Chapter 10 - Should I?
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling or entities associated with her.
The next afternoon during a free period, Lily was in a back corner of the library researching Animagi. James saw her from across the room. She was sitting amidst several dusty ancient tomes, her hair pulled back haphazardly. He thought to himself that she looked exceptionally beautiful, perhaps because she was reading so intensely. James had always liked to watch Lily as she studied for a test or read in some monstrous volume for a homework assignment.
"Hello there," he whispered softly in her ear. It sent glorious chills through Lily. She moved her head away from him slightly, and continued reading. She had to concentrate, and James Potter could be such a distraction. "What's wrong," he whispered, moving his mouth close to her ear once more. She could feel his moist, hot breath on her neck.
"James, I am trying to read, and you're being quite disruptive." He laughed at this. James loved the fact that he could, after so many years, successfully derail Lily's brain. Something she had been doing to him since their first year at Hogwart's.
"There are much better ways you could be spending your free period," he murmured suggestively.
"Maybe next time you should show up before it's over," Lily replied.
James looked at his watch. He now regretted the quick game of Exploding Snap he had played with Sirius. He looked for Madame Pince, and found that the formidable librarian was occupied by a group of third years that were looking for a book.
"We have eight minutes before we have to leave for Potions. Fancy a quick snog on the other side of the Restricted Section?"
Lily knew what she wanted to do, but to her dismay it conflicted with what she needed to do. When she didn't answer him, James sat down in the chair beside her.
"Well what are we reading then," he asked dejectedly.
"I am reading about the Animagus transformation. I'm going to get it right this time," she said with an edge to her voice. Then she shut the book, and carried it out of the library.
Lily was quite angry with herself. She was not used to failure. She didn't want to give James the chance to gloat either, after all he was right. She hadn't been ready to transform. She just had to be so stubborn, and demand that she could do it.
James was furious with himself. Why couldn't he bring himself to tell Lily that she had transformed. He always had to be right, that was his problem. James didn't want to admit he had been wrong. Sirius and Remus had told him that if he didn't tell Lily, they would. He ran out of the library after her.
"Lily wait," he called after her retreating figure, her bright red hair disappearing in the crowd of students going to their next lesson. James took a shortcut to the dungeons. Hopefully he would beat her to Potions. He would tell her before class, that's right. Problem solved. James looked inside the classroom, the only student inside was greasy haired Severus Snape. James leaned coolly against the wall by the door. Students filed in. Sirius and Remus came down the corridor, the only people left other than Lily.
James walked in with them. Lily's seat beside Sirius was empty. James was worried now. Lily never skipped lessons. Professor Slughorn called the class to order.
"Please get out your essays. Ms. Evans, if you would collect them… Where is Ms. Evans?"
"She wasn't feeling well Professor," James said quickly.
"Funny, I just saw her in the library," Snape said.
"She has a horrible headache, sir. Came on very suddenly," James said through clenched teeth, glaring at Snape the entire time.
"Very well, Mr. Black if you will," Professor Slughorn said, waving his hand.
"Professor, I could go get Lily's essay, so it won't be late," James offered.
"Yes, yes Mr. Potter. Go ahead, but be quick about it."
James walked calmly to the door, but once it shut behind him he almost flew to Gryffindor tower. Lily wasn't in the common room. James went upstairs to retrieve the Marauder's Map. He looked frantically for a little dot with Lily's name on it. Finally he found her. She was on the edge of the map, in a clearing in the Forbidden Forest. James was at the edge of the forest before he knew it. He looked at the map again. Lily's dot hadn't moved since he had found it. When he reached the clearing, he slowed down to a walk. Lily was sitting on the ground, her knees pulled up to her chest. James stepped on a twig, it snapped crisply under his trainer. Lily glanced over at him. He was the last person she wanted to see right now.
"Lily, I have to say something."
"Let me go first, I was wrong James. I wasn't ready to transform, you were right."
"No, I was wrong. You transformed last night. You were just too weak to remember it."
"I did, really?" Her face was alight with happiness. He nodded, beaming at her. James realized that being wrong wasn't so bad if Lily was smiling at him like that, not bad at all.
"What did I… What am I," she asked excitedly.
"See for yourself," he said conjuring a large mirror in front of her.
"What if I can't do it?"
"You can and you will."
Lily braced herself, closing her eyes. She felt her body molding itself into a different form, the sensation wonderfully unusual and slightly uncomfortable all at the same time. She opened her eyes once her body stopped changing. In the mirror a doe with large green eyes blinked back. She tried to walk towards the looking glass, but couldn't figure out how to move her legs. Lily changed back.
"I can't walk that way. James you have to teach me."
"Alright, but first I have to take your Potions essay back to Slughorn. You have a horrible headache. I'll come right back." Lily handed him the essay. He kissed her cheek, and headed back towards the castle.
As he walked through the main hall, he realized that he had in his hands the very paper he had wanted to get from Lily for the past two weeks. Now came his moral dilemma. Should he read it or should he not read it? James knew he shouldn't read the essay, it was personal and private. He decided that the real question was whether he would read it or not. He thought about what Sirius would do, and what Remus would do. James knew he needed to hurry. He didn't have time to battle with his conscience. He quickly preformed a duplicating charm. As he entered the dungeon classroom he slipped one copy into the pocket of his robe, the other he took straight to the portly professor.
"How is Ms. Evans feeling?"
"Not well sir, not well at all. I was wondering if I might go sit with her, in case she needs anything," James said in a very grave voice.
"That ill is she? Of course you may, Mr. Potter. I can't have my best pupil sick and alone, now can I?"
James grabbed his book bag, and left the room his course set for the forest.
That night James lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He had been tying to go to sleep for what felt like hours. He couldn't lie on his back any longer, so he turned onto one side. His pillow was too flat. He fluffed it, but when he laid his head back down it was much too fluffy. He sat back up, and punched his pillow. Now he was comfortable. James shut his eyes. He let out a long deep yawn.
"Jamie, go to sleep already," Sirius called from somewhere in the dark.
"Stuff it," James replied irritably. He was thinking about Lily's essay. Earlier he had sat alone, holding the tightly rolled paper trying to decide what to do. He had been very close to unrolling it at some moments, and seconds later he would seriously consider setting fire to it with his wand.
"Grouchy git," Sirius muttered just loud enough for James to hear.
"I'm not grouchy. I just can't sleep. I've got a lot on my mind," James snapped.
"Oh, so this is about Lily."
"Of course it is."
"Well, let's hear it then."
"I have her Potions essay."
"What did you turn in, if you have it?"
"I duplicated it. We were trying to find out how I could read it. Well I had it right there in my hands, so I made a copy."
"… and you read it and it wasn't good?"
"I haven't read it yet."
"Why not," Sirius was astounded.
"I don't know if I should. It could be really personal, what she wrote."
"Well of course it's personal. It's about what she smells in a love potion."
"I don't want to invade her privacy."
"I don't know what to tell you mate other than I would read it if I were you. G'night."
"Night," James replied. Sirius had been of little help to him. He thought about the situation for a while longer before pulling his bed hangings closed. He pulled the parchment from underneath his mattress. He lit his wand, and unrolled the paper in his hand.
Author's Note: Thanks for reading, reviewing, or what not. I'm sorry this chapter was short. I want you to wait to read Lily's essay (or maybe you won't get to read it. That would be horribly cruel of me wouldn't it?).
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