Disclaimer: I was unsuccessful in my try to obtain the copyrights to HP. That means it still belongs to JKR.
A/N: Somewhere I got totally screwed up on what's canon and what's fanfic so I suddenly found out that I've given Hermione one of the mirrors with nothing on it in HBP (if there was and I'm just not able to find it, let me know, but I'm 99,9% certain it was only a fic). Nutter. Someone out there wrote such an excellent piece of fic that my brain is now totally locked on it as official-HP.
Anyway, the next chapter - a funny, flirty, angry tiny chappy (lot's of y's here, the sign of quality - just like Goldy, Lynney…ok, you probably got it that I'm obsessed with those 2 writers already)! Hope you like it! And if you do, review! And I hope I won't have to change the rating because honestly I have no idea if this chappy still fits PG13.
Are you mad, Granger?!
Harry was glad that he had managed to do at least one thing right before he got carted off to Dursleys. Before leaving the train he had summoned Kreatcher and ordered him to go to No.12 Grimmauld Place and get him the second two-way mirror of the pair. He had quickly scribbled a note and when Kreatcher had promptly returned slipped them both into Hermione's schoolbag. Hermione and Ron were at that moment out in the hallway investigating the strange explosions they all had just heard. Silently thanking Fred and George for the Decoy Detonators, Harry managed to pull his plan off undetected. He felt it wouldn't be a good idea to give the mirror to Hermione with Ron sitting there - it might have provoked a discussion about why he was giving the mirror to her and not to him Harry really didn't want to get into. He cast a Reparo on his own broken mirror that was still lying at the bottom of his school trunk like a reminder of his broken link to Sirius.
So now he was sitting on his bed and gazing expectantly at the small mirror, waiting for Hermione's face to appear in it.
"Harry!" he heard Hermione's happy voice almost instantly after calling her name. The surface of he mirror turned pitch black for half a second and then changed to…
'HOLY MERLIN!' Harry's eyes almost popped out and his heart slammed hard against his Adams apple. He quickly shut his eyes closed and started muttering 'Keepittogetherkeepittogetherniceknickersargh!keepittogether.'
"Harry? Harry! Are you OK?" he heard her concerned voice. He risked taking a peek at the mirror with one eye. Seeing Hermione's worried face looking at him from the mirror he opened both eyes and smiled at her, still feeling a bit dizzy. The young witch smiled back at him. Harry concentrated hard on keeping his eyes on her face and not taking in the rest of the beautiful girl in a short white summer dress sitting cross-legged on her own bed.
"I'm fine!" he managed to squeak in a high voice that last came through his lips at about the time he was eleven years old, he thought. "I have a request for you though. Next time please don't accept the call until you've raised the mirror to your face, Hermione, and please, definitely don't call out my name when it's still resting in your lap. I rather like my eyes where they are at the moment."
Hermione blinked once, then seemed to realize what exactly Harry was telling her. Harry had never seen anyone go so red so quickly. That went even beyond 'Weasley red'. She seemed to be swaying for a moment and Harry wondered if she was going to pass out from embarrassment.
"Whoa! Calm down, girl! It's not like I'm going to tell anyone. I'm smarter than that. I know I'd be dead if I did!" Harry had no idea what he should be telling her so he was just blabbering whatever came to his mouth.
"That's right Harry and you better believe it!" Hermione's red face was threatening him, the gaze of her narrowed eyes locked into his. "You tell anyone and you can forget about calling yourself The Boy Who Lived!"
There was a brief, uncomfortable silence between them when neither one of them could think of what to say next. Then Hermione's voice came through the mirror again.
"Er, so, why did you call, anyway? I doubt it was just for the free show."
"Oh, yeah!" Harry remembered, glad for the change in topic. "I was wondering what you were up to and wanted to ask you a few things." He mentally revised the list of questions he wanted to ask her. "First, I wanted to ask you what you know about the Fidelius Charm - remember that one? We heard professor Flitwick explain a bit about it in Three Broomsticks during our third year. I'm especially interested in what happens after the Secret Keeper dies. Will that break the charm? Do we have to recast it on No.12 to keep it hidden?"
Hermione's brows furrowed, forming her 'study mode' expression. She took a quick glance to her left. 'Probably a bookcase with all her magic books. Or if I'm looking at her through a mirror, is it actually at her right side? Arrrgh! Brain, get a grip and focus!' Harry thought.
"Yes, I remember the Fidelius Charm - I looked it up the moment I got back to the library after we overheard that conversation, but I'll check it up just to be sure. Anyway, I remember that it was terribly complicated - I'm not sure we could recast it."
"Says the girl who could brew the Polyjuice Potion before her second year was even half through!? You're kidding, right?" Harry asked, disbelief visible on his face. "Hermione, I thoroughly agree with Hagrid in one thing - they HAVEN'T invented a spell yet that you couldn't cast!" Seeing that she was about to object, he added in a bit angry tone: "And if you just opened your mouth to tell me it's not true I'll apparate over to your house and try to curse you. I know it's suicidal but at least it would make you consider it. If you can take out the Chosen One, then what's casting a bloody charm next to that, right?"
Hermione gave him a shy smile. "Right, Harry…Thanks."
"No problem!" He gave her a wide smile in return. He leaned his head back, resting it against the wall and closing his eyes. "Now, the second…" he started but was interrupted.
"Harry?" Did he hear concern and a bit of anger in her voice? 'Not good!' He popped his eyes open again and looked in the mirror. Hermione's face was taunt and her eyes were two narrow slits focused somewhere below his chin. Her dark brown eyes slowly moved back to his face and locked into his own green eyes. "What happened to your neck?"
'Crap! Bad idea to let her see that! Wonder if Dursleys will be still alive tomorrow…' Harry was truly amazed at how his brain managed to shift to processing useless crap whenever he really needed a quick answer to get out of trouble with Hermione.
"I'm waiting, Harry. And don't even think about lying to me!" she hissed. Damn, she could be scary when she wanted to. Harry could not move his eyes away from hers.
"Fine…I had a bit of an argument with uncle Vernon, nothing too serious." He blinked. 'Shit!'
"I told you not to lie to me, Harry…" Hermione's low voice growled through the mirror.
'She sounds really angry now…I think I should jump out the window before the house goes up in flames…' Suddenly Hermione's face disappeared from the mirror and it again reflected his own somewhat pale face back at him. 'Shit!'
There was a sharp someone-just-apparated-into-your-room CRACK jolting Harry up from his bed. He found himself face to face 'Well, forehead to chin, actually - damn I've grown taller than her!' with a young, brown-haired and mighty angry witch.
"That's it, Harry! Your stay here is officially over! Pack up now - you're coming to my place for the moment until you decide where you want to go next!" Without waiting for him to start moving, she wiped her wand across the room and yelled "Pack!" The few items he had managed to unpack flew back into his trunk, and taking a quick look inside he noticed the items he had thrown around inside before were all neatly folded or placed. There suddenly seemed to be a lot more space than usually. Next moment the trunk was shrunk to the size of a matchbox and stuffed into his pocket.
"C'mon! Hold on to me, I'll apparate us out of this hellhole!" Hermione told him.
"Wait, Hedwig! I need to let her out!" He let the white owl out of the cage and opened the window for her. "I'm staying with Hermione for a while, girl, you can find me there. You have time off if you want some - fly around, eat some mice, do the things owls do…OK, hop out now, Hermione's gonna blow her casket any moment now!"
When Hedwig was gone he turned quickly around and jumped towards Hermione, reaching for her outstretched arm. She already had a look of deep concentration on her face, meaning she was going any moment now - with or without him. His hand was an inch away from hers when suddenly he managed to stumble into a low chair, catching it's sharp corner right below his left kneecap. Unbelievable pain shot through his leg, he was off-balance and waiving his arms frantically when it hit him that he had missed Hermione's arm. With desperate effort he threw his body forward and his hand shot towards her, grabbing hold of her.
CRACK!!!
He didn't like apparition - almost as much as he didn't like traveling by floo powder. Mainly because his landings didn't turn out quite well. When he got squeezed out the other side of the rubber tube 'Well, that's how it feels to me', he felt like he was knocking something over, falling and then landing on something soft. When everything stopped moving he dared to take a look around.
Harry's brain started to process the information coming in from the eyes - it took a bit more than a second to process all of it. 'I'm in a girl's room, that's quite clean - a lot cleaner than mine, anyway. There are bookcases along the walls, a chair and a desk near the window and a bed that I'm currently lying on. Actually, I'm lying more on Hermione , who is lying on her back, than on the bed - must be her I collided with and knocked over. Now let's see… She's lying beneath me with her short dress having fallen over her hips, exposing her white underwear again. Her left leg is squeezed between my legs al the way up to my xxxx, which is getting harder every second now, by the way. I'm half-lying over her, my left arm supporting my upper body over hers. And by the way, my right hand is still squeezing her right breast where it grabbed it just before we apparated. She has a disbelieving, stunned and surprised look on her face. I'm probably going to die now.' Harry pulled back his hand as if burned and jumped off the bed.
"HOLY SHIT!" He yelled in shock. He had just grabbed a very intimate part of a young beautiful girl without her prior permission and expected the Hammer of Retribution to slam down on him any moment now. 'If there's a God, please strike me down with lightning now before she gets me!' Nothing. 'Crap!'
"Well, Harry…" Hermione started to talk calmly, looking into his eyes, one eyebrow cocked. "So far today you have managed to get a look at my underwear, knock me down on my bed, let me know in no uncertain terms that you find me desirable and grabbed by breast. Please tell me now what else you got planned for today. Maybe I should just strip off my clothes and throw myself at you, hmm?" she suggested.
'Wouldn't mind if you did! SHUT UP, BRAIN!!!' Realizing that he still had a pulse and was miraculously, but apparently not in danger of loosing it just now, Harry decided to apologize before it's too late. "I'm sorry, Hermione. That was a rather poor payback for your rescue. I'm truly sorry if I hurt you and you have every right to hex my ass off right now." He hung his head in sign of regret.
"Harry! I would never do that!" he heard Hermione exclaim. His head snapped up to look at her wide eyes.
"You wouldn't?" he asked hopefully.
"Of course not!" her eyes narrowed into dark slits again and a wide, wicked smile spread across her face. "I'm a woman, Harry! I take my revenge sweet and slow!"
'Aww, screw this! Where's the door to Hell when you need it?'
Suddenly there was a knock on the window. Hermione jumped off the bed and turned to the window, giving Harry a good look at her lower body from behind before her dress fell down to cover it again. She stepped to the window and pulled away the yellow curtains revealing a brown owl sitting on a window still, carrying an official-looking envelope. She opened the window and stretched ut her hand to take the envelope, but the bird jumped in through the window and flew towards Harry, dropping the envelope in his hands. It tried to fly out the window again, but suddenly Hermione slammed the window shut. "Wait," she commanded the owl.
Harry was holding the envelope, not sure what to do next. It was addressed to him, allright, but he had no idea what business the Ministry's Misuse of Magic Department would have with him this time. Catching Hermione's gaze he shrugged, sat down on the bed and ripped the envelope open. Hermione sat down next to him and read the letter he pulled out with him. It wasn't fan-mail, he realized after a few lines.
Dear Mr. Potter
This is a letter to inform you that approximately at approximately at 10:15 today a Packing Charm was performed in your house at Privet Drive No.4, Little Whinging with three Muggles present in the house. As you are still underage, this is a serious breach of the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Wizardry as you no doubt are aware by now. As you have received a previous warning concerning the same offence you are invited to a disciplinary hearing for the repeated offences on 30. July 9:00. Should the charges be successfully pursued you will be expelled from the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and your wand will be confiscated by Ministry of Magic officials.
With best wishes,
Mafalda Hopkirk
Department of Misuse of Magic,
Ministry of Magic
When he had finished reading the letter he could only shake his head in disbelief. "What the fuck is going on, Hermione? I'd laugh but the joke is getting old. Don't they have anything more important to do at the Ministry than try to get me? I mean, is it a new requirement for the Minister of Magic candidates now - must hate Harry Potter?" He looked at Hermione's face, wondering how she would react.
Hermione was looking at the letter with disbelief and pure rage reflected on her face. She stood up and snatched the letter out of Harry's grasp, marched to the desk and sat down. She yanked open the top drawer and pulled out an inkpot, a quill and a piece of parchment, laid the Ministry's letter in front of her and started scribbling furiously. Harry sat on the bed patiently for a while, but then the curiosity got the best of him and he stepped behind her chair to take a look over her shoulder at her writing.
Dear Madam Hopkirk
In reply to your letter to Harry James Potter concerning the alleged use of magic outside the school of Hogwarts let me inform you that it was not Mr. Potter who cast the charm, but me. Naturally, having confused the spell cast by a house elf in that same house a few years ago with underage wizardry I can't expect you to detect and comprehend the difference - it would be to expect too much of you.
Now I understand that it might be a bit much to ask you to understand the following, but I'm sure you'll do your best - however pathetic the result might be. When Mr. Potter was accused of performing underage wizardry last time and tried before the full Wizengamot, former Chief Warlock Albus Dumbledore testified on Mr. Potter's behalf that it indeed was a house elf that performed the Hovering Charm which resulted in Mr. Potter receiving the first warning. The testimony went unchallenged and thus is to be considered proven by the Wizengamot. This also means that the warning Mr. Potter received is legally void. Thus, Mr. Potter in the legal sense has never received a warning about performing underage wizardry. I'm sure such fine legal technicalities are hard to comprehend for the Department of Misuse of Magic officials.
And last but not least, I'd like to warn you, that any further unjust accusations made against Mr. Potter would force me to bring your lack of competence and repeated wrongful accusation against Mr. Potter to the attention of Wizengamot and the public.
With best wishes and hope that in the future you will pay more attention to such small details as Wizengamot rules,
Hermione Granger
After signing the letter Hermione folded it, gave it to the Ministry owl and opened the window. "Get lost," she growled at the owl. Harry had to admit that he had never seen an owl fly that fast before. Hermione closed the window and turned towards Harry, who stared at her with an expression of pure shock on his face. Harry's mind was calculating the odds of him either having a really bizarre dream or him being somehow transported to an alternate universe. In the light of the last few minutes, both versions seemed very likely.
"What's wrong, Harry?" Hermione asked him after a few moments of silence.
"What's…What's wrong?! ARE YOU MAD, GRANGER?!"