Chapter 12- Can you ever forgive me?
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling or entities associated with her.
Lily noticed that James was not at dinner. In fact, he had been acting odd all day. Even odder was the owl that was winging its way into the Great Hall, no one got mail at the evening meal. To her surprise the owl landed right in front of her, its vast wings upsetting her goblet of juice. Lily recognized James' owl, and from his beak she took a sealed envelope. She somehow felt that she should retire to a more private place to read the letter. After all if James couldn't say whatever it was in person it must be quite important, and either very good or very bad. Lily, who's glass was always half full, felt that this was a bad letter. Maybe it was the way Sirius and Remus had begun whispering when the owl had arrived, or the pitying look Peter had given her when she rose from the table. She went to the only place that no one else could be, well no one except James. She went to the office shared by the Head students, which was located on the fourth floor.
Lily sat on the tan sofa in the room, and cautiously opened the parchment. She heard James' voice, and looked up. He was nowhere to be seen. She realized that he had bewitched the letter to speak. She tapped the page with her wand, and it began again.
"Lily, please just listen to what I'm about to say. Then if you want to yell and scream, you'll have every right. If you've opened this in the Great Hall, roll it up and go some where else. I'm sure you left the hall straight away though. I did something really bad, and I feel sorry for it. I am probably not as sorry as I should be, but sorry none the less. I made a copy of your Potion's essay, and I read it. I feel pretty horrible, and I know you're fuming now. I deserve what ever curses you're thinking of. I'm glad I read it though. I'm glad, because now I know how you really feel about me. I know that you love me. I know that you've cared about me for ages now. I know you could have told me all the things you wrote, but to read what you wrote knowing it was for someone else to see made it so much different. I hope you forgive me Lily. If you hate me because of what I did, I'd be miserable but I'll understand. I will also never stop trying to win you back, because I know that you really love me. I've given you a copy of my essay. You can read it if you want. After all, fair is fair."
"You will forgive him, won't you," the painting of Miriam Gauble, the first head girl, asked.
"Of course I will," Lily answered in an exasperated tone.
"And you'll read the paper?"
"Of course I will." With that, Lily pulled the remaining pages out of the envelope.
James Potter
Potions Essay
Amortentia
I smell two things, that's it just two, Quidditch and Lily Evans. Sirius says they aren't smells. I on the other hand disagree. They are not singular smells. Each is an intense mixture of scents that bring forth either Lily or Quidditch to my mind. Quidditch is my first love. I smell the thin cool air from high up on a broom. I smell the waxy scent of broomstick polish. Then there are the scents of the iron Bludgers and the worn leather of the Quaffle. Lily is my true love. She smells like peppermint candy. It reminds me of Christmas, because the scent of candy canes linger when she's near. When Lily walks through the corridors, she is trailed by the smell of juicy peaches. The first kiss I ever shared with her tasted like warm frothy butterbeer, so part of me will always join the two together. My second kiss was laced with the taste of grass flavored Bertie Bott's. Strangely enough, the smell of grass was added to the other scents of Amortentia after that kiss. That's all there is in my Amortentia, Lily and Quidditch. As long as I can have them I'll be happy. Although, I'm quite sure could give up Quidditch.
Lily folded James' essay up and slid it back into the envelope.
In the seventh year boys dormitory James paced the wooden floor. Sirius was trying to get James to play a game of Exploding Snap to take his mind off of Lily.
"Prongs, sit down. You're going to wear a hole in the floor at the rate you're going," Sirius said in a frustrated tone. James showed no acknowledgment that Sirius had even spoken.
"Moony, will you please help me out here," Sirius pleaded.
"James, you are solving nothing by walking incessantly. What you need to do is act like a man and go find Lily. So what if she hexes you? You said yourself that you deserve it. You need to talk to each other and sort things out," Remus said from behind his book. James stopped walking. It was as if a light had switched on in his head.
"Yes, be a man, find Lily," he muttered as he walked out the door.
Sirius turned to Remus. "Sort things out? Go talk to her? Be a man? Who are you to give that advice? Take a dose of your own medicine, Moony." Remus shut his book, mixture of anger and disbelief was in his eyes. Sirius continued. "You heard me. Don't act as if you haven't been walking around in a mope, you and Katherine both. If you cared anything at all for her you'd go sort things out as well."
"He is right you know," Peter chimed in.
"Now that's different and you know it," Remus said loudly.
"I don't see it as a bit different. You're just scared, and here I thought people were sorted into Gryffindor for being brave. The hat should have put you somewhere else, it must have been a mistake placing you in Gryffindor," Sirius said coldly. He had to steel himself against the hurt look on Remus' face.
"Surely, you don't mean that," Remus whispered.
"Surely I do." Remus looked as if Sirius had slapped him. It would have hurt both boys less if he had. That was the cruelest thing Sirius had ever said to Remus. Sirius silently prayed that Remus would forgive him. The three sat in an uncomfortable silence for several minutes before Remus stood.
"It wasn't a mistake Padfoot," and with that Remus walked pitifully from the room.
"I hope he's going to talk to Katherine," Peter said in a small voice.
"Me too mate, me too."
Sirius watched the Marauder's map. He followed two dots. The one marked Remus Lupin traveled to the library, it stopped next to a dot with the label Katherine Tarbeck. The other dot, James', was paused in front of the Head's office.
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James' hand hovered over the doorknob for several seconds.
"Well, are you going to go in there or not," asked the painting of a cranky old wizard.
"What's it to you," James snapped back at the portrait. He hastily opened the door, and stepped across the threshold.
Lily was still sitting on the small couch when he walked in. She had been talking to the painting of Miriam Gauble. Lily's head snapped towards the door when she heard the click of the door closing. James looked surprised to see her face. `As if he didn't know you were in here,' she thought.
"I think I'll go visit another painting, Lily dear," Miriam said in a motherly tone. James smiled at the painting and nodded in way of thanks.
"Lily, I'm really sorry. I was bang out of line, and you've every right to be mad."
"Yes, James you've said that already." There was a coldness to Lily's voice.
"So, do you think we can ever be friends again? I know there's no chance of anything more, but I still want to be your friend. That is if you'll let me."
"And here I thought you'd read my Potion's essay. Silly me," Lily said in a mocking tone.
"Go ahead, hex me," James took a deep breath preparing for the worst. He closed his eyes, no use in watching her do it after all. He hoped he wouldn't have to go to the Hospital wing afterwards.
"James, if you had read my essay like you said you did, and if you knew that I love you like you said you did, then you would know that I already forgave you. I love you, and that means I forgive you when you screw up. Forgiving is a part of what love is."
"So you're not mad?"
"Oh I'm mad. I never said anything about not being mad," Lily said, a smile playing upon her lips.
"I'll settle for forgiveness today," James replied crossing the room to where Lily sat. He dropped to his knees in front of her and gathered her into a hug.
"I was so scared," he said. "Terrified that you'd despise me, never want to see me or speak to me again. I thought I'd have lost you for sure."
Lily kissed the top of his head. She knew he would never lose her, not even if he tried.
Author's Note: Well there it is (or there it was) the final chapter in all it's glory. This took much longer to post than I meant for it to. I have been very sick. I had to go to the ER last week. On top of that I had to get a new power corn for my computer. I'm very sorry to have kept you all waiting. I would like to thank you for reading and reviewing, but mostly for sticking with me as I wrote this. The title for this chapter, as well as for most if not all the others, refers to more than one person. Yes, it's James asking for Lily's forgiveness, but it's also Remus to Katherine, and Sirius to Remus. I know that nothing definite was written regarding Remus and Katherine. I didn't mean for there to be. So many of you wanted them to get back together, and maybe they did. You can decide that for yourself, I know I have. I know everything that happens from here on out, but that's not what this story is about, this is just a small point in their lives. I didn't write more on Remus and Katherine because this was a fic about Lily and James. Please don't be mad at me for Sirius' remarks to Remus. Sirius was nudging Remus in the right direction, in my world Remus realizes that's all Sirius was doing. He meant nothing he said, nothing hurtful at least. I have been asked if there will be a sequel, for now the answer is no. I have too many other things in my head begging to be written. I hope you'll continue reading whatever I write. Special thanks go to Liz (you started this), and CCJ (You're a great writer, and that pushed me to write more). Thanks to those of you who reviewed, especially those faithful reviewers who I heard from time and again, it meant more than I can say. For anyone else that is reading this: Much love to you who ever you are and where ever you are. Until next time! ~Tynwfiel
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