Chapter 8: Love Is A Battlefield
Last night I fell asleep next to a liar
and I woke up with a shiner.
And it's all that I remember from a night spent lying on my back
with a view
of a stone white ceiling and the back of your head.
This dark and quiet bed felt like the middle of nowhere.
We beat each other up just like we always do.
When I'm talking to myself
I'd always rather be talking to you.
'Sudden Death in Carolina'
-Brand New
James awoke unpleasantly the next day as the harsh sunlight loomed on his closed eyelids. He let out a painful moan cursing himself for forgetting to close his bed curtains the night before.
What in the name of Merlin and Agrippa did I do last night! James thought to his self.
He opened his eyes slightly and received a sharp shock of pain as the sun's rays penetrated them. James again cursed, this time out loud and through a moan closing his eyes as rapidly as he could.
As he did, Sirius emerged from the bathroom, hair dripping wet, wearing nothing but a pair of plaid boxers. He heard James emit a painful groan and set his light grey eyes on his best friend. He watched in amusement as James tried desperately to block his eyes of any penetrate-able ambient light.
"Hark, the dulcet sounds of Sleeping Beauty awakening!" Sirius replied, his voice quivering as he tried to stifle a laugh.
"Shut up Padfoot!" James groaned, tossing a pillow towards his best mate's head but missing horribly.
Sirius caught the pillow with ease and finally let out a bark of laughter.
"Man, I wish I had one of those…whadya call 'em, moovee cameras ?" he replied laughing again. "Boy, what would the girls at Hogwarts say if they saw your aim? They'd probably laugh you straight off the Quiddich pitch!"
James, slowly opened his eyes once more, very hesitantly, letting the pain slowly seep through until his eyes were completely open.
"What the fuck did I do last night Sirius, I feel like I have a the whole of Britain on my head!"
"You really don't remember?" Sirius asked.
"Do you think I'd be asking if I knew Padfoot?" James responded irritably.
"Ok, let me refresh your memory: Mary, the Hog's Head, Fire Whiskey?"
James, stared off into the distance
"Oh, shit! Where's Remus. Fuck! I feel so bad! I should have been there with you guys last night." James replied kicking himself as he remembered his mistake.
Just as he was in the middle of putting himself down, Remus walked out of the bathroom, looking quite tired as always after the full moon.
"James, it's alright, really." Remus replied in an understanding note.
"No, it's not Remus. Everything- the whole way I acted yesterday, toward Sirius, toward you…and Lily-" James paused and a glassy eyed expression loomed over his handsome features for the second time that morning.
Instantly flashes of the night before came back to him as if someone had pushed a play button in his mind.
He was sitting at the Hogs Head, drinking a glass of Fire Whiskey…
"Hey, Padfoot, whose that amazingly attractive girl standing behind you?" James asked. "She's almost as gorgeous as Lily. But then again, no one really compares to Lily anyway-"
…They had finally gotten back to the common room but Sirius was no longer with them…
James ended up stumbling on the edge of his robes and toppled out of the portrait hole, hitting something hard before finally landing on the floor, which seemed to be softer than he was expecting.
James realized seconds later that he had not in fact fallen on the floor but on top of Lily instead.
…He had gotten to his room…Lily had helped him- no, she had taken care of him…
"You're a great friend and Sirius and Remus know that no matter what-they'll understand…Nobody's perfect James."…
"You, Lily Evans are perfect."
"I'm, not perfect James…"…
"Well, if you're not perfect…then you're damn close…" …
James ran his thumb up and down the soft skin of her cheek…
He could feel her pulse quicken under his trembling fingers which were stroking the side of her neck softly.
"James…" Lily replied through a sigh, …
"You're so beautiful Lily…you're the most beautiful girl I've ever met…"
…And the familiar sensation of falling off a dangerously high cliff came back to James…he had tried to kiss her, she had of course, turned him down…
…"Close your eyes James." she said in a soothing voice.
"No, I don't want to close my eyes," James replied.
"I'm scared that when I open them again you won't be there."
…"Go to sleep James, please." Lily replied.
…And she had promised to be there when he awoke, so he had fallen asleep…
Sirius stared at James as a look of remembrance dawned on his face.
"Lily…" James said quietly.
"Yeah, James." Sirius began carefully, "She helped me get you back here…"
"No, not that-" James replied dismissing Sirius' comment. "I mean I know that, but, she-she just LEFT…" he stated, putting an emphasis of anger and disappointment on the last word.
"James…why are you so upset-" Remus asked rationally before James cut him off.
"You don't get it Remus! She promised me she'd stay last night! After I- after I tried to-"
James trailed off not able to get the words out.
"After you tried to what, James?" Remus coaxed gently.
"After I tried to kiss her alright!" James confessed positively fuming.
"How the hell could she just leave like that after she promised me she would stay!" James screamed, now pacing back and forth in front of his bed obviously angered.
Remus and Sirius both exchanged looks of bewilderment as they watched one of their best friends pacing back and forth like a mad man. Neither could understand exactly why James was so mad at Lily and quite frankly, thought he was being a bit irrational.
'Man, I know he's fancied Lily for ages, even if it was, deep,…very, VERY DEEP, down,'
Remus thought to himself, 'but he's taking this WAY out of hand! Maybe he's just more sensitive to the fact that she left him alone because he was completely drunk last night…'
Remus deduced.
"Um, James…don't you think you're taking this a tad overboard!" Remus tried rationally.
"of course I'm not Moony!" James replied atrociously "I can't believe her! I basically tell her that I lo-" James paused, not being able to get the words out, then tried again. "That I lo-"
Shit! What am I thinking! I almost said the L word! And about Lily too! What am I thinking! I barely know her!…I mean, yeah I know her, but still… James thought to himself thoroughly frightened before he started his sentence over again.
"I basically tell the girl that I fancy her…and then she just flat out leaves. She basically threw it back in my face Moony! How would that make you feel?"
Remus was quiet, but it soon became apparent that James' question was rhetorical because he kept on going.
"I mean, she could have at least left a note or something!"
"Actually…" Sirius said, finally speaking for the first time from near James' night stand.
"She kinda did, Padfoot…along with this." he finished, handing James the note and with it a small vial of an azure blue liquid.
Sirius
Make sure Potter takes this whole vial as soon as he wakes
Up. It should help with the enormous hangover he's bound to
Have for drinking so much last night.
Lily
James read the note thoroughly ten times over, as if hoping that he would find something else there between the lines like a reason why she had left or at least a 'PS: I hope you feel better James'.
"Oh…so she's back to calling me 'Potter' now is she!…I do have a name you know!" James said screaming at the leaflet of parchment on which Lily had written the note and looking positively insane. "Its JAMES, J-A-M-E-S!"
"Ok, Prongs, that's enough, it's one thing to be upset, but it's another to reach the brink of mental illness… there's a fine line between sanity and insanity and you're dancing dangerously close to that line Prongs." Remus said firmly, though still managing to keep the calmness in his voice. After all, the last thing he wanted to do was to get James mad at the Marauders as well.
James opened his mouth to retort, but Sirius butted in, making it impossible for James to say whatever it was he was about to.
"Remus is right James, so why don't you just take this potion our dear Lily left you and then get some rest before we board the train back home for the summer hols?"
Sirius said to James, holding out the small vial of hangover potion.
"No…" James replied pushing the bottle away, "I am NOT taking anything she left me."
Sirius sighed exasperatedly, he really was being too childish about this, and if he took it as far as picking a fight with Lily, well, lets just say things wouldn't be too pretty.
"Ok, I really hate to put it this way Prongs, but either you take the potion on your own free will, or I'll make you take the potion, weather you like it or not." Sirius replied with a determined look on his face.
James stared at his best friend in disbelief for a moment before snatching the vial out of his hand and downing it entirely.
"There! Happy?" James retorted.
"Yes. Very, now I suggest you get packing, we're leaving for the train in about 15 minutes." Sirius replied.
"What are you? My mother?" James snapped.
"Well, someone has to be with your attitude young man." Sirius clucked. "And if you don't start behaving this instant, don't even think for one minute that I'll hesitate to spank you."
James growled, but turned away, defeated…for now he thought, and proceeded to throw things half-hazard into his large trunk.
"Do you have any idea how wrong that sounded on so many levels, Padfoot?" Peter, the fourth and final Marauder said, poking his head out from the bathroom.
It was around four in the morning when Lily was finally able to go up to her dorm. She had lay in James' bed most of the night, staring up at the ceiling or at James' mop of messy hair long after he had fallen asleep. Most of the night, she had spent- just thinking about everything, her thoughts often lulled by James' even breaths beside her. Lily thought about school, and James, what NEWTs would be like next year, and James, how she was going to avoid Petunia over the summer, and James, weather she would be made Head Girl or not,…oh and did she mention James?
"Why do things always start out so simple but end so complicated?" Lily finally sighed to herself, unable to find an explanation for her sudden urge to help James and just…be with him.
Lily checked the wrist watch on her hand, 3:45 am. She'd have to get up soon if she wanted to avoid a bombardment of questions in the morning.
Lily turned once more and looked at James, breathing in deeply his scent before sighing and convincing herself to get up. Sometime after he had fallen asleep, James' arm had draped over her stomach and for some odd reason, Lily hadn't bothered to remove it. Now, though, she carefully lifted it up, and replaced a pillow in her place so as not to wake him. Heaving herself up, she wrote a note to Sirius, telling him to make sure James drank the hangover potion she was leaving and then set both the letter and the small vial on the bedside table by James' bed.
James stirred slightly, causing Lily's gaze to fall upon him once more. Noticing that he had left his glasses on, she gently removed them and placed them on the bedside table as well. She paused and argued with herself before she brushed the fringe of his hair (which had stuck to his forehead) up causing his hair to look deliciously messy once more and feeling the soft locks of James' hair in her fingertips.
What in Merlin's name is going on with me? Lily asked herself, Since when is Ja-Potter's hair in any way delicious!
Lily quickly dismissed the feeling, blaming it on lack of sleep. And without another glance back at James, she left the boy's dormitory and heaved herself up to her bed, collapsing fully clothed atop and falling into a deep sleep.
Lily was awoken far too soon from her deep slumber just a few hours after.
"Rise and shine Sleeping Beauty!" she heard her best friend Jen Sparks say.
Lily grabbed a box of tissues from her night stand and chucked them at Jen's head.
"Jen," Lily began groggily. "you know I love you dear, but if you try to wake me up one more time I will be forced to jinx you."
Jen rolled her eyes at her best friend before scoffing.
"For one, that's an empty threat and we both know it, and secondly, there's no need to be grumpy with me when it was your choice to be out till four in the morning-" Jen paused as Lily shot up and looked at her in surprise. "Yeah, I heard you sneaking in young lady, don't try to deny it!- Doing god knows what with Merlin knows who!"
"Well, whoever he was…" replied a second voice which belonged to Lily's other good friend, Allie Brooks who sauntered in from the bathroom carrying a towel over to her trunk and tossing it in. "whatever he must have done to Lily must have been pretty good if she's this exhausted!" she finished giggling. Jen joined in, feeling the need to tease Lily a little.
"Well," Lily replied from a sitting position on her bed, "I'm certainly glad to know that my own friends perceive me to be a scarlet woman!"
"Oh, tosh, Lily! You know they're only playing!" replied a third voice that belonged to Lily's last friend, Megan Riley.
"Now, Meg, we can never know for sure…" Jen said teasingly, " Lily's self accusation may very well be true….unless of course you want to set the record straight, Lils." she said, a smile playing on her lips as the three girls eagerly gathered around Lily to hear why she had come back so late.
"Look, nothing happened!" Lily replied defensively. "Yes, I was with someone but I was only doing a favor for them- not even a favor! More of like a responsible task as a Prefect." Lily stated so that they wouldn't get the wrong idea.
"Whoa, there tiger!" Allie replied amusedly, "No need to get so defensive, if the story goes like you say!"
"Who's being defensive!" Lily asked, completely tense. "I'm not being defensive, Allie…no sir, I am completely defensive-free."
"Whatever you say Lily." Replied Meg.
"Just for curiosity's sake Lils…" Jen began. "Who exactly were you with last night…you know, while you were doing your favor or whatever your calling it."
Shit!Shit!Shit! I knew she was going to ask me this. Lily thought, Ugh! She's totally going to take it in the wrong direction when I tell her that it was James-Gah! Stop calling him that! Lily scolded herself. That it was Potter who I practically spent the night with!
Seeing no other alternative but to tell the truth, Lily averted her emerald eyes down to the fabric of her comforter.
"James Potter." she mouthed, barely making a whisper escaper her mouth.
"What was that Lil? Didn't catch that." Allie responded.
"jamespotter." Lily replied once more, mumbling rapidly and incoherently.
"Look, Lily, you're going to have to speak up and quit mumbling, because, I dunno about the rest of you, but I don't pride myself in being to comprehend gibberish!" Jen replied briskly.
"James Potter ok!" Lily practically screamed. "I was with James fucking Potter last nigt! There are you all happy now!"
Lily looked at each of the girls in turn, Allie, was somewhat unsuccessfully trying to hide a fit of giggles, Meg, as usual was looking pensive and mature, while Jen, much to Lily's dismay had a smug, triumphant grin on her face.
Meg was the first to speak, "Well, you don't have to get all upset about it Lils…it was only a question for god's sake." she replied serenely trying to calm her friend down.
Jen, however was being no help whatsoever, for just as the statement escaped her lips she had punched a triumphant fist into the air and her grin, if possible had doubled in size. It also didn't help that Allie had decided that she could no longer contain the fit of giggles she had been trying so hard to contain.
"YES! I knew it! I knew you'd finally come around Lils! Oh it's just great Lils, James is such a great guy and you two make such a cute couple-" Jen exclaimed, completely giddy.
"Hey, hey, HEY! Hold your horses Jen! Jam- Potter and I aren't a couple! Urgh! That's so gross! I can't believe you'd ever think that for one second that I'd ever even consider going out with that insufferable, big headed prat!" Lily replied defiantly.
Jen, though knew better, there was definitely chemistry between the two. And even as much as Lily liked to deny it, she was definitely attracted to James, and he to her. They just needed a little shove in the right direction. She knew all too well that those heated arguments in the past between the two was just underlying passion and love for the other, Love, is after all a battlefield. Jen thought to herself.
"And yet, you spent the whole night with him." Jen pointed out.
Lily opened and closed her mouth.
"Well of course I did! I couldn't very well just leave him there pissed drunk alone! I mean if he'd have died, who would have had that hanging over their conscience? ME! And quite frankly, I don't want to have anything to do with any part of James Potter, dead or alive!" Lily stuttered flustered.
"Wait, back up a sec Lily…James was drunk? WHY?" Meg asked.
Lily sighed and told her friends the whole, condensed version of what had happened. Leaving out the parts where James had almost kissed her and the falling, dizzy sensation she had felt when he had touched her.
No…they're my best mates, but they don't need to know EVERYTHING! Lily reasoned.
"Well," Jen replied after Lily's explanation. "Regardless of everything you say Lils, you still stayed with him. That has to mean something…maybe it means that deep, VERY DEEP mind you, you might care for James…just even if it's a smidge?"
"I already told you Jen…I told all of you. It's physically impossible for me to care, or even like James Potter, especially with the way he acts." Lily said seriously.
"People change, Lils. That's the way the world is- it as well as all the people in it change constantly…maybe James has changed…Just promise you'll give him a chance if he has Lils, please?" Jen replied
Lily didn't answer, how was she supposed to react to something like that? Instead, she glanced at her wrist watch and then back at the three girls before her.
"We should get down to the main gates, we're set to board the train in 5 minutes." and with that, the girls shut their trunks, grabbed their wands and filed out of their dormitory.
The train ride back to King's Cross in London was quiet, to say the least. The four sixth year girls spent it mostly in silence. Lily gazing out the window at the countryside which was zooming past her rapidly, thinking about what else but James once more.
She snickered to herself.
How ironic is it that a few weeks ago, he barely crossed my mind unless if it was negative. She thought, Now, it's like there's nothing else that my mind wants to think about. Lily tried to think up reasons for why James was constantly inhabiting her mind as if he lived there, but each idea was as ludicrous as the next she came up with.
Maybe I just, want to help him, for some odd reason…but why? Could it possibly be because I've had had my heart broken in the past? she thought, after all, how did that song go… "If there's a prize for rotten judgment, I guess I've already won that."
Yeah, that's probably it! Lily thought hapily And Merlin knew that James had the most rotten judgment in the world when it came to girls. Lily was naturally a nice person who wanted to help others, it was in her nature. Maybe that's why I keep thinking about James, maybe I subconsciously want to help him- save him in a way.
Yeah, and that's not caring AT ALL. That same annoying voice from before replied.
Urgh! You again! What the hell is THAT supposed to mean!
It means exactly what you know it does, that you do care about James.
Do NOT! God what is with everyone thinking THAT! I'd think I would know what I feel!
Love is blind in the eye of the beholder!
You are so ANNOYING! Can't you just leave me ALONE!
You do realize that you're calling yourself annoying right? Because you are talking to yourself. And with that said, because I am you, I CAN'T exactly leave you alone….but I can see when I'm not wanted!
"Good! Go Then!"
"Are you alright Lily?" Meg asked.
"Yeah, fine why?" Lily asked
"Well, who were you yelling at just then?"
"Huh?" Lily replied before realizing that she must have said that last comment out loud. "Oh, I must have been dozing off-"
"Attention students. We are pulling up to Platform 9 ¾ please makes sure you retrieve all of your belongings and exit the train in an orderly fashion. Have a lovely Summer!" the cool voice of the conductor's assistant rang through the train's entirety.
The Hogwarts Express lurched to a stop and the girls retrieved their trunks, pulling them along the aisle as they filed in line to dispatch from the train.
Lily looked around for her family as she got off the train, scanning the crowd with her emerald green eyes. Suddenly they locked onto a pair of deep hazel eyes, framed by black rimed glasses. Lily's breath caught in her throat. Why oh why did James have to have such a penetrating gaze? It just wasn't fair that he gave the impression that he could see straight through any façade she put up.
Well, maybe I should go over and say something, Lily thought, fiddling with a medium sized jar of frog spawn she had confiscated from a first year boy who was planning on dumping it on a girl with brown ringlets. I mean, if I'm actually going to save him, I should at least start off by trying to be friends with him right?
"Guy's, I'll be right back, can you watch my stuff while I go?" Lily said to her friends. Without waiting for an answer, she approached James, jar in hand (she was taking no chances, that little boy did look pretty shifty.) never once breaking eye contact.
"Hey, James." she replied trying to sound cheerful.
"Evans." James replied coldly.
Lily looked at him bewildered, what was going on with him?
Both of their friends watched the exchange from respective distances.
"James, are you feeling alright?" Lily asked finally, concerned.
"Oh. So now you care?" James snapped.
"I-I don't understand-" Lily stammered.
"Last night Lily! You promised me you'd stay! You didn't though, you didn't even leave a note- you could have at least done that! I guess promises don't count much in your book do they?" he replied cooly.
Lily tried to keep calm, but he was already pushing the limit, she would break soon if he didn't stop acting so stupid.
"Ok, first of all, Potter," Lily replied putting emphasis on his last name. "I didn't promise you anything last night, you just assumed, secondly I did leave you a note, along with a hangover potion."
"No, Lily. You left Sirius the note, telling him to give it to me!" James replied, clearly angered.
"James, what the hell is the big deal!" Lily replied her voice rising.
Does everything always have to be a fight with him? This whole thing is stupid!
"The big deal? THE BIG DEAL! Lily, for god's sake! I practically pour out my soul to you last night, I tell you things I can barely handle telling Sirius, and all I ask you to do is just stay with me and you can't even do that!" he spat.
"Look, I didn't ask you to tell me everything, I just told you that I'd listen if you wanted me to! I was just trying to be nice James, something you obviously know nothing aboutsince you don't even know how to be grateful toward someone who saved your arse last night!" Lily fumed.
"Don't try to act all perfect Evans because you're not!"
"Oh, really? That's not what I remember you telling me last night!" Lily threw back.
"Well, clearly, whatever I thought or said last night was influenced by the fact that I was drunk! At least now I can see how cold hearted you really are!" James replied.
And that was the last straw for Lily.
"You, are so dead Potter." she replied in a low deadly growl, and without thinking twice, Lily poured the entire contents of the jar directly on top of James' head. Before she turned on her heel and walked back to her luggage leaving a speechless and frog spawn covered James behind her.
"You're right Jen, people do change…but not James Potter, he'll always be the most ungrateful prat in the entire world."
Lily took hold of the trolly which had her trunk as well as he owl and wheeled it over to her parents, who by the shocked look on their faces had apparently arrived just in time to watch Lily and James' exchange.
Without stopping she lead the way out of the train station and didn't stop until she reached her family's car.
As Mr. Evans started the engine, Lily looked out the window and hid the lone tear that had finally escaped her eye, wiping it away quickly.
James Potter isn't worth crying over. She thought bitterly to herself her father drove home
A/N: Ok, wow, 14 somewhat pages…that's not too bad ;-)! So I hope you all enjoyed chapter 8 of Saving James. If you all are nice and review my chapter I promise I'll post chapter 9 tomorrow ;-)! Anyway, Please review cuz your reviews make me happy!
*hugs*
Luminous Star