Disclaimer: HP belongs to JKR bla-bla-bla
A/N: OK, once I had my idea of why would Hermione act so…hermy in HBP, I started writing, and whoa - I just kept going! Hope you all find this an acceptable explanation. Viva la H/HR!
Confessions of a shared madness
Harry didn't know what to think. It wasn't anything new, of course, but this time his mind was really having a bit of a shock. Hermione Granger, his best friend, had just sent a letter to the Ministry of Magic telling them to get off his case and threatened to make sure they lost their jobs if they didn't take her warning seriously. She had also let them know that if that happened, she would also let the whole wizarding world know. Judging from the letters both Hermione and Hagrid had received after Rita Skeeter's articles, it wasn't a good thing to be unpopular in the wizarding world. 'Considering I'm currently the Chosen One of the wizarding world, it would probably put them in the same popularity category as Voldemort but without the fear he creates. They'd probably wish they were dead before the first day was over if it ever happened.'
He was looking at Hermione, who had gone very still after his last words. He thought he saw deep hurt and pain in her eyes for a moment before she collapsed on the bed and curled up in a ball. He saw tears flowing from her eyes before she buried her face in a pillow, trying to muffle the sobs that were wrecking her whole body. Even her hair seemed to go limp.
Harry felt like someone had stabbed his heart with a blunt knife and was now twisting it every which way and his brain felt like on fire. 'Oh great! Now what the fuck did I manage to screw up? That should I do! THINK! Well, I've been in a similar situation before, hope this helps.'
He gently sat down next to her and pulled her limp body against his into a comforting hug and let her head rest against his chest over his heart. He though if she would push him away, hit him and yell in his face. Her hands went around him instantly in a crushing return hug that definitely brought back memories of a certain welcome-hug from a few years ago. She continued sobbing and crying against his chest, her tears wetting the front of his shirt. Somehow it felt to Harry like there was a hole, a mortal wound to his heart in his chest and he was instead bleeding all over the place.
After some time - Harry had no idea how long it had been - she seemed to be calming down. The sobs came less frequent and the wound and pain in his own chest seemed to be subsiding. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head softly and started to whisper apologies.
"I'msosorryHermionepleaseforgivemepleasedonteverletmehurtyoulikethatagain…" and on and on he went until he was sure the tears had stopped. He slowly started to remove his hands from around her but her hands suddenly squeezed him like trying to break him in two. He quickly put his own hands back around her and found that he was allowed to breathe again. Her breathing over time changed from short gasps to deep breaths.
"It's ok, Harry," her voice sounded from the vicinity of his chest. "It's not really about you calling me mad." She hiccupped. Harry gave a chuckle, it was the cutest sound he had ever heard, he thought. "I…I just…I really think I'm going mad." She sounded almost normal saying it, but Harry had sensed just a bit of fear in it.
"What gives you that idea, Hermione?" he asked, furrowing his brow. "Did someone insult you?"
"Please, Harry! I can take insults just fine." She paused for a moment. Harry noticed that she still hadn't moved away from him, was still holding him as close as she could. "Do you remember our second year in Hogwarts, Harry?" she asked.
"Of course I do - all that with the Malfoys, Dobby tying to save me, the Chamber, Diary and what not. Kinda hard to forget, isn't it? Why did you ask?"
She shifted in his arms but still refused to let go of him, instead sitting on her legs to make herself more comfortable without moving away from him.
"Do you remember the first time you heard the basilisk? Right before we found Mrs. Norris?" He let out a "Mhmhh" for her to continue. "And do you remember what you asked us after Dumbledore questioned you?"
Harry thought back, replaying the events in his mind. He saw the worried faces of the younger Hermione and Ron and concentrated on their voices.
"I asked you if I should have told them I heard a voice neither of you could…and you told me no and that even in the wizarding world hearing voices was not considered a good sign."
"Exactly, Harry! That's exactly it! I wish you would have remembered your school lessons as well as random bits of our conversations, honestly!" she exclaimed in a happy-sad-exasperated voice.
"So you're saying…" Harry edged her on.
"That I'm hearing voices, yes." She seemed to tighten up, as if afraid of what he would say next.
"Umm, have you noticed…er…like a specific person, or anyone, being around you at the time? Like, well, Crookshanks, maybe?"
She snorted at he though and felt the spot on his chest where her face was against it move, probably forming a smile.
"No, it's definitely not something a half-kneazle would think, or any other animal for that matter. And it's a person's voice," she told.
"A person's voice? You mean a human's?" Hermione's head nodded against his chest. "Someone we know?" After a small pause - a nod. "Who?"
She went even more tense. After almost a minute, she told him. Of course, Harry's ears felt it was a suitable moment to be uncooperative, so he missed it.
"Who?" he repeated the question, now ready to hear her.
"Yes! You! I keep hearing Harry "Bloody" Potter's voice in my head!" she shouted in annoyed voice. "Go on! Have a laugh!" He felt her starting to move away from him. "Told you I was mad," she muttered.
For a moment Harry's mind went totally blank. This was so unexpected that his brain decided to take a 'time out' and try to carefully consider the situation. Luckily that meant his body was now in charge. The moment she had dropped her hands from him and started to pull away he squeezed her against him and crushed her in the tightest hug they had shared to date. He really wanted to kiss her for some reason, but reminded himself that at least theoretically she was with Ron and it would really be pushing his luck considering all the things he had already done to her today. Her arms snapping in place around him and holding on with all her might made him feel like he was engulfed in the Ultimate Comforting Hug In The Frikkin Known Universe. Thankfully his brain kept its silence and for a change didn't try to number all the different body parts currently squashed against him. After a minute or so the brain congratulated the body on a 'job well done' and took control again.
Harry felt his body relax and he fell down on the bed, head conveniently hitting the pillow. Hermione, still stuck to him, found herself lying on top of him. She took a look at his face, trying to guess what the Boy Wonder was up to now, but there was only the impression of deep relaxation and happiness in there - no ulterior motives, as far as she could tell.
"So you're ok with me being mad?" she asked, peering into his emerald-green eyes. He smiled at her and his eyes started to twinkle. 'How very dumbledorish,' she thought.
"I don't think you're mad, Hermione. I'm curious, though. What did Harry "Bloody" Potter tell to you when you heard him? And for how long have you heard it?"
"Well," she started. "The first time was…at the start of last school year on the train, I guess. I was sitting with the others and suddenly I start hearing your voice - I'm in trouble, help me! Over and over. First I thought you were using your Invisibility cloak to prank me, but no-one else seemed to hear it. I wrote it down to stress and anxiety and ignored it, eventually. And then you didn't come back. And you weren't there at the carriages. And then you were there, blood everywhere…" she shuddered at the memory and stopped.
"Shhh, it's ok," Harry whispered. "Go on…"
Hermione swallowed the clump in her throat and continued. "The next time I remember was at the Quiddich tryouts. I was sitting there and watching you all and couldn't help but notice how scared Ron looked. I mean he was actually looking green in his face! And then there was your voice again, telling me how much you would like Ron to keep the position on the team and how miserable you would be if you would have to choose someone else who might perform better because you're so bloody noble and all and how miserable you' be if Ron failed, because you like Quiddich so much and someone like McLaggen would totally ruin it for you. And the next thing I know, Ron's on the team and McLaggen is bouncing around the castle like a pinball bullet, thoroughly Confounded - by me of all people! When have I ever before jinxed someone to give you or Ron an advantage before?! I was so ashamed of my actions and then you, of course, had to corner me about it. I never felt so bad in my life before. I swore I'd never follow another suggestion from that voice again."
"Ok, I'd just note that you were right - McLaggen would have totally killed any fun I was having with Quiddich. Hell, considering how the only game where he was part of the team went he would have not only killed the fun, but me too!" Harry gently rubbed his hand across her back in a circle through the light summer dress. Hermione's eyes went fuzzy and Harry swore he heard her purring. 'She spends too much time with Crookshanks,' he thought. After a few circles he stopped. He thought he caught a glimpse of disappointment on her face for a moment before she continued talking.
"Then there was that thing with Malfoy. Through the year whenever you started talking about him being a Death Eater and up to something your voice in the head chimed in and asked me to believe you. And I kept repeating Sirius's words in my head over and over - the world is not divided into good people and Death Eaters. It got so incredibly annoying over the year that sometimes I just wanted to scream my head off. And then, at the end of the year I got the slap in my face when…when Dumbledore was killed. Because I didn't trust you. Because I chose not to help you find out what Malfoy was up to. We could have put a stop to his plan had we found out about the closets in the Room of Requirements but no - little miss know-it-all decided she knew best! Sometimes I feel like it was my fault Dumbledore was killed!" tears started to fall from her eyes again and Harry pulled her close again, whispering soothing words until she calmed down again.
"Another time was when you found me in that classroom after Ron was snogging Lavender. I thought he did that just to hurt me and I was so angry! How could anyone kiss someone just to make another person miserable? Then you and I had a talk and I calmed down a bit but then he showed up. Harry, I have never felt such anger and hate towards another person before! I felt like he was even worse than Skeeter or even…even Voldemort!" she swallowed again. "And then the voice suggested setting the flock of birds on him, and I did it! I just did it!" She took a look at Harry, who seemed to be deeply in thought, his brows arching together, worry and concern on his face
"Tell me Hermione," he started slowly. "What would have happened had the voice not suggested using that particular spell? What would you have done?"
Hermione was puzzled over the strange question, but when she started to think about it and remembered just how furious and angry she had been, her face reflected the feeling of horror and disgust, her eyes went wide.
"Oh my God!" she whispered. "Harry, I think I could have…would have used the Cruciatus on him had the voice not suggested the Oppugno at that moment! I can't believe this! What kind of a horrible person am I?"
"Shhh, there's nothing horrible about you. You did not use the Unforgivable curse, only thought about using it. I…" Harry closed his eyes. "I used the Crucio on Lestrange after she killed Sirius. Didn't work though. Like she so generously explained, righteous anger won't cause much pain - you have to mean it. It only knocked her down on her ass for a moment. So it's me who's horrible. And I tried to Crucio Snape repeatedly while he and Malfoy were running off but he was too quick for me - he beat me down every time I tried. You're not a monster, Hermione, you're an angel. I'm the monster in this story…"
After a second of complete silence during which Harry thought that he could never again look into her eyes without seeing disgust reflected in them he received such a slap on his cheek that he thought his head was going to pop off. His cheek was like on fire and he was seeing the entire Milky Way swirling before his eyes. His eyes popped open and found a very angry Hermione again glaring into his eyes with unmatched fury. She was sitting on top of him, straddling him, arms crossed on her chest, hair wild and almost electrified.
"I swear it, Harry, you ever say something like that again I'm going to knock your teeth down your throat!" Hermione growled dangerously. Yes, it's considered an Unforgivable curse, but to tell you the truth everyone following Voldemort deserves to be Cruciod out of their minds! You know what they have done and what they will continue to do before they are finally defeated! THEY.DESERVE.IT!!! I would have used the Crucio on one of my closest friends, however, and your voice stopped me! Now what you have to say?" she finished.
"Er, first, you really hit hard? And that I'm sorry?" Harry raised his eyebrows.
Hermione's anger seemed to dissipate in a blink and was replaced by a smile. She let herself fall on top of her and pressed her cheek against Harry's flaming one. It surprised Harry just how soothing the cool, soft touch felt. "I'm sorry, too, Harry…but I'll make you realize you're not a bad person - by any means necessary," she murmured into his ear.
"Thanks, I guess. And there's something I need to tell you, too. I too have been hearing a voice in my head."
Hermione looked shocked. "You have?! Really? Whose voice is it?" She blushed suddenly. "Sorry! You don't have to tell me!"
"Hey, it's OK. I want to tell you, anyway, especially because it's your voice." He tried to read her face when she heard that, but there were just too many of them.
"Wow! Really? You're not just making this up, are you?" She took a deep breath. "Wow!"
"Yeah, wow…" Harry said.
"Do you know what it means, Harry? Why are we hearing each-others voices in our heads?" Hermione asked Harry.
"You're asking me? When have I ever been the one to figure those things out? At least now I can sit back and relax until you figure this thing out. Actually, I stopped hearing the voice some time after the Department of Mysteries. I wish I could still hear it. At first I thought it was my conscience trying to get through to me, but it still lets me know of it's existence, so I think it might be something totally different now…I'll leave it for you to figure out." He smiled at her again.
"Umm…What did the voice tell you?" Hermione tried to pretend indifference - poorly.
"Well, mostly not to break school rules - God I didn't know there were so many of them, I'll tell you that! And a few things besides that, but I really need to wrack my brain to remember what it was."
"Now that we have all that out of our systems, could I get some ice? I think I'll have a bruise tomorrow otherwise and I really don't want to tell Bruce I got my ass kicked by a girl," he said with a grin.
"Oh! Of course, I'll be right back!" She jumped off the bed and ran to the door looking flustered, then froze with her hand on the knob. "Bruce? Who's that?"
"My new neighbor! He bought the No.3 Privet Drive house. He's really something - you should see him! When Vernon was strangling me this morning he knocked him out cold without Vernon even realizing what was coming! You should have seen it! He promised to teach me martial arts too!" Harry explained, almost jumping on the bed from excitement.
"Boys!" Hermione grinned when she opened the door.
"Hermione! Wait!" Harry whispered. "What if your parents come into your room?"
"Don't worry, Harry!" she laughed at his expression. "I have them well trained, plus they have been warned!" She winked at him and pointed to a plaque hanging from the door.
WICKED WITCH INSIDE!
ENTER AT YOUR OWN PERIL!
A/N: I'll go ahead and assume you got to this point by reading all that was written above. One or two things I feel I need to make very clear - Harry and Hermione are not in love with each-other yet, or they don't realize it even if they are. The hugging etc. going on in this chapter is to show you that they have become the closest friends to each other - nothing erotic there at the moment (if there were, this story would not still be PG13). If they had to choose who's the closest friend between the other and Ron, they'd choose the other without thinking. Ron is definitely still quite behind those 2 in the emotional development. H/Hr feel they can tell anything to each-other now, nothing is too personal or too secret.