A/N: last chapter! I hope it's what you guys expect ;) The song is one of my all time favourites, Foolish Games by Jewel!
You took your coat off and stood in the rain,
You were always crazy like that
I watched from my window,
Always felt I was outside looking in on you
You were always the mysterious one
With dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care
You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather
Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees
These foolish games are tearing me apart
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
"Loving you is so bloody hard!"
Those words seemed to echo in his mind as if she had come right up to him and bellowed them in his ear. His eyes were wide open and his eyebrows had shot up in surprise when he finally comprehended what she told him.
She, on the other hand, brought up a hand to cover her mouth as she let out a shocked "oh" when the realization of what she had just done dawned on her. 'This can't be happening,' she began to think frantically; 'I can't believe that after so much time of trying to hide it, I finally let it out. Damn you Hermione for being weak,' she mentally reprimanded herself, while anger and disappointment filled her. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice Harry clumsily grab the chair that they had been sitting on mere moment ago, and sit on it as if he was in a daze. His words seemed to do the trick as her attention was focused back on him,
"You - you love me?" he stuttered, as if he couldn't believe that such a fact could be true, 'Hermione Jane Granger,' his conscious mind began thinking, 'you're best friend for six years loving you?' 'Is that so hard to believe?' the subconscious part of his mind butted in. Come to think of it, he hadn't given it that much thought so that he knew what he did and didn't believe. However, his mind began to think of all the things that had occurred between the two of them this past week; from the pumpkin pie escapade to just now when they had that heart to heart talk about the future. 'It all adds up doesn't it?' he thought, yet his facial expression remained expressionless as the full weight of what was going on hadn't settled in just yet.
"Harry?" Hermione's tentative voice brought him out of his daydream and making him take a good look at her face. She had fear written all over her, as if her sudden revelation would have devastating effects on the both of them and their friendship, "Oh damn me!" she said frustrated, causing Harry to take a double-take as he had never heard her swear before, "One weak moment and look where it got us!"
"No, Hermione," he told her quietly and got up from his spot on the chair, closing in on Hermione, "you weren't being weak, you just exploded from all the emotions that you were feeling and had bottled up inside of you for so long. I should know, after all, you were the one who was telling me these past years not to keep everything inside and just express myself, but I didn't and I distinctively remember occasions when I just vended off at anyone who happened to be in front at that unfortunate time," he finished with a slight smile, hoping that she wouldn't be scared off and run back inside. It seemed to do the trick as she managed to crack a small smile at him and take the chair that he had previously occupied and sat. A heavy, uncomfortable silence fell between them and neither of them knew how to break it. However, after a long period of just staring at their feet, Hermione decided that she should tell Harry the truth that she had kept hidden for so long.
"I guess I should start at the beginning huh," it wasn't a question but rather a statement so that it was easier for her to start talking. Harry nodded and at the same time he dropped down on the grass so that he was sitting opposite her and cross-legged. Hermione cleared her throat and commenced at once, "I think it was right before you were about to go and face Quirrel in our first year that I knew you were going to be someone very special in my life. We were only 11 years old then so I couldn't possibly know what love was, but I knew that I had this strange force pulling me towards you, though I couldn't figure out what it was. Then in our second year that basilisk had attacked me, putting me out of the battle yet when you saved Ginny and I came halfway through the feast, I was so proud that you figured out what my clue meant. I felt that I was somehow important to you, since you trusted me enough to take what I had written on that piece of parchment and make sense out of it," here Harry interrupted her so that he could say,
"But you are important to me Hermione!"
"Please," she informed him, "just let me finish and then you can say whatever you want," the pleading look on her face caused Harry's heart to clench ( 'Now why would it do that?' ) so he granted her the silence that she wanted, smiling at him and moving on, "Third year came and went but not before we had the chance on flying on Buckbeak so that we could save Sirius. I remember being so scared but holding you felt so right to me, like I was being protected by the strongest person on earth. I felt safe with you up there, and I knew that I wasn't going to harmed or fall off the side," she let out a sad chuckle but continued nevertheless, "At the end of that year, I started thinking you as someone who was more than a friend to me."
Harry's eyes widened at this apocalypse as the realization of her having romantic feelings for him for nearly 3 years now came to him at full impact. However, he didn't dare butt in her confession, allowing her to keep going.
"Fourth and fifth year were somewhat the same, as in both years I had other people trying to tell you and the rest of the school that we were either going out or had feelings for each other. I admit that I was so frightened that you were going to get scared and keep your distance from me but on the other hand I was hoping that you would realize that they were true, that way you might start seeing me as someone more than a best friend."
It was at this moment when Harry's head was filled with faces of Cho, Rita Skeeter and Viktor Krum telling and asking him if there was something going on between Hermione and himself. He had so vigorously told them that they were simply best friends, not knowing how much it must have been hurting Hermione listening to these defenses and backing him up, 'I've been such an awful friend to her,' he thought sadly. It was as if Hermione had read his mind because she chose that moment to say,
"Don't think that it was your fault, you couldn't have known how I felt," she gave him a reassuring smile and moved on, "Still, it hurt to listen to those words come out of your mouth. Nevertheless, I forced myself to put your wellbeing and happiness over mind. I had to make sure that when you faced Voldemort, you would come out victorious. The world needed you to be safe and so did I, so I put my feelings aside and tried in every way that I could to help you," she paused so that she could take a breather and to also recompose her thoughts as the most difficult part of her heartfelt confession was going to be the next one.
Harry seemed to have sensed this as he moved closer to her so that when he looked up, he would be directly looking at her eyes that now held a hint of disappointment and sadness. Despite the fact that he was trying desperately to think of something to say to her so that she could feel better, he wasn't successful as she began to tell the tale of their 6th year, which was the year that had just passed.
"And so 6th year came - not one of the best years that I have had at Hogwarts, I admit," and she looked down to see him nodded and agreeing with her. Feeling her stomach doing a flip-flop from joy, she willed herself to go on and not to keep stealing glances of him as she was explaining her feelings to him, "I had vowed to myself that I should try and forget about you as nothing would ever happen between us. To you, I was your female best friend that had the brains and would always be there to help you no matter what. I wasn't Cho Chang, prettiest girl in the school or Ginny Weasley, Quidditch player and feisty sister of Ron's best friend. I was, and am, Hermione Granger, best friend from Harry Potter and Ron Weasley."
Harry winced a bit at this, as he realized that he really did take her for granted that she would always be there for him. Never once did he think of what she might be feeling and why she was always being so willing to help him. He couldn't believe how stupid he had been. Here he was, all this time thinking that he was being treated unfair by the world, thinking that his problems were the worse; he didn't once stop to think that maybe Hermione was going through a harder ordeal. Of course, he always treasured the fact that he had Ron and Hermione in his life. 'Seriously, I would give my life for them,' he thought, nodding his head in agreement with his silent thought.
"And so, I decided that I should keep my distance from you this year, not as a friend but as seeing you as something more," Hermione continued, resulting in Harry snapping his head up once more so that he could show her that he was listening carefully to what she was saying, "I started spending more time with Ron and fighting more frequently with Ginny. I - " she began, but found that her throat was clogged up and her eyes began to well up with tears. Not wanting Harry to see her cry, she brought up her left hand and used the sleeve of her shirt to wipe the tears away before they escaped down her face.
"Ron was showing such jealousy whenever he would find us spending time together or when other boys showed an interest to them, that I thought I should try getting involved with him since you were clearly enamored by Ginny. Remember when I told you last night about what was right and what was easy?" she asked, waiting for him to acknowledge this so that she could move on, "Well Ron was the easy way out. However, we didn't even have the chance of getting together as it was clear to me that there was no future for us. We were too different and we fought all the time. Honestly, do you know how tiring it is for a girl to keep fighting with her boyfriend? It's not healthy," she said, trying to make a joke which actually worked as Harry let out a laugh but her eyes betrayed the sadness that she was feeling.
"I just couldn't do it Harry," she confessed, and at this point her voice broke as the tears that she had been holding back for so long started to pour down her face. She took no action in wiping them away as she knew more were to come from her caramel pools. "I couldn't put my feelings aside and I surely couldn't hide the fact that I loved you anymore. I couldn't pretend that they weren't there because they were, and if anything they were stronger than ever before. Try as I might in hiding them and trying to find a diversion for them, they were always there nagging at my brain for trying to overrule my heart. We're nearly 17 years olds Harry!" she told him, "we're not 11 and naïve anymore. I'm at an age where I can tell the difference from an infatuation and love, despite my immature acts this past year where I tried to forget about you. You're just someone who can't be forgotten about Harry, you're just too special," she concluded, not able to continue anymore as she felt that her heart couldn't take anymore of this pain and humiliation of confessing her love to him as he blankly stared at her.
Harry's mind was trying to process everything that she had told him, that he was silent for quite a long period of time. It wasn't that he didn't feel the same thing, he just didn't have the time to think and analyse their friendship and what a relationship with each other could mean for the trio. Come to think of it, he always did have a special bond with Hermione that had deep roots in both of their hearts. It wasn't a friendship that you come across everyday, one that is filled with trust, loyalty and faith in each other and have a basis of love. He was replaying everything that she had just told him in mind again, along with scenes from the last 6 years that he had known her and it was as if a puzzle was coming together. Little bits of pieces that held precious moments and details all came together to form the larger picture of love.
Harry was dumbfounded to say the least and actually he was so surprised that he made no movement to show her that he had realized what she confessed and how he felt about her. Sadly, Hermione took this to mean that he didn't have any romantic feelings for and just didn't know how to tell her without damaging their friendship; of course, being Hermione Granger meant that you put your happiness second and think of everyone else, and this is what she was going to do,
"You don't have to say anything Harry," she held up a hand in order for him to understand that she didn't want to be interrupted, with the classic look on her face that dared anyone not to listen to her, "I understand what you're thinking and I will make this easier for you. I won't mention this to anyone and I will try to put it behind me, no matter how hard it will be. I'm not saying that I can get over my feelings for you, but I will try not to act on them again. Our friendship is too important to me to let it get destroyed by my ranting. If I can't have your love as a soul mate, then I'm lucky to have your love as a best friend and as someone who will always be there for you," and with that, she got off them chair, leaning down to kiss Harry on the cheek and walked off. Before she got too far however, she muttered a phrase that made his heart tighten,
"Harry, when you were describing you ideal wedding to me, I couldn't help but think of my fantasy that was taking place in a similar environment as yours. Only, my groom had a face and it was you,"
Harry didn't know how long he sat out there after she was gone, but when he suddenly felt a cold breeze hitting his sides, he realized that it was night and that he should probably be getting inside. He didn't want the Weasleys to get worried. While walking back to the house, he couldn't help but think of what Hermione had said. It was one of those moments where your brain just stops thinking and you feel that you are at a loss of what to say. Deep down, he knew that he loved her more than a best friend but he just didn't know how to express it. When you grow up with the Dursleys, you don't actually get taught of what true love really is. However, when he would sit up late at nights and skim through his parents' photo album, he could see the love that they had for each other in their eyes.
"In their eyes," he muttered to himself, smacking himself mentally at what a fool he has been. It was the same look that Hermione had been holding in her eyes whenever she looked at him and he was just too blind to see it. With a new determination in him, he broke into a dash and entered the Weasley's kitchen in such haste that he didn't see Mrs. Weasley, the result being crashing into her. What he also didn't notice was a figure standing and looking down at him through the window, wiping their tears away as he left from sight.
"Harry! Watch where you're going! And where have you been young man?" Mrs. Weasley demanded, and Harry felt a bit intimidated by her. Taking a gulp of air, he answered as best as he could,
"I was outside having a talk with Hermione,"
"Hermione has returned from your chair over an hour ago, what kept you?"
"I was just thinking some things over, Mrs. Weasley," he told her vaguely, hoping that she wouldn't continue this interrogation. It seemed that his wish was granted as she relaxed and told him,
"We've already had dinner but I saved you a plate. Do you want me to heat it up for you?" she asked kindly, his disappearance quickly forgotten. Even though he hadn't eaten since lunch, Harry didn't feel hungry and turned her offer down, quickly going up the stairs to the girls' room. However, he met a dead end when Ginny came out of the room once he knocked, and informed him that Hermione didn't want to talk to anyone now.
"Please Ginny," he begged, "I really need to talk to her," and was pleased with himself when he saw compassion in Ginny's eyes.
"Harry, even though we aren't going out anymore it doesn't mean that I don't love you in a brotherly way but it also doesn't mean that I'm going to put Hermione's feelings aside so that you can talk to her. She clearly stated that she doesn't want to talk to anyone now. Please don't intrude in her private space; she needs to be alone now. It isn't easy when a girl pours out her heart to someone. Give her time, talk to her tomorrow. I promise you things will be much easier then."
Even though he still had half a mind to go in there, he decided that he should respect Hermione's wishes and so he retreated to his room. He flopped onto the bed, not bothering to change. Thoughts were entering and exiting his mind at high speed, though the conclusion he came to every time was the same. He didn't actually realize just how tired he was and so he casually drifted off to sleep.
He woke up the next day around 11 and saw that Ron was still sleeping in the bed next to him. Deciding not to wake him up just yet, he made his way to the bathroom so that he could take a shower. Once the cold water hit his body, he found that he immediately relaxed and his thoughts weren't as jumbled as they were yesterday. He finished rather quickly and when he entered the room that he shared with Ron, he found him sitting on his bed.
"Morning," Harry greeted him, a dashing grin to go along with it.
"What are you so happy about?" Ron mumbled, as he was in a grumpy mood.
"Well, it's not everyday that a guy turns 17 right?" he informed him, his grin getting wider as a look of realization came on Ron's face.
"OH mate! I'm so sorry, it's just that I just woke up and… Oh bloody hell, happy birthday Harry!" Ron told him, his spirits suddenly higher. Harry thanked him and told him that he'd be downstairs if he needed him.
"Err, wait for me will you? Just let me change into some clothes and I'll be down with you in a moment," even though he found this rather strange, he went along with it as he wasn't about to let anything ruin his mood today. In reality, he had two things to be happy about today. One, it was his seventeenth birthday and two, he was going to have a chat with Hermione that will hopefully end in a bright note.
"Ready," Ron informed him, and Harry could have sworn that he was being extremely cheerful for Ron. It wasn't that he wasn't a happy bloke, it's just that Ron isn't the morning type. If he had to say the truth it's -
"SURPRISE!!!!" it took a minute for him to realize what was going on, but when the full effect kicked in, his hand immediately rushed up to his mouth to cover his mouth that had his jaw hanging dangerously. What happened next was like a domino, as a chorus of 'happy birthday' was going round, people coming up and giving him hugs. When Hermione came to wish him, he could have sworn that he felt a bolt of electricity shooting through him and he was fairly certain that she had felt it too by the shocked looked on her face when they parted.
He was very surprised at everyone who had managed to come to his surprise party. Even though this year had dampened everyone's mood, they hadn't failed to show up, showing him that no matter what happened in life there are always good things to look forward to. If you don't have that, then you have nothing left. People from his year at Hogwarts came to wish him and even some that were a year older or younger. He had spotted Luna at the back and Katie Bell talking animatedly with the Weasley twins.
Once the first greetings were said, the party was in full swing and Harry really felt that he was having fun. He could pretend just for today that he wasn't a target of a madman but rather he was just a normal 17-year-old boy who was celebrating his birthday. Try as he might, he couldn't seem to locate Hermione in the crowd as every time he tried to look for her another person came up and talked to him, wanting to find out how he was doing and how his summer was. No-one dared to ask the thing that was on their minds, as this day was one of happiness.
At last, he spotted his bushy-haired friend talking, or rather listening, to Luna's ramblings but just about as he was going to tap her shoulder, Mrs. Weasley's voice could be heard as if it was magically amplified, 'obviously it was as she is a witch,' his mind informed him rather ironically.
"It's time for cake everyone!" and that was the signal that everyone had been waiting for so that they could break into a chorus of,
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear Harry,
Happy birthday to you!!
He bent down in front of the table that held the cake, ready to blow out the candles when he heard a voice call out,
"Make a wish!"
Laughing out, he silently made a wish and then blew out the candles with only one breath. Everyone erupted into applause and he felt giddy as though he was a young child having a real birthday party.
Once everyone had eaten their cake, the party was back on and chatter filled up the place as music floated into the air. Harry began distressing as he realized that he might not have the chance to talk to Hermione tonight, and that it might have to wait until tomorrow. But then again, he was Harry Potter and whenever an idea came to him he would follow it through. He went up to George who was, apparently, taking music requests and whispered a song in his ear. When he saw the confused look on his face he made a motion with his hand to show him that he'll be right back.
Running back upstairs, he opened Ginny's chest of drawers where he knew Hermione kept her CDs and chose the one that he had been looking for. As he was about to leave, he thought he should better take the small stereo with him as he wasn't sure if the Wireless could actually play any Muggle CDs. He returned downstairs and instructed George to play the song and showed him how to operate it. George gave him the thumbs up and a sly grin to go along with it.
When he heard the familiar strings of music float through the air, he felt his heart start racing a marathon as he suddenly felt very nervous. Letting out a breath, he began walking towards Hermione where she was talking with Lavender. Tapping her on the shoulders ( 'You're hands are trembling!' ) she whirled round to see who it was, and when she realized it was Harry her eyes lit up as if a light had switched on inside of her. However, they were replaced by bemusement as Harry didn't talk to her to tell her what he wanted.
"What is it, Harry?" she asked, and Harry was saddened to hear that her voice was made up of misery and confusion. He didn't let that hold him back as he showed her his hand, which is the international gesture for asking someone to dance. Hermione merely looked at him, and for a second thought that she would reject him but when he saw her smile, he breathed out a sigh of relief.
Taking her hands and guiding them around his neck, he was pleased to see that she was trembling too even though she hadn't made any movements to get away from him, which he took to be encouraging. He slipped his own arms around her waist, and for a moment they simply danced silently to the slow song that was filling the air. The silence, however, made them look into the other's eyes, trying to extract whatever information they needed in order to start a conversation. It was at this moment when Harry realized that Hermione always looked at him as if she could see and read his soul, as she had a look of comprehension on her face, her eyes begging him to let her enter it. They were so deep with emotion that Harry couldn't believe what a fool he had been for such a long time. 'You, my friend, are one lucky guy,' he thought, and he really was. He didn't know anyone else who had such a great friend as Hermione, waiting for him to come to his sense and realize what he felt for her. No matter how hard it had been for her to see him being so dense, she didn't give up and merely waited.
"Hermione," he started, "I have to tell you something," and when he saw her nod hesitantly he continued, "When you were talking yesterday about me, all I could think of was what a great friend I have." When he saw her eyes being averted from him, he took one of his hand and put a finger under her chin, so that he could tilt her head up towards him, forcing her to look back at him. It worked, so Harry was encouraged to keep talking as he might never have another chance at doing so, "A great friend that has always been there for me, no matter how dense. Never once did I question your loyalty and your faith in me, because I knew that you were there for me no matter what. Not even back in fourth year when Ron doubted me, you stuck by me even though it gave people enough rope to trash you. I could start talking about how much you mean to me but we would be stuck here forever, but whatever I'll say will pale in comparison to what you really mean to me. Forgive me Hermione," but Hermione didn't have the chance to ask what he was asking her to forgive her about as she felt his lips crash onto hers.
It wasn't the typical first kiss that you see in movies where it's slow, gentle and sweet. This was rather desperate as if Harry was trying to show her how much she meant to him, and he tried to pour all of his feelings into that one first kiss. She was shocked at first, and somewhere in the back of her mind she could feel all of the eyes resting on the both of them but she found that she didn't care. Snapping out of her surprise, she allowed herself to enjoy the kiss when she felt Harry's tongue begging for entrance to her mouth by running his tongue onto her bottom lip.
She could feel the butterflies in her stomach flying about, but she could also feel Harry's warm hands on her waist. She tightened her hold around his neck and at the same time allowing his the entrance that was begging for. That was all they needed for their tongues to start dancing together as they tasted each other for the first time. Harry pulled her even closer to him as if he couldn't get enough of her, but the need for air forced them to pull apart.
Once they did, they simply looked at each other and they finally gave each other their most heartfelt smile that they saved just for them. It was as if they had a secret smile to share and this was one of the many times to come that they did. It felt so right to them, like everything was happening just the way it was supposed to.
"I'm sorry it took me so long Hermione, but a guy can be rather thick when the girl that he loves is involved and I really do love you but it took you to - " he was interrupted by Hermione widening her eyes and asking him to repeat what he just said. He gave her a lopsided grin that made her heart melt, and leaning closer to her he whispered,
"I love you," and with that he gave her a quick peck on the lips, whilst cupping her face in his two hands. As the song was dying down, he let one of his hands trail to his neck and hold her petite hand, in comparison to his, lacing their fingers together. Hermione had tears in her eyes as she couldn't believe that after all those years of waiting and wishing, her world was finally coming together. The person she needed most in her life was there for her and suddenly it didn't matter anymore what she had gone through to get here. Ever so softly, she used her free hand to massage Harry's cheek and whisper,
"My Harry…"
Á/Í: I admit, maybe I ended it a bit lame but it's nearly 2AM here and I seriously wanted to get this story done! I actually had fun writing this and I came to realize that it's not how many reviews you get, but how much fun *I* had in writing this :) And I hope that you had just as much fun in reading it :) Hopefully, I have matured as a writer!!! Keep loving people and have fun in your life ;) neni =)