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Never Whole Again by Calmacil20
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Never Whole Again

Calmacil20

Things were starting to get crazy enough for Hermione to sneak up to the Gryffindor tower without anyone else noticing.

After Dumbledore's speech about Cedric and the return of He Who Must Not Be Named had finished, all of the students from all three schools began gathering in the Great Hall and courtyard. They were hugging and saying goodbye to each other.

All except Harry.

Harry had disappeared right after Dumbledore had finished speaking; slipping back to his room when he thought no one was paying attention. No one was…except her.

She had been watching him like a hawk ever since he had been brought back to the Gryffindor common room, shattered and shaking from his ordeal in the cemetery - with He Who Must Not Be Named….Voldemort. She was going to have to get used to calling him by his true name now, no matter how much it made her twinge. Not only did Harry face Voldemort and his Death Eaters but he also had to face Moody - who it seemed wasn't really Moody at all, but Mr. Crouch's son using polyjuice potion to disguise himself as Moody.

Dumbledore said he should rest, but Harry insisted on telling his two best friends - she and Ron - who had waited all night a state of ferocious worry for him, what had happened. His voice never changed from a monotone as he related everything that happened to him. Hermione wanted nothing more than to throw her arms around him, just like she did before the first challenge. She wanted him to know that he was safe now, but the magnitude of all he was saying kept her forced in her seat listening with mute terror to all Harry had seen.

Since then he had barely said anything to anybody; and while everyone else's head was bowed with sorrow during Dumbledore's speech, many like herself were softly crying, Harry sat up straight and stared directly ahead and practically radiated anger. She knew he had to be in shreds inside, although he would never admit it - even to her or Ron. Hermione thought that maybe if she got him alone he would open up to her. She always felt that they could easily talk about anything; easier even than with Ron.

The Gryffindor common room was empty and she headed up to the boys' dormitory without any hesitation. She knew no one but Harry would be there anyway; everyone else was saying their goodbyes.

So when she almost ran right into Dumbledore, Hermione was completely surprised. Here she was walking boldly into the boy's dorms like she was walking into a class, but Dumbledore just smiled as she started to sputter out an explanation.

"No need, Miss Granger, no need," he said warmly. "In fact, your timing couldn't be more impeccable. I was just making this very point to Harry."

She was about to ask what he meant when Dumbledore replied, "He's in there," and gave her one of his knowing smiles as he strode past her.

With a little more caution, Hermione moved to the boys' door and slowly opened it to find Harry sitting on his bed, his back to her. His trunk was open with books and clothes strewn all about him.

As she walked in he turned and gave her a small smile and she read no small amount of surprise in his eyes.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready to leave?" he asked with a sarcastic smile, briefly sounding like his old self.

She smiled as she reached over, picking up one of his shirts that was lying on the bed, folded it and put it in his trunk. "I am all ready to leave. Besides, it looks like you could use a hand."

He grinned a little at this statement as she sat next to him. Soon the two were wrapped in silence.

Hermione had never really been one for tact, so when she started to talk it just sort of spilled out.

"It wasn't your fault, Harry," she said slowly. "You didn't know what was about to happen and you tried to get him to get back to the cup. There wasn't anything else you could do."

"I should have known what would happen, Hermione. Voldemort kills everyone in his way. I knew that and I just stood there and watched."

"Harry, don't be ridiculous! You were lucky to escape yourself! There was nothing else you could have done."

He didn't say anything in response, just looked down at the floor.

"Besides, you were there with him Harry. Cedric didn't die alone in that place at least."

In a voiced weighed down with sorrow he replied, "Everyone dies alone." He turned his gaze from her and stared at the floor.

"Harry," she said in a stronger voice. He slowly turned his head and look at her. "You're not alone. I'll always be here. Ron, too. You're never alone. Don't ever think that."

For some reason he laughed softly at this and then before she knew it, she was enfolding him in her arms, rocking him slightly as she felt her shoulder get warm with his tears - tears he had been holding inside of him for who knows how long. Her curly auburn hair twirled in and mixed with his own unruly hair, mingling to beautiful effect as she smoothed down his hair and kissed the top of his head; she had done this once before after the second challenge, but that was out of relief and this was out of comfort, friendship and mixed in with that friendship, so intertwined that somewhere deep inside of her she knew that the two could never be separated, love. She just rocked him gently until she felt him relax and pull away.

"Sorry," he said, smiling nervously and rubbing his eyes.

"Don't be," she said. "Ever."

He nodded, and she stood up, straightening up her clothes.

"You going to come down? Everyone's leaving."

"Yeah," he answered, "I'll be right down."

"Good," she said and headed towards the door, but stopped and turned back towards him before she left. "You're going to be all right Harry."

He gave her a genuine smile and seemed to sit up straighter. "I know," he said.

As she headed back to the Great Hall, she knew that the moment the two had just shared would be a secret of theirs, just a moment of connection between two friends who desperately needed to connect in a time of loss and she wouldn't be surprised if neither of them ever mentioned it. It didn't really matter to her; they both knew it happened. As she left the Gryffindor common room for the last time until next term and headed down the stairs, she couldn't help but smile because he sounded like he really believed that he was going to be okay and that was all she wanted.

For him to be okay was all she ever wanted.


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