6. Awakening
That night Harry had a lot of trouble to go to sleep. Even though he was relieved about not having to worry about Angie anymore. He felt he still had something pending, something he had forgotten.
Harry kept moving in his bed, trying to find a comfortable position hoping sleep would come, but it made no difference. Finally, he was laying on his back with both his arms placed under his head, staring at the top of his four-poster. He was trying to figure out what it was he had forgotten.
Then, it hit him. He realized that what wasn't letting him sleep was a feeling of guilt. During the month and a half he had been drooling after Angie, he had paid little to no attention to his two best friends, especially to Hermione.
Since Ron was also in the quidditch team, they had practices together. Even when the other team members were also present, it was time he and Ron spent together. Things were different with Hermione.
As far as Harry could remember, since that night he and Hermione had been together at the Common Room, after he asked her about her not-feeling-good-those-days-of-the-month thing, they had not spent quality time together at all.
Now that he came to think about it, during the last month, even when most of his senses were focused on Angie, a little part of him had been aware of Hermione's presence. He had noticed how her attitude and her mood had been changing drastically, from angry to disappointed, to quiet, to sad.
He knew that lately Hermione had been awfully quiet. That certainly was not common for her. She always had something to say. Of course, the fact that he hadn't been around her that much could also be why he hadn't heard her talk. But he knew something was wrong.
"It could be that she's stressed about NEWTs," Harry told himself. Somehow, that didn't fit either. Harry had seen Hermione stressed about school way too many times before. This was different. "It must be something else, but what?"
"Could it be that she's still mad at me 'cause of that incident with Dean? I did find it weird that she didn't yell at me. She seemed very distant when I was apologizing to her. I sure hope that's not it."
"The good thing," he thought, "is that now with the holidays coming up, we'll have some time to relax. Well, we have loads of work to do, but even just working together shall be fun, like always. Yeah, I'll make it up for her."
Harry was determined to find some time to help Hermione forget about school and about anything else that could be bothering her during the holidays. "I'll make sure we save at least one full day to have some fun. We could even sneak out to Hogsmeade."
And with that idea in mind, his head was finally able to slow down and let the much-needed sleep take him over.
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The next morning, Harry woke up well into the morning to find the room empty and quiet. It had been really late when he had been able to go to sleep. He stretched his hand out to reach his glasses. After he put them on, he saw the clock on his night table and realized it was 11:30 in the morning.
Feeling a little frustrated about loosing almost all morning sleeping, he got up and went to take a quick shower to help him get the sleep off of him. When he finally made it to the Common Room, he found Ron and Ginny playing exploding snap, sitting on the red carpet by the fire. They were the only people on the room.
Harry went to them and sat lazily in one of the big comfy armchairs.
"Look who's up! I thought you were going to spend the holiday sleeping," said Ron with a teasing smile.
Without responding to him, Harry asked, "Where's Hermione?"
"She's gone," replied Ginny.
Harry sat up quickly, looking anxiously from Ron to Ginny. "What do you mean she's gone? Gone where?"
"Gone home," responded Ron. "She went home for the holidays."
Harry's mouth fell to the ground. He wasn't expecting this. He had planned on the three of them being together for the holidays, having a good time.
Seeing Harry's dumbstruck expression, Ron said, "She must've decided it last minute. She didn't say anything last night, but this morning she came out carrying her trunk."
"She said she wanted to work on her assignments at home so she'd have no distractions," added Ginny.
"Rotten luck," said Ron going back to his game. "I wanted her to help me with that mind-breaking essay Snape gave us, you know."
But Harry wasn't listening anymore. He could not help but feel disappointed. All of a sudden he was pretty sure this was not going to be a happy Christmas.
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The two weeks of holidays went by very slowly to Harry's taste. Both he and Ron had been too busy trying to complete all of the work they had been assigned. It seemed that the teachers were not willing to give the seventh years much of a break during the holiday. They sure wanted to make sure students would be ready for their final examinations.
No matter how much Ron would complain, they had no choice but to work on that during most of their two weeks off. Not even Christmas gave them much to be joyful about, especially to Harry. He missed having Hermione around.
Harry was expecting to, at least, get a letter from her for Christmas saying she was missing them terribly. But that letter never came. On Christmas morning, Harry and Ron woke up to find a box of chocolate frogs each on their beds and a brief note from Hermione saying a simple "May you have a Happy Christmas."
"At least I won't have to share my chocolates with you, mate," said Ron. But Harry didn't care about that. He'd even give Ron his own box willingly. He only cared about the cold note Hermione had sent them. It didn't matter that he hadn't received a more thoughtful gift from her like the ones she'd usually give him. Nor it mattered that the box had been wrapped in plain brown paper, not the usual shiny-coloured Christmas muggle wrapping paper.
Her note seemed so distant, so cold. As some card you'd give to a stranger just to be courteous. It was far from a warm greeting you'd send to your best friend. "Unless," Harry thought, "she's still mad at me. I was hoping she'd forgiven me by now. I'm gonna have to talk to her as soon as she gets back."
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The Sunday students would be getting back to school arrived at last. The Hogwarts Express brought them back just in time for dinner. Harry and Ron were sitting on either side of the Gryffindor table watching as all of the newcomers marched their way to their house's table.
Finally, that bushy brown-haired girl Harry had been waiting for appeared among the crowd. She didn't seem to be in much of a hurry to sit at the table as all of the other students. Slowly, she made her way to where Harry and Ron sat, as if she was indecisive about sitting down.
Harry, who had been saving a space for Hermione next to him, patted the seat inviting her to sit down. For a fraction of a second, she stood there looking at the spot Harry was saving for her. Finally, she sat down.
"Hello Hermione!" said Ron with a wide smile on his face. "Had a good holiday?"
"Yeah."
Harry looked at her face intently. Her face was clear of any emotions. She didn't seem tired after an all day train ride, nor she looked hungry. He couldn't tell anything at all from her face.
"You okay?" he asked softly.
"Yeah." She said nothing else.
All through dinner Hermione remained quiet. Harry could feel that her body, next to his, was tense, and she wasn't eating that much. He looked at Ron wishing he could send him a message with his mind. Ron, who was also aware of Hermione's weird state, shrugged his shoulders.
When dinner was over, they all started to head to their respective Common Rooms. Hermione got up and started walking without paying attention to whether Harry and Ron were following her or not.
Once the three of them were in an empty corridor, Harry, who could no longer take her silence, grabbed her by the elbow, and turned her to face them.
"Are you mad at us?"
"No," she simply said.
"Are you mad at me?" he pressed thinking that maybe the problem was just with him.
"No," she responded in the same calm, cold tone of voice that showed no sign of emotion. She then tried to free her arm of Harry's grip, but he wouldn't let go.
"What is it then? What's wrong?" he demanded to know. Ron, who hadn't said a word, was looking at both of them from the side, not sure whether he should intervene or not.
"Nothing's wrong," she said looking at Harry in the eye. He couldn't quite tell was it was he saw in her brown eyes. They didn't seem to shine as usual. That natural glow that made them so beautiful was gone. Harry didn't feel good about that.
"I'm just tired, okay?" Then pulling her arm off of Harry's grip, she accelerated her pace towards Gryffindor Tower.
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Monday after classes, Ron found Hermione alone in one of the corridors adjacent to Gryffindor Tower, sitting on the floor a book open in her hand, her legs stretched out on the stone floor, her back leaning on the wall. He walked up to her and sat next to her.
"Hey there," he said leaning forward to take a peak at the book she was reading. "Studying, aren't we?"
Without removing her eyes from the book, she nodded.
"So… Harry broke up with Angie."
Hermione's face quickly turned at Ron, a look of surprise in her face. A few seconds later, she seemed to regain control of herself, and closed her mouth, which had been hanging open.
"Uh… Why? When?" she asked nervously.
Ron smiled. He knew she'd find the news interesting. "Last Friday before the holidays. If you would've talked to us before you decided to leave, you'd know."
"Well, that doesn't make any difference." Hermione let out a sigh, and looked away.
"What do you mean it doesn't? You don't have to worry about her anymore, do you?"
"I don't… I don't worry about her." Hermione tried to sound surprised. Ron, however, didn't buy it.
"C'mon Herm, let's be honest." Then turning his body around so he could face her, he added, "You've been mad since the moment you saw them together. You told me a thousand times you couldn't stand her."
"I know, I know," she said defensively. Then tossing her book to the side, she looked at Ron. "I never liked her being with Harry. She's so wrong for him."
"I think the real reason why you didn't like her was 'cause she was with Harry." Ron had touched a sensitive point. The one he had been waiting to talk with her about. "You wouldn't have cared about her otherwise."
Hermione looked away. Ron was right. That was the main reason why Hermione disliked Angie. She had tried to hide her feelings from everybody, but obviously Ron knew her very well.
As if Ron knew what she was thinking, he added, "You don't have to hide it from me, you know" he said lowering his voice to a softer tone. "I know how you feel about Harry."
Hermione looked at him and opened her mouth ready to deny it, but she couldn't. There was no reason to do it. After all, Ron was her friend and she needed to talk to someone about it.
"So, don't worry. She's out of the picture now," he said trying to change the sad expression of her face.
"I already told you , it makes no difference. He'll never see me as more than a friend."
"How do you know that?"
"All you need to do is look at the girls he's dated, Cho and Angie!" Hermione's voice was starting to get tenser. "That's the kind of girl he likes. I obviously can't compete with that."
Ron's eyes went wide open. He could not believe she still had that idea in her mind. "I can't believe you're still on about that!"
"Ron…" she tried to object, but Ron didn't give her a chance.
"No. You listen to me. Forget all this codswallop about you not being good enough. You're wrong if you think Harry cares about that. Don't you know him at all? You'd better start pulling yourself together, Hermione, and make that friend of ours fall head over heels for you. Aren't you a girl?"
Hermione didn't respond. She appreciated Ron's effort to raise her spirit, but it was going to take more than that to convince her otherwise.
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During the following weeks, Hermione's mood didn't change much. The state of depression she was in had not changed much after her talk with Ron. At least, she now felt better knowing that Ron knew about her feelings. Ron, however, was getting frustrated.
In the meantime, Harry wasn't sure what was happening with him. Ever since the holidays, when he had been so disappointed about Hermione's absence, he'd found himself thinking about her more often.
He still couldn't explain what was the reason for the change of her behavior towards him. She was always busy, and even though she was again talking to Harry, he'd still feel her distant with him.
He didn't like it at all. He missed her so much. He missed the way she'd always scolded them about putting homework away to the last minute. He missed her yelling at them for wasting time in the quidditch pitch when they could've done some studying instead. He missed the way she'd shush them when they'd not let her concentrate 'cause they were being too noisy. He missed having his old Hermione around. "My Hermione? I mean my friend Hermione," Harry thought.
Since he missed her so much, or because he couldn't stop wondering what it was that had driven her away, he'd very often find himself staring at her. Whenever she was looking away, reading a book, working on an essay, eating, or whatever else it'd be that kept her busy, he'd just get lost looking at her.
He started to memorize the lines of her face, the waves of her hair, the way she'd try to get it out of her face by tacking it behind her ear, the way how she'd play with her quill while thinking what to write next. He was memorizing her every move. Not just that, but she'd usually appear in his dreams as well.
It was driving him insane. "What's happening with me?" he wondered. "Why can't I get her out of my mind?"
Ron was noticing that. He caught Harry way too many times starting at her while she was distracted. Ron also knew that Hermione would do the exact same thing when Harry was busy. He'd look from one to the other while trying his best to hold back his giggles. He just couldn't believe how blind his two best friends were.