Disclaimer: No, this is not my own. JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. And HBP shows it.
A/N: I saw this movie, "Mean Girls" and I immediately got this plot bunny in my head. So, here I am, hope you will enjoy it. Please, if you read, leave me a review, ok? Thanks!
Queen Down
Since the day Parvati spilled the beans on Fleur's affair with Roger behind Harry's back, me, Susan and Neville tried every way to make him go on Thursdays in the Quidditch locker rooms, where Parvati had told me they met usually.
We tried directing him there subtly, for example spreading the rumour that an impromptu Quidditch practice had been called for that day, or something similar, but in one way or another, she managed to not get caught.
That as you can imagine enraged me and was the last straw toward a not so pleasant transformation, one that menaced to surface anytime now.
Lately I had passed so many time with Fleur and the Barbie to spy on them, that I got kind of an obsession about her. I couldn't stop talking about her if I tried, and when I didn't talk about the queen, I hoped someone else did, so I could speak about her again.
"I think she's getting fatter" I said while talking with Susan, who absent-mindedly nodded. "And then we could call her the Queen Whale" I said proudly.
"Yes, Hermione, you said that already twice" Susan reminded me, clearly annoyed by my behaviour.
"Oh. Sorry then" I said, and remained quiet for the rest of the evening, battling against the river of words on Fleur that menaced to come out of my mouth.
And then there was Harry. Having him in front of me in Arithmancy didn't help soothe my hate for Fleur, but I worked on a plan of my own to at least talk more with him. Although I was quite good in Arithmancy, I purposely did the tests wrong, to feign I wasn't understanding something. That gave me the chance to talk with him about schoolwork, at least.
My heart almost skipped a beat when he spoke, after I barely passed a test.
"Seems you need additional lessons" he suggested, his green eyes dancing with mirth. "I could give you some pointers, if you want to"
I managed to find my voice, and speak to him.
"Well, but I think Fleur will get angry"
"Why? The two of you are friends" he said. "Well, maybe we won't tell her, uh?" he added as an afterthought, grinning at me. I swear that grin of his should be banned. I felt myself swoon, but managed to smile back.
So that afternoon we studied hard in the library, in a secluded spot where no one would disturb us.
"So, I did this equation twice, and this is the result I got" he said, showing me his paper.
"Mine is the same" I said, trying to not lose myself too much in his green pools.
"Well, seems you got it then" he said, smiling.
"You're a great teacher" I answered, still staring at him. I don't know who started it, but moments later our lips were joined, and we stayed still for some moments, before he retreated.
"No. Sorry, but I can't. It's not fair toward Fleur"
There. The river of words came back at full force.
"Fleur cheats on you" I said before I could stop myself.
"What?" he said, shocked. I told him about Roger and their encounters, but begged him to not tell her I was the one who told him that.
"Of course I won't. And thanks for having opened my eyes"
Next day, he broke up with her, and told her someone on the Quidditch team told him about that.
I'm pretty sure Parvati suspected me, but she said nothing, nor she looked at me strangely. If she really didn't guess it was me who spilled the beans she's far more dense than I expected. But I digress.
Now that they had broke up, we had achieved the first goal of our plan. We needed to make her lose her perfect body, and in that my Muggle upbringing would be useful. See, my parents are dentists, so they know everything about things with lots of sugar, and things that don't have it, but are still very energetic. And of course they told me all about that. So, I just had to Floo to the Leaky Cauldron one afternoon, go into Muggle London, enter an apothecary and choose some of the most energetic sugar free bars. Of course, I carefully chose the ones without instructions in English.
Once back at the castle, I played on Fleur's desire to lose a stone or so, and proposed her the things I bought. It went far better than expected. She didn't touch dinner, she only ate them. And she kept it going for days.
Of course, the effects started to show. First of all she developed an appetite, so when she wasn't eating the bars she ate lots at lunch and dinner, and that contributed to her developing something else.
A fat arse.
In fact, she kept gaining weight instead of losing it. One day I and the other Barbie accompanied her to a shop in Diagon Alley where she had ordered a dress, and she tried it. You can't imagine her face when it didn't close, as she was too large. I barely managed to restrain my laughter, and had to defend myself.
"Hermione, I'm eating just your bars" Fleur said me accusingly.
"Er…yes, this is how they are supposed to work, I mean, you now are swelling because it's water retention, but when you will expel all that water, you'll lose five kilos all together" I explained, and she bought it.
"Excuse me, don't you have a bigger size?" Lavender asked.
"No, you may want to try at the strong sizes shop for that" the salesgirl replied disdainfully. You can imagine Fleur's shock at hearing that, it was an offence like no other to say she needed strong sizes.
So, while our plan to get her fat was doing his course, I kept my own to fail Arithmancy on purpose to try and speak with Harry. Professor Vector however busted my game.
"Miss Granger, the thing is that in your tests, only the answer is wrong" he said looking at me. Then he sighed.
"Hermione, there's no need to feign you're not good at school to attract boys" he added, looking at me with concern.
"Oh" I said, shocked that my game was discovered. "Well, I'll try harder, then. And if there are ways for me to gain extra credit, tell me" I said, then left. The biggest error of my life, or maybe a sign of destiny was that I went to see the Barbie, and they encouraged me to vent my frustration writing bad things about him on the Pink Diary. And I did.
In the meantime, spring was nearing, and as every year, a ball would be held, and the Spring Queen and King would be elected. Ernie, being on the committee, was working in the organisation of it all, and one of his duties was to set a table where people could vote the candidates.
One night, in the Great Hall, Headmaster Dumbledore announced the names that would participate in the election. No shock that Fleur was a candidate, while Parvati was surprised someone proposed her. But the biggest shock was hearing my name and Susan's as candidates too.
Ernie revealed he was the one who inserted Susan, "I couldn't help it" he said grinning, and there I started suspecting he harboured more than friendly feelings for her.
But on my name, he denied to be the one responsible. That meant, someone really suggested me as queen. I was flattered, although I didn't know who could be the one who did that.
Few days later, Susan and Ernie invited me for a Butterbeer with them, but I refused.
"I've got a big sabotage for the Barbie tonight" I replied proudly.
"But we have nothing planned for tonight" Susan said me, dubious.
"This is something I thought of myself. You will see" I said, elated for the good idea I had had that afternoon.
I knew Fleur was at home that night, so I communicated with her though the Floo.
"So, how are you tonight?" I asked.
"Fine, thanks. Although I am a bit upset that Parvati is a candidate for being queen"
"Why? She's your friend"
"Exactly, and I'm worried for her. She's not beautiful, so I think this is just a joke. I mean, who would be so crazy to candidate her?"
Soon later our chat ended, and I Flooed to Parvati's dorm.
"Hi Parvs" I said.
"Oh, hello, Herms" she said me, while polishing her nails. "Isn't it great we are both candidates?"
"Yes, but this is what I want to talk you about. Fleur thinks no one sane of mind would candidate you"
"What? Well, if she comes clean with what she thinks of us, I better say Lav what Fleur told me on her then"
So a chain was started, and Parvati told Lavender that Fleur thought the other blonde was a slut, and Lavender told Fleur, who had Flooed her, that she couldn't go out because she was ill, and Fleur called her exactly what Parvati had said.
"Slut"
You wonder how can I know this, well, I heard it since we often used the "triangle communication" Floo, that allowed one to be connected to two more witches or wizards contemporarily, and hear the conversation of the other two, while you were waiting.
As time did its work, we finally reached our second task.
One day, at lunch, Fleur came with the wrong trousers.
"Fleur, today is Monday, we can't wear gym trousers on Monday" Parvati reminded her.
"Who cares" Fleur said, showing how unfair she was, breaking her own rules.
"I care" Lav said. "You sent me away that day that I used the wrong sweater"
"That's because it was hideous" Fleur replied, but the three of us all stared at her. Finally she broke down.
"They are the only ones that fit me" she whispered. Our gazes softened the tiniest bit, but rules were rules.
"Fine, sluts, I'll change table" she snapped, and walking away she bumped on another girl.
"Hey, watch your steps, whale arse" that one said, walking away while the whole Great Hall erupted in roaring laughter.
Third and second task accomplished. Fleur was now fat, and no one admired her anymore.
The queen was down.
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