Title: Lustratio
Author: Electric_blue
Rating: NC-17
Chapter Summary: Admissions of love, a broken heart, and a new piece of the puzzle...
Warnings: M/F, angst, dark themes
Disclaimer: This story is completely for fun and no money is being made off of it at all.
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Lustratio
Part IV: Revelations
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"But who alas! can love and then be wise?"
-John Byrom
Hermione had known that he was drunk.
The scent of whisky was prominent, though the taste was somewhat masked by some minty flavored gum Harry had - thank God - been chewing. She wasn't exactly sure how to respond to it all - all her senses being bombarded as they were. A moment later, Harry's arms were underneath her and pulling her in toward him. In a moment of weakness, Hermione was unable to pull away from the wonderful things Harry's mouth was doing to her. She knew he was drunk - drunk beyond reason. Otherwise, there was no way he would be kissing her this way. He didn't feel anything toward her besides friendship.
Though, she didn't see him doing something like this with Ron - no matter how drunk he got.
This was not just Hermione's moment of weakness; it was Harry's, too. It was obvious to her now that she filled some kind of need for him at times. Times when he was feeling "not himself", vulnerable... alone. She understood the feelings quite well, herself. Perhaps that was why she could not force herself to stop what was happening. She knew it was wrong. He was drunk - not thinking straight. She loved him. What she was doing right now would certainly be classified as taking advantage of him, wouldn't it?
But this is what she wanted. What she always wanted. Harry's arms around her. Harry's mouth worshiping her as though she were the last woman on earth. She wished that she could be awaken from sleep this way every night. Not that she was sleeping much lately, though. Her nights had been spent calming Harry down from his nightmares so that he could rest peacefully through his. She just felt that him sleeping was so much more important than her sleeping. He had that whole saving the world thing to deal with, and she just had her little job researching for the ministry...
But where was she? Oh yes... Harry. Harry and Harry's mouth. Harry, and Harry's mouth, and Harry's bare chest...
And Harry's bare chest?
Now it was going too far. Much too far. Kissing was pleasant and, well, a little humorous. Kissing she could forgive herself for later. Kissing - Harry would be able to forgive himself for later. But when clothes started to be shed, that was heading down a path that no one would be able to forgive themselves for.
Hermione turned her head away from Harry as he leaned in for another kiss, and struggled out from underneath him. He didn't try to stop her or anything. How could he have when he had fallen asleep?
Hermione ran her hand through her hair and bit down on her teeth.
What
an
idiot.
This was, perhaps, one of the most embarrassing moments of her life, and she was sort of the only one there to witness it. It wasn't as though Harry would be able to remember any of this. It was strange how a person could be humiliated even when there was no one around to see just what exactly was so humiliating. It could have been that she just felt so utterly ridiculous and pathetic in this situation... and then there was the horrible fear that Harry would remember all this in the morning. How could she face him? How could she talk to him about it? Would he want to talk about it? Would he be ashamed of himself? Of her?
There was no way Hermione could be there when Harry woke up. She had to get out of here.
****
Sometimes it was easy for Hermione to forget that she had not always lived in a world where magic existed. She had, in fact, been just a normal girl for ten agonizingly average years of her life. Of course... she had always been interested in things that others thought her odd for. Magic, strange creatures, and witchcraft being among them. She always felt that there was something different about her, and when she had gotten her invitation to attend Hogwarts in Scotland... she couldn't actually say that she was surprised. It was almost as though she had been waiting for something like that to happen.
Her parents, however... her parents had been surprised.
Mr. and Mrs. Granger were the epitome of muggle. Dentists - the both of them - they had built themselves a pretty nice and normal life. Their house in Oxford was not quite to be envied, but not to be looked down upon either. Three substantially sized bedrooms where there was only need for two, a large backyard complete with a particularly nice garden that Mrs. Granger tended to meticulously. It was a quiet and calm neighborhood. The Grangers had always thought they led somewhat of a charmed life. Everything was perfect in their world... even if they're daughter was proving stranger and stranger as the years went on. There were of course the... incidents where things would seem to just happen for no reason. Times, especially when she was younger, w she would be having a tantrum and things would just fall off shelves and fly across the room by themselves. However, this may have been perfectly normal for a toddler. The Grangers had, after all, never had a child before Hermione. Who were they to question her development? She was still their daughter, and they loved her and would be proud of her no matter what.
That didn't mean that they had to like it when she apparated out of nowhere in to their living room.
Mrs. Granger let out a high pitched scream, and Mr. Granger came running from the kitchen in to the room.
"What? What happ--" His hands went to his hips as he saw his daughter standing in the middle of the room and his wife looking quite annoyed with her hand over her heart. "Hermione Jane Granger... you know better than to do that to your mother." He said sternly.
Hermione smiled, and then... he couldn't help but crack a smile himself.
"Come here." He said, holding out his arms toward her. Hermione dropped her bag and ran toward her father, wrapping her arms around him and embracing him tightly.
"What am I now?" Mrs. Granger said with a short laugh. "Chopped... pumpkin?" Hermione laughed at her mother's effort to use references from her life, and then pulled away from her father.
"Mum..." She said, walking to her and giving her a hug. The embrace lasted a good long time, and Hermione was just so happy to be home. She was amazed at herself for not having found the time recently to visit. Perhaps she just hadn't wanted to. Her parents just worried so much about her that it was easier to stay away from them... to not let them know how bad things were getting in her world. Her mother pulled away and held Hermione by her shoulders at arm length.
"Let me look at you." She said, then looked at her husband. "Oh... she looks just beautiful!" She said, putting her hand to her mouth. Hermione rolled her eyes.
"You two act as though I haven't been home in years." She said.
"It might as well have been. Not one phone call in three months." Her father said as he leaned against the doorway connecting the kitchen to the living room. Hermione felt instantly guilty.
"It's not that I haven't wanted to call or visit... it's just that things are becoming quite heated in the wizarding world and--"
"Heated?" Mrs. Granger asked, eyeing her husband worriedly. "What do you mean?" Hermione took a deep breath.
"Oh, you know... I've been extremely busy. My job at the ministry, and helping Harry with--"
"The war." Her mother interrupted, then sat down. She pat the cushion next to hers - indicating she wanted her daughter to sit next to her. Once Hermione was seated, her mother took her hands and looked her in the eyes. "Perhaps... would it be so terrible for you to take a break from all that and come back home for a little while?"
Hermione looked down. "You know I can't do that."
"Why?" Mrs. Granger asked pleadingly. "I'm not asking you to leave that world behind or to leave your friends behind. You know very well that your father and I support you and always have... but you belong to this world just as much. You were born here. You lived here. All I want is for you to--"
Mr. Granger cleared his throat.
"How about we have some dinner, and talk about all this later?" He said. Hermione looked over at him and gave him a slight smile. A father always knew when to get the mother off of his child's back.
And, but for the moment Hermione was terrified that she was going to spend the weekend explaining why she could never truly belong to the world she had been born to, Hermione could not have been happier to be home. Here she would be able to think and sort things out. A safe place where she wouldn't have to think of war...
And she wouldn't have to see Harry.
****
Harry was in pain.
It was dark... a little moon light shone in to the cave, but not much. Beads of sweat ran down his face, mingling with the blood that dripped steadily from his eye. He couldn't see out of it. It was closed... either because it was swollen that way, or he chose to keep it shut to keep from getting blood in it. His burned arms throbbed, and a head ache the size of London had crashed over his head.
The lead that had sent him to Thailand was wrong. There was no horcrux here.
However, Harry had managed to find a pack of death eaters... or rather, they had found him.
It had been his own fault for cornering himself in that cave, but Harry had to do what Harry had to do. The clues he had collected in the village had lead him to that spot and he had to investigate. Of course, by the time he got there... it was rather apparent that he had come all this way for nothing. He just... felt that he would find nothing inside. However, Harry was nothing if not meticulous and the cave would be searched thoroughly. How was he supposed to know that five death eaters were going to walk in after him?
He had been taken by the arms from behind and spun around to face three black cloaked figures standing ominously before him.
Shite...
"Imagine meeting you here..." The one in the middle started. It was a woman.
Horrible thoughts ran through Harry's head. They knew about the horcrux search. They knew! Voldemort had set this lead up as a trap, and he had fallen for it. How had he been so blind? Why did he not sense that something was not right?
"You look so frightened..." The woman continued - her voice betrayed how so very pleased she was. A kind of laughter emitted from the other two at her side, and the hands at his arms squeezed harder. "And here I thought the great Harry Potter was fearless..."
And at that moment, for some reason, it was very clear to Harry that they knew nothing about the horcruxes. They were just happy that they had found themselves some Potter blood to spill.
Well, that made the situation considerably less consequential. They were no longer dealing with a scared young boy who didn't know how to take care of himself. He'd been dealing with attacks such as these for years, and if they were unaware of the horcruxes... this attack was no more significant than any other.
"Voldemort will be very displeased that you killed me." Harry had started. "I'm sure he'd want the prize for himself." The woman cackled shrilly as she took her wand out from her robes and pointed it at Harry.
"Scindere..." She incanted, and Harry felt a very sharp pain slice across his left eye as though someone had just taken a razor to it. He winced in pain, but let out only the slightest groan. "I think he will forgive us when we bring him your head."
Harry bit down on his jaw as blood clouded his vision. "I think you put too much faith in your master. You bring him my head, and he'll hand you yours."
Another shrill cackle. Harry wondered briefly if the muggle image of a green witch with warts on her nose had come from the death eaters. "And you put too much faith in how highly the dark lord regards you. A dead Harry Potter is a dead Harry Potter regardless of how it came about." She paused. "But first... there's the matter of your visiting Thailand... what is so important that you had to travel here to see?"
"Why - I came to see you, of course." Harry responded bitingly.
"Oh..." Harry could hear the smile in her words. "A sarcastic one. Brave words from someone who is about to die."
Harry raised his chin defiantly. "I'm not dying tonight."
"You've managed to escape with your life on too many occasions, Potter...." One of the figures beside her started, and the voice was eerily familiar. "Tonight will not be one of them... and your friends will be next."
There was nothing after that but hate that blinded Harry to everything else.
Harry shut his eyes tightly and didn't stop to think about what he was going to do. His arms caught fire just where the two death eaters held them. They shrieked in pain and released him instantly. The fire extinguished itself leaving behind burns that Harry could feel... but the pain was minimal. He had never done that before - had not even known he was capable of it... but he would think about that later.
"Grab him!" The woman called out as Harry lunged for the owner of the voice that had spoken the words. The words that would drive Harry to kill if he had to.
Your friends will be next...
He pulled down the figure's hood and nothing could have prepared him for what he saw.
Harry's eyes widened. A pair of steely blue eyes sunken in to a sharp and ghostly pale face stared back at him. A crooked smile mocking him.
"Malfoy?" A set of hands at his back forced Harry to spin around and summon his wand.
"Glacio!" He yelled, and a deep rumble emitted from the ground as a flash of blue light filled the cave only for a long few moments as head splitting agony tore through his brain... Harry fell to his knees and cradled his head. He felt as though someone was ripping him apart from the inside out.
After a few moments Harry managed to force himself to look up, and when the blue light had completely faded away he was quite surprised at what he was seeing. The glacio spell appeared to have knocked all of the five evil imps back... but they were falling very slowly - as though time had been slowed for them. Harry creased his forehead. What the hell was this?
Glacio?
Harry had not been aware that such a spell existed.
The next second, the death eaters vanished... out of thin air as it were.
What had he done to them? Had he killed them? Had he completely destroyed them? How had he known to cast a spell he had never heard of?... and how had he caught himself on fire? What was going on?
Harry picked the pieces of himself up from the ground and leaned against the wall. Through all the pain and confusion, one thing did make sense. The lead. The clues. Everything that had sent him to this spot... it had not been for nothing after all. There was something here. Not a horcrux, but something important enough to need protecting... something that the death eaters had obviously thought he was there looking for.
Harry stumbled... and passed out.
****
Hermione walked in through the front door of the dreary abode she shared with her two best friends, and dropped her small ruck sack to the ground. Ron appeared moments later in the door way that led to the sitting room. It was as though he had been waiting for her to return. Hermione shut the door behind her.
"You're back." Ron said, a little surprised. Hermione smiled at him.
"I love my parents, but there's only so much a girl can stand."
Ron nodded. "How was it?"
"Just what I needed." She answered... more like lied. It hadn't done her the good she had hoped it would. The time spent at her parents house was spent mostly being reminded (by her mother, of course) of all the reasons living at home would be extremely beneficial. If it was not that... it was being miserable at thoughts of Harry. As these thoughts faded away, Hermione became aware that there was silence between the she and Ron... and an awkward silence at that.
"I'm glad you're back." Ron said finally. Hermione opened her mouth to respond - and perhaps to ask why Ron was acting so oddly, but was cut off. "Can I talk to you?"
Hermione furrowed her forehead, becoming instantly worried.
"Is there something wrong?"
"No..." Ron said with a quick shake of his head... and then looked suddenly confused. "At least I don't think there's something wrong, that is. I mean... I might think it's fine, but you might think--"
"Ron," Hermione interrupted. "What is it?"
Ron swallowed.
"Maybe you should come sit next to me in the--"
"Ron."
Ron gulped.
"All right..." He took a deep breath. "As you might have noticed..." He paused, and then uncrossed his arms... using his hands to gesture, he continued. "Sometimes... when two people..." He paused again. Hermione was very confused at this point. "You and I... well, we're best friends."
Hermione nodded slowly. "Of course we are..."
"Well, sometimes... the best friend type of love can... turn in to... a different type of love?"
Hermione could not help feeling as though she wanted the earth to open up and swallow her whole. Out of all the things he could have said that she would not have been prepared for, this was perhaps the worst. She had thought that all romantic feelings he felt for her had dwindled to nothing after Hogwarts. He had given no indication since then... why now?
Why now?
"Ron, I--"
"I love you, Hermione." He said it. He actually said it... and he looked horrified. Hermione's heart broke for him. This was a huge step for him. An enormous risk. How could she tell him she didn't feel that way about him? How could she hurt him that way? She knew what it felt like, and she never wanted Ron to feel that. Never. "...Erm... I think it's your turn to say something."
Hermione met Ron's eyes and bit her lip.
"I don't... I don't know what to say."
Ron took a few steps toward her, then stopped. "Well... how do you... how do you feel about what I... you know. What I just said?" Hermione held back her tears at the look of fearful hope in her best friend's eyes. It was just such a Ron way of expressing his emotions.
"I... have to think about this, Ron." She shook her head. "I'm sorry." It was all she could say before she ran up the stairs to her room where she shut herself in and burst in to tears. If she could have seen the broken look on Ron's face as she ran past him, she would have known that she was not crying hard enough.
Was it possible that any one else in the world was feeling worse than her?
****
It was morning.
Harry woke up to a burning pain in his arms... feeling unpleasantly dazed - the after effects of possibly the worst head ache he had ever had making his head throb and feel as though it had blown up to ten times it's size. He groaned as he sat up.
As Then the memory of the events of the night before rushed at him from all sides, and he felt suddenly very weak again. He straightened his glasses, and winced as he shrugged off his jacket. Looking down at his black and red arms he sighed to himself. He would have to get these tended to... and then there was his eye. He would have to face the very real possibility that he would never see out of it again.
But that was neither here nor there... there was something in this cave. Something important.
Harry stood up with some effort, and picked up his wand from the ground.
"Lumos." He said thickly, and limped further in to the cave. He didn't know what was wrong with his leg, but was sure it had something to do with his passing out the night before... which brought up more questions, but he would have to think of those later.
Steps?
Harry pointed his wand at the ground. Yes. There was a set of steps leading down in to the darkness. It might not have been the smartest thing for Harry to venture down there by himself, but he had come this far on his own... and so he followed them as far as they would take him. It hadn't ended up being a very long trip. There had only been 12 steps.
There... just a few feet in front of him... floating over a large basin full of some kind of liquid, was an orb about the size of his fist. Inside the orb an assortment of colored mist swirled around aimlessly. Harry raised an eyebrow.
"You've gotta' be kidding me." He said out loud, then looked around. "It can't be that easy."
Harry spotted a pebble on the ground and picked it up. He threw it up in his hand a couple of times before aiming and throwing it at the orb.
The pebble exploded inches in front of floating ball - the mist inside turning dark green - and the remnants went flying out in every direction. Harry put up his hands to shield himself from the blast.
Of course it wasn't that easy.
Harry sighed, and then sat down on the bottom step as he stared at the colors. He would have to get home and tell Shacklebolt and Remus about this. He knew he would have to set up some barriers of his own to keep it out of the wrong hands... and then he would head home.
*****
Harry sat silently in the sitting room of his dark old house, staring off in to space. He had just gotten home that night and had spent the better part of the last five hours explaining what had happened to the ministry. About being attacked, about Malfoy, about the Orb. It was decided that a team - led by Harry - would be sent back to the cave after having enough time to prepare. After that he was sent to the medical ward and was promptly poked and prodded at until a conclusion was reached.
The spell the woman had used to cut Harry's eye was quite hard to reverse. He would have to take a healing potion for the next few nights and recite an incantation. His vision would return eventually. As for the burns on his arms, they were healed quickly enough... but left pretty noticeable scars. Harry didn't really care. The pain was gone, and there was too much going on in his life to worry much about aesthetics.
"What happened to your eye?" Hermione said as Harry was just getting comfortable in the silence of the sitting room. Something in his chest sank, and he wondered why he hadn't expected this from her. Of course she would want to talk the moment she realized he was home. It was Hermione. She had to know everything. Understand everything. She wouldn't just let it go. She wouldn't let Harry let it go.
Harry looked up at Hermione was standing a few feet away from him. He hadn't even noticed her walk in to the room.
"Got hurt." Was all he said in response. Hermione took a deep breath.
"We have to talk."
"Can it wait?" Harry asked, not meeting her gaze. He could feel it burn in to him anyway.
"I think it's waited long enough." She answered determinately. Harry swallowed, and then took a deep breath. He didn't know how he was going to avoid it this time. Could he throw his chair back again? No, he supposed that trick was only good once.
"I--"
"Look at me." Hermione interrupted softly. her voice didn't sound as determined this time, but rather... pleading. Harry's heart constricted painfully and he hesitantly did as she asked. His eyes met hers for the first time that night, and the connection was undeniable. Something, a very strong magic, surged between them and Harry found it suddenly difficult to breath. It was as though everything he felt for her was being forced toward the forefront of his mind and body. It felt amazing and horrible at the same time.
"I can't do this." He said as he stood suddenly, breaking whatever bond had just been formed - careful not to knock over his chair. Hermione stood as well.
"Wait!" She said, holding out her hands - tears just beginning to brim her eyes. Harry couldn't look at her. Seeing her that way was bad enough, but knowing he was the cause was torture. "We didn't... nothing happened, Harry."
Harry had to look at her at those words.
"I thought--"
"I know what you thought."
"But you left. You left and didn't say anything."
"I had to leave, Harry. I couldn't face you the next morning. I knew I wouldn't know what to say. I just had to get out of here for a few days." She paused. "I didn't know you would be gone when I got back."
It took a few moments for Harry to take the information in. Nothing happened. He hadn't slept with Hermione. The feeling of relief was short lived as he could tell that Hermione was not yet done talking. He knew she had much more to say. He didn't know how long he would have stayed relieved anyway. Too many bad things had happened lately for him to feel any kind of happiness for very long.
"Hermione, please..." he started. "Don't do this." And suddenly, there was a loud shattering noise, and Harry looked up and then around. It took him only a few seconds to realize what had happened. Hermione had thrown a glass full of water - that he hadn't noticed she had been holding - against the wall. He looked at the water dripping to the floor, meeting back up with the broken pieces of the cup it had been in moments before - then he looked at Hermione with a deep furrow in his forehead.
"What did--"
"You did this to me, Harry." Hermione started angrily - tears still in her eyes, but not falling down her face. Harry tilted his head, immediately on the defensive. "I was fine. I... could have gotten over you. Do you understand that? A girl knows that when she falls in love with Harry bloody Potter that she essentially signed herself up to get her heart broken... and I had reconciled myself with the fact. I was going to be okay." She shook her head, the first tear spilling slowly down her cheek. "But when you kissed me, you ruined everything. You can't just play with people like that, Harry. Who are you to--"
"You think I want to hurt you?" Harry asked incredulously - angrily. How could she think that of him? No. How dare she?
"What am I supposed to think? You kissed me, you told me you don't think of me that way, and then you get drunk and kiss me all over again. You can't just use me every time you're feeling vulnerable." Harry could say nothing, his mind was racing much too fast to catch a coherent thought. "What have you become, Harry? Ron and I don't recognize you anymore. You're a completely different person. You've turned selfish!"
Selfish?
And for that moment - Harry truly, sincerely, honest to God... hated Hermione.
"How dare you use me that way? Who do you think you are? You can't just kiss me to ward off your own self inflicted loneliness, and cast me away!"
And it went on. The yelling. The accusations. All from Hermione. Harry listened - his eyes melting in to bright green pools of anger. There was a buzzing, a whirring, a cracking in the very fabric of what made up everything. At least, that's what is sounded like to Harry. As blood rushed madly through his veins, the swishing of it was nearly deafening. He was this close to losing it. If she didn't stop, he didn't know what he would do.
And she had no clue what she was getting herself in to.
"Harry Potter, are you even listening to me?" She asked a bit too much on the condescending side, and that was it. "I--"
"Shut up, Hermione!" He bellowed as he slammed his fist on the coffee table, the anger that had been pooling and simmering in his eyes boiling over in a wave of white hot fury over his nerves. "Just shut up!" Hermione, who had been in the middle of starting another sentence, stood shocked - her mouth hanging open as proof. A moment later, she closed her mouth and knit her eyebrows together - her eyes becoming clouded with hurt. She knew he was getting angry with her, she had even been deliberately provoking it. Anger was emotion, and she damn well preferred it over that blank mask that he had taken to wearing when ever he was near her. But this? She had never expected him to yell at her like that. Had never even thought he was capable.
"You yelled at me." She said quietly. Harry bit down hard on his teeth.
"And what do you think you've been doing to me for the past half hour, Hermione? I'm not a fucking child." Usually, when it came to hurting Hermione, Harry's stand on the subject was: don't. If he could avoid causing her pain, he would do everything he could. Apparently, though, the tendency was that he would cause her pain whenever he was around her, so that made for another good reason to stay away from her. However, at this moment, he didn't care how much he hurt her with what he said. She was hurting him, and now she had to hear everything he had refused to tell her for the past... he didn't even know how long he had loved her.
He couldn't remember a time when he didn't.
Now he would tell her. All of it. All the pain. All the suffering. All of it for her. Because of her.
"I love you." He said through grit teeth as he gripped the edge of the table, and it was clear that he wasn't saying it to make the situation better between them. Hermione was struck. Plain and simple. "I love you so much it hurts." He put a fist to his heart to emphasize the the word "hurts", and then returned it to the table. Hermione could only watch, wide eyed and speechless. "You think you're the only one who suffers around here?" Of course, Hermione was going to try to answer the obviously rhetorical question. For such a smart person, it was truly a stupid thing to do.
"Harry, I--"
Harry waved his hand abruptly, and an antique vase went flying across the room - shattering to a million pieces as it met it's untimely end against the same wall Hermione had thrown her glass of water against. Although, in retrospect, that hadn't been nearly as effective as what Harry had just done. Hermione gasped in surprise as her eyes shot to the broken chair, and then looked at Harry as though he had gone absolutely, stark raving mad. He stared back at her for a few moments in silence, and she couldn't help but notice how white his knuckles were as they clutched the table separating the two of them from each other.
"You. listen. to me now." Harry said slowly in a voice that was low with anger. Hermione was too shocked to protest. Harry continued. "Do you know what it's like to have to push you away? Do you know how much it kills me to see that look in your eyes? You couldn't possibly know what it's like to have the weight of the world on your shoulders, and to fear that the people you love most in life are going to die... and that it'll be your fault." By now, Harry was forming tears of his own, and Hermione's hands had found their way to her face as she stared at Harry in horror. "Selfish? I do everything for you. To keep you safe. I push you away... because I would die if anything happened to you." A beat. "I can't live without you."
Hermione shook her head, and took her hands down from her face. "It's my decision to be here... and Ron's, too. We're not children either. We know what we're doing." Harry rounded the table unexpectedly, and before Hermione knew exactly what had happened, she was pinned between the wall and the very imposing mass that was Harry's body. He stared down at her fiercely, his hands on either side of her head. She could feel the swell of his chest and stomach each time he took in a breath.
"You have no idea what you're doing." He nearly whispered, and nothing about that statement indicated that he was talking about Ron as well... though Hermione wasn't exactly sure what he had meant. Was he talking about the war... or was he talking about him? She had never seen Harry this way. This intense and angry. Was this who Harry was hiding from everyone all the time? Hermione took a shaking breath.
"Let me go." She said. Harry didn't move.
"This is what you wanted, isn't it? Me? Harry bloody Potter?" He asked in the same low angry voice he had used earlier. He waited a few moments before continuing. "You wanted the boy who lived. The hero. But he doesn't really exist. This is all there is. I'm. just. Harry..." With that, he finally backed away a bit, and Hermione could finally breathe properly. "I'm not perfect or brave... I'm messed up and terrified. People close to me die, Hermione. It's been true all my life. All I can do is try and protect you and do what I think is right." Hermione wiped her eyes furiously - refusing to let the flood gates go. What kind of sense did Harry think he was making?
"How are you protecting me?" She asked. "If we went by your logic, then just living in the same house as you puts me in danger." Harry swallowed. She was right... living in the same house as him did put her in danger. He had been a fool to let her and Ron risk their lives that way. He had to leave... and he knew this was the time to tell her. "What difference would it make if--"
"I'm going away." He interrupted quietly. Hermione's eyes widened, knowing full well what "going away" meant. He was going to disappear and she'd never see him again. That's what he thought he had to do to keep his friends safe. That's what he felt was right. How long had he been tossing the idea over in his head? How long had it been hurting him?
"What?" She asked. "Harry, no..." And where Harry's cracking point had been many minutes before, this was it for Hermione. The tears that Harry had been watching build and recede in her eyes finally gave way, and she broke down. Harry's heart softened instantly and he regretted breaking the news to her that way. This was no way to treat the woman he loved. More than that... this was no way to treat Hermione.
Harry pulled the sobbing woman to his him, and she cried in to his chest.
"I'm sorry." He rasped as he rested his head on top of hers. "Hermione, I'm sorry." He held her tightly as though it would take all her pain away.
"You've never been anything but just Harry to me." She responded. "I don't care about anything else."
"I know."
"Harry, please don't go..."
They were kissing... neither of them knew who had initiated it, and neither of them cared. There would be no more lying, and there would be no more holding back.
Tongues tangled passionately as Harry's hands roamed over every inch of Hermione's body. She felt so wonderful to the touch. Soft in all the places he was hard. Delightfully warm. There was something so beautiful about that. His heart ached at being so close to her. Feeling her. There was just so much pain in the last few weeks - the last few years - that feeling this good nearly seemed impossible.
Hermione's hands slithered under Harry's shirt, and the feel of her hands against his bare skin sent shivers all through out his body. He ran his hands through her hair and threaded it through his fingers, groaning in to her mouth. He was painfully hard for her... all he wanted was to be inside her. To be close to her. To fill her up. To be a part of her. He wanted to melt in to Hermione. He loved her so much.
Hermione pressed herself against Harry and he moaned at the unexpected pleasure. A moment later his shirt was flying up and over his head and two small hands were working furiously at undoing his pants. The kiss broken only long enough for Harry's shirt to pass over his face. The question "are you sure?" was never asked. There was no need.
Harry slipped his hands in to Hermione's pants and gently pushed them down her legs as his own pants pooled around his feet. The kiss was broken only once more as Harry pulled Hermione's blouse over her head. After a few moments of fiddling futilely with the clasp on her white satin bra, he ripped it apart from the front. Hermione gasped, but didn't protest. Harry slid the ruined bra down her arms, and pressed his chest against her breasts. That was nearly too much for him to take. He wanted to step back and look at her - to bask in her perfection, but there would be time for all that later. Right now he had to be inside her.
Harry pulled down his boxers and helped Hermione out of her panties... not a moment later he lifted her in to his arms and pressed her up against the wall.
"I love you, Har--" His name was lost in a gasp as he entered her. Her warmth encircled him like a blanket and he felt peace... even though his heart raced at a million beats per second. He watched Hermione's face contort with delicious expressions of pleasure as he pumped in and out of her. It was amazing to behold... beautiful, perfect, wonderful Hermione was losing herself to him.
She wrapped her legs around his back and began to thrust back as he pushed in to her. Harry called out her name loudly and she pressed her lips against his.
He loved her. She loved him. They were together. There was no pain. No sadness. No war. For the time that they remained there making love, there was nothing else but them. This was their world, and it was beautiful.
Harry thrust one last time in to the woman he couldn't live with out... and thinking became impossible her inner walls tightened around him as her whole body trembled. He watched her climax with a silent scream and followed her over the cliff.
The two collapsed to the floor wrapped in each other.
There was no going back now.
*****
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