

"I guess you're right," Lily sighed. "What about him?"

"Lily, he is a Hufflepuff," her friend answered. "What have we learned about Hufflepuffs?"

"I don't know, what have we learned?" Lily asked, bewildered as to what her friend was rambling on.

"Well, I'm not quite sure right now. I thought it was your job to remember those things," Leah impatiently rambled. "All I know is that he smells like goats. My Aunt Selma has goats and let me tell you, if you had to work on her farm, you wouldn't want to date anyone who smelled like that either."

"You're impossible to please," Lily said.

"You're just figuring this out?" Sirius Black asked, sitting across from them. He grinned before helping himself to the sandwich platter on the table.

"What about a Gryffindor, Lily? You never go for Gryffindors," Leah pointed out.

"That would be because I have to face Gryffindors everyday. I only want a date for Hogsmeade," Lily complained, brushing the hair out of her face.

"You need a date for Hogsmeade? I can get you a date for Hogsmeade," Sirius assured her.

"Sorry, Black. We're just not right for each other," she answered shortly.

"You don't have to tell me that," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "But, what about my dear friend, James Potter?"

Lily just about spit her pumpkin juice across the table.

"Attractive, Evans," Sirius said, wiping the juice off his face. "May I inquire what is wrong with James?"

"He's just not my type," Lily answered.

"You don't have a type," Sirius and Leah said together.

"Nobody does," Sirius piped in.

"It just wouldn't work out. We're two different people. You've seen us go at it. It's not healthy for two people to fight like that," she responded.

"Actually, it is quite healthy. It's a little thing I like to call anger management. By releasing your emotions, you don't keep them bottled up inside. You and James actually do that quite well," Leah recalled.

"I hate it when she reads Muggle magazines," Lily muttered.

"You should at least give him a try before judging him," Sirius said.

"Sirius, me and James Potter are a complicated tale to tell. There is not telling what is bound to happen when in the presence of one another. Usually, it involves the nurse and a stretcher," Lily said.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Sirius brushed off.

"Evans, you're driving me insane," James Potter screamed.

"You're not helping my mentality as well in case you haven't noticed," Lily screamed back.

"What mentality? You've gone psycho as far as I'm concerned," James shouted.

The two of them were in the halls patrolling as they found people out of bed. As Heads, this was their first time to actually hand out a punishment and the two of them could not agree.

"Just give them a blasted detention and we'll be on our way," James said.

The two people, a boy and a girl, had been strolling the hall, hand in hand. James didn't really see the big deal, but apparently Lily wanted to punish properly.

"Detention? Do you know how ineffective that is? I say detention and fifteen points off apiece," Lily said.

"They're Gryffindors! Are you mad? You do know that we're going to be behind Slytherin for the house cup now," James complained.

"Let me remind you how many points you've gotten taken off of Gryffindor since the start of your career at Hogwarts," Lily hissed.

"Detention," James dismissed the two. "Drop it, Evans."

"Who's to say you're the one to determine the proper punishment?" Lily protested.

"Why are you being so uptight? You can't say you've never gone out for a stroll after curfew," James assumed.

Lily blushed and looked at her feet awkwardly.

"You mean to say that with all the boyfriends you've had, you've never gone out and taken a walk with them?" James asked, as if it was the most ludicrous thing he had ever heard.

"No," Lily admitted, quietly.

"Never?" James queried.

"Never," she replied. "None of them have been very special to me."

"I guess I can understand that," James deduced. "None of my girlfriends have been very special. It doesn't mean I'm going to limit myself just because of that."

"What's the point, though? You're just going to break up, anyways," Lily remarked.

"I don't know that," he honestly answered. "It's not fair to just assume those things. The other person may think differently."

"So, you're telling me that you treated all your girlfriends as if they would end up with you?" she asked him.

"Yes, I treated them as such. It doesn't mean I felt that way. It's called compassion," James voiced.

"I know what compassion is, Potter," Lily snapped. "It's just that, in the end someone's bound to get hurt."

"That's what life's about though. It's about taking risks and giving others a chance. Life would be no fun if you didn't let yourself go once in awhile. That's what relationships are about. It's not necessarily love but it gives you a special feeling as to caring for another person," James explained.

Lily stopped walking for a moment. Had she just been given a lesson in love from James Potter? That was something that was far from ordinary.

"So, you haven't found it yet?" Lily asked.

"Found what exactly?" James questioned. He turned to look at her, her eyes somewhat shaken and confused.

"Love," she answered. "You haven't found it yet?"

It was an odd question to be asked by the girl he felt so much for. Had he found love? Not quite. She was the closest thing to it though.

"Not yet," he divulged.

"What if you never find it?" Lily demanded.

"That's where the matter of one's personal beliefs come in," James indicated. "I for one, believe that there is one special person for another. I think that some are meant to fall in love while others find it, but never really grasp onto it. Whether you do something about it, that's your choice. If you refuse to let it in, you probably will never find it."

Did Lily want to become one of those people?

A/N: I am sorry it's short. I hope it satisfied whatever need you felt for reading though. I'll be back for more some time this week. Please review.