8/10/05
Author's Note: I'm pretty jazzed right now - sometime late last week, I finally figured out the final scene between Harry and Voldemort. I'm pretty excited about it. But, of course, that's a long ways away from where we are now.
And yes, I've finally accepting that I do need a beta - these chapters are just too long for me to proof by myself. I'll get around to it eventually…
I weaved my way through the crowd of wedding guests until I was able to catch up with Lupin. "Remus?"
He turned around, a grin immediately on his face once he saw me. "Harry! It's great to see you."
I gave him a quick once-over as we shook hands. He was looking much better than he had in the past - younger, in fact. His dress robes were much improved compared to the normal, shabby old ones that he usually wore, and he looked as if he'd put on a little weight, but in a good way. And he was actually smiling, really smiling. For the first time since I'd met him, Lupin didn't look as if carried a giant weight on his shoulders.
We traded some small talk, mostly about the wedding and how the two witches we had sat next to - Tonks and Hermione - were so indignant about the effects that Fleur and Gabrielle had on everyone. Finally, I brought up what I wanted to talk about. "Remus, I was wondering if you had some time to talk privately."
Lupin immediately sensed that the topic of conversation had changed from polite chit-chat to that of a serious nature. "Of course, Harry."
Although Lupin was, by default, really the only father-figure type that I had left, I had no reservations about talking to him. Ever since the first time we met, when he was my professor in third year, I've always felt comfortable around him. I felt like he was a trusted mentor. Even more than Sirius, who acted much more like a friend than a godfather, or Mr. Weasley, who would always be my best friend's dad, Lupin really was the closest thing I had to a father.
"It's about," - I started in a low voice, then suddenly brought it back to normal tones - "Godric's Hollow. I was thinking of visiting, and I was hoping you could come. Oh, and you too, Tonk."
I had fortunately spotted Nymphadora Tonks, her hair color matching Lupin's robes, approaching before I could bring up Snape. Lupin initially looked confused at my sudden change in tone, but when he felt Tonks wrap her arms around his, he gave me a small nod of understanding. "Of course Harry. I'd be honored."
"Wotcher, Harry," Tonks said happily. "What's all this then?" she asked.
Lupin turned to look at Tonks, his face gentle and smiling. "Harry was thinking of visiting the village where his parents had hidden from You-Know-Who. Do you want to come?"
Tonks looked at me. "Would that be alright?"
"Of course," I said honestly.
She smiled. "Then I'd love to go. When?"
"I was hoping soon…the sooner the better."
Lupin thought for a minute. "How about the day after tomorrow?"
Tonks frowned. "I may be on duty…"
"Then we'll wait," I said quickly. "I want you to be there too, Tonks."
She smiled gratefully. "I'll find out as soon as I can."
"Thanks," I said. I then excused myself, feigning thirst. I was halfway to the refreshment tables when Lupin caught up with me.
"Hey Harry? What did you really want to talk about?"
I was about to answer when it occurred to me how inappropriate it would be to discuss my failures with Snape at a wedding; the only reason I wanted to talk about it right then in the first place was because I was annoyed by the antics of my two best friends. "Later. After we get back from Godric's Hollow."
"Are you sure?" Lupin asked, concerned.
I nodded. "It'll keep."
*******
The next morning was a very late morning for the everyone: Bill and Fleur's wedding reception went on through the night and continued on after the two newlyweds left for their honeymoon in some warm and tropical environment. Everyone had been caught up in the celebratory atmosphere, including the normally reserved Mrs. Weasley, and Hermione even got a little tipsy. I think it was a reaction to all the heartache and stress we've all been under, that after two years of worrying about Voldemort, and then Dumbledore's death still so recent, people just needed to release some stress by having some fun. Plus, I'm pretty sure Fred and George put something in the punch.
Though I was probably the most reserved of the bunch, being habitually unable to completely relax my guard in case Voldemort decides to drop in for a piece of cake, I actually had a very nice time. I was even able to have a non-awkward dance with Ginny; I'm not saying it was entirely comfortable, but at least the earlier awkwardness that had been between us was now gone.
The only downside of the whole evening for me was that, no matter how many times I tried, I just couldn't let go and loosen up fully. I knew we had the ancient Weasley charms in place, as well as several teams of Aurors milling about, but I just couldn't relax. More often than not, I'd be sitting at one of the tables and watching everyone else have fun, some part of me waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Death Eaters to start popping in and zapping people. The only time I left the table, besides my dance with Ginny, was whenever Hermione dragged me onto the dance floor. Hermione was a good dancer, if a little stiff - she had researched wizarding customs at weddings and had practiced the dance steps ahead of time. Somehow, I wasn't surprised.
So, being the person who was, in Muggle terms, the 'designated driver,' I was also the most lucid in the morning, and the first one down for breakfast. I started rummaging through the cabinets, thinking that I could start breakfast - make that brunch - for everyone else.
"And what exactly do you think you're doing, young man?"
I turned and grinned at Mrs. Weasley, who was coming down the stairs. "Just helping," I said.
"Oh, no you don't," she said in mock sternness. "You're a guest, and guests do not cook breakfast in this house."
"But perhaps guests may be permitted to assist?"
Mrs. Weasley smiled. "Perhaps."
Together, we finished up the cooking, and Hermione appeared in time to help set the table (which clearly offended Mrs. Weasley's sense of propriety). Eventually, the rest of the Weasleys made their way downstairs, with Ron and Charlie bringing up the rear.
Predictably, conversation revolved around the wedding and was overall a pleasant affair. I didn't participant much, though I was teased for Fleur's matchmaking attempts. Ron and Hermione only bickered once about a comment he made about Gabrielle, but I believe Mr. and Mrs. Weasley's presence prevented a full-scale argument.
After brunch, Charlie and his parents went off somewhere, ostensibly to discuss Charlie's plans while in England, but more likely something Order-related. I was surprised that I was only mildly annoyed to be left out - maybe it was because I had plans of my own that didn't involve the Order. Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and I sat comfortably around the table, satisfied and full.
"Look," said Ginny, pointing out the window. We all turned and saw a heavily laden owl swooping down onto the Burrow. As it got closer, I recognized it as a Hogwarts owl. It flew through the open window and dropped the mail unto the table. While the others sorted through the mail, I fed the owl a piece of leftover bacon and carried it towards the window (to prevent it from making a mess) where it flew away. I was watching as Hedwig intercepted the owl and the two owls started to fly in a circle, when a gasp caught my attention. I turned to see Hermione staring wide-eyed at something in her hand. I looked closer, and grinned when I recognized what she was holding.
"Head Girl!" I said happily. "Congratulations!"
Ginny squealed and ran over to hug Hermione from behind, who was still in a state of shock. It took another gasp of surprise to tear her attention away from the badge.
"Oh Merlin," Ron whispered, holding up a badge of his own. "Quidditch captain."
Ginny straightened, looking confused. "Quidditch captain? But Harry's Quidditch captain," she said, looking at me.
"I've resigned," I explained. "With everything else going on, I won't have any time to be captain."
I got three very different reactions from the statement: Ginny nodded in sympathy, Hermione looked distressed, and Ron looked really happy, as if it were Christmas morning. "Are you sure, Harry?" he asked.
"Of course," I said, matching his grin with one of my own. If anyone deservers to be captain, it's Ron; not only won't he have to worry about making the team, the boost of confidence that comes with the badge should help his skills.
"Well, that's all and good," Hermione said briskly, "but of course we'll too busy for that."
"What? We will?" Ron asked, confused.
"Yes. In fact, Ron, we should write back as soon as possible and let them know so McGonagall can choose another Head Girl and Quidditch captain."
I was confused, but Ginny asked the question before I could. "What are you talking about?"
"We obviously can't accept these when we're not even going to be at Hogwarts next year," said Hermione.
"Oh…right," Ron said, his face falling.
It was then that I realized what was going on. Oops. Did I forget to mention that whole 'changing my mind' thing?
But before I could say anything, Hermione noticed that Ginny still looked confused. She turned to Ron, "You did tell your family, didn't you?"
Ron looked guilty. "Well…"
"You didn't change your mind, did you?" Hermione practically shrieked.
I tried to interrupt. "Hey guys-"
"No, of course not," Ron said hastily. "I was just waiting to see if Hogwarts would close, that's all!"
"About that-" I started.
"We've known that Hogwarts would be open for weeks now! Why haven't you said anything yet?" Hermione demanded.
I waved my hands in the air, trying to attract their attention. "Yoo hoo! Guys-"
"I hadn't found the time; I forget with all the wedding preparations!" Ron said.
I grumbled, and then tried again. "You know, It's not a big deal, because-"
"Are you saying that Bill's wedding is more important then what we're doing with Harry?!"
"Don't put words in my mouth; I'm just saying-"
I set off a shower of sparks with my wand, which interrupted Ron. They both looked at me. "If you'll just let me speak for a second," I said irritably, "than I could tell you that I've decided to return to Hogwarts next year!"
Ron and Hermione's angry faces were replaced with confused ones. "Huh?"
"Yeah. Dumbledore left me a few things in his will; I'm hoping that whatever he left me will provide a clue, so I'm going back - we're all going back."
"Oh."
Before things could get awkward - Ron and Hermione trading self-conscious glances, mumbled apologies, etc. - I added, "which means that you can still be Head Girl, and you can still be Quidditch captain."
That seemed to do the trick, as they both sported wide smiles. They hugged, then broke apart almost immediately, muttered something to each other without making eye contact, and then ran off in separate directions: Ron to tell his parents, Hermione to owl hers.
I buried my head in my arms, somewhat annoyed by the latest occurrence in the soap opera that has become Ron and Hermione. When I raised my head again, I saw that Ginny was looking at me oddly.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"I…I didn't know that you weren't planning on going back to Hogwarts," she said quietly.
I felt a stab of guilt. "Oh…I didn't decide that until after the funeral, after we…um, talked last."
We were both quiet for a minute, and I could tell that I had hurt her by not telling her about my plans. "Listen, Ginny-"
"No," Ginny said quickly, composing herself. "You don't need to explain. I mean, this is why we broke up, right? Because you can tell them but you can't tell me."
I held out my hands helplessly. "Ginny-"
Ginny stood. "You were right; it was for the best, Harry," she said curtly "I…I have to go."
She left quickly, leaving me at the table alone.
********
That night, there was a celebratory dinner at the Burrow to honor the new Head Girl and the new Quidditch captain. And in a rather transparent effort to make sure I didn't feel left out, Mrs. Weasley decided that we could throw in my birthday celebration as well, even if my birthday wasn't for weeks. I didn't mind though, and I always appreciate impromptu presents.
The next day, Lupin and Tonks, wearing Muggle clothes, came by for our visit to Godric's Hollow. We were going by side-along apparition, as they didn't want to apply to the Ministry for portkeys that would probably have been rejected anyway. I followed Tonks and Lupin out towards the apparition point while Ron and Hermione walked behind me. Once we were outside the anti-apparition wards, Lupin apparated to Godric's Hollow with Ron, while Tonks did likewise with Hermione. Seconds later, Lupin reappeared to take me to Godric's Hollow. As I took hold of his arm, I looked back at the Burrow, where I saw Ginny watching us from a window upstairs. I knew that I could've invited her to come with us to Godric's Hollow, and that it would have made up a little for not letting her know that I hadn't planned to return to Hogwarts, but I just couldn't do it. It was a private moment for me. I was comfortable with Lupin being there, as he was among my dad's best friends. Tonks was there for Lupin, and Ron and Hermione were my best friends. Despite the relationship I had with Ginny, I just couldn't bring myself to invite her along. And then I felt that squeezing sensation as Lupin apparated us away.
We arrived in a clearing surrounded by trees, sheltered from curious Muggle eyes. Ron, Hermione and I looked at Lupin expectantly. He gestured around us.
"We're in a park located in the center of Godric's Hollow. It's a small, little Muggle village, and I do believe that we'll be the only witches and wizards around. There haven't been many visitors lately."
"Lately?" I asked. "What do you mean?"
Lupin looked embarrassed. "Well, Harry, you have to understand that the first defeat of You-Know-Who was a very significant event for the wizarding world. The site of his defeat has become…well…a kind of tourist attraction."
"Oh," I said numbly.
Then he turned to me. "Harry," he said kindly, "there's really nothing exceptional about Godric's Hollow. It's just where your parents chose to hide from Voldemort."
I nodded; I wasn't even sure why I felt the need to come here. "I understand."
Lupin placed a hand on my shoulder, and then turned to the others. "Okay, lets' go. Follow me, and please try and blend in," he said, looking pointedly at Ron. Hermione chuckled.
We passed a few people in the park out for a late lunch, but otherwise there weren't many people out and about, as it was mid-afternoon and most people were at work. We walked swiftly though the town, and we only had to save Ron's life once as he tried to cross traffic against the light - leave it to Ron to almost get killed by the only car driving around Godric's Hollow.
After about five minutes of walking, Lupin led us to a grassy, empty lot, surrounded on either side by small but well-kept cottages. The empty lot had a pristine lawn, unmarked except for a small obelisk in the center which was slightly taller than myself. I gazed upon the tranquil scene and said the first thing that popped in my head.
"That's it?!" I said, my voice filled with both surprise and disgust.
"Excuse me?" Lupin asked, startled.
"That's it?!" I repeated, motioning towards the lot as I rounded on him. "That's all there is? Grass and a stone?"
"The cottage was destroyed that night. The obelisk commemorates your parents' sacrifice, and Muggle-repelling charms were cast to make sure they didn't rebuild over the place. I'm sorry Harry, but what did you expect?"
I turned angrily back towards the lot, my emotions wild. "I…I mean…there should be…I don't know! I don't know what I expected, but there should be more! Not just an empty piece of land and a big rock!" I nearly shouted, pointing at the obelisk. I wasn't even sure why I was so angry, but I just was. I was about to go on another tirade, when I felt a hand on my forearm.
It was Hermione, looking at me with eyes full of worry and concern. I felt much of the anger drain away, leaving me tired and weary. Once I felt I had my emotions back under control, I turned to Lupin. "I'm sorry-"
"No apologies necessary," he said hastily.
"No," I corrected, "I owe you an apology. I don't know what came over me, but it's not your fault. I'm sorry for yelling. Can…can I have a moment alone?"
Lupin nodded. "Tonks and I should check the perimeter, anyway. We'll be back."
As Lupin and Tonks left, Hermione asked, "Would you like us to go as well?"
I looked at her and then at Ron. "No," I said, "stay. Please."
Hermione nodded and released my arm. She took a step back to stand next to Ron, giving me my privacy but letting me know that they were right there in case I needed them. I smiled gratefully, and then turned back towards the obelisk. With an unsteady gait, I walked across the lawn until I stood before the monument. I began to read the plaque:
This monument commemorates the defeat of He-Who-Must-Be-Named by Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived. On October 31, 1981, James and Lily Potter, parents of the Boy-Who-Lived, were in hiding when…
And then something strange happened. For the past six years, I've always known the story about how my parents died, but it always seemed like something out of a history book. Sure, they were my parents, but since I was only one when it happened, I don't remember them or the night they died. It was always something that was distant, impersonal. I was less saddened by their deaths then angered about it: angry that I had to live with the Dursleys and angry at Voldemort for murdering them. The only time it had become something personal, when it had really touched me, was when I saw their 'echos' appear out of my wand when I dueled Voldemort in the graveyard.
But as I read the plaque…I don't know, but I felt as if I could actually feel them watching over me. I knew that they were gone, that they weren't ghosts or spirits, but as I stood on the spot where it all happened, it somehow became real. And so I broke down.
My knees buckled underneath me, and I cried - cried not only for their deaths, but for life that we should have had together. The life where I lived happily with James and Lily Potter, where I had a little brother or a sister. A life of Sunday dinners, of telling mum and dad what I did in school that day, teasing my younger brother or sister, watching out for them when they got into Hogwarts. I cried because my father would never see me play Quidditch, my mother would never scold me for failing Divination or advise me on how to talk to girls. No waking up mum and dad on Christmas morning, or helping dad cook a horrible breakfast-in-bed for mum on her birthday.
Eventually, as my sobs subsided somewhat, I became aware of my two best friends: on my right, Hermione sat on the grass, hugging me fiercly around the middle as she cried silently, while on my left, Ron has his arm around my shoulder, preventing me from collapsing to the ground. I knew that three of us had been through a lot last year, things that probably changed our relationship forever, but for that moment, it was as if nothing had changed.
I don't know how long the three of us sat together in silence, but that's how Lupin and Tonks found us when they returned. I wiped at my eyes as Hermione performed some nifty little clean-up charm, removing all traces of tears and snot. "Where's their grave?" I asked Lupin.
Lupin looked uncomfortable - pretty much how he's looked ever since we got to Godric's Hollow. "Harry, you have to understand-"
"What? You mean there's no grave?" I asked, my voice rising.
It was Hermione, not Lupin, who spoke next as she held my hand. "Harry," she said in a soothing voice, "things work differently in the wizarding world. You remember the Inferi?"
I nodded, as the memory of hundreds of zombies grabbing at me wasn't something I was likely to forget anytime soon.
"There are a lot of Dark Magic spells that involve the use of the dead or parts of dead bodies. When a witch or wizard dies, especially powerful ones like your parents, their bodies are cremated." I looked at her curiously. "I read it in a book," she said in answer to my unspoken question.
"But what about Dumbledore?" I asked. "He wasn't cremated."
"In fact, he was," said Lupin. "He body was cremated, and in it's place the tomb was erected."
I sighed, accepting it all. And, though I was terribly disappointed, I could see the logic in the situation - after all, I wouldn't want the reanimated corpse of my dad coming after me. "And the ashes?" I asked.
"Per their wishes, they were spread on Hogwarts ground, near the lake where they spent so much of their time together. I'll show you next fall."
I didn't answer, and instead looked back upon the obelisk and the grassy lot. "There's nothing else for me here then," I said, turning back to them. "Let's go."
********
The rest of the time at Godric's Hollow went by in a blur. After such an emotional outburst, I was in a daze somewhat, and I allowed myself to be led around by Hermione. Lupin didn't see much point in sticking around, so as soon as we could find a place away from prying eyes, we apparated back to the Burrow, with Hermione apparating by herself while Lupin and Tonks took care of Ron and me.
The three of us - Ron, Hermione and I - didn't talk about what happened at Godric's Hollow, and I'm thankful for that. Even though the tears were somewhat cleansing, I was also embarrassed by how I broke down so completely. Having been raised by the Dursley's, it was ingrained early on that crying equated to weakness. It was really the only way I could stand up to the Dursleys, by not crying and showing them that I was tougher, stronger than they were; the tears I would save for when I was alone. Fortunately, my two best friends seemed to understand, and the fact that they were there for me meant all the world.
I spent the rest of the day in a funk, but by the next morning I was feeling better. Lupin would be back in a day or so to have our private discussion, so I had at least one more day where I could push away my thoughts of Voldemort and Horcruxes. Or at least, that's what I thought.
That morning, as we were eating breakfast, an owl flew in bringing the Daily Prophet. I had no interest in reading the Prophet, since it either consisted of the half-truths of the Ministry, or news of more deaths. Hermione, of course, immediately grabbed the paper and unfolded it to the front page. Upon scanning the front, she gasped.
"What?" I asked.
"I don't think I want to know," said Ron.
Hermione looked ashen. "They…they found Draco Malfoy."
"Oh?" I asked, my interest piqued. "Maybe he can tell us where Voldemort is hiding."
Hermione lowered the paper to look at us. "I don't think he can."
"Why not?" asked Ron. "Just give me five minutes with the little ferret; I'll have him talking in no time at all."
But Hermione shook his head. "Malfoy won't be talking to anyone ever again - he's dead."
A/N: Yes, yes, I killed Draco. Sorry about that. One more chapter, and then it's on to Hogwarts and the Horcruxes.
By the way, does anyone know what Harry and Co. call Lupin to his face? I'm assuming it's 'Remus,' since he called Sirius by his first name, but then again he always refers to him as 'Lupin' when describing situations. I couldn't seem to find any direct references in HBP.
Oh, remember the scene where Ron finds he's Quidditch captain? I don't want anyone to think that Ron wasn't immediately willing to refuse the badge and go off with Harry. He's just as loyal as Hermione, it just took him a little longer to be snapped out of his dream. Speaking as a guy, we have a thing about sports.