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He was a vampire. She was a werewolf. Who saw that coming? by Oatmeal
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He was a vampire. She was a werewolf. Who saw that coming?

Oatmeal

Chapter 3: The story title totally spoiled this chapter; right? RIGHT?

Harry sat by the border dividing the line between vampire and werewolf territories. One thing that Harry considered even worst than elder vampires droning about vampire culture was new vampire fledglings droning on about how cool it was to have their new vampire powers. They'd turn invisible, knock down trees and make their fangs grown longer then back to normal. They'd try to fly but vampires can't fly, then can only jump very long distances. Harry still preferred a broom but sometimes stealth is more important than convenience. It was a cold night and he'd tell some of the new vampires to shut up and settle down, even though some of them were twice his age. He sighed as he used his wand to pick up scraps on the forest floor and toss them into a hole at the bottom of a tall tree.

When it seemed that the night will bring no surprise the clouds suddenly parted. Howls came around them and suddenly they heard shouts of vampires and barks. The attacks started. Harry rushed off following the vampires closer to the sounds of battle. In a small glen there were dozens of werewolves and vampires locked in battle. Harry tossed spell after spell at the werewolves as the other vampires fought tooth and nail. Suddenly something hit him and he fell backwards. A dead werewolf was on top of him its lifeless eyes staring right through him. He couldn't move, and his wand was just out of reach. He was stuck there unable to see the battle going mere meters away from him. He could only hear vampire screams and werewolf howls. His heart pounded thinking what would happen. What if they'd loss? They'd find him here and rip him limb from limb. He tried to calm himself but the stench of death and werewolf made him gasp for air.

Moments seemed like hours when finally the carcass heaved and it was off him. Two older vampires helped him up.

"Good job Harry on you first kill, Renoir will be pleased," said one of the older vampires.

"Yeah…Thanks," said Harry feeling slightly guilty afterwards.

"Yeah Harry, we managed to capture one from the pack. Pretty wild that one is," said the other vampire as he pointed down into the glen.

All the werewolves were dead and along with a third of the vampires. It looked like a war zone with ripped up trees and blood everywhere. Slash marks scarred the landscape as much as there was blood. A single werewolf was snapping at its captors, it was slightly wounded on its stomach. Its head thrashing wildly as it tried to get out from the chain that held it. Some vampires started to wrap bonds around it, carefully avoiding its claws and teeth.

"Come on Renoir would like to see if we can interrogate it," said one of the vampires.

They traveled back to the castle, entering into a small arena on the west end of the castle. The moon still shone brightly down on the area as they stopped. Renoir came out of a side door, looking very pleased. He approached the werewolf his hand brought up as if to pet it. It was growling and trying to bite off his outstretched hand. Renoir smiled and in a flash grabbed its snout firmly holding its mouth close.

"Such wild beasts; werewolves," he said as if talking to himself, "so unrestrained, so powerful. If you only had some pride in your race like us vampires, perhaps you would rise out of the caves you live."

Harry rolled his eyes expecting to hear some boring speech about vampirekind.

"Ah," said Renoir looking up at the sky, "just what I'm waiting for."

He let go of the mouth and stepped backwards. The arena grew darker, as a cloud passed over the moon. Soon enough the werewolf's fur began to shed; its snout grew smaller and into its face. Its hind legs were going back into normal human feet. Its shackles fell off her as her stature shrunk. In a mere moment a human stood where the werewolf had just been, a woman with locks big bushy brown hair flowing down her shoulders.

Harry was in total shock. He slowly moved to the front of the crowd, trying to move around to see a better look. His mouth was agape as he rounded the arena looking right into the woman's face. Hermione Granger was a werewolf.

"What were you doing near our borders?" asked Renoir, "Did you know that you were violating the Treaty of '94 by trespassing in our lands?"

"That's a lie," Hermione said, shivering in the cold, "we were clearly on our side of the border. It was your group who attacked us!"

Renoir sighed, "You rogue werewolves should really change your tune. Had it not been for the more civilized of your kind that signed the treaty, we'd have eradicated you long ago."

Hermione said nothing. She just glared into Renoir's eyes.

"Well then, if you won't tell us why you were here, then perhaps death with loosen your tongue!" he said as he raised his hand ready to strike.

"NO!"

Harry had jumped in front of Renoir hands outstretched. His mind raced as he was trying to think what to do. He was protecting a werewolf which was one of his best friends in an area full of vampires ready to kill her.

"What is it Harry?" asked Renoir, looking very confused.

"I…uh," stuttered Harry, "I'll do it!"

Hermione's eyes widen in shock, Harry looked around thinking that it was all over. They'd never believe him. Who would possibly believe him?

Renoir looked thoroughly surprised but a wide smile spread over his face, "I knew you had it in you Harry! I knew this night was going to be special, the night that you prove yourself!"

Small cheers rose from the ring of vampires. Harry nervously smiled, he took out his wand but Renoir stopped him.

"Harry, please," Renoir said, "no wand this time. Use your hands like a real vampire."

Harry gulped as he put away his wand. As he brought up his hand ready to strike, fear in Hermione's eyes, glee in Renoir's, Harry closed his eyes wishing for a miracle.

"RENOIR!" shouted a voice.

A vampire had bursted through the door from the castle panting, "Renoir…you're needed in the castle."

"What is it now?" yelled Renoir looking displeased.

"Tonight is the Vampire Werewolf Mixer, to improve vampire/werewolf relations," panted the vampire.

"Was that tonight? Damn! I thought that was next week?"

"Well remember we had that rescheduling?"

"Damn. If they find out we have one of their own here…oh this does not bode well."

Renoir paced around as nervous murmurs spread into the crowd.

"Ok," sighed Renoir, "Harry, you take this werewolf out back into the forest a few miles then finish her off. And make sure you do not get caught."

"Uh…yeah sure," said Harry, but Renoir was already heading towards the doors.

Harry held Hermione and kicked off into the air about thirty feet. Hermione was still in a state of shock, shivering in the cold. Harry tried his best to wrap her around his cloak. They were about a mile away from the castle when he propped Hermione against a tree. She opened her eyes looking at him. They both had the same look of shock.

"You're a…" they said at the same time.

"But when…" they said…at the same time.

They paused and let a moment of silence pass. They didn't know what to say, where to start. Questions flooded into their minds yet they knew they didn't have much time. Hermione winced as she touched her wound on her stomach. Harry walked over took out his wand and bandaged it, being very careful not to stare at her body.

"So how long?" asked Harry solemnly.

"About three years ago, I was doing some research with Lupin and then I got caught by another werewolf," said Hermione, "How about you?"

"Six years ago coming this June," said Harry, "apparently some vampire wanted some celebrity power on their side."

Hermione laughed a bit but her face grew grim, "You're not…really going…to kill me are you?"

"No!" said Harry looking a bit insulted, "I mean…no. When I saw it was you, I wanted to take you away…protect you."

"Oh Harry that's so sweet," said Hermione and she got up and hugged him.

"Hermione! No!" said Harry as he pushed her away, his face looking very red. He turned around and tried to focus on the bark of a tree.

"What's a matter Harry?" she asked, looking a bit sad.

"Well…you're…you're naked!" he stuttered, forcing the words out.

Harry pulled off his cloak and handed it to Hermione behind his back, still very interested in the tree bark. Hermione walked over and took the cloak and wrapped it around her.

"Oh Harry, it's nothing!" she said, "Ever since I've been a werewolf, I've been naked plenty of…"

"Hermione!" said Harry, "This isn't something I would like to know about my best friend."

"Harry," she said as he could hear her getting closer, "it's nothing. It's just skin not anything you haven't seen before."
"Well that's different," he said as he felt himself being turned around, "You're my best friend and..and yeah friends don't see each other naked."

Harry opened his eyes seeing a certain playful look in Hermione's eyes. His face grew redder if that was ever possible.

"You're blushing!" she said coyfully, "is it because Harry Potter fancies me?"

"No! No I don't mean…it's just that," sputtered Harry as he turned even redder.

"Did you like what you saw?" said Hermione suddenly, a wide smile over her face.

"Wha…What?" stuttered Harry looking confused.

"When I was naked…did you like what you saw?" she reminded him.

"NO! Don't say that word! I mean…I don't think you're…uh," stuttered Harry again.

Truth be told Harry didn't remember her being naked because he was in too much shock in just finding out she was a werewolf. He would be lying to himself though, if he said he didn't think about Hermione at all in her dress at the reunion. He calmed himself as much as he can while Hermione looked at him expecting an answer.

"Hermione, we're friends. Best friends," said Harry firmly with steely resolve.

"Then kiss me," said Hermione bluntly.

Harry did not expect that answer. He froze as if he was caught by a hex. He couldn't move as Hermione moved slowly towards him, her brown intense looking eyes locked on him. He could lose himself in those eyes for days.

"Wha.." said Harry sounding quite dumbfounded, "We…we don't have time."

"Just kiss me. And if you don't feel anything then…we'll just be friends," said Hermione quietly sounding a tad serious.

He felt her arms reach around his neck pulling him in slowly. He wanted to stop, vampires might come out of nowhere at any minute to see if he'd done his job right. Renoir could summon him at any time. However he couldn't stop. He was so close to her, feeling her breath flowing into him. He closed his eyes and fell into her embrace.

Her lips felt wet…very wet. Almost sloppy to tell the truth as her lips seemed to have pursed itself into a small ball. It was like kissing a cold wet prune. Harry's stomach seemed to jump an inch up and not in a good way. He pulled back feeling a tad disappointed.

"See? I told you Hermione, we're just not…"

He stopped talking when he opened his eyes. There he was standing in the middle of the forest, nose to snout with a fully transformed werewolf. The moonlight illuminated the strange scene of Harry Potter kissing the nose of a werewolf wearing a wizard's cloak. The irony wasn't entirely lost on Harry. He felt himself being tossed into the air and smacking right into a tree. The werewolf Hermione was fast, too fast for Harry to even follow with his eyes. In a second it was on him, one hand up in the air, ready to strike.

"No Hermione!" shouted Harry.

She stopped as if she recognized the voice, or at least the command.

"It's me Harry. Please, I know you're in there somewhere. Just fight it! I know you can do it!" pleaded Harry.

She paused, her breath panting steaming up Harry's glasses. It was like she was debating to strike or not. Harry relaxed a bit when a few tense moments passed.

RIIIIIPPPP

Harry stared at the two inch long wolf claws that just sunk into his right shoulder. He looked up at the somewhat confused face of the werewolf standing over him.

"Ow!" he whined as he pushed Hermione off of him.

She backed off a step as Harry got up and propped himself against a tree. She whimpered and whined to him as if trying to apologize in wolf speech.

"Yeah you better be sorry," said Harry looking ungrateful, "I spare your life as a vampire but as a werewolf you just skewered me."

Hermione kept on whining, emitting small growls as a cloud passed over the mood, "aarrrooo….arrr…mmm…arr..arry, I coul..rrrrr…dn't control myself. Oh Harry…does it hurt?"

She walked over trying to look at the wound when Harry said its alright.

"It'll heal, don't worry," he winced as he touched his shoulder.

"Harry!" shouted a voice in the bushes.

His face froze as he looked out into the forest. Vampires were coming.

"You have to get out of here Hermione, if they find you, they'll kill you!" whispered Harry quickly.

"But what about you?" asked Hermione.

"Don't worry about me I'll be fine. Just go! GO!"

Hermione gave him a small hug in which he suppressed the urge to call out in pain. She took a few steps before she stopped and looked over her shoulder.

"It was nice to see you again Harry," she said and with a small smile she disappeared into the shadows.

Two vampires came out from the trees and landed gently on the ground.

"So did you do it?" one asked.

"Yeah, it's done," said Harry.

"So where's the body?" asked the second one.

"Uh…I buried it. Yeah. Don't quite remember but yeah," lied Harry.

"Good we don't want them sniffing around," said the second vampire, "you're needed back at the castle."

They jumped back into the trees and out of sight. Harry just stood there, still feeling his wound. He saw his blood on his hands. The moon suddenly came out again from behind a cloud casting a silvery sheen on the blood. Figuring that after what happened he deserved a bit of a snack he dabbed a bit on his teeth tasting it. It was warm; boiling almost like it was active. He never tasted blood so good, even from himself. He slowly suckled on his fingertip as he looked up at the full moon in the sky.