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Sodding Bloke by x0xJames_Potter
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Sodding Bloke

x0xJames_Potter

Disclaimer: Everything you recognize is JKR's.

A/N: Yesum, since I like updated two hours later or something, I won't be able to update until Monday, which is two days. (I think.) -am extremely dumb-

This one is mostly dialogue between James and Lily, and will show you how annoying a twelve year James can be.

And I want MORE reviews! Demanding, aren't I? xD

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Year two;;

"Potter! Fix this at once!"

"What do you mean, Evans?"

"You know exactly what I mean!"

"No I don't, and unless you plan on telling me soon, we're just wasting time."

My hair! It's blue! I know you did it. You've been snickering at me ever since this morning!"

"Alright, so I did it. What are you going to do? It looks better this way anyhow."

"Why you…"

"Evans, are you crying?"

"I am not crying, you bloody git. Leave me alone!"

"You are crying! You're such a girl."

"I'm more of a girl than you are a guy."

"Are you insulting me Evans? That was pathetic."

"Leave me alone Potter, before I hex you."

"Oh, Red's threatening me now?"

"What did you call me?"

"Red. That is the colour of your hair, isn't it?"

"So? I don't call you Black, do I?"

"No, that's Sirius' name."

"Can you just leave me alone?"

"Say please."

"I am not saying please to you."

"Well, then I won't leave you alone."

"Do you like annoying people?"

"Am I annoying you?"

"Yes!"

"Well then, Evans, I guess I do."

"Go to hell, Potter."

"Nah, I much prefer heaven, thanks."

"Why can't you leave me alone?"

"You didn't say please."

"Since when do you care about manners? It's not like you have any."

"I happen to think I'm very well mannered."

"Ha! You and well mannered? Apparently you're not thinking straight right now."

"On the contrary, I'm thinking just fine. It's you that's crying like a girl."

"I am a girl, for Merlin's sake! And I am not crying!"

"Yes you are, Red."

"Stop calling me that!"

"Well, you stop crying first."

"For the last time, Potter, I am not crying!"

"Okay, now you're not, but you were before."

"Oh, for Pete's sake!"

"Who's Pete?"

"Never mind."

Lily turned away from James, picking up the quill she had dropped as soon as she had spotted her hair earlier. "I'm doing my work, go away."

"You're still doing that, Red?"

"Can you stop calling me that?" She paused. "Please?"

There was something in her tone of voice that made James ask. "Why don't you like the nickname, Lily?"

Lily sighed. Gazing around the common room, she supposed it was okay to talk to James. There wasn't anyone in there that could see them.

"Because, when I used to go to a muggle school, everyone called me that because of my hair. It's really mean."

"Then why didn't you tell me to stop calling you that?"

"I did, you bloody git."

"Can I call you Carrot?"

"No! There's nothing wrong with saying my name, you know. Regular people say it."

"Oh, but it's more fun to irritate you."

"Well, you're doing a darned good job of it."

"What was that?"

"Bugger off, Potter."

"Why do you call me Potter?"

"Why do you call me Evans?"

"I dunno."

"Well, I don't know then either."

Lily had turned back to her essay, and was just dipping her quill in the ink bottle, when James snatched up the piece of parchment, and ran towards the boys' dormitory stairs.

"Ha! Come and get me, Evans!"

"James Potter! You are the most… agh! Give me my essay back!"

"Come and get it Evans!"

Lily was mad. And when she was mad, she wasn't a pretty person to deal with.

"There's one thing you're forgetting, Potter. I have my wand with me, and you don't."

"So, I can dodge the spells or jinxes you throw at me."

"It's not as easy as it sounds, Potter."

"I bet it'll be sort of like Quidditch, and dodging Bludgers."

"Quidditch is an awful game."

"You only think that because you don't understand it."

"Of course I understand it."

"Whatever you say, Evans." By this time, James had reached the top of the stairs. He dangled the essay between his fingers.

"You can't catch me!"

Lily was felling a bit desperate. He wouldn't read it, would he?

As if James could read her mind, his eyes moved towards the parchment. His silently mouthed the words to himself.

"You like Remus?"

Lily blushed crimson, a colour to rival her hair.

"No, I don't." She mumbled, lowering her wand slightly.

James was grinning gleefully.

"Lily and Remus, sitting in a tree. S-N-O-G-I-N-G."

"Snogging has two "Gs" in it."

"What?"

"It's supposed to be S-N-O-G-G-I-N-G."

"But then it doesn't rhyme as well."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Potter - James," she bit her lip, "Promise you won't tell anyone, especially Remus."

James grinned. "What's in it for me?"

"Can't you just be nice?"

"No, it's very hard. So?"

Lily glared at him. "I'll do all your Charms essays for two months."

James gazed thoughtfully at her. "Well, that's an awfully big secret to keep for only two months worth of essays."

"Fine. Four months." Lily replied through gritted teeth. Oh, how she wished she could strangle him.

James smirked. "Deal."

Lily stuck her hand out, about to ask him to shake on it, when James unexpectedly turned and ran towards the portrait hole.

"Ha, wait until I tell Remus!"

"Accio Parchment!"

The parchment flew out of James' hand and to Lily's. The second year quickly ran towards the girls' stairs.

"You don't really think I can't catch you, do you Evans?" James questioned, grinning at her.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Haven't you read Hogwarts: A History?"

James snorted. "No."

Lily smirked. "Alright then. Come and get me James."

James ran towards the stairs, and was on the second one, when they turned into a slide.

He looked stunned to find himself on the ground.

"Need some help, Potter?"

"No thanks, Evans."

"Now how are you going to get me?"

"What happened?"

"The stairs don't like you."

"Don't try to be funny. Doesn't suit you, Evans."

"Oh, and I suppose it suits you?"

"Of course it does. I'm a funny bloke."

"If you're talking about your looks, then you're definitely funny looking."

"There's nothing funny looking about me!"

"Then what is with your hair? Is it naturally like that?"

"Yes!" James consciously ran a hand through his hair.

Lily shook her head, and turned away from him. The last thing she saw before disappearing through her dormitory door was James trying to climb the stairs again.

Sodding bloke.

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A/N: So, what do you think?


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