Don't Miss You at All
Subject: Harry Potter
Genre: Romance/Angst/Drama
Pairing: GW/DM
Summary: As she watches the snow falling down, she doesn't miss him at all.
Rating: NC17 - Adult situations, language
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Chapter one - Prologue
"You know that I don't have a choice, Gin," he said as he threw things into his luggage bags.
"Yes you do," I responded, wrapping my arms around his middle from behind him. "You can tell them that you resign."
"I can't do that, Ginny. You know that," he said, turning in my embrace to face me.
"But...what if you get killed?" I asked, tears threatening to escape my eyes. I choked them back. Hurt and disappointment replaced the tears.
"Don't look at me like that, love," Harry said, hugging me close to him.
"Like what? Like I want you to stay here with me instead of going on some dodgy wizard chase that could get you bloody killed?!" My voice was escalading now with every word I said.
"Ginny," Harry said, gently rubbing my back and trying to calm me, "the Order needs me. If I don't go, who will?"
"I don't bloody care! I don't care about the Order, I don't care about Voldemort, and I don't care what twit has to go in your place! They said that they wouldn't call you up any more and they lied."
"They didn't lie, Ginny," Harry pleaded. "They had no idea what was going to happen after Voldemort disappeared. I told them that I was retiring from the Order, but I didn't say permanently."
"You still shouldn't have to go," I argued, pulling away from him and stalking across the room to sit on the bed.
"Ginny," Harry pleaded, walking to me, "please don't act like this. It isn't any easier on me than it is on you. Do you think I want to leave? Well, I don't; and you should know that." He paused as he sat next to me on the bed and took my hands in his. "I love you, Gin. I'll make sure that I get back as soon as I can and we'll have that fairy tale wedding, just like you wanted," he said, kissing the back of one of my hands.
I gazed into his deep green eyes and almost fainted. He could make me cower with just one look. He knew that he had some mysterious power over me, and he used it to his advantage sometimes.
"I don't want to have to wait," I said sadly.
"I know, love," he said, kissing my cheek lingeringly. "But there's nothing I can do about it."
I sighed. "I know. I just don't want you to have to go."
"I don't want to go either, Ginny; but I made a commitment and I plan on following through with it," Harry said, holding my hands tightly in his, almost as if he were afraid of letting me go.
I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Well, you'd better go then before I change my mind about actually letting you go."
Harry chuckled. "I'll come back as soon as I can, Gin. I promise," he said, standing and pulling me up along side of him.
I nodded as he pulled me tightly to him in a heartfelt embrace. He kissed my hairline and said, "I love you, Ginny."
I sniffed and nuzzled my face deeper into his neck. "I know," I replied. "I love you, too."
We were silent for a moment, and then Harry slowly pulled away from me and stared into my tear-ridden eyes. He leaned in slowly and kissed my lips sweetly, as if savoring my taste. I urged him on, putting my hand behind his neck and pulling him closer to me, easing my tongue into the depths of his mouth. His arms were soon around my waist and mine around his neck holding him as close to me as possible. I didn't want to let go, but I knew I had to. The kiss deepened as the realization that this could be our last kiss for months, possibly years, hit me. His tongue found its way across the roof of my mouth and I moaned quietly, wishing that this could go on forever. He pulled away slowly, placing a few final kisses along my cheek, jaw line and neck. I could tell that he was dreading leaving more than I was.
"You'd better come back, Harry Potter," I said, placing a hand on his cheek and letting it travel down to his chest where it rested to feel his heartbeat. "Go and save the world, but you'd better come back to me."
He smirked. "Don't worry," he said. "Nothing could keep me away."
I smiled back at him as he pulled away from me and charmed the rest of his luggage neatly into his suitcase and it closed with a snap and a zip. Harry turned back to me and pulled me into a final embrace. "I love you so much," he whispered as he kissed me lovingly on the cheek and backed away so that he wasn't tempted any further to just stay with me.
"I love you," I said as he took hold of his suitcase and retrieved his wand from the bedside table.
I saw him blow me a final and longing kiss just before I heard the popping sound of his apparation. "I love you," I said again, throwing myself heavily onto the bed and clutching a pillow tightly to my chest. I wept freely now; holding nothing back now that there was no one to see my weakness. No one that could be witness to the fact that I was weak, that he made me weak and that I couldn't live without him. Or at least, that's what I thought. But as I laid there, my tears staining the rich fabric of the sheets and my sobs audible to the neighboring flat, I didn't want to think that I could make it alone.
I wanted to believe that I needed him and that I needed him to help me be who I was. I wanted to be able to hold on, to believe that I wasn't worth as much alone as I was with him. And as the second year of his absence dawns and the tears begin to become meaningless and tiresome, I find that I wanted to believe that maybe, just maybe, there is someone out there who needs me.