Unofficial Portkey Archive

Author's Note: First, I have to thank everybody who reviewed the previous chapters. I'm simply amazed that people reacted so strongly, and I replied to every single review.

Second, this chapter has a bit more stuff happening and is a bit longer. Also, a bit less funny and a bit more dramatic, but it's something I needed to do. Will be back to more humour in the next chapters. I know you guys desperately want them together, but it's no fun when it's too easy.

My head hitting the desk was probably what had woken me up, I decided while rubbing my forehead and aligning a combination of words I would normally scold Ron for saying. I had dozed off with my head resting in my hand while sitting at my desk at work. It was only 11 am, which really didn't bode well for the rest of the day. Glancing at the clock on the wall, with its arrow slowly going from 'slightly rushed' to 'squeezed-in lunchtime', I let my eyes trail to the 'rushed beyond words' that marked most of the afternoon. Fortunately, the clock wasn't as accurate today as it usually was. Not much work needed to be done and that was a good thing because I'd only been able to squeeze in a few hours of sleep.

To say I was confused when I apparated to my flat that night would be an understatement. The problem was, I wasn't actually sure what had sparked that confusion. One moment, I was hugging Harry goodnight and the next, the memory of the kiss came rushing back stronger than ever before. I had probably looked like an idiot, backing away from him and simply leaving. I think I even half expected him to apparate after me, but he didn't.

It was almost 2 am when I finally got into bed, pushing an indignant Crookshanks out of the way to make room for my legs. But even then, sleep seemed to evade me. I finally woke up at 6 am with a stiff nick and a headache to match. The expression on my secretary's face that morning had said even more about my current state than the stiff neck. I looked as tired as I felt. Slowly, I started gathering my things, putting all the papers in a neat pile that I then placed on the right side, with my quill in its holder. Shedding my wizard robes, which I wore over more comfortable but still formal clothing, I hung them on the hook behind my door and grabbed my purse. I would be a little early for my lunch date with Ron, but it was better than falling asleep again and missing it.

The night we finally killed Voldemort had dragged on forever. It was a chain of excruciating battles one after the other, a chaos of hexes and pain. But the night I had just spent, sitting on the couch and staring at the ceiling had been even longer. From the moment I stepped foot into the flat I shared with Ron, I knew I wouldn't be able to find sleep. The horrible feeling that somehow, someway, I had betrayed my secret gripped me at the throat, making me feel agitated and troubled. How could I ever have been so dumb to think that I could just kiss Hermione and that everything I felt for her would go away?

So I sat there, thinking about Hermione and of the ten thousand ways she could figure it out. Because she would, I knew she would and then everything would be ruined. When morning came, I showered, ate and left, still haunted by those thoughts. I had done very little at work that morning, barely making it through half the field reports I had to fill out, which would most likely earn me more than my share of glares from Tonks, my superior. When lunch hour came, I left the office without much enthusiasm even though I was awfully hungry. I had no particular plans for that day so I decided to simply walk down the street until I came upon something appealing. And I did.

My breath caught in my throat when I saw Hermione through the window of a small restaurant where Ron, Hermione and I had gone on several occasions. She had a book opened on the table in front of her and seemed engrossed in it, but she also looked tired. It wasn't surprising, I thought, after all she too had gotten home quite late the night before. My brain screamed to stay away, but I was drawned to her like a moth to the flame and I started towards the door, when suddenly the ground gave under me.

Not literally, obviously, but it might as well have. Frozen in place, I watched as Ron arrived behind her and placed an hand on her shoulder, startling her. When she realized it was him, she offered him a bright smile and he bent to kiss her cheek before sitting next to her. The sight of him stealing the book away from her and playfully keeping it out of her reach sent me years before, when they were still living together and were ridiculously happy. I'm not quite sure how long I remained there, all thoughts of hunger forgotten, simply staring at them. But eventually, I turned and hurriedly walked away, feeling an odd mixture of rage and sadness take over me. I made it back to my office somehow, at which point I slammed the door behind me and leaned my back to it, breathing heavily.

There it was. The main reason why I could never tell Hermione what she meant to me. All that she truly meant to me. It's not like it had come as a shock, I had known it from the start. The relationship Ron and Hermione still shared had been the main reason why I had kept my secret to myself for over a year. I was scared of losing her but also of losing them both.

'Ron! Oh, sometimes I swear...' I said, finally taking back my book and putting it in my purse before he could steal it away from me again. I wanted to glare at him, but he looked so happy with himself that I simply couldn't. With a sigh, I simply shook my head slowly and hoped that it would do. With his cheeks still red from the cold and a large grin on his face, he looked like an insufferable kid. I remembered a time where that used to be enough to make me melt.

'Sorry, sorry,' he said, looking anything but. He took off his coat and hung it on the back of his chair just as the waitress came to take our orders. We made small talk until our meals came and as usual, after that, any talking was made impossible by Ron stuffing his face like he'd never eaten a thing before in his life . Even after having lived with him, I still found that a hard sight to adjust to. At some point, he seemed to feel my eyes on him and he paused, looking up from his plate. I didn't need to say anything, he simply understood me by looking into my eyes. Okay, so our relationship is not exactly back to where it was before, but in my opinion, it's a good thing. Harry was always the only one that ever could know what I was thinking or what I would say simply by looking into my eyes, as I could for him. But Ron, from time to time, has that ability too now. Funny how it took a 3 year relationship for him to be able to do that when it's always been so natural for Harry and I.

'So. Remember how I said I wanted to treat you to lunch?' he began, dabbing the corners of his mouth with his napkin.

'Yes. Obviously, since I showed up here. And we're eating lunch,' I said, giving him a dubious look. He rolled his eyes then pointed out that he meant to explain why he had invited me. I nodded and continued to pick at my food absently, the lack of sleep having left me nauseous and not the least bit hungry.

'I just thought, that I should tell you first. I think after all we've been through, I at least owe you a heads up,' Ron began, sparking my curiosity. I looked up at him with large worried eyes, urging him to continue. 'I'm going to ask Luna to marry me on Saturday, at Mum's big supper at the Burrow.'

I'm not quite sure what happened there. I probably stared at him long and hard enough for him to feel uncomfortable because he reached out across the table and grabbed my hand, squeezing it. He probably asked if I was okay, but I could not hear anything at that point, the buzzing in my ears was deafening. I blinked a few times to chase away the tears and forced myself to smile, hoping that I could make my emotions pass for happiness.

'Oh, Ron! That's so great!' I said, finally regaining my composure. I must have been convincing because the next thing I knew he had a childish grin on his face as he pulled me into a tight hug. My smile faded as he pressed me hard against him. I couldn't understand why I was feeling this way. Why was this affecting me so? Why couldn't I be happy for him?

He pulled back and my fake smile returned, brighter than ever. He took both my hands in his and squeezed them. I don't think I'd ever seen him so happy, even when we were together. And if anything, that made me hurt even more.

'I was wicked worried about this. You just...You've meant so much to me for so long and I'm not a git, I know things will always be a bit tense between us. I'm so relieved,' Ron said, finally letting go of my hands and turning back to his meal. We finished the meal, him commenting merely on his plans and me trying to smile happily so that he wouldn't suspect a thing. When he finally walked me back to the museum and we parted at the door, the façade fell almost instantly. Furiously, I wiped away the tears that kept falling and hurried into the nearest bathroom that I could find, casting a locking charm at the door.

I turned around and fell face to face with the mirror, staring at my own reflection. The woman looking back at me had horribly red eyes with dark circles under them, her face was pale and she looked more distraught then I'd ever seen her in the last few years. I felt like I had during our last few months at Hogwarts, worrying for Harry and everyone else. I had gotten so nervous that I had stopped sleeping and eating, getting so thin that Ron and Harry had both gotten on my case, making sure I got some sleep and ate properly. I wasn't any close to being that thin now, but I did look as tired. And I did feel just as horrible.

When I got home that day, I still had the image of Hermione and Ron laughing together dancing in front of my eyes. I had accomplished even less in the afternoon than I had that morning, but one look at me had told Tonks that the last thing I needed was her getting on my back. I'd even yelled at Sirius to get out of the way when we crossed paths in the corridor leading out, leaving him looking deeply troubled. I hadn't even bothered to look back.

The flat was dark, reminding me that Ron was spending the night at Luna's. I dropped my things, including my cloak and robes, in a pile next to the door and headed straight for my bedroom. Perhaps sleep would improve my mood, clear up my mind, and I would be back to being myself. Well, at least, I would be back to pretending to be myself, just as I'd been doing for the past year.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I found when I opened the door leading into my bedroom. Sitting on my bed with her head bowed and her long hair falling in front of her face was Hermione. Slowly she looked up and I saw the tears that covered her face, only then hearing her sobs. I didn't even ask myself what she was doing there, I simply went to her and pulled her into my arms as I sat on the edge of my bed next to her. Her sobs intensified as I did so and she buried her face in my shirt while I leaned my chin on top of her head and held her in silence. I don't think I could have found the right words anyway.

Gently pulling her down with me on the bed, I got us into a comfortable sleeping position and she obediently followed my lead. I laid on my back and she on her side, her arm and head resting on my chest as she still cried openly. Caressing her hair with my free hand, I waited as she cried herself to sleep in my arms. Then I closed my own eyes and let the lovely warmth of her body against mine and her regular breathing lull me to sleep. I didn't want to think about this. Hermione was hurt, Hermione had come to me and I would simply be there, without fearing that she might find out the truth about the kiss. In addition to which, feeling her body against mine was simply divine.

The delicious smell of bacon pulled me from sleep that morning, but my unfamiliar surroundings were what truly woke me up. Raising myself up on one elbow, I gave the room a circular look, my brows knitted together. It took me quite a long moment to remember that I was in Harry's room but when I finally did, I dropped back on the bed with a sigh. I had made a fool of myself, I simply knew it.

I'd taken the afternoon off, which had shocked my secretary, Pearl, beyond words and had headed home, only to find that an empty flat was of no comfort (Crookshanks was still pouting from having been disrupted the night before). Grabbing my apparation key -a rather clever object that allowed people to pass through someone's apparating guards- and sliding it in the back pocket of the jeans I'd changed into, I apparated to Harry's flat and waited, sitting on his bed, until he got home. When I heard him apparate from the hall, I broke into a new fit of sobs, part of it pain and part of it relief. Finally, I wouldn't be so alone.

He had understood without a word, allowing me to fall asleep in his arms as I cried without once asking for an explanation. And apparently, he had woken up and let me sleep. I turned and looked over at the muggle clock on his nightstand, finding that it was almost ten. With a loud gasp, I jumped out of bed and checked the clock once more to make sure that I had seen right. I was horribly late for work. Harry's voice, coming from the kitchen, startled me.

'Don't worry. I owled work, you're not going today.'

'What?!' I said, even as a wave of relief washed over me. Pearl had certainly had an heart attack upon receiving the note from Harry. Leaving the bedroom to join Harry in the kitchen, I found him with his back to me, cooking. 'You did what? Harry! I can't miss work!'

'Sure you can. Notice how you're not at work right now?' he said without looking at me, a touch of humour in his voice. Usually, when he's that infuriating, I simply stomp my foot and turn away from him, but then I didn't, for some reason. Maybe because I knew he was right. 'Besides, the last thing you need to do right now is work. I've got not idea what's wrong but I know that someone looking like that hasn't got any business locking themselves and burying themselves in books. Even you.'

With that, he turned with a frying pan in his hand and filled two plates with bacon, sausages and eggs. It was a horribly greasy looking breakfast but I couldn't help but lick my lips in anticipation. It smelled delicious. Moments later, he had placed the plates on the table next to two cups of coffee and as I had not moved, had gently pushed me in the direction of the closest seat. As soon as I was seated, I attacked the breakfast almost in a Ron fashion, far from the slow and deliberate eating I was known for. I was famished, which wasn't surprising considering I hadn't eaten much at lunch and nothing after that. My plate was half empty when I caught Harry's amused expression from the corner of my eye. Pausing, I frowned at him and lowered my fork. 'What?'

'Nothing. I'd just never realized they didn't feed you at that museum of yours,' he said with a grin on his face before bringing a fork full of egg and bacon to his mouth.

'Very funny. I just wasn't didn't have the stomach for food yesterday,' I explained, careful not to say anything that would reveal what had caused me to react so strongly. It was both out of consideration for Ron, since he'd made it quite clear that he wanted it to be a surprise, and because I still had no idea why I had. I knew I wasn't in love with Ron anymore, so why? Maybe because it made me feel more lonely than I ever had before. Or worse, maybe it made me feel like I wasn't worth being loved. If Luna Lovegood made a better life partner than I did, what did I have to look forward to? Not that I didn't appreciate Luna, she was simply...peculiar.

'I can imagine,' Harry simply said, not pushing for an explanation. The raven-haired boy was looking down at his plate so he missed my grateful smile, but his eyes lighted up as soon as he looked up at me.

'Thank you, Harry. For everything.'

The way she was looking at me made all my worries disappear. Ever since I had found her crying on my bed the previous night, I had been terrified for her, her silence leaving me with no other options but to worry. I had woken up with her sleeping form still molded to the contours of my body and for a few minutes I had allowed myself to cherish the moment, forgetting that she wasn't my girlfriend and that anything was wrong. For a single moment, everything had been perfect. And then the worry had rushed back in and I had gotten out of bed to owl both our employers to inform them of our absence. I knew Tonks would probably put me through extra shifts for that later in the week, but I could not be bothered by that at the moment.

'You all right?' I finally asked and she offered me a nod as a simple response before returning to her food. Seeing her eat like that had also brought me comfort, even if it was a bit unsettling at first. She was usually so posed, which always offered such a big contrast with Ron at meal time. Hermione chewed her food carefully and made sure she swallowed before speaking, while Ron often spoke with his mouth full and sometimes ended up with more food on his face than in his stomach.

The rest of the day was simply perfect. After a quick stop at Hermione's flat to feed her cat and for her to change clothes we headed out to a muggle movie theatre, then grabbed supper at a restaurant. Sleep had not been the key to help my mood from the previous day, Hermione had. Even if my feelings for her tortured me, they also lifted me to a state of happiness like no other. Any time spent with her was absolute perfection. The memory of that day helped me through the week and on to the weekend, when we were all due for a supper feast at the Burrow to celebrate Ginny's engagement. It wasn't by far a formal event, but those gatherings were always rather pleasant so everyone was looking forward to it. We were a large family, loving and united.

We were all sitting around the table, which had been made several feet longer by use of magic, when I saw Hermione pale considerably at my side. With a frown, I followed her gaze and saw that Ron had stood. He cleared his throat, gaining everybody's attention.

'I have an announcement to make.'

Author's Note: We kind of know what's coming, don't we? It's a bit of a sudden ending, but I wanted it to be a 'oh, shit - way to ruin the moment, Ron' moment. I have to say, once more time, that Hermione is no longer in love with Ron. That's in the past. But her reaction ties in with issues she's had over not feeling pretty and being undeserving of love. But can you guess what Harry will think when he realizes that Ron's marriage proposal to Luna is the reason why she was crying? I will try to update as soon as possible.