A/N: Hey guys! So instead of making this an outtake, I treated it a bit like an additional chapter. I may do an epilogue as well if it inspiration strikes. This is my first try at fluff, so if it's lacking in any way, please let me know! Oh yeah, and a slight oversight on my part: in all the chapters, I mentioned that the profile thingies were written on paper, but let's pretend I said parchment, okay? Okay.
Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Harry Potter. Sigh.
Chapter 7 Chudley Canons Rule
"Hermione? Hermione, are you home?" called Ginny from the living room of Harry, Ron, and Hermione's London flat.
A muffled cry and the sounds of scrambling could be heard. Ginny smiled to herself, speculating on what exactly she had just inadvertently interrupted. Moments later, Hermione rounded the corner from the hall, her ruffled appearance confirming Ginny's theory.
Ginny playfully raised an eyebrow. "What have you been up to, Miss Granger?" she asked mischieviously.
Hermione fruitlessly attempted to smooth the wrinkles in her corduroy pants and fight the mad blush rising on her cheeks. She failed on both counts, but managed to squeak out, "Erm, nothing. Just cleaning, you know."
Struggling to maintain her composure, Ginny cast a dubious look at her fellow professor and said casually, "Well, cleaning is most definitely an enjoyable activity. It was nice of Harry to help you. You've missed a button, by the way."
If possible, Hermione's blush deepened as she reached down and did up the offending button on her blouse.
"Why so shy, Harry? Come out and join us," called Ginny toward the hallway. The Auror emerged from where he had been trying to furtively steal into the kitchen unnoticed and shot an apologetic look to Hermione.
"Hi, Ginny," muttered Harry, rather nettled at having been found out. He shuffled his bare feet to stand near his new girlfriend.
Hiding a smirk at her friends' behavior, Ginny turned toward the coffee table. A stack of manila envelopes caught her eye. Forgetting that she was supposed to be teasing them, her curiosity took over and she pointed a finger at the pile and asked an already Hermione, "Aren't those-"
"Yes, those are the file of the potential sperm donors that I had been considering," huffed Hermione exasperatedly. Harry put a calming arm around her shoulders and she subconsciously leaned into him. They began having a silent conversation in the sort of unspoken language that they alone were fluent.
When Harry and Hermione had started dating a little more than a week ago, Ginny was only mildly surprised. Though she hadn't been privy to Harry's developing feelings for Hermione like her brother, she had sensed the growing connection between the two stemming all the way back to their Hogwarts days. And while there would always be a small pang of pain whenever it was concerned, Ginny understood that Hermione belonged to the true Harry and not the superficial life he had tried to create for himself. Now a week after they had begun dating, it was apparent that the pair had simply built on top of their foundation of friendship and created what promised to be one of the strongest relationships to which Ginny had been witness.
Ginny observed them with a pleased smile for a few moments before asking as sweetly as she could, "Do you reckon I could have a look? Just for a laugh, you know?"
Ginny had secretly admired Hermione's courage in devising such an unconventional means of attaining her goal and had wanted to tell her so on the night that she had announced her decision to her dearest friends, but was prevented in doing so by the tactless yet well-meaning prat with whom she was forced to share a gene pool. And since that night she'd become increasingly curious about the process, not that she was up to raising a child right then. But just in case Neville never came round…
Hermione waved a hand impatiently, and without further ado, Ginny swooped down upon the stack of envelopes. Each profile contained the same statistics: height, weight, hair and eye color, ethnic background, number of siblings; as well as some personal information such as occupation, hobbies, educational background and perhaps a comment.
Ginny set about skimming a few when she heard a key jangling in the lock of the front door. Harry and Hermione must have noticed as well, for they both angled their heads toward the sound from where they sat comfortably on one of the couches.
"Hello, all!" came Ron's voice from the entryway. He had one foot in the living room when Hermione scolded, "Ron, hang it up!"
The foot vanished as Ron headed back to the coat rack to hang up his cloak which he had just dropped on the floor, grumbling about Muggle keys and overbearing flatmates.
"I heard that!" called Hermione, though she had a smile on her face. Harry smiled back and rolled his eyes at his flatmates' nightly banter.
A moment later, Ron had returned fully to the living room and plopped unceremoniously in one of the armchairs near Ginny. He heaved a heavy sigh and kicked his boots off, putting his feet up on the corner of the coffee table. Hermione's mood must have improved since Ginny's little interruption, for she only raised an eyebrow and said nothing.
Ron's eye fell on the papers in Ginny's hands. "Whatcha readin', Gin?"
He leaned nearer to look over her shoulder and she replied casually, "These are just the profiles of some of the blokes Hermione was considering to get her knocked up."
Ron colored and Hermione and Harry looked indignant, but she smiled to show that she was kidding.
Ginny turned her attention back to the paper in her hands. 5'11"…150 lbs…brown hair, blue eyes…blah, blah, blah…
"Wow!" she exclaimed suddenly, drawing the attention of the three others. "Hermione, this guy is an Unspeakable! That's just like James Bond, right?"
Hermione bewildered expression softened as she replied, "Not quite, Gin, but good guess." Harry and Hermione's unofficial mission of imparting knowledge of Muggle culture to Ron and Ginny was still in full swing, and Hermione was rather adept at treating the pair like students in one her classes. That being said, she was generous with praise where it was due, believing encouragement was a far more effective tool than penalization.
The mention of Unspeakables attracted Ron's attention and he reached toward the table to grab a profile. He leaned back in his chair, skimming it for the interesting bits. Finding none, he set is aside and grabbed another. Harry chuckled at Ron and held out his free hand toward Ginny. She directed a silent question toward Hermione, who nodded slightly, before handing the nearest profile to Harry.
"They're pretty interesting anyway, Ron," said Harry, resting the profile on his knee and flipping through the pages. He sneaked an almost imperceptible sideways glance to Hermione, who caught on and added, "Yeah, they incorporate a lot of useful information."
Both were fighting back grins and Ron regarded them suspiciously.
Hermione was feeling less discomfort than she thought she would knowing her friends were finding humor in examining these files, when she herself had been searching through them only a week previous. She couldn't regret her actions, not when she was so happy with the outcome. If the consideration of artificial insemination and sperm donors had helped her open up her eyes to her feelings toward Harry, she wasn't sorry it happened.
She looked over at the object of her thoughts. His face was contorted in a deep frown as he studied the parchment in his hand. Giving his hand three small squeezes, she noted his frown was the sort he only wore when he was concentrating very hard and began to read along with him.
Realization simultaneously hit both of them. Hermione stifled an enormous gasp and turned toward, whose shocked expression mirrored hers exactly. She used her free hand to cover her mouth and the grin that was threatening to emerge there, while Harry hid his amusement by flaring his nostrils and pursing his lips tightly. Now when to spring it on the other two?
A few feet away, Ron and Ginny had noticed nothing, so engrossed in their reading were they. Once in a while, they'd read aloud the intriguing parts for entertainment.
"How 'bout this?" said Ron, laughing before he'd even revealed what he found funny. "This bloke helps research for the cure to sexual impotence in male wizards!"
"He's got his work cut out for him, that one," muttered Ginny, winking conspiratorially at Hermione.
"Hey!" cried Harry and Ron in unison, causing the women to laugh. Harry gave an exaggeratedly pouty look to Hermione, who made pretend cooing sounds and pressed a kiss to his forehead. He seemed mollified by this and squeezed her closer to him on the couch, giving her a conspiratorial wink of his own. She blushed prettily.
"It says here that this one is over seven feet tall!" marveled Ginny, leaning over to show the physical description to Ron.
Harry raised his eyebrows at Hermione and she nodded once to show her agreement. Identical devilish smiles broke out on their faces.
"These are pretty interesting anyway, you know," said Harry, resting the profile on his knee and flipping through the pages. He sneaked an almost imperceptible sideways glance to Hermione, who caught on and added, "Yeah, they incorporate a lot of useful information."
Both were fighting back grins and Ron regarded them suspiciously
"Oh how about this one," Harry's voice rang out. Hermione feigned interest in the parchment in Harry's hand while watching for the reaction of the two Weasleys. Ron and Ginny for their part waited with genuine interest for Harry to continue. He did not disappoint, but spoke each word clearly and with an air of nonchalance that implied that the information was new to him as well.
"Let's see, number 6183201. 'Pureblood wizard of English descent…6'2" and 175 pounds…ginger hair, blue eyes.' Wow, big family-seven children, and he's the youngest boy…." Harry trailed off as all eyes turned to Ron. He appeared not to have been listening, as he was struggling unsuccessfully to undo a sweet that he had found wrapped in his pocket. Ginny's mouth hung open as she stared at her brother in shock.
At Harry's side, Hermione had just noticed something else. "Dear, Merlin. Under personal comments it says 'Chudley Canons rule!'"
"Yeah, the Canons rule!" affirmed Ron, having caught the last bit as well as popped the candy in his mouth.
"Oh my goodness, Ron, that's you!" shrieked Ginny, pointing at the parchment that Harry was holding.
"Yeah, so?" asked Ron with the beginnings of embarrassment tingeing the tops of ears red.
"When did you do this?" asked Hermione curiously.
"Just before Christmas," answered Ron, shrugging. "Remember that jumper I gave you?" he asked Harry.
"And that's how you bought it?!" exclaimed Harry, disgusted.
"No, that's what I was wearing when I donated," he replied, as though this was obvious and of no consequence. He jerked his thumb toward Harry and rolled his eyes at Ginny, not noticing that she was still too shocked to share in the moment with him.
Harry and Hermione's little joke on Ron had just backfired tremendously. Harry made a mental note to never wear that jumper again. In fact, he would burn it, tonight, in this very fireplace. Ugh, that's the one he was wearing when he and Hermione had first…
Hermione intertwined her fingers in his own, stroking his thumb and redirecting his thoughts to less troubled waters. He gave her a wan smile before Ron announced his going off to bed and Ginny began gathering her things. She'd definitely gotten more information out of those profiles than she had bargained for. With a short bid of good night to her friends, she headed home to her flat to contemplate the reasons why she felt she needed to ever satisfy her curiosity.
Ginny's Floo departure diminished most of the fire, leaving only the dying embers for Harry and Hermione. Hermione thought that Harry was still hung up on the jumper, so what he said next surprised her.
"I'm glad you didn't go through with it," he told her sincerely, massaging her palm with his thumb. Looking into his eyes, she saw more promised there than words could convey. She smiled back lovingly and nodded her agreement, never breaking eye contact. Slowly he leaned down to kiss her and she felt her pulse quicken watching his face loom closer. Their passion play had only just begun when she broke the kiss abruptly, much to Harry's consternation.
"Hold on one second," she said, holding a finger to his somewhat swollen lips. She untangled herself from Harry's embrace and moved across the room to where the stacks of files were strewn across the coffee. Wordlessly she gathered all of them in her arms and tossed them into the fireplace. Looking into Harry's eyes, she threw him a daring smile and conjured a roaring fire.
Harry grinned, joining her by the mantle. He put an arm around her shoulders and breathed in the scent of her hair, once again giving his thanks to whomever was responsible for helping him earn the love of the woman beside him. Together they watched the parchment burn, and with that, the shedding of the past where profiles were thought to be needed.
Turning to Harry, Hermione whispered seductively into his ear, "Now, where were we?"
A/N: There we go! Any need for more of an epilogue? Or more fluff? Or better-written fluff? That's not a word, but oh well. As you can see, there were more references to Friends here, so yeah. Oh yeah, and anyone spot the line from Phantom of the Opera? Mwahahaha!