Letters Between Us
It was summertime in England and the weather was odd. One week it was entirely sunny, full of children racing to pools and rivers and lakes. The next week it would be drizzling every day, the days as dreary as a certain raven-haired, emerald-eyed almost-sixteen-year-old boy.
This boy was Harry Potter, who was still as slim and bespectacled as ever. Although he was treated considerably better by his aunt and uncle (considerably better being completely ignored), Harry still didn't go outside much. He preferred the privacy of his room, with the curtains closed and the door locked. The sun always seemed cold to him now.
With the loss of his beloved godfather, Harry Potter was just as lost himself. He tried not to think of Sirius Black, but his heart and his mind alike always betrayed him.
I'm a marked man, he thought bitterly. Perhaps… perhaps Sirius's death has taught me something: I am meant to be alone. Alone until I defeat Voldemort…. If I defeat Voldemort, he added on negatively.
And so Harry resolved that he would remain as he should be… alone.
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Unfortunately, when you're alone, you have to ignore others, and this meant that Harry would ignore Hermione and Ron.
Since he was ignoring them, he obviously couldn't tell him to stop sending him so many bloody letters when he very well wouldn't reply back. (This made Hedwig cranky, but what else could Harry do?)
Ron and Hermione were two very different writers, Harry always knew this. But this summer he was amusedly reminded of it; although he never answered their letters, it was still fun to read them and compare.
Harry,
As usual, the Burrow is crazy. Everyone is barking mad, I swear to Merlin.
Dad is still hankering and tinkering with muggle items-driving Mum off the wall with all the explosions. She's so confused now-she doesn't know whether to yell at the twins or Dad.
Yes, the twins are still at the Burrow. They wanted to live at the shop but Mum pleaded with them-"One more summer with you two," she begged… I think she's regretting it now.
Bill and Charlie wanted to come home this summer-especially since what happened with Dad at Christmas `n' all. They're fine-but get this, mate: BILL IS DATING FLEUR. Yeah, Fleur? Remember her? Ex-girl-of-my-dreams from Beauxbaton??? She's dating my eldest brother (in case you missed it). It could be the most awkward situation of my life, but I figure that there are other girls out there… that and I'm sure she'd be more than willing to introduce to me to any veela cousins/friends she may have….
Onto Percy: can you believe that flippin' git? He wrote a letter to Mum and Dad apologizing for everything-if you ask me, he should also be apologizing to you, but Mum is more than thrilled so she won't hear any bad words against him. That stupid cow is hangs around here occasionally, although he still has his own flat. Dad is skeptical about Percy's change of heart, but he seems to accept it. The rest of us? Well, we have no choice, although Fred and George constantly grumble about him when Mum is out of hearing.
The twins' business is doing awfully well; I think even Mum's impressed. I refuse to test any of their new inventions, but they say they might pay me, so who knows?
Ginny is doing fine, but she is constantly using Errol, poor bird. She must be writing to Dean, the git. Once we're back to Hogwarts you and I are going to have a long talk with him, Harry-he needs to know that if he hurts Ginny in anyway, he's gonna have to answer to us.
I suppose you already know how Hermione's doing so I won't go on about her-so I just thought I'd ask how you're doing and all. Those Dursley's better be treating you right as well, otherwise I think Fred and George are going to slip something in their pantry where that whale of a cousin you have is going to see and… well, the consequences won't be pretty.
I'm going to sign off now-it's dinner (can't be late for that!)
Your best mate,
Ron
And now there was Hermione's letter:
Dear Harry,
How are you? (And don't lie to me, Harry, because you know that you'd never get away with it.) I hope those horrid Dursley's are treating you well-because they'd be slower than I thought if they don't take someone like Professor Moody's (Harry found it amusing she called him Professor Moody-even if he was technically never her professor) threats.
I'm doing fine myself, in case you're wondering. I finally got that order of books that I've been waiting for. If you'd like, I'd be happy to lend them to you when I'm finished.
(The next three paragraphs go into detail about her books… a little too much detail for Harry's taste, but he appreciated the familiarity that is Hermione.)
My parents and I have decided not to go anywhere this summer. I haven't been at home during the summer for so long that I think it might be nice just to lay low for a while.
That being said, I hope to see you very soon; I miss you and Ron very much.
Harry…? All niceties aside, I just want you to know that if you want to talk to me about anything at all, you can. I can't say that I understand what you're going through but I do care, Harry. I want to be there for you any way that I can.
Well, I suppose I had better stop. My mum has been yelling at me to come down for dinner-apparently this letter has taken me a good hour to write!
Write back soon.
All my love,
Hermione
Harry sighed. If anything, it was going to be hardest to separate himself from her. Especially when she told him she wanted to be there for him in any way she could. How could he turn away someone like that?
Because it's best for her, Harry thought. I don't want to see one of my best friends get hurt… or killed. Harry thought back to when that curse hit her and shuddered. He never wanted to have to worry about whether or not Hermione had a pulse ever again.
Never ever.
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And so the weeks passed and it was finally a week before his birthday. Yet, Harry was miserable with it all.
How unfair is it that I get to see another year and yet Sirius doesn't? He pondered night after night.
Little did he know that both of his friends had nightly wonderings as well.
Ron wondered whether or not his family would live to see another year, and Hermione wondered whether she'd get a letter from Harry.
According to reports from the Order, Harry was doing fine, although he was somewhat turning into a hermit.
"That's to be expected, of course," Lupin wrote hastily to Hermione and Ron. "He's mourning… but if he doesn't snap out of it by September, then by all means, step in."
But Hermione was tired of waiting. She needed to know how her best friend was doing-and soon!
The poor girl was so exasperated she wrote a letter to Ron; she knew Ron, with the emotional range of a teaspoon, would hardly know what to say, but she needed someone to listen to-and since her other best friend, the one with a larger emotional range-was currently feeling sorry for himself, she really had no other option, now did she?
After writing her letter to Ron, she scribbled a note to Harry the covered all the basis: How are you doing? Are the Dursley's treating you right? Have you been studying?
But in her hastiness (her mother called her down to dinner again) she accidentally wrote "Ron" on Harry's letter and "Harry" on Ron's. She sent Pig (who Ron said she could borrow) on his way never knowing the difference.
Later that day, Harry heard Pig tapping on his window and he groaned. What did they want? Why couldn't they just leave him alone???
But when he opened his letter, he was in for a shock: instead of "Dear Harry" at the top, it was "Dear Ron"!! He figured that she must have been in a hurry and wrote the wrong names on the envelopes!
He knew it was wrong, but Harry decided to read it anyway. Anything Hermione could say to Ron she could say to Harry, right?
Apparently not.
Dear Ron,
I'm so worried, Ron! Harry hasn't answered any of my letters. I can only assume he has been ignoring you as well.
I know the Order has been telling us that Harry's fine, although a little hermit-like, but I still can't but help and worry! Why can't we step in and help him? This is the time he needs us the most and they're keeping us from him.
I can't stand it, Ron. My house feels like a prison-my parents were planning on taking me to America this summer but the Order said it wouldn't be a good idea. I don't mind anyway; I didn't want to leave you two.
But still, Ron; why won't he answer us? I stayed up late night after night and I think I've figured it out; he doesn't want to lose us.
He thinks, I believe, that we'll end up like Sirius and his parents if we get too close to him: dead.
You know that we'd stick with him to the end, don't you Ron? I mean, we both are already in trouble anyway, even without our connections to Harry: your family is pro-muggle and I'm muggle-born! I know it would be useless to tell this to Harry, so I think once we meet up in August we should plan before he gets there how to get Harry back.
I know Sirius's death must be terribly hard on Harry, but why can't he see that Sirius wasn't the only one that loved him??
I understand and yet I don't understand, Ron.
Yes, Hermione Granger is finally stumped.
Well… on to other matters (I'm getting rather depressed, aren't you?) How are you? I hope you and your family's doing well. I'm glad Percy's finally come around-although I suspect you aren't too happy with that? No matter, at least your mum's happy.
I can't wait to see you in August-you don't know how much I've missed you.
Love,
Hermione
P.S. Have you been keeping up with your studies?
A turmoil of emotions hit Harry once he read Hermione's letter to Ron: guilt, surprise, anger, and… jealousy?
Why would Harry have any reason to be jealous? This out of everything rattled his brain; the rest of the emotions were easy to explain. Guilt from ignoring them, surprise that Hermione was so passionate about it, anger that the Order was keeping Hermione under house arrest as well, and jealousy from… from what?
The week after, Harry sat all day (and night) and pondered this. He only felt jealous once before in his life-when he saw Ron with his family-but this jealousy was… almost worse somehow.
Finally, Harry came up with it: he was jealous of Ron again. Why? Because of Hermione's letter to him. She seemed much more affectionate with Ron than him. She never told him: "you don't know how much I've missed you." What was up with that? And why did she sign it "Love, Hermione" at the bottom? Was it in a platonic sense or something… more? And she confided in Ron? Why couldn't she confide in him anymore? Like she said before "Ron has the emotional range of a teaspoon". So why Ron? Why not him?
It took mere common sense to figure out why. Because he had been ignoring her, abandoning her, and who else would she turn to but Ron? Somehow, this revelation didn't sit right with him-not at all.
But why didn't it? Why didn't it sit right with him? If she wanted to be with Ron, he should be happy right? Ron was his best mate; the greatest guy he knew.
Suddenly, all Harry thought about was Hermione and Ron-Sirius's death was still there, like it always would be, but Harry had other alarming matters to take care off.
One night, drifting off to another short, ill-fitted sleep, Harry had a dream. It was like he was looking in: it was him and Hermione, walking hand in hand, by the lake at Hogwarts.
"I miss him, Hermione," Dream-Harry told Dream-Hermione. "It's been over a year and I still miss him. He's dead, and I'm still here."
Dream-Hermione squeezed his hand gently. "You are," she said to him. "He died so you could still be here." She went on her tip-toes and whispered in his ear: "Don't you ever forget though, Harry Potter, that Sirius wasn't the only one who loved you."
Suddenly, the mood changed. Harry could feel it; it was new and exciting but terribly scary. Although, to Dream-Harry and Dream-Hermione, it seemed comfortable, right. "Really now?" Dream-Harry asked Dream-Hermione with an eyebrow raised and a twinkle in his green eyes. "Who else loves me?"
Dream-Hermione smiled softly (but not without her trademark roll of her eyes first) and, wrapping her arms around his waist and he hers, she whispered softly, a hair away from his lips, "I love you."
And then, she kissed him.
Waking up, panting, Harry realized what it took him so bloody long to figure out: he wanted Hermione to love him, not Ron.
But why? Not only because he wanted her for himself but…
He loved her.
And by pushing her away, he was pushing her right into Ron's arms, and he'd be damned before he'd let that happen.
Harry leapt out of bed with renewed energy. Screw the prophecy, screw everything! If he was going to die, then he wanted to do it with the knowledge of what Hermione's lips tasted like, what it felt like to run his hands through her hair and what it felt like to have her whisper that she loved him.
But what… what if she loved Ron?
He flopped down on the bed, energy spent. Well… he was a Gryffindor wasn't he? He could try. He would try.
He leapt out of bed again.
Harry Potter wasn't going to remain alone any longer.
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Upon waking up the next day, Hermione got the best surprise that summer: a great white owl perched on her windowsill with a letter that had her name on it, written in a familiar, messy scrawl.
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A/N: This may be a two-parter, I'm not sure. Anyway, tell me what you think!
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM WANTED
WRITTEN: April 12 and April 24
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