9/6/05
Author's Note: Sorry this update took so long; it's harder to get motivated to write these background/setup/transition chapters than it is to write the action/angst/fluff chapters.
I did finally figured out the final scene between Harry and Voldemort; before, I wasn't sure how this would end, but I'm pretty excited about what's coming.
But, of course, that's a long ways away from where we are now. I also use a quote from HBP, but it's a small one.
"What?!"
"They found his body outside Malfoy Manner," Hermione said, her voice devoid of emotion. "At least, the remains of his body."
Ron and I practically leapt out of our chairs to stand behind Hermione and read the paper. She huffed a little as we crowded her, but her discomfort was duly ignored.
MALFOY HEIR FOUND MURDERED
The body of Draco Malfoy, only child of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, and heir to the Malfoy fortune, was discovered early this morning outside the Malfoy home in London.
Shortly after midnight, Aurors were dispatched to Malfoy Manner when the Dark Mark was sighted above the home. Upon reaching the gates of the mansion, Aurors discovered the remains of Draco Malfoy, who was wanted for questioning on his role in the recent invasion of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which resulted in the death of Headmaster Albus Dumbledore.
"At first, we weren't sure what it was. Maybe a pile of rags, or even a dead animal as we got closer," said Auror John Clifford, among the first to arrive on the scene. However, closer examination revealed the deceased.
Authorities indicated that the cause of death was by spellwork, most likely the Severing Charm. Sources within St. Mungo's reported that signs of the Cruciatus Curse were visible within the nervous system.
Upon hearing the news of her son's death, Narcissa Malfoy reportedly suffered a nervous breakdown. She has since been committed to St. Mungo's for observation and treatment.
Lucius Malfoy, father of the deceased and husband to Narcissa Malfoy, is currently serving life imprisonment in Azkaban prison for his role in the break-in of the Department of Mysteries two years ago. It was in this incident that the existence of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was confirmed.
Aurors are investigating the murder and are asking that anyone with information please call the Ministry of Magic.
It was very hard to know how to react to news like this. I mean react properly. It's not like I wanted Malfoy dead - just life imprisonment or an eternity of suffering would do just fine. What was the name of that guy who was tied to a rock, and each day a big bird came by and ate his liver, only to have it grow back again? Something like that, but not as cushy.
And there was a tiny part of me that felt sorry for the guy, especially considering that he wept like a little baby to Moaning Myrtle - which still gives me a chuckle - plus the fact that he probably wasn't going to kill Dumbledore up on the tower because he was a such a little wuss. Did I mention that he cried in the bathroom to Moaning Myrtle? Practically sobbing, he was. Heh.
But anyway…I know what it feels like to live with overbearing guardians, so I could imagine the pressures that Lucius must've put on him. But none of this changed the fact that I hated him, that he was a right bastard, and that he probably got what he deserved. I wasn't exactly happy to hear that he's dead, but I wasn't about to stand in line to give his eulogy, either. Still, he was dead, and I doubted that Hermione would approve if I celebrated his demise with a little jig. So, I knew that the one thing I shouldn't do right now is smile, exchange high-fives with Ron, or otherwise show that I take any pleasure in his death.
Unfortunately, I seemed to be the only one who knew that. "Well, that's one less thing we have to worry about," said Ron simply, his hand raised to give me a high-five.
Somehow I resisted the urge to give his forehead a high-five; obviously Ron's still not clear on when you keep your thoughts to yourself and when you express them out loud. Unfortunately for Ron, Hermione did not share my sense of self-restraint.
"Ow!" cried Ron, as Hermione slapped him across the head. "What was that for?" he asked, rubbing his head.
"Show some respect!" Hermione hissed.
"Respect?! For that little ferret?"
"Just because he's-"
"Enough already!" I said loudly, before they could build up a head of steam.
They both turned to me, and I could tell I was about to be drawn into their little soap opera when, fortunately, Lupin chose that exact moment to walk into the room.
"What's all the commotion?" he asked. Tonks, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and Charlie followed him into the kitchen.
The three of us were silent for a moment, still fuming from the argument that was interrupted before it could begin. Finally, Hermione spoke up. "Malfoy's dead - Draco Malfoy, I mean. It's in today's paper," she said, pushing forward the Daily Prophet.
I had expected them to react somehow to this news, perhaps a little shock or regret or something. Instead, they looked irritated. "So," Mr. Weasley said, picking up the paper, "it finally got out, did it?"
Tonks sighed. "I knew they couldn't keep this under wraps for much longer."
"Well, what do you expect?" asked Charlie. "It's big news, and-"
"You guys knew about this already?" I asked, but it was more of an accusation.
Lupin looked at me. "Well…yes. They found Draco's body a couple days ago, but we've been trying to keep it quiet."
Tonks nodded. "The Order wanted some time to investigate a little before-"
"Why weren't we told about this?" I demanded angrily.
They traded anxious looks; no doubt the feeling was that I was to be treated with care. "Now Harry," Mrs. Weasley began in a placating voice. "This is…the reason is…" she broke off, looking to her husband for support.
"I'm sorry, Harry," Mr. Weasley said, "but this is Order business, and you're still underage, even if for only a few more weeks."
I pointed at Hermione. "She's not underage, and you didn't tell her!"
But before Mr. Weasley could respond, Ron said, "Hold on a sec!" Then he turned to Hermione. "You didn't know anything about this, did you?"
I've rarely seen Hermione look so insulted. "How dare you! Do you actually think that I'd keep something like this from you?!"
The smart move would've been to simply apologize and move on, but I think Ron's so used to arguing with Hermione that backing down without a few parting words wasn't an option. "Well, it's not like you haven't kept things from us in the past," he said defensively.
"Yeah? Name one time that-"
"Bloody hell!" I said, slamming my fist on the table. "What the hell is wrong with the two of you? Can't you stop arguing for one damn minute?!" I was incredibly irritated with them at the moment - there were more important matters then their petty bickering.
Without bothering to see their reaction, I turned to Mr. Weasley. "So? If being underage is the reason, why didn't you tell Hermione, then?"
Mr. Weasley cast his eyes around the room for support. Apparently, it was Charlie's turn. "Harry, you're not in the Order. None of you are."
"Not in the Order? Not in the Order?! Are you kidding me?!"
"Harry," Lupin said calmly, "We're just looking out for your best interests."
"Oh, so it's back to that, is it?" I asked, incensed. "Protecting me, watching out for me, keeping things from me for my own good?"
"Harry…"
"No, no, I think that's a great idea!" I said as I started to pace the kitchen. I knew I probably sounded a bit maniacal, but I didn't care at the moment. "Let's just ignore the fact that if you had told me that Voldemort wanted to get into the Department of Mysteries, Sirius would probably be alive. And let's forget that had you only believed me about Snape and Malfoy, Dumbledore would still be alive. Oh, and while we're at it, let's pretend that I haven't already face Voldemort three goddamn times, a basilisk, and about a hundred Dementors."
I paused and looked at their stricken faces. "Come to think of it," I continued, "ever since people started looking out for my 'best interests,' I've pretty much faced death and dismemberment on an annual basis. Great job, there. Fantastic effort! You know, if the past is any measure of your success, I might as well just go knock on Voldemort's door and have him end it once for all! It'll save you all the trouble of getting me killed, and the suspense is beginning to drive me crazy!"
I waited, arms crossed, for any response, but none came in the shocked silence. "Forget it," I said. "I know what needs to be done - Dumbledore was kind to share it with me. I thought I would be able to count on you for help, but it seems I'm better off on my own." And with that, I turned and walked up the stairs towards the room I was sharing with Ron. Taking out my wand, I began packing up my things, not really caring whether or not I received another letter from the Ministry for underage magic (and privately, I doubted such a letter would come; I may not be high on Scrimgeour's list of friends and supporters, but I don't think he'd risk the public relations nightmare that might happen if people learned that I had my wand snapped in half).
As I packed, I was dimly aware of someone speaking loudly and angrily downstairs. A second later, there was a soft knock at the door. "Harry?"
"What?" I asked unpleasantly, not bothering to face the door.
"Don't take your anger out on me," Hermione said quietly, but firmly. "I'm on your side, remember?"
For a split second, I could empathize completely with Ron - the urge to argue was strong. But I bit my tongue, because I knew she was right. I turned around and looked at her. "Sorry."
She nodded, and then sat down on my bed and watched as I continued packing. I half-expected her to say something about my using magic, but evidently there were more important things on her mind.
"What was all the yelling a second ago?" I asked as I watched a pair of socks fold themselves into a ball.
She smiled humorlessly. "That was Ron; he was reading the riot act to everyone downstairs. I think he enjoyed it a little too much, yelling at his parents for once." I snorted.
"In some ways he's really matured, but in others…" Hermione said, mostly to herself.
I knew that I should keep my mouth shut and my thoughts to myself, but I couldn't help it. "Well, that's just Ron, you know?" I said, watching her out of the corner of my eye.
Hermione cocked her head to the side. "What do you mean?"
I paused in my packing and turned to face her. "Listen, Ron is who Ron is: he's loyal, he's brave, he's funny, and I love him like a brother. But he's also going to say things without thinking, and he's never going to be the most sensitive or sophisticated or polished of fellows. He loves Quidditch, and he hates studying. Just…just don't expect him to change too much, okay?" I held eye contact for a second before I turned back to packing, feeling that I've probably said more than I should have.
Hermione was quiet for a while as I began levitating my books into my trunk. Finally, she said, "I think you should go back downstairs."
"Downstairs? Why? So they can tell me again how everything they've done has been for my own good?" I asked bitterly.
"No, Harry…you have to understand, they're under a lot of pressure-"
"What? And I'm not?!" I asked in disbelief. "Try having the fate of the world on your shoulders, and then we'll talk about pressure! Because, let me tell you, the world is bloody heavy."
"No, no, I don't mean it like that," Hermione said quickly. "I mean, they're feeling a lot of pressure to make you happy."
"What are you talking about?"
Hermione sighed. "With everything you went through growing up, they feel that it's their responsibility to make sure you're happy. Lupin feels that he owes your parents and Sirius, and the Weasleys want to make up for what you went through with the Dursleys. They want you to protect you and let you live a normal life."
"A normal life? I think it's about 16 years too late for that."
"I know Harry," Hermione said sadly. "And I think they know it too, but they've been in denial. Until now. Look, they're really sorry, I could tell, and if you come down, I'm sure they'll apologize and tell you whatever you want to know."
I paused in my packing as I considered her words.
"Please Harry," she said. When I remained silent, she added, "You owe me."
I turned in surprise. "I owe you? For what?"
But once I saw that she was about to respond, I quickly added, "Forget I asked." Knowing Hermione and her blasted memory, I could easily spend the better part of the day listening to her recount all the ways I owe her. I think it's about time I saved her life again, just to make us all square.
I walked up to her as she stood. "Fine," I said grumpily, "but you can't use that 'I owe you' thing again for the rest of the year, okay?" Hermione nodded happily, grinning broadly with just a hint of a smirk. She took my hand and led/dragged me back down to the kitchen.
Lupin stood up when he saw me. "Harry," he said, "We're all very, very-"
"Fine," I said as I took a chair, not wanting be part of some uncomfortable, emotional scene. "What's going on with Voldemort? What's the Order been up to?"
Hermione sat beside me as Lupin traded a look with Mrs. Weasley, correctly deciding that I've accepted their apology and wanted to move on. "All right, Harry," Lupin said as he took a seat. "To be honest, we don't know what Voldemort's planning."
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked.
"Ever since You-Know-Who returned, we've been trying to figure out what his ultimate goal is, so that we'd better be able to stop him," Mr. Weasley said. "But we just can't figure it out."
"Well, it's obvious, isn't it?" Ron asked. "He wants power, and he hates Muggles and Muggleborns."
"True," Charlie acknowledged, "But what does that mean? Does that mean he wants to be Minister of Magic or some type of dictator? Does he want to kill all Muggles and Muggleborns? Right now, You-Know-Who is doing a splendid job of terrorizing and killing people, but his only purpose seems to be causing havoc and fear. We don't know what his ultimate goal is."
"What about that dictator-thing? That sounds likely," I said.
Lupin shook his head. "Being a dictator means more than just having absolute power. It also means ruling people, worrying about the economy, laws, relations with other countries - it's a lot of administrative work, and I don't think Voldemort wants that. He wants power, yes, but he also wants the freedom to do whatever he wants."
"Plus, he hasn't made any demands either," said Tonks.
"Demands?"
Lupin nodded. "Things like a change in laws about Muggles and Muggleborns, or threatening more deaths if he doesn't get his way. It's almost like he's killing and terrorizing because he enjoys it, rather than any other reason."
I nodded slowly, starting to understand the problem. If Voldemort wanted to be Minister/Dictator or had some other goal, the Order could focus their attention on stopping him and take action. But if all he's doing is murdering people because he can, then the Order is forced to react to him, always one step behind.
"There have been other developments as well, which makes trying to figure out his motives even more confusing," said Mr. Weasley.
"Such as?" Hermione asked.
Mr. Weasley sighed. "You-Know-Who's started attacking outside Britain, both in Europe and in America."
I looked to Hermione, who nodded in understanding, and I followed suite even though I had no idea what that meant - I just didn't want to appear slow. So, I was thankful when Ron asked, "How does that make things more confusing?"
"Voldemort could have used the threat of attacking other countries to his advantage. How do you think France or Germany would react if Voldemort promised to leave them alone if he could have his way in England? Plus, he's got to know that attacking other wizarding communities will likely unite us against him. Voldemort's not stupid; he must have a reason for doing what he's doing."
"How effective has he been in his attacks?"
"Unfortunately, he's done very well so far," Charlie said. "As in Britain, he's mainly been concentrating his attacks on Muggles and Muggleborns. The latest theory is that You-Know-Who thinks that by attacking only Muggles and Muggleborns, the rest of the wizarding world will isolate them to save themselves. And it just might work."
"But…but…what about America?" Hermione asked. "Aren't they more open and accepting of Muggles?"
Lupin shook his head. "You're thinking too much of Muggle history, Hermione. America is just as bad as England when it comes to Muggle-Wizard relations, in some ways worse."
Hermione looked shocked. "But I thought…religious freedom, tolerance…"
"Yes, but only within the Muggle communities." Lupin saw that Hermione needed a more detailed explanation, so he fell into 'professor mode.'
"When the first Europeans settled in America," Lupin said, "they were entirely Muggle. Very few, if any, wizards initially went, mainly because the idea of a boat ride that took months when wizards were used to instantaneous travel wasn't very appealing. But there were wizards indigenous to America."
"Really?" Ron asked, fascinated.
Lupin nodded. "Of course. The Native Americans had their version of wizards. They called them by a number of different names, but today we call them Shamans. Though their magic was as developed as our own, their downfall was caused by the fact that they didn't have an effective system for identifying magic in children and cultivating it."
"I'm sorry, but why does that matter?" asked Ron.
Lupin turned to Hermione. "You know what happened to the Native Americans once the Europeans became settled?"
Hermione nodded grimly. "They began exterminating them."
Ron was shocked. "What?! Why?"
"Because," Hermione said bitterly, "they viewed the Native Americans as lesser beings, as uncivilized and savages. And they wanted land, so they 'bought' the land from the Native Americans for almost nothing using a language they didn't understand, and then would send in soldiers when the Native Americans refused to leave their homes."
Ron was outraged. "But…but…you can't treat people like that just because you think you're better than them!"
Hermione snorted. "Ha! This from a guy who supports House Elf slavery!"
Ron's face turned red. "That's different! House Elves want-"
"The rationale's the same!" Hermione argued. "Just because-"
"Will you guys give it a rest?! Can't you stop fighting for one damn minutes?!" I asked harshly. Then I turned to Lupin. "What happened next?"
Lupin looked uncertainly between the three of us before continuing. "Because the Native Americans hadn't fully developed their Shaman population, they couldn't provide the necessary help to defeat the European settlers. The best they could do was to go into hiding. Today, there is a very large population of Shamans that go unnoticed by the Muggles. You can understand if they have a significant anti-Muggle viewpoint, and would have no problem in sacrificing the Muggles if it meant protecting themselves from Voldemort."
I took a moment to let everything sink in. "So, what do we do?" I asked.
"I just don't know," Mr. Weasley said, looking defeated. "We try and keep up, but it seems to get harder and harder each day."
"But what about the Order?" Ron asked.
"It's been…difficult for the Order," Lupin said. "Dumbledore's always been the driving force behind the Order, it's leader. With him gone…"
"And our reputation's questionable now, too," Tonks said, speaking for the first time in a long while. "I'm not sure how it got out, but somehow people found out that Snape was a high-ranking member of the Order. So you can see how we're looking less than stellar in the eyes of the Ministry and the public right now."
"And what about the Ministry?" I asked. "They know what's going on, what are they doing about it?"
"I'm not saying that the Ministry's given up, but there is a small, and growing, segment within the Ministry that thinks we should just let You-Know-Who have at the Muggles and Muggleborns," Mr. Weasley said apologetically, looking at Hermione.
I remained silent for the rest of the conversation as they updated us on the rest of Voldemort's known activities. As I sat there, I realized that our chances for victory diminished the longer the war went on, which meant I had to end this soon.
********
A few days later, I finally had my chance to speak with Lupin privately. Ron and Hermione were - well, to be honest, I didn't know what they were doing. I had been in a rather foul mood the past couple of days after learning the latest about Voldemort's plans and the Order's lack of accomplishments, and I had little patience for their constant fighting.
Which, of course, didn't put me in the best of moods to talk to Lupin. Fortunately, that gazebo that Fleur used in her wedding was still up, so we met in there. Once inside, Lupin was somewhat obvious about casting a few privacy charms about, including an imperturbable charm on the doors and windows; I was pretty sure he could have done so much more unobtrusively, but no doubt he wanted me to know that this would be a private conversation.
We settled ourselves among the plush couches and made small talk for a few minutes. Once we finished discussing Tonks' latest hair color, we got down to business.
"Remus, I wanted to talk to you about…about the night Dumbledore died," I said hesitantly.
Lupin nodded, giving me his full attention.
I took a deep breath. "You know how after Dumbledore…well, I went chasing after Malfoy and Snape."
"Yes, I remember," he said gently.
"Well, right before they reached the gates, I managed to catch up with Snape. Malfoy had already escaped by this time." Lupin leaned forward, greatly interested; I hadn't told anyone about what happened when I chased after Snape, and Hagrid only had the partial story that occurred afterwards.
My face flushed in embarrassment, I proceeded to tell Lupin all about the duel I had with Snape, if you could call it a duel. But I wasn't only just embarrassed - I was confused and angry as well. Up to that point, I had considered myself to be rather adept at dueling. I had, after all, led the D.A., and when I dueled Malfoy in Myrtle's bathroom, I pretty much kicked his albino behind (which I felt bad about at the time, but which now gives me great satisfaction). I knew, or thought I knew, that I was probably one of the best duelers in the school, but to be so ineffective - helpless - against Snape…
After I finished by story, Lupin did one of those professorial things and rubbed his chin in a very wise and thoughtful manner. "I can see why you'd find this troubling, Harry," he said, stating the obvious, "but I wouldn't be too worried about it."
I practically jumped up. "What?! How can I not be worried about it?"
Lupin smiled. "Because we can easily remedy the situation."
I looked at him suspiciously. "How?"
Lupin spoke again, in full professor mode now. "Why was Snape so easily able to block your spells?"
I quickly flashed him a look that expressed my annoyance at having a question answered with a question. I thought back to that night, and I suddenly remembered the words he had yelled at me at the end. Blocked again and again and again until you learn to keep your mouth shut and your mind closed, Potter!
"Because I couldn't use nonverbal casting," I said.
"That's right," said Lupin. "Now, normally I wouldn't be too concerned; after all, if you remember back the fight at the Department of Mysteries, we were all using verbal casting. But Snape is an accomplished duelist, and letting him know in advance of what you're about to cast, if only for a split second, is all the advantage he needs."
My shoulders slumped in despair. If Snape was that good, no doubt Voldemort would be even better. "So what do I do?" I asked miserably.
"Think back, Harry. Have you ever been able to use nonverbal casting before?"
I nodded, remembering when I hoisted Ron onto his head after he took the love potion and the duel with Malfoy before I resorted to verbally using Sectumsempra. "Sure," I said, describing the two instances. "But I tried noverbal casting against Snape, and he was still able to block me."
"And why was that?"
I sighed irritably. I knew it was how professors worked - guiding the students until they came to their own answers - but I was getting sick of questions. "Because…because he used Legilimency?"
"That's right."
My spirits sank. "But…I suck at Occulmency."
Lupin laughed. "Yes, you do Harry," he said good-naturedly, "and fortunately we won't have to rely on Occulmency to overcome this problem."
"So what do we do?"
"Was there anything different about how you used nonverbal casting before, and when you used it against Snape?"
I resisted the urge to ask him to just tell me - it would certainly save a lot of time - and instead I thought back and tried to compare the different situations. I couldn't think of what was different, so I shrugged.
Lupin must've decided that I couldn't get to the answer myself - or he took pity on me - because he finally let me in on the secret. "The difference, Harry, is that when you fought Snape, you told me that you focused all your concentration on casting the spell nonverbally. But when Ron struck you, you didn't have time to think, you simply reacted. Same against Draco."
I nodded. "Okay…"
"And therein lies the answer!" Lupin said excitedly. I looked at him blankly. "Successful dueling is all about reacting instinctively. Harry, you're sufficiently powerful enough to nonverbally cast your spells successfully without wasting time on focusing your concentration."
I was doubtful. "React instinctively? But…well, I've been accused of acting without thinking in the past. Aren't I supposed to use my brain when I duel?"
Lupin nodded and was quiet for minute. "Let's talk about Quidditch for a second."
"Huh?" I was a little surprised by the sudden change in topic.
"What happens during a game when you're Seeker? What are you thinking about when you're not chasing the Snitch?"
"Well…obviously I'm looking for the Snitch…"
"What else?" Lupin prodded. "What about the rest of the game? Are you watching the game as well, or just for the Snitch?"
"Well, of course I'm looking out for Bludgers too. And I watch the Chasers too, to see if there are any plays we can run that involve me."
Lupin nodded. "And the other team?"
"I'm watching the other Seeker to see if he spots the Snitch before me…and their Chasers too, in case there's an opportunity to steal the Quaffle."
"All right. What about once the Snitch is spotted? What do you think about then?"
"I think about catching the Snitch."
"Just catching the Snitch?" he asked. I nodded, so he asked, "what about the other Seeker?"
"Well…yeah. I have one eye on him to see where he is, how close to the Snitch he is."
"What about Bludgers?" Lupin asked.
"Yeah, okay, Bludgers too. I watch for Bludgers out of the corner of my eye."
"And while all of this is happened, before and after you spot the snitch, how much thinking are you doing?"
I tilted my head to the side. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, do you think about how to ride your broom? Are you thinking about all the different plays you might run? Are you thinking about the Bludgers and trying to predict where they might go? And once you're after the Snitch, are you thinking, or simply acting? Do you concentrate on all the different maneuvers you can fly, or how to outthink the other Seeker, or do you simply fly?"
I finally saw where he was heading. "I see your point, but there's a big difference between Quidditch and dueling."
"Yes, there is," Lupin allowed, "but the principle's the same. In Quidditch, you practice and train long and hard until your actions during a game are almost instinctive. What we want to do is take that same idea and apply it to dueling."
"You mean by training?"
"Exactly," Lupin said, smiling. "We're going to train you in dueling situations so that you won't have to over-think the situation. Instead, you'll be able to rely on your training and act accordingly. That way, even the best Legilimens won't have the time to read your thoughts, and nonverbal casting will become second nature to you."
We spent a few more minutes talking about training - as it turned out, Lupin was already planning on talking to me about additional training, so it worked out well for the both of us. I asked him who would be conducting the training, but he only mentioned Tonks by name, assuring me that they'll be plenty of volunteers once we get to Hogwarts.
Though I was still a little skeptical upon leaving the gazebo, I felt much better than I had in ages.
A/N: Next chapter is the old Express, and then on to school.
I will say that this story is definitely moving slowly…we're some 16k words in, and no plot in sight yet. Some part of me wants to apologize for it, but then again, I am trying to follow the structure that JKR has religiously followed for six books (Dursleys - leaving Dursleys - meeting up with the buddies - Express), even though she may completely disregard it in her seventh.
To those that expected more from Godric's Hollow: since GH wasn't an integral part to my story, and since JKR pretty much forced me to send Harry there, that's the best I could do. I can't imagine there's much at Godric's Hollow unless JKR is waiting to spring a secret on us; after all, it's just a small town where James and Lily hid out, and their cottage was blown up. What's there to find?
See you hopefully sooner next time.