A/N: People are asking about the book and it is Lily's old journal. I realize that I don't mention it any more in here but Harry gets it and reads it and all of that. But if you do want to read it… Well, it is pretty long but I have a fic about it. It is actually my first one so not that wonderful but it is Lily's journal in its entirety. It follows her seventh year and then goes up to the night that they… pass. If any of you want to read it then just tell me. I already have some posted on Portkey and if you like it then I will post more. It is called "The Beginning of the End." Now, onto the chapter. Enjoy.
Chapter 15
"Harry? Kate? I'm home!" Bridget yelled at she entered the house. All she heard was silence. Hmmm….strange, she thought. It wasn't nearly time for Kate to already be asleep they had to be out.
Bridget frowned. She had been expecting to give them a nice surprise but seeing as they weren't home she felt kind of lost. Dropping her bags at the door she made her way upstairs to check the rooms. Still there was nobody. Well she hadn't told them when she was coming home so she really couldn't hold it against them if they hadn't been sitting and waiting for her. She decided to look into Hermione's room just for kicks but it too was void of life. The bed was made up neatly and it looked as if no one had ever stayed there.
As she stood staring around the room her head started to ache and her eyes blurred. Rubbing her temples she breathed in heavily, her heart beating fast. She hadn't felt this in a long time but she knew what was coming. Sinking down against the bed a vision flashed past her eyes at a rapid speed. As it slowed down she gasped as she made out the picture.
A shadowy figure of a woman walked backward as another kept advancing on her. The woman seemed to be pleading but to no avail. Then suddenly everything stopped and the woman seemed to give up. The man stepped forward once again and she was in his arms. A split second before their lips connected there was a flash of bright emerald green eyes and bushy brown hair.
Bridget reeled back and slammed against the wall, sliding to the ground. Sobs built up in her chest and she could no longer control them.
"No!" she screamed to the house, the sound echoing in the room and piercing her eardrums so that she was forced to scream once more out of the pain. Slumping to the ground sobs rippled through her body and the tears flowed faster. Even though she knew it was going to come it didn't make it any easier to deal with. She had no idea how long she lay there but she heard the back door slam open and loud steps running across the downstairs.
"Daddy!" a little girl's voice squealed, "Catch me if you can!"
"Kate, sweetheart, please," Harry sounded out of breath and exhausted. "I have been chasing you all day! Can you please just give daddy a break?"
"But I don't want to go to bed now. I am not even tired yet and there is still hours yet until the darkness comes."
"This is your set bedtime and I am not about to change it now."
Kate seemed about to reply when her footsteps stopped short. "Daddy what are these bags doing here? Do you think that Miss Hermione came back?"
"No, honey, she wouldn't come back now," was Harry's quiet answer.
"Then…that must mean…Mommy's home!" Kate's footsteps started again but this time they were headed up the stairs. She must have seen the light on in the guest room because she soon stepped into the room and rushed to her mother's side.
"Mommy? Mommy wake up! What's the matter with mommy?" she wailed, hysteria evident in her tone.
Bridget sat up slowly; fully aware at how terrifying Kate must have thought the scene before her to be. "Mommy's okay sweetie," she managed, wiping away the tears so that Kate wouldn't see them.
"Mommy is everything fine? How's grandma? Something must have happened if you are home. Don't tell me that she died! Mommy tell me!"
Bridget had to clap her hands over her ears to block out the sound that seemed to be heightened from her earlier vision. "Grandma's okay," she heard her raspy voice say.
Then suddenly the light in the doorway was blocked by a dark figure and Bridget once again shielded her eyes, unable to look at Harry. Harry seemed to understand immediately. "Kate please go get ready for bed. Daddy and Mommy will be in soon to tuck you in and kiss you good night."
Kate nodded solemnly, her eyes wide and fearful, and left the room without another word. All the gaiety of earlier in the night had disappeared.
"Oh Harry, why?"
Harry tried to answer but Bridget held her hand out to stop him.
`That isn't even a legitimate question is it? I guess I freaked out. I just didn't think I could love anyone this much and well it just hurts so much. Things have just been hard lately. I guess I kind of wished this could have been put on hold for a little bit so I could recover."
"So Caitlyn…?"
"Oh she is as well as ever. A miracle I suppose and more wonderful than I can even imagine. I am just so glad that she didn't leave me yet. I don't know what I would have done. I mean losing you both would have been such a disaster. I will thank god everyday that she is still here with me."
"Wait - Bridge you aren't going to lose me."
"Really? After this I would really think otherwise Harry. Some times I guess that I just don't get you."
"Bridget Potter! I am not going to leave my wife."
"Oh, but you will cheat on her."
Harry looked to be at a loss for words. "Um…I mean…"
"Yes, I know what you mean Harry, you don't have to explain. I know that you love her very much. Maybe you just got caught up in the moment. I know how you feel, that part is just alright and peachy." She didn't notice Harry wince at her choice of words. "But no matter how much I love you I know you aren't going to be happy."
"But-" Harry started to protest.
"I know you might not believe it now but soon you will start pining away for Hermione. I know that that is an odd choice of words but you are going to want to be with her and I want my husband to really be happy to be with me and not try to pretend that he is."
"I promised myself not too long ago that I would never let you down. I am not planning to go back on my promise."
"Oh, Harry, that is so silly! You can never keep a promise like that. You are always going to let people down at one point or another. You have to admit things could have been worse."
Harry chuckled. "Oh yeah, like what?"
"Well I could have really blown up and made a whole big deal. I could have promised to never talk to you again and taken Kate away from her father. Or I could have even come home early and walked in on you and Hermione - well - kissing and things could have really gotten bad then." They both laughed.
"So are we going to get divorced?" Harry asked flopping down onto the bed and lying back against the pillows.
"Yeah, I guess that is our only choice." Bridge lay down next to him.
"But what about Kate? I mean she is only five. Think about what this might do to her, it could scar her for life. I don't want her to lose faith in love."
"Yes Harry this will definitely affect her a lot. I mean we are changing the future we worked so hard to set up. Maybe the lesson there is to not depend so much on a set future and just live life as it comes I guess.
"You know I never figured how - oh what's the word? - accepting I would be about this. I mean I would expect to hate you both but…Hermione is so wonderful. You have to promise me that you won't hurt her. She definitely doesn't deserve it."
"You don't deserve it."
"That's right no one does but if everyone lived to not hurt someone life would be way too perfect for my liking and that would cause problems unto itself."
"Mommy? Daddy? Is anyone going to come tuck me in or what?" Kate's voice rang through the house.
"Oh my I forgot about Kate," Bridge exclaimed, jumping up. "Come on! You promised her. If your new resolution is to keep promises then you had better hop to it."
"Okay, okay, keep your pants on woman!"
They walked side by side down the hall.
"So should we tell her?"
"Oh no, not yet Harry, that can wait until later. I don't think I have the stamina to answer all her questions tonight."
"Okay."
When they walked into the room they found Kate sitting on her bed. "So is all the happiness back?" she inquired innocently.
"Yes of course sweetheart. Now get under the covers so that we can kiss you good night."
Kate obeyed her mother, her eyes never leaving her parents. "Mommy, Daddy, I love you!"
"Oh, honey, we love you too."
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Harry woke up and groaned. This was not going to be his day; he decided when all the events of the night before came flooding back at him. Everyday when he woke up for a split second everything was wonderful but then he would remember something, anything and realize that it hadn't been a dream. That initial period where it all sunk in was the worst part of the day for him, this day it was the worse that he had ever experienced. They had still slept in the same bed like before. They had acted like nothing had changed and nothing was going to happen. How in hells name could she be so calm? He for one was completely out of sorts and all of this wasn't going to get any easier. He couldn't even imagine what the day would bring.
The truth was that he didn't want to get divorced. He knew that he loves Bridget, there was never going to be a doubt in his mind about that, he had always loved her. She had been there for him in his worst time and stood by him when he needed her the most. She didn't go off gallivanting to all corners of the earth to escape something, to have time to think. She was his comfort when times got bad and he hers.
NO! He couldn't go through with this; he couldn't let her go through with this. Hermione had been too late; she made her decision it was his right to make his decision so that he could make things okay, to somehow make things right. He sat up and shoved his glasses on, throwing on the first clothes that he could find.
As he got downstairs he heard a bang in the kitchen and Bridget's voice scolding Kya loudly. She was standing in the kitchen trying to make breakfast. Kya had apparently caused some sort of trouble because of the yelling and the telltale frying pan still sizzling with hot grease and bacon was lying on the floor. Kate sat at the table staring at her hands and she tried desperately not to laugh. Harry for one wasn't feeling like laughing at the moment and he immediately dismissed Kya back to her quarters.
"Scourgify!"
"Oh Harry thanks. I am so frazzled; I can't even remember a simple spell." She looked like she was uncomfortable and restless. Maybe it was possible that she wasn't as calm as she seemed about the whole affair. "Come now I have some food for you both. Kate, hon, please say good morning to your father."
"Oh, hello Daddy. Didn't see you there." She didn't meet his eyes as she said this, only just raising her head to acknowledge him.
Harry raised his eyebrow and looked questioningly at Bridget who just shrugged and went to sit down across from their daughter. He took the spot next to her and clasped her hand under the table, squeezing reassuringly to tell her that everything was going to be okay. Obviously she didn't get his clue that they didn't have to go on with it and took her squeeze as a space to go on and tell Kate.
"Kate, sweetheart, your father and I are getting a divorce." There it was, last night Harry had said the words himself but now hearing her say them gave the harsh words an air of finality and he gulped.
Kate didn't look up from her hands. "I know," she said quietly, "I know." Her voice had taken on the same desperate tone that had been traditional when she was horribly upset about something which didn't come about too often. Harry reached out with his other hand and placed it on hers.
She jerked her hand away like it was on fire and glared up at her parents, looking more angry than upset. "I hate having to know! Why can't I just be normal? Why can't I be a normal girl who gets told things instead of seeing them? Why? Just tell me why! Dad, mom trusted you! She left you here because she trusted you that you would stay faithful to her even though you were very obviously in love with Hermione." Harry had never heard her say Hermione's name with such rage and hate.
"And mom," she turned abruptly to Bridget. "You - you take this so calmly like it is nothing at all. Like you are just going on another regular day instead of getting divorced. I don't think that anyone gets it! You just don't get it! How could you both let this happen?" She asked that in a soft voice. "It didn't have to happen. We could have been okay, we could have been fine. But -" she stood up and looked at the chair that she had knocked to the ground while trying to get up. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "But I have to go." And then she was gone.
Neither Harry or Bridget made a move to follow her out; she would be okay wherever she went. She would most likely not even leave the house, though she was adventurous and very responsible she knew that it wasn't right and she was too afraid that no one would come looking for her.
"So that went well."
Harry laughed bitterly. "You think?"
"I never thought that she would act like this. I mean she is always so down to earth. And I thought that she loved Hermione."
"What do you think that she saw?"
"Well from what I know it could have been anything. A seer's visions are unpredictable. It is hard to know when they will pop up or what they will show."
"Bridget -"
"No, don't even say it. You love Hermione; I know it, you know it. Do we have to keep ignoring that fact?"
"But I love you too."
"A wise woman once told me that it was hard to tell what hurt the most: loving and losing or never loving at all. I am most fortunate to have loved you for these years and to have you love me back. If I should lose it at least I will know that I had it."
"But wouldn't it have just been better not to love at all so that you wouldn't have had that loss?"
"But then I would have never experienced the love that fills me when I look at you, knowing that a man as wonderful as you actually loves me back in real life instead of just in my dreams. And even though you love Hermione the thought that you don't want me hurt just fills me with pride, you make me remember who I am. You know I have known what it is like not to have my parents together. I couldn't understand why I didn't have a father there. And Kate had that for five years and we aren't going to be far apart, she can see you everyday and see me everyday. I hate the thought that this is happening to her but it is something that has to be done. You can't meddle with fate." She chuckled softly to herself. "Just make sure that I love her as a mother, that I am her mother instead of her mentor. I can't do to her what my mother did to me. Every girl deserves to have a mother. She is no exception."
"You aren't either."
"My mom didn't know how to be a mother. She had to take care of me herself and teach me everything I know while still keeping the two of us together. And she was so young. She wanted too much to be a mother but maybe she needed someone there for her. I just want to make Kate know that she is loved."
"And she will."
"Yes, I know. But Harry we have to go to work now, I will just make sure that Kya takes care of Kate and then I am off to the hospital to take care of a few things. I am giving my two weeks notice, did you know?"
He didn't.
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Hermione sipped her coffee at the table. Her mother was bustling around the kitchen and her father had his head in the newspaper. She had been here for about a week now and was starting to think that her warm welcome was starting to grow thin. Yes, her parents had been thrilled to see her but she couldn't live with them forever.
She had gone to Dean and they had gone over job choices. Her NEWT scores covered any job that she could possibly ever want. He had asked her if she wanted an auror job, after all she could fight but she decided that it wasn't for her. She had left to get away from it; she didn't plan to have to come back to it. And anyway that would mean working close to Harry, she could not have that.
They finally decided on working in the Department of Mysteries. She remembered how that level was and she thought that she could handle all of the confusing puzzles that could be found down there. But she still didn't have a place of her own to live. She had heard that Ginny had plenty of room but it would still feel like she was imposing, she couldn't do that.
But everything was going fine for now. She had recovered as much of her past life as possible and was working on building a new one. Give or take a few things everything was fine, or as well as you could ever expect after eight years. But then she had mulled over that for far too long, that was all behind her now.
"Hermione, are you feeling alright?" Hermione's mother came up to her and put a cool hand to her forehead.
Hermione grimaced and wriggled away from the hand. "Mom, I am fine."
"Honey, your mother is only looking after you."
"Yes, daddy, I know. Now I really should head to work. Don't want to be late." She hurried out and quickly apparated outside the abandoned building that was the ministry of magic. She distractedly stepped into the phone booth and ran into someone.
"Oh my I am so sorry! I didn't notice…" she trailed off as she realized who it was that she had run into.
"Oh my god, Harry, are you okay?"
"Yes, Hermione, I am fine. Here. You are an Unspeakable, right?" He dialed the phone.
"Oh, yes, well, training for the time being." She vaguely wondered why he hadn't flooed into work. After what seemed like an eternity of being confined in the small phone booth they found themselves in the lobby of the ministry.
"Nice running into you Harry, have a nice day," she said a bit breathlessly as she quickly headed to her offices
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Harry laid his head down on his desk. He had rushed out of the house soon after Bridget's little announcement. So instead of flooing to work he went in the visitor's entrance. Hermione had treated him almost like a stranger. She had been so uncomfortable around him and the second that she could leave she was gone faster than the speed of light. Maybe she was really over him. It was a good thing, he guessed. Then he could get over her and they wouldn't have to get divorced.
But then Bridget hadn't told him that she was quitting her job. In a marriage you were supposed to tell your partner everything. In that one small action was she trying to tell him that she no longer trusted him? Maybe she is trying to distance herself from him so that it won't hurt that much or maybe she really doesn't want to be his wife any longer.
"Harry?"
"What do you want?"
"Is that any way to talk to your boss?"
"Oh, Dean, sorry about that."
"What's the matter? Your mood has been odd as of late. Is there anything that you would like to talk about? Namely Bridget, Hermione and Caitlyn." They had become something of best friends over the past years of working together. Of course Harry still had Ron and Dean was still very close with Seamus but seeing each other at all hours of the day had to call for some friendship also adding to the fact that they were classmates and roommates for seven years during Hogwarts. They would talk to each other about everything, but Harry just couldn't bring himself to share this bit of news.
"Now why would you say that? Minister, I am fine."
"Wow! That is harsh. You used to be able to tell me anything. And well I guess I will have to talk myself. Hermione came back and Caitlyn got sick. And I am a bit worried about Bridge. I mean all of this has got to be a big blow for her."
Harry slowly picked himself off from his desk and started to pace the room. "Big blow? That has got to be the biggest understatement that I have ever heard. You don't even know the half of it. You know that I love my wife. I really do, she is the best thing in my life besides maybe Kate. And then what do I do? Oh yes, I take her love and trust for granted and cheat on her with my former best friend. Notice how I say former, because you know I don't even think if we are friends anymore based on the way that she acts around me."
This time it was Dean's turn to it down in the chair that Harry had just vacated. He felt as if he knees had been kicked out from under him, the relationship that he had idolized for these past years was becoming undone, deteriorating it might seem. "Y-you mean…you cheated on her…with Hermione…when she was visiting her mother?"
Harry just nodded gravely. "I can't believe how much of an idiot I am."
"Harry, do you love her?"
Harry stared at Dean. "Well of course, I love Bridget with all of my heart; I wish I hadn't hurt her like this."
Dean shook his head. "No, that is not what I mean. Do you love her?"
"Oh," Harry looked a bit crestfallen, "You mean Hermione. I-I don't know. I mean…I thought I did." He held his head in his hand. "I don't know much of anything anymore." Dean could see tears leaking through his hands and falling to the ground. Harry backed up and leaned against the wall. "I don't want t get a divorce but if that is what she thinks will make it right then that is what I am going to have to do."
He swiped angrily at his eyes and left the office, leaving Dean alone at the desk. He stalked out to where Karen, his secretary, was sitting at her desk. "Karen, will you please call my lawyer. Please have him fax over some divorce forms."
Karen just gaped up at him. "Well of course Harry, if that is what you want. I can get them over here as soon as possible."
Harry just nodded at her and walked back into his office and closing the door. A few minutes after the door opened again and Dean walked out.
"He kicked me out."
The comment was directed at Karen who only managed to give him a weak smile in return. Karen had been on pretty good terms with Bridget, they talked a lot. She was confused as to what brought on this latest development.
Hermione gasped softly, she couldn't believe it either.
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