Author's Note: So, the part was written in time with what I promise, but even though my beta rocks, she's a busy girl, and so am I. So, it got done last Wednesday, but only just got done writing. So, sorry for that. I won't make 'less than a week' promises anymore, but I should update at a rate of about once a week. Also, I promised some people I would say this.
Harry wasn't going to tell Hermione he didn't love her, she just didn't let him finish his sentence. What he meant to say would have been something like 'I'm sorry, Hermione. I don't know what to say,' and then he would have moved on to fess up (and almost did).
Hope you guys enjoy, more after the part.
When Ginny told me that Hermione was drunk, I'd had to make her repeat it about four times before the association of that name and that word made any kind of sense. I straightened up quickly and then I flooed straight to Sirius' house. Cheers and laughs welcomed me. 'Harry!'
Once the initial excitement caused by my arrival subsided, people went back to their business, except for Sirius and Ginny, both of whom approached me. I wished the first of them happy birthday, without making note of the flower-print dress he was wearing.
Sirius was far, far from the man I'd met when I was only 13 years old. According to Remus, that's how my father and he had always behaved, before the whole Voldemort issue forced them to become much more serious. From what I understood, my mother had also played a large part in my father's coming of age, but Lupin said she had a laugh like nobody else's. It was hard to imagine my parents being happy, even when I looked at pictures of them smiling and waving, when for most of my life, they had been referred to as martyrs by others. Adulthood gave me a new perspective, allowing me not to long for them as I did when I was a child, but to cherish the memory of them through what their friends shared with me. They'd been happy and in love. It was what I wished I could have with Hermione, but now I feared I'd ruined any chance I'd ever had with her.
Someone called Sirius' name from the other side of the room and he left me with Ginny, who was apparently getting impatient as she started talking the moment my godfather turned away from us. 'What took you so long? Blimey, Harry, what did you do to her, exactly?'
I took a step back, out of harm's way, remembering all too well the harsh hit on my shoulder from two weeks before. She rolled her eyes and sighed, then grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me aside from the commotion of the party, so that no one would hear us. I tried to spot Hermione in the crowd of wizards, but in vain, as Ginny lead me to the bathroom. Once we got there, she turned to me and raised her eyebrows, apparently expecting me to answer her previous questions. 'Well, let's just put it simply, she showed up and kissed me, which was good; then she slapped me, which was not as good.'
'She slapped you?' Ginny exclaimed, her eyes wide. I nodded in response, then another and much more pressing thought popped into my mind.
'So, I'm not exactly sure she'll be happy to see me, but considering I'm already here… Where is she, and who gave her alcohol?'
Ginny groaned and led the way out of the bathroom as she answered, 'Well, she's not a teenager anymore, but my stupid fiancé did.'
I was so gonna punch Malfoy in the face.
Soon, we arrived in the kitchen and I became witness to scene that I would never have judged even plausible. Hermione, Malfoy, Ron and Luna were sitting at the kitchen table, the first two with a bottle of tequila and shot drinks between them. Ron looked on with what I could only interpret as worry creasing his brow as Hermione licked the salt on her hand before emptying her glass and biting into the lemon slice. After doing so, she let out a giggle that was drunkenly mirrored by Draco. Luna was looking at both of them with her trademark large blue eyes and even she seemed disconcerted by the current situation.
'We all tried to stop her, at one point or another. Even Draco did, but she told us to… Um, well, you know,' Ginny explained as I stood there in shock. 'So, Ron said he would keep an eye on her while I went to fetch you.'
I nodded, then approached the table, a bit fearful of Hermione's reaction to my presence. Would she scream at me again? Probably. Still, I came up behind her and took the newly filled shot glass she was bringing to her lips again out of her hand. 'I think you've had enough of this.'
She let out a whine, then twisted her upper body to get a good look at just who had taken her precious tequila away. 'Harry!'
Well, a cheerful welcome certainly wasn't what I was expecting.
Hermione got up from her chair and jumped into my arms, giving me a tight hug that left me speechless. Less than twenty-four hours before, the same woman was screaming at me and threatening me of bodily harm. Now, without an explanation other than her being incredibly intoxicated, she seemed immensely happy to see me. A quick look around assured me that everyone in the room seemed as shocked as I was, even Malfoy.
'Malfoy gave me tequila, Harry! And fire whiskey too!' she said with drunken enthusiasm when she pulled away from me, then giggled. Ron and I shared a look, then I saw him turn to Draco with a rightfully angry expression on his face as I wrapped one arm around Hermione's waist and tried to lead her out of the kitchen.
At first, she followed willingly, still laughing, until she realized what I was doing. 'No, Harry, I'm fine, I swear.'
Despite my arm around her waist, steadying her, she almost tripped just as she said that, but I caught her in time. 'Right, maybe a bit tipsy, then.'
'More like completely pissed,' I said with a sigh, then took her arm and threw it around my shoulders to give her more stability. She groaned, but she didn't protest any further. We'd almost made it to Sirius' guestroom when she let out a moan that seemed anything but reassuring.
'I'm not feeling so well…' she said, leaning one hand against the door frame to steady herself and make me stop.
'I'm shocked,' I said sarcastically, before feeling her arm slip away from my shoulders. When I looked at her, I saw that her face was very pale and that she did indeed seem nauseous. I framed her face with my hands, brushing a few strands of dark hair out of her face and forced her to look at me. 'Want me to bring you to the bathroom?'
She shook her head slowly and then clumsily made her way to the bed, on which she basically collapsed. I turned around to close the door and just as my back was turned to her, I heard Hermione speak the last words I ever expected her to say. 'I love you, you know.'
I froze, my hand on the doorknob. Had I heard right? No, it was impossible. Yet, she'd said it. After taking in a deep breath to calm my nerves, I shut the door and then went to sit on the edge of the bed, in silence. She rotated onto her back before she continued. 'I just thought…You know, since you kissed me and…And I saw how you were looking at me in the memory with the Pensieve.'
Her rambling didn't make much sense, but I allowed her to continue, simply because I wasn't exactly sure what to say. The same reason why I hadn't simply told her that I loved her the night before still held true. I was still leaving.
'I hoped that maybe, you loved me too. But I understand if you don't… All right, maybe I'd still be pissed about the kiss, but you matter too much to me to lose you over a kiss. So, if you don't love me, it's ok.'
To say I felt like the worst bloody bastard in the entire history would be an understatement. She was lying there, confessing her love for me and willing to forget a kiss and what she thought were unrequited feelings just for the sake of still having me in her life and I was sitting there, silent, keeping the truth to myself. I had no other choice and it actually came as a relief. I didn't want to run away from it anymore. 'I love you, Hermione.'
Before I could do anything, I was pulled down by a firm hold on the front of my shirt and Hermione claimed my lips, for the second time in two days. In different circumstances, I would have been thrilled, yet even as she kissed me, I doubted that it was right. But when I pulled back, I felt a warm feeling pool down in my stomach at the sight of Hermione's peaceful smile.
I simply knew I couldn't leave like that, not after hearing the words I'd prayed for her to say for over a year and saying them back. Like the kiss, I hoped that this night would be enough, for a while at least. The one memory I could cherish while I was stranded away from my one love.
I lay down in the bed behind Hermione, pulled her against me so that her back was pressed against my chest, and buried my nose into her hair. It wasn't the first night we'd spent in the same bed, we'd even spent one together in the last few weeks, but this was different.
But as the hours passed, I still found myself unable to find sleep. Just like the kiss before it, this night proved itself to be a poisonous gift. I couldn't find peace next to Hermione knowing that in less than a day, I would be leaving her behind. And on top of it all, the thought that maybe, she wouldn't even remember this when came morning was keeping me from fully enjoying the warmth of her body against mine. I made sure she was asleep, before I pulled my arm from around her waist and slipped out of bed. After a pause to look at her, perhaps for the last time in months, I apparated back home.
A jackhammer.
I have no idea how, or why, but I was certain that a jackhammer had set shop into my head. My skull was ready to split open from the pain even before I opened my eyes and the harsh light that blinded me when I finally did open them only added to the very irritating reality that I was having my first hangover.
'Good morning, sunshine,' Ron's voice greeted me, dripping with sarcasm. Had I had the strength to do so, I probably would have slapped that sly grin of his off his face. Instead, I groaned and rolled onto my stomach.
'Piss off…' I replied, my voice muffled by the pillow in which I'd hidden my face. He chuckled and gave my shoulder a shove to force me back onto my back. I whined, but gave in, extending my arm towards him. 'Give it.'
He gave me a dubious look that I knew was fake, I'd known him far too long not to, so I sighed and shook my hand insistently. 'Give me the hangover potion. I know you have it.'
He played innocent again, at first, then gave up all pretences. 'You mean, the hangover potion you always forbid Harry and I to take, because you said that we need to suffer through the pain and learn from our mistakes?'
I rolled my eyes, then glared at him pointedly. I had, in fact, insisted many times, while I'd been dating Ron and often after that, on the wrongness of taking the potion. During the months following the death of Voldemort, the celebrations had sometimes extended far too long and by taking the hangover potion, both boys never learned that this behaviour wasn't responsible. I wasn't a fool, though, I knew they'd used it many times no matter what I said. 'Yes, and I was very wrong, now give it.'
He flashed me a large grin, then deposited a violet vial in my hand. I sat up, without much ease, and uncorked it before I drank it all. Its taste was so awful that it almost made me retch, but I closed my eyes and set my jaw until the nausea passed. 'My god, that tastes like shite.'
'What did you expect it to taste like? I told you before that the potion itself was punishment enough,' Ron laughed, taking back the empty bottle and shoving it in his pocket.
'Yes, well, I'll take the hangover now,' I half-joked, lying back down in bed with a sigh. Soon, I started to feel the fog of my hangover fade away and the memories of last night came rushing back in. Ron was speaking, but I wasn't listening to him in the least. All I could think about was Harry and what he'd said. I love you, Hermione.
'Where's Harry?' I asked, suddenly. From the look on my ex-boyfriend's face, I could guess I'd just interrupted him in the middle of a sentence, but I didn't have a care.
'Hum. Home, I guess?'
The redhead watched on, dumbfounded, as I slipped out of bed and rushed to the bathroom, making sure I didn't look like a complete mess. Surprisingly, my hair didn't look like a hairy mutant from hell, which was a miracle in its own right. I conjured some essentials and cleaned up a bit, my heart racing all the while.
My apparation in Harry's flat had apparently gone unnoticed, for I could hear him move around in his bedroom, but he didn't call out to know who was there. I approached the door and paused in front of it, taking in a long breath to calm my nerves before I pushed it open slowly. As it swung open it revealed an open suitcase on his bed and I felt my heart skip a beat. My voice was shaking when I spoke. 'Are you going somewhere?'
He didn't start at the sound of my voice behind his back, as if he'd sensed that I was there. Harry slowly turned to face me, still carrying in his arms a long dark wizard robe. We held each other's gaze for a long moment in silence, then I stepped further into the room and shut the door behind me softly.
'Yes, but I was going to go see you before I left, if that's any consolation,' Harry said, putting the robe down onto his bed. I nodded, my throat constricted. The silence hung heavily between us.
'Work?' I asked, almost fearfully. Harry did go out on the field from time to time, but he very rarely had the need to pack for them. I could only remember one occurrence where he was gone almost a week, probably the longest week of my life. I'd spent most of those nights awake, unable to find sleep because I worried way too much for him. I was as exhausted as he was when he returned.
He nodded silently and I felt tears spring to my eyes as I examined the large quantity of clothes and other belongings he was packing. 'How long?'
'I don't know. Maybe a few months,' he answered, lowering his head to avoid looking at me. A single salty tear rolled down my cheek and came to die on my lips, which were shaking.
'Months?'
I had a sudden moment of clarity, an epiphany. The previous Friday, when I had shown up and kissed him, he'd been sitting at his kitchen table with numerous files open in front of him. Now, I understood why he'd been so hesitant to say anything, not that I gave him any chance to really do so. I'd cut him off with a slap, not even letting him finish his sentence. Admittedly, his wording couldn't have been worse had he tried, but still. How childish of me. It all made sense now that I knew that he was leaving. He didn't want to tell me the truth and then simply leave, which in a way was very noble of him, but I didn't need to be shielded from the truth. Furthermore, the cat was out of the bag now and he was still leaving.
'Harry…Everything I said last night, I meant. I've never felt this way before, not with Ron or anyone. I love you, Harry, so much that it scares me.'
I said all this quite slowly, staring intently at him. He'd looked up at me upon hearing his name and I could see that he too had tears in his eyes. I paused, then took a step in his direction and reached out for his hand. I brought it up and pressed his palm against my heart, before I continued. 'Maybe I tried to ignore it because I was afraid to lose you, I don't know. But, this?' I said, covering the hand that was pressed against my heart with mine and squeezing it gently. 'It's belonged to you for a long time, Harry.'
There aren't enough words to explain how hearing that made me feel. I'd listened to her drunk ramblings the night before without much hope, even though her outburst the night before was a pretty good indication that the feelings I had for her were mutual. But now, there was no denying it, no possible misinterpretation. I could even feel her heart beating wildly in her chest under my hand.
'I love you so much, Hermione.'
She smiled, even as tears covered her cheeks and she was so beautiful in that moment that I couldn't resist the urge to kiss her. I moved my hand up from her chest to cup her face, then wrapped my free arm around her waist to pull her against my body. I could taste the salt of her tears on her lips when I pressed mine against them.
I felt her comb her fingers through my unruly raven hair, pulling me closer with urgency. The gentle kiss soon became passionate and she moaned my name against my lips, making my head spin. When the need for air became too great, we parted, but remained in each other's arms. She leaned against my chest and I rested my chin on top of her head, breathing in deeply. She smelled like jasmine.
'I'll wait for you Harry. However long it takes, I'll be there for you when you come back,' she said in an almost inaudible whisper, her face buried into my muggle shirt.
Later that night, when I woke up next to a sleeping Hermione, I would have given anything to be able to stay. A blanket covered her sleeping form, coming up to her shoulders, but I needn't see anything. My hands and mouth had explored every inch of her body, touching and kissing her silky skin. Her smell was divine but she tasted even better, like strawberries. She'd been a bit nervous at first, as had I. Falling in love with your best friend was one thing, but making love to them was another. However truthful we'd been with each other in the past, however open to one another we had always been, there was always a barrier to our promiscuity that we'd never crossed. It was long gone now.
She'd made me promise that I would not leave without waking her, so I did. She seemed a bit disoriented at first, but she quickly came to her senses. She pulled me back down with her on the bed and rested her head against my chest. 'Promise me that you'll come back to me whole.'
I sealed my promise with a kiss, then got up and got dressed as she sat up in my bed, holding up the blanket to cover herself. I quickly rounded the few things I hadn't yet finished packing when Hermione had arrived and closed the suitcase, which now rested on the floor. At last, I crawled back into the bed and claimed one last kiss, then dropped another on her forehead. 'I love you.'
She repeated the words, making me grin like a idiot, then I left. Every part of me wanted to drop that suitcase and go back to her, even as I stepped into the fireplace and flooed to my office. As Tonks informed me of the last details concerning the undercover mission, I had trouble focussing on what she was saying, however important it was. All I could think about was Hermione and returning to her as quickly as possible.
Author's Note: This is so not the end. I'm not quite sure what else to say other than, I promise at least a few more parts and I promise them quite fast. I'm even considering a sequel, if you guys will tag along ;)