Unofficial Portkey Archive

Title: Harry Potter's Day Off

Author: Arachne

Author's note: Again, many thanks to those who have taken the time to review. I appreciate it! This chapter deviates somewhat from the film; in the film, Ferris and Sloane sneak into the hot tub of some random person's house whilst Cameron sits catatonically on the deck. I couldn't see Harry and Hermione doing that to Ron, somehow; nor could I see the Weasleys having a pool in their back garden. So I compromised, and added in an explanation from Hermione as to why they should go for a swim in the first place. Hopefully it works ...

Back at the Burrow, Harry and Hermione tended to a catatonic Ron. They used a Levitation spell to get him out of the car and over to the Weasleys' back garden, where he lay on the soft, sandy bank adjacent to the pond at the edge of the property. Hermione propped up his head in her lap and massaged his temples whilst Harry paced back and forth a short distance away.

"This may very well be for real," he said, a line of worry creasing his forehead where his scar normally was. "I think Ron may well and truly be off his head this time. He's always been a little wound up. All I wanted to do was give him a good day. We're going to graduate next month and then we'll have the summer. If we're lucky, I'll get to spend a fortnight at the Burrow towards the end, then he'll go to work in some random desk job in the Ministry that his father got him and I'll be off to Auror Training College in some undisclosed location until it's time for ... well, You-Know-What." He sighed, sitting down on the dewy grass. "Hermione's a bigger problem--she's off to Stonehenge in September. How am I meant to deal with that? I was completely serious when I said I would marry her. I would."

Hermione's voice broke into his thoughts. "Ronald? Ron? Can you hear me? Ron? Blink if you understand me."

Harry studied the two of them a moment. "Ron has never been in love, and he's too bloody blind to see Luna's in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's going to marry the first witch he shags, and she's going to treat him like crap, because she will have given him, what he has built up in his mind as the be-all and end-all of magical existence. She won't respect him. Because you can't respect somebody who kisses your arse. It's just not on."

"Harry," Hermione called anxiously, "we'd best try something else. This isn't working."

He stood up and walked the short distance to them. "What do you suggest?"

"I--I don't know," she admitted. "I thought about a Cheering Charm, but as we don't know what's wrong with him, I'm afraid it might do more harm than good, especially if we have to use Malfoy's wand."

"I bet his wand can't even do Cheering Charms," Harry muttered. "It's probably rigged to perform Hostility Hexes instead." He looked at her with eyes full of guilt. "Perhaps we should just admit defeat and take him to St Mungo's."

Hermione swallowed. "Do you really want to do that?"

"No," he replied, running a hand through his hair, "but I'm at a loss as to what to do next."

She squeezed his hand. "We'll think of something."

They sat side by side in silence for a while, listening to the birds chirping overhead and the hypnotic, rhythmic sound of the waves from the pond lapping up against the bank.

"That's it!" Hermione suddenly exclaimed.

"Er, what is?"

She turned to him. "I read this Muggle book once that discussed using water therapy for victims of post traumatic stress disorder. Something about immersing people in water being reminiscent of the womb."

Harry stared at her as if she had spoken in Gobbledegook. "You what?"

"The womb! You know, the--oh, never mind! The point is, water can be used to calm people who have had a nasty shock and help set them right again."

He frowned. "Are you suggesting we give Ron a bath? Because I've got to say, that's--"

"No, you great pillock! Not a bath!" She nodded towards the pond. "A swim."

A few minutes later, Harry and Hermione had divested themselves of most of their clothing and were swimming around in the warm water like a pair of Ramoras. Ron sat atop a large boulder jutting out of the water, dressed in only his Cannons t-shirt and a pair of grey boxer shorts. Although the waves lapped over his feet, he appeared to remain mute and unseeing.

"Are you feeling any better, Ron?" Harry asked.

"Ron? Why don't you come in here? The water's really lovely," Hermione said encouragingly. "It's all right, you know. I could go a bit barmy very easily, too. Sooner or later, everybody goes a little mad. We'll find a way to sort this, I swear."

She glanced at Harry, who felt the beginnings of a cold, hard lump form in the pit of his stomach. "Maybe he isn't messing about, Hermione. Maybe he's well and truly gone to bits. This is all my fault--"

Just then, a loud splashing noise interrupted him as Ron suddenly and silently fell head over feet into the water. Hermione gasped and Harry cursed, then frantically dived below the surface. He immediately spotted Ron at the bottom of the pond and swam towards him with powerful strokes, reaching him in no time. Harry swatted away a curious Plimpy that had begun to nibble on a strand of Ron's hair, which gently waved back and forth in the water like ginger-coloured seaweed. Hooking an arm around Ron's midsection, he began to swim back to the surface. A few moments later they broke through the water, Harry spluttering and Ron unmoving. Hermione gasped again and swam towards them, helping Harry drag Ron towards the bank. Harry alternated between pounding Ron's chest and slapping his cheeks as a worried Hermione crouched beside him, water from her hair dripping on to Ron's face.

"Ron--Ron! Oh, bugger, Ron--come on! Wake up! Ron, wake up!

As if by magic, Ron's eyelids began to flutter. A moment later, his cornflower blue eyes opened and he looked up at his friends, grinning slyly from ear-to-ear like a Clabbert.

"Harry Potter, you're my hero."

Harry's eyes narrowed, then widened in comprehension. "You were--you were having us on? You're all right?"

"Tip-top," Ron guffawed loudly. "Though I must say that was rather impressive, mate--"

Half-angered, half-relieved, Harry shoved him playfully as Hermione rolled her eyes and exhaled in disgust.

"Oh, oh--you son of a witch! You're dead, Weasley!" He pulled Ron towards him and dunked his head under the water. Ron laughed as he resurfaced, splashing water at Harry's Snitch-patterned boxers.

"--even better than the Triwizard Tournament, I reckon!"

The two boys continued to thrash around, while Hermione shrieked with laughter as they flung water her way. Sand dusted her legs, arms and hair, and her cream-coloured camisole and knickers, though entirely modest, were soaked through. With a lecherous grin and a glint in his eye, Harry rose out of the water towards her like a sea creature from the deep. He picked her up in one fell swoop, flung her over his shoulder and waded back out to Ron. Depositing Hermione in the water unceremoniously, he dived on top of her as the trio's shouts and cackles of glee echoed around them in the warm afternoon sunlight.