Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
A/N: I had fun writing this… I hope you have fun reading it! Oh, and if you've missed this out… we made a small mistake concerning Cho. We know she's not in Harry's year, and therefore wouldn't be at school since the gang is in their seventh year. Um… could you deal with her repeating or just being in Harry's year? Lol… it just works with the story. We didn't want to create a new character… because Cho already has a few "haters" lol. Anyway, we're sorry about that mistake… but I hope you can deal! :D please remember to review when you're done!
How My Love Life Got Even More Complicated
Chapter Three: Free Your Mind
Hermione:
How I wish I could just throw my feelings away. Why did this happen to me? Did I do something wrong?
Why, oh why, did I fall for my best friend?
---
As time went on Hermione realised that she and Ron weren't spending any time together. At least they weren't spending any time alone together. They certainly weren't snogging or going out on dates anymore, for example.
"What's the point?" Hermione asked herself helplessly, while sitting in the Library studying one Thursday afternoon.
"Talking to yourself again Mione?" Harry remarked, plonking himself down on the seat next to her.
She smiled and said, "I'm just thinking out loud."
"What are you thinking about?" he asked, moving the book she was trying to read away.
"Nothing," she said, reaching out and pulling the book back.
"From the look on your face it doesn't look like nothing," Harry said, picking the book up, snapping it shut and placing it on the seat on his other side. "What's wrong?"
She sighed and looked up at him, "Fine, but you are not to repeat this to anyone."
Harry nodded.
"Okay… well…" She paused, trying to think of a way to put what she was thinking into words. "I'm becoming… frustrated with Ron."
Silence.
"Well, he is very frustrating," Harry remarked, running a hand through his hair absentmindedly. "He doesn't understand half of what you say."
"No, not that kind of frustrating… although that is annoying," she added, frowning. "I mean, the other kind of frustrating."
Harry shrugged and said, "While I understand you most of the time you still confuse me."
"Oh honestly," Hermione muttered irritably. She looked around to check no one could hear her before whispering, "I'm getting very sexually frustrated with him."
"Oh…" Harry suddenly looked very embarrassed.
"Is that all you're going to say?" she asked, glaring at him.
"Well… have you tried… y'know…?"
"What?"
Harry checked no one could hear him before whispering, "Did you try to get yourself off?"
Hermione just went bright red and made an odd squeaking sound.
"I'll take that as a yes," Harry said, beginning to laugh shakily.
"It's not funny!" Hermione whispered angrily.
"Did you… finish?"
"I'm not having this conversation with you," she said, beginning to pack her work up.
"I'm sorry Mione," Harry said immediately, reaching out and touching her hand. She stopped packing and looked down at his hand. "Do you want to go somewhere to talk?" he asked.
Hermione smiled weakly and said, "No, I think it's best if I don't talk to you about this sort of thing."
"But…"
She gave him a look that said 'don't push it' and he fell silent. "Thank you," she said softly, packing the rest of her work up and slinging her bag over her shoulder.
Harry watched her walk out of the Library, feeling a sinking sensation in his stomach.
---
On the way back to the common room, Hermione began to think. About… Ron.
And Harry.
The more she got to thinking, the more she compared her two best friends.
She thought about how she had nothing to say to Ron, and everything to say to Harry. She thought about how Ron seemed to not want to start a physical relationship, and how Harry probably wouldn't have a problem, seeing as he had no problem snogging Ginny and Cho. She thought about how she didn't like Ron, and liked Harry. She thought about how…
Hold on.
'Backtrack,' Hermione thought to herself, stopping dead in her tracks. 'I like Harry?'
She groaned and backed up to the wall, rubbing her forehead. "How did I let this happen?" she muttered, sliding down to the ground, gritting her teeth in anger at herself.
'Easy,' her mind told her. 'You, once again, over analysed everything about Ron and Harry.'
"Stupid," she muttered, glaring at the ground.
---
That night Hermione was pacing up and down in her dorm, trying desperately to expel all thoughts of Harry from her mind. However, her mind was not being kind to her. Images of Harry's cute grin and his gorgeous eyes kept on intruding on all other coherent thoughts.
"Gah!" she exclaimed, stamping her foot, hard on the ground. "Owww," she groaned, hopping on her other leg, holding her foot gingerly. 'I want Harry up here,' she automatically thought. "No!"
She sat on the edge of her bed and held her head in her hands.
"I need to clear my head," she muttered to herself.
So, she grabbed her cloak and her wand and left her dorm, rushing down the stairs and out the portrait hole, hearing Harry calling her name behind her. She hoped that he wouldn't follow her and began to make her way up towards the astronomy tower.
Once safely there, she leant on one of the window sills and gazed out at the star-filled sky. She breathed in the clear night air deeply and smiled happily. It was so peaceful up there and it was probably the only place where she could let go of all her worries, even if it was only for a short time.
Suddenly, she heard the sound of footsteps on the stone stairs coming up to the top of the tower. Hermione shrank back into the shadows, her wand drawn, and watching the closed door uneasily. When it opened it revealed, not Snape or Filch, but Luna Lovegood.
"Ah good," she head Luna mutter, closing the door behind her and walking straight to one of the other windows and looking out.
"Luna?" Hermione said, coming out of the shadows.
"Hermione!" Luna exclaimed, in surprise. "What are you doing up here?" she asked, frowning at her.
"Clearing my head. You?"
"Same," Luna said, stepping back from the window slightly. "Well, since you were here first, I guess I'll go back to my dorm," she said, beginning to turn to walk back down the stairs to the rest of the castle.
"No!" Hermione said quickly. "No, you don't need to leave. I could actually use someone to talk to."
'Desperate times call for desperate measures,' she thought to herself.
"Alright," Luna said, turning back to face Hermione.
They turned back to the windows and looked up at the sky. "It makes you feel tiny, doesn't it?" Hermione remarked, sighing.
"Yeah. Helps you forget everything," Luna replied, looking sideways at Hermione. "What are you trying to forget?"
Hermione sighed and looked back at Luna. "If you dare mention any of what I'm going to tell you, I will hunt you down."
Luna nodded.
"Have you heard about me and Ron?" Hermione asked.
Luna snorted softly and said, "Who hasn't?"
"Yes… well… did you think it was a good idea for us to get together?"
"No," Luna replied immediately. She laughed at the surprised look on Hermione's face and said, "You obviously don't feel anything more than friendship for Ron."
"The same can't be said for him though," Hermione sighed.
"Why did you agree to go out with him in the first place?"
"Because I thought it was what I wanted. I realise now that it was because everyone was pressuring me to do it. And now I've got another problem."
"You like Harry," Luna said, smiling at Hermione knowingly.
"How did you know?" Hermione asked in surprise.
Luna shrugged and said, "It was inevitable. If you were to go out with Ron when you don't like him, you were bound to start comparing him with Harry. And, let's face it, Harry is a better catch."
Hermione smiled and said, "You've thought about this, haven't you?"
Luna smiled back at her and replied, "I like studying human behaviour."
"It is interesting," Hermione remarked, looking back out at the sky. "So, what are you trying to forget?"
Luna shrugged and said, "Everything. Classes, the people at Hogwarts, dad… mum. Assessments," she added the corners of her mouth uplifting in a small smile.
They stood there in silence for a moment, just looking out at the world outside the castle. A few minutes later, Luna spoke again;
"You should tell them."
Hermione winced at the thought of telling her deepest and darkest secret to Harry and Ron and said, "How would I tell them? 'Oh hey, Ron I need to break up with you because I secretly like your best friend. Harry, we're now going out now so you'll need to break it off with Cho.' Somehow I don't think that would go down too well."
"Very witty Hermione," Luna said sarcastically. "You know you won't be able to stop thinking about this until you tell them."
Hermione sighed and said, "You're right." She looked over at Luna and said, "Thanks Luna. Do you need to talk about anything?"
"No," she replied, smiling at Hermione. "And besides, I think you've got enough on your mind without me adding to it."
"Alright. I'll be off to bed then," Hermione said, stepping back from the window. "See you later."
"Sure. And let me know how it goes," she said, smiling that mystical smile of hers.
"I will. 'Night."
---
It was twelve thirty at night, so of course Hermione wasn't expecting anyone to come back down into the common room. She was sitting in front of the fire, working quite happily on the most recent essay for Transfiguration, which was due in about two weeks.
"Hermione?"
It was Harry, walking sleepily down the stairs and frowning at her.
"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed, looking up at him and frowning slightly.
"Why are you working at twelve thirty at night?" he asked suspiciously, frowning at her.
"Because I felt like doing my school work," she said quickly.
Silence.
'The first awkward silence between us since first year,' Hermione thought to herself, sighing inwardly.
"Well, okay. Can I sit with you?"
She shrugged and said, "Alright."
Harry made his way across the common room and sat down next to Hermione, glancing at the essay which was still on her knee.
There was another silence, Hermione thinking furiously to herself, 'Nothing will be the same now. You won't be able to talk to him like he's one of your girlfriends, you won't be able to talk to him about Ron and you certainly won't be able to talk to him about anything remotely to do with relationships.' She was now almost on the verge of tears, biting her lip very hard to stop the squeak that almost escaped her throat.
"Hermione." Harry broke the silence, touching her arm softly.
She jerked her arm away and looked back at him. She relaxed and said, "Sorry."
"No, it's okay. I just want to say I'm sorry for pushing you on that… topic yesterday," he said, crossing his arms, his biceps and chest suddenly looking very well defined.
'Why are you so damn gorgeous?!' her mind screamed.
"It's alright Harry," she replied, shaking the thought off. "Let's just not talk about it again."
He nodded and they sat there in silence again.
"Are you alright?" he asked suddenly, looking over at her again and noticing the blotchy red-ness that always appeared just before she started crying.
She smiled weakly and said, "I'm fine."
"Hermione, don't lie to me," he said very softly, turning his body on the couch and grabbing her arm.
She looked up at him, now frowning. "I'm not lying."
"I've known you for too long to know when you are and when you're not lying," Harry said reasonably, not letting go of her arm.
Hermione gritted her teeth and said, "Fine. I'm not fine. In fact, I'm anything but fine."
Harry was silent, not expecting this small outburst.
"And you know the worst part? I can't actually talk to you about this," she said, trying to tug her arm away from him.
"Why not?" he asked, holding her arm very firmly.
"I just can't," she whispered desperately. "Please Harry; don't make this any harder than it already is."
Harry's grip on her arm fell weak and she pulled away from him. "I won't," he said softly. "I'm sorry."
She shook her head and stood up. "Don't worry. I just need some space, okay?"
"Alright," he said, sighing as she walked away from him. Again, he felt that terrible sinking feeling, watching her back. His eyes slid down her body, fixated on her backside as it swayed slightly from side to side as she walked.
Harry shook his head slightly and frowned to himself. 'Idiot. You're not allowed to think of Hermione that way, remember?'
---
Harry:
I remember wondering what was wrong with me and why I felt this way. I mean, I had Cho and it wasn't as though she didn't like visiting me so we could have a little fun.
But I began to push her away. I was seeing less and less of her, and I could tell she wasn't happy with me because of it. I would make these silly excuses just so that I could be alone to think.
And you know what I thought about when I had the time?
Hermione.
The problem was that I wasn't seeing much of her lately either. I would sit next to her in the common room or the Library to work with her and she would suddenly have a reason to go to her dorm or go to see a teacher.
I guess I just don't get women…
---
To be continued…